Love From Jealousy
by fishiexy
Summary: Lori thinks that Kyle is the perfect guy to make Declan jealous after he breaks up with her. But then she realizes that maybe he's not just the perfect guy, he's actually the perfect guy for her.
1. Chapter 1

Love from jealousy – part 1

By Fishiexy

Disclaimer: Kyle XY is the property of ABC family and no copyright infringement is intended.

_Kyle's thoughts in italics_

Despite her somewhat inebriated state Lori was still able to locate Declan amongst the many dancing bodies in the flickering bonfire light. It was like her senses were tuned to him. She knew they were having problems, but she couldn't understand why he wouldn't talk to her; why he was avoiding her. Well, he wasn't going to get away from her tonight! She was going to speak her mind and find out once and for all what his problem was. It looked as if he was having a fairly serious conversation with Charlie Tanner. If she got over there quickly, he wouldn't have time to make yet another emergency exit!

She waded through the sea of bobbing heads dancing to the loud rock music and came to a stop rather unsteadily in front of Declan, her intoxicated brain momentarily causing her to see two of him. She blinked to clear her vision and thoughts. She needed this to come out right. She didn't just want to cause yet another argument between them. He wasn't looking at her, his head following Charlie who had just rushed off.

'You suck!' She announced loudly.

Declan jumped and turned towards her, eyes wide.

'What?' He asked, surprised and confused.

'You heard me!' She slurred. 'There is absolutely nothing rational or intelligent or remotely kind about the way you've been treating me.'

'Lori, I…'

'Let me finish!'

She needed to get this off her chest. It had been eating away at her since Kyle had come back, since Kyle had come home.

'I feel hurt, angry and at the moment, a little drunk so I'm here to tell you that you suck!'

That hadn't come out right at all! You suck! How juvenile was that? But it was how she felt Goddammit, and she wanted to let him know she wasn't pleased with him or their situation.

He sighed.

'I know I've been crazy…If I could figure out how to explain it, I would.'

He seemed to know that his recent behaviour had upset her yet he didn't elaborate further. His expression reminded her of how Kyle sometimes looked at her when he didn't understand what was happening to him. He appeared anxious, confused and almost like he was in pain. Although she was angry at Declan she still really cared for him and just wanted to find out what the matter was so they could fix it and get back to the easy going, fun relationship they used to have, before Kyle went away. She didn't know what the problem was but it just always seemed to keep coming back to Kyle.

Her tone softened.

'Well how are we supposed to be together if you can't even talk to me about what you are going through?'

He closed his eyes, bit his lip and then hung his head. He couldn't look at her. He looked away, around, anywhere accept at her. Realization suddenly dawned and her stomach turned upside down. This was why he had been avoiding her. It wasn't just that he didn't want to talk to her, he didn't want to be with her, period.

'Oh my God! You want to break up!'

She watched him trying to avoid her gaze and felt the tears start to well up.

'This is the one place where the silent treatment is not going to fly. If you want to break up, you're going to have to say it.' She said firmly.

He had to tell her to her face. She needed to know that that was what he really wanted. She looked up at him, willing him to deny it, but she knew in her heart that she was right. She felt her face start to crumble. It was only a matter of time before he said the words. He finally plucked up the courage to look her in the eye and said to her grimly…

'I want to break up.'

She took a deep breath, composed herself and wiped away a tear trying not to smudge her make-up. She looked up at him again.

'And I suppose a 'why?' would be asking too much?' She asked in what she thought sounded a reasonable voice.

'I just, um…I can't!' He blinked and swallowed. His Adam's apple bobbed. It looked like this was hard for him too, but Lori didn't care. That wasn't an explanation. If she was going to be dumped she at least needed to know the reason why. She got angry again.

'Well that's great, really nice, really mature. And it doesn't matter anyway.'

She started to move away. She didn't know how much longer she could hold it together and she didn't want to give Declan the satisfaction of seeing just how much he had hurt her.

'I've already erased you.' She told him. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and looked him directly in the eye. It was a comment designed to hurt him as much as she was hurting inside.

'You and me? Never happened!' Her voice cracked as she turned and ran to Hillary before subsiding into tears.

* * *

_I looked at myself in the mirror for the second time that night. I touched the skin over my face and felt my shoulders and chest, still amazed at the fact that I had walked into a burning building and had come out with my clothes on fire yet I was unharmed. Just as Tom Foss told me that I would be. It seemed that Foss believed in me more than I believed in myself. And Nicole had seen what I was capable of and had looked at me with such disbelieve and shock and had come to me for an explanation and I couldn't give one to her because I didn't understand it myself and I didn't want to have to lie to her._

_The face that stared back at me from the mirror outwardly appeared the same as it had always been, but there were subtle differences. I could manipulate my body's temperature but my hair was not under my control. The ends were singed and had fused together into small clumps. I ran my hands through it. The strands felt coarse and brittle. Tomorrow, I would ask Nicole to cut it, then no one else would see the evidence of what I was capable of. As for the rest of me… the same green eyes, dark eyebrows and eyelashes, the same long nose and pink lips and white teeth… it just all looked a little more 'lived in'. I felt older, but not necessarily wiser._

_My life seemed to be getting more complicated and less under my control day by day. What with Foss's gruelling training sessions, his constant pushing, both mental and physical, his desire to see Adam Baylin's dream fulfilled…He seemed to believe that it was all possible, that I was some sort of saviour, that I could somehow change the world or was I just the vindication for his guilt over letting Adam die? Foss may have believed in me but I wasn't so sure that I could be what Adam had foreseen._

_I just wanted a normal life, a life that belonged to me and one that didn't involve getting up at four in the morning and lying to my family and friends. But even when I had told Foss that it was over, my life was far from normal and certainly wasn't easy. Charlie was still lying to Amanda and Declan wasn't speaking to me or Lori and then there was that strange 'connection' I felt when Charlie was trying to pick a fight with me before the fire started. I just wanted to be ordinary, but as Nicole had told me, I was anything but ordinary…_

_I heard voices in the hall. I didn't need to concentrate on my hearing to know who was talking and what they were saying. They were not trying to keep the volume down. I could hear Lori stumbling around and by the slurring of her words deduced that she was drunk. She was doing a good job of explaining herself to her parents and they only managed to get a few words in before she stumped up the stairs and took herself to bed. Now I closed my eyes and let the distant sounds and vibrations flow into my senses. Nicole was worried, about me as well as Lori and was trying to calm Stephen who was angry and disappointed in his daughter and Lori was crying into her pillow. What had happened to her tonight? I put my shirt back on and quietly crept up the stairs to her room._

* * *

Lori became aware of a soft tapping on her door. She ignored the sound. She was not in the mood to talk to anyone tonight. But then a slow, deep voice called her name and before she could tell him to go away, Kyle was in her room.

'Lori? What's the matter? Are you ok?' He asked her hesitantly.

She lifted her head to look at him, wiping her eyes as she did so. She was going to tell him that now was not a good time, but his face swam nauseatingly in front of her and she felt the world shift on its axis.

'Oh, God!' She groaned squeezing her eyes shut and putting her hand over her mouth.

'Lori?' Kyle asked again, worry evident in his voice.

She felt the bed dip as he sat down next to her. Closing her eyes had not helped her nausea and in fact seemed to be making the whole situation worse. She squinted up at his concerned face trying to concentrate on something solid, on Kyle, to ease the dreadful spinning sensation.

'What happened tonight? He asked her gently.

She thought back to her conversation with Declan at the bonfire that had happened just a few short hours ago and relived the awful sickness she felt in her stomach when she realized that he wanted to break up with her and felt again the embarrassment of not having predicted it, of not knowing what was coming. She closed her eyes and mentally kicked herself. All the signs were there, but she had just chosen to ignore them. How long had he wanted this? How long must he have hated her? She felt the tears begin to start again and brushed them angrily away. She was pathetic! She sat up slowly so as not to increase the sickening spinning sensation and shrugged as if to imply that it wasn't important.

But then she felt Kyle's gentle touch on her arm and he was looking at her with those blue-green eyes and she could see the concern and worry for her, but could also see the guilt and fear. He knew! Had someone told him? Declan? Hillary? Or maybe it was just because he was Kyle and could read peoples' minds! But then another thought popped into her head. Could he be feeling guilty because it was his fault? Declan hadn't been the same since before Kyle went away. He had been acting strangely, secretively and he had stood her up on more than one occasion and it had just got worse when Kyle left with the Petersons.

'Declan broke up with me!' She hiccupped.

'Lori, I'm sorry!' Kyle said sincerely.

She shrugged again as if to say it was no big deal and brushed her tears away once more.

'I mean it's fine to break up if that's what he wants but the least he could do was to give me an explanation why. He just told me that he couldn't! I know it hasn't been right between us for a while but I never thought it was so bad that he couldn't stand to be with me any more.'

She looked up at him, tear tracks and smudged mascara streaked across her cheeks.

'Kyle! What happened out there in the woods on that day we went to UW and what did you leave for Declan in that box when you went away with your parents? It's just that he hasn't been the same since you left and it just got worse when you were away. I thought he would get over it when you came back and you told us you were staying for good, but now he's not even talking to you. Kyle! What's going on?'

_I tried to get my thoughts in order, to give Lori some reasonable explanation for what she perceived and I knew to be the truth: That Declan had dumped her because of me, because he couldn't understand the secrets and lies that I had involved him in and the danger that I had put him in. And he didn't understand because I had refused to explain it to him._

'Kyle?'

_Lori was pleading with me to tell her something, anything to help her understand why Declan had just abandoned her._

'There was nothing in the woods that day, at the coordinates I found, but Declan wouldn't believe me. And the box of things I left him was just some of the few souvenirs I had collected over the months I had been with you. I thought that it would be something to remember me by.'

_I felt awful lying to her but Foss had warned me of the dangers of anyone else finding out about me, about what I was and where I came from. It was bad enough that Declan and Nicole knew the partial truth. I didn't want to put anyone else in danger. The people at Zzyzx had already killed Adam Baylin which meant they knew about me. I couldn't put my family at risk as well._

'I didn't realize that I would be back with you so soon. I thought that when I went with my parents…'

_I let my voice tail off and left the statement hanging. I knew that Lori would understand, but I felt even guiltier for using a lie against her. I had told Foss that once I came home, the lying would be over, but now it just seemed to be spinning out of control. I looked at Lori and watched the recognition and guilt flood her face, even in her drunk and confused state and with all the pain she had endured tonight, she was considerate of my feelings. She touched me on the arm._

'Kyle, I'm so sorry, I didn't think! And I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories about your parents. I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt Declan and I know how you hate lying. God! It's just… he's turned me into this horrible person and now I'm hurting my family… Mom was really worried and Dad was angry and disappointed and the things I said to you, the things I accused you of…' The tears started again.

'Why couldn't he tell me? Why? God, I hate him!' She sobbed.

_I couldn't bear to see her in so much pain, pain that I had unwittingly caused. I took her in my arms and held her close while she sobbed into my shoulder._

'I hate him, but it doesn't matter anymore, 'cos I erased him. It never happened.'

_She cried while I rocked her gently stroking her hair and rubbing her back._

'It never happened.'

_She muttered over and over as she fell asleep in my arms._

'I erased him. I erased him.'

* * *

The next morning at school Hillary found Lori getting her books out of her locker. She touched her on the arm.

'Hey! How are you today?' She asked gently.

Lori turned towards her.

'Delicate. I'm feeling very, very delicate.'

Hillary grinned.

'Well, you did have rather a lot to drink last night and let's not even mention the emotional trauma you suffered…'

'I'm glad to know you find this so funny.' Lori said sarcastically. 'And I'd appreciate it if you could keep your voice down. My head's killing me!'

'I'm sorry, but seriously, are you ok?'

'Well, it's still all so raw and I keep going back over it in my mind wondering whether it was my fault or if there was anything else I could have said or done…'

'Lori! The guy wouldn't even talk to you! There was nothing you could have done. It wasn't your fault.' Hillary reassured her.

Lori shrugged. 'I guess…' She didn't sound convinced.

'What you need is a new guy.' Hillary told her.

'Are you joking, Hillary? That's the last thing I need! I've had just about enough…'

'No, I don't mean a guy, guy, I mean 'the perfect guy' to make Declan jealous. You've go to let him know that he wasn't the be all and end all of your life and there's bigger and better fish in the sea!'

'Well, as I see it, there are two things wrong with that theory.' Lori told her rummaging in her locker.

'The first being that the phrase 'the perfect guy' like 'military intelligence' is an oxymoron, however, I'll let that slip for the moment because it's too early in the morning for philosophical discussions. But the second and much more important point is that there is no such thing as a perfect guy, let alone 'the' perfect guy.'

'Look! I know that and you know that, but Declan doesn't know that.' Hillary said slowly as if Lori was being particularly dense today.

'Is all he knows is that he's dumped you and instead of moping around you're already out having fun with a gorgeous guy and you've forgotten about him already. Guys hate it when you do that. They always think that they are the most important things in the universe. You gotta let them know differently.'

'Is that what you do?' Lori asked suspiciously.

'Works every time and makes me feel better too. Life's too short to get depressed over a guy!'

'Maybe you're right, but I refer you back to point two in my aforementioned argument. Where am I going to find a perfect guy?' Lori raised her voice then winced.

'Ok, I am so going to have to remember to keep the volume down!'

'Those are just details, but we're agreed on principle then?' Hillary asked her.

'Whatever! Just do it quietly!' Lori told her putting her books in her bag.

'Did you manage to get past your folks last night because you were stumbling around pretty good when I dropped you off?' Hillary asked changing the subject. She'd give Lori some time to get used to her idea.

Lori shook her head in embarrassment.

'They caught me creeping up the stairs and I'm sure I was grounded for like, the rest of my life, but at that point, I didn't really care. I just had to lie down before I fell down. God! I felt so ill and my dad's face was a picture! After that, things got a little hazy…'

She frowned, trying to remember.

'What is it?' Hillary asked her.

'Nothing really, it's just weird. When I woke up this morning I was wearing one of Kyle's shirts!'

'Kyle? Why were you wearing Kyle's clothes?' Hillary asked surprised.

'I don't know! I mean, I know I was shit faced and probably couldn't even have remembered my own name if you had asked me last night, but you think I would have remembered getting undressed and putting on someone else's clothes wouldn't you? And where did I get one of his shirts from? I mean, I don't exactly keep them lying about my room. That meant I had to have gone back downstairs into Kyle's room to get one of his shirts to wear and I just don't remember doing that. And for the life of me, why would I do anything like that?' She looked at Hillary, bewildered.

'Only your complex, strange little psyche can answer that question! Which shirt was it?'

'Excuse me?' Lori asked.

'Which shirt did you choose? Was it the black one that makes him look all dark and mysterious or was it the blue one that matches his eyes or the plaid one that makes him look like a farm boy…'

'A farm boy? Kyle?'

'All wholesome goodness in that yummy body!'

'Hillary! I can't believe you! You just licked your lips!'

'Stop changing the subject. Which shirt were you wearing?'

'I can't remember! I just know it was Kyle's.'

Hillary sighed dramatically.

'It's not right that anyone as clueless as him can be so beautiful… Somebody needs to corrupt that boy soon.'

'Yeah, well, just as long as it isn't you.' Lori told her firmly.

Hillary continued as though she hadn't heard her warning.

'Those dreamy eyes with their long, dark lashes…' She put her hand over her heart and her face took on a wistful, longing look.

'And those delectable pouty lips just aching to be kissed, that thick, messy hair that makes you want to run your hands through it and that adorable innocent expression…'

'Blue! Blue! It was the blue shirt, ok? God! I can't believe you!'

Hillary smiled. 'Well, I'll see you later now that we've finally got that annoying memory problem cleared up. And remember the three little letters…T.P.G. The. Perfect. Guy!'

'And my three little letters to you…' Lori flung back at her.

'B.A.V. Born. Again. Virgin!'

'I'm serious Lori.' She called out over her shoulder.

'T.P.G. Watch out for him! He might be just around the corner!'


	2. Chapter 2

Love from jealousy – part 2

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori hadn't been able to concentrate on anything much in the first period due to the pounding behind her eyes. She drank a glass of water before the next lesson and gradually her headache subsided to a dull ache. She tried to remember what had happened last night after she had stumbled up the stairs to bed, but all she could manage were feelings of sadness, despair, anger and… comfort? The first three she could understand, but the last? Bizarre! And Kyle's shirt! What was that all about?

She thought back to this morning when she first awoke. Her teeth were all furry, her tongue felt like sandpaper and she had the most awful taste in her mouth! She was dreadfully thirsty and had reached for the glass of water that was on her bedside table like she'd been in the desert for three days. Not that she remembered putting it there. And then she noticed what she was wearing: Kyle's soft blue cotton shirt and a pair of shorts! She knew she had come home in the shorts, because she'd put them on under her pants to go out, but where did the shirt come from?

She thought back to how she'd got out of bed noticing the pounding in her head and the sunlight that was too bright and squinted at herself in the mirror. God! She looked liked crap! Her hair was all over the place and her eye make was smeared half across her face! And as for the shirt! It was much too big for her and reached mid-way down her thighs. The top two buttons were undone giving her an off the shoulder look and the sleeves almost covered her hands completely. But it had felt warm and soft and comforting.

She pulled the material up over her nose and inhaled deeply. She could smell the cotton that the shirt was made from and the fabric conditioner that Nicole used to do the laundry but also something else; something vague and obscure. It wasn't deodorant or aftershave or any perfumed body lotion, or indeed anything that she could really put her finger on. It was just the familiar, reassuring and unique smell she always associated with Kyle and it immediately brought a flashback of strong arms around her and a warm shoulder beneath her cheek. That indefinable, wonderful smell had been there last night too. And that meant that Kyle must have been in her room, but she couldn't for the life of her remember a thing about it!

The bell signalling the end of the lesson interrupted her train of thought and she stuffed her books in her bag and walked quickly out of the classroom. Once in the corridor packed with bodies and the white noise of multiple simultaneous conversations she slowed down and started thinking again. Her mind returned to the events of last night: Declan and his inability to give her a rational explanation, or in fact any explanation for their break-up. 'I can't' just didn't cut it! And she'd seen him in class and it had been painful and awkward. She'd tried to be mature and was going to say something but then suddenly felt so emotional and he had looked away which was just as well considering she felt like crying again and that was just so lame. And then there was Kyle. Kyle in her bedroom, Kyle holding her and comforting her and Kyle…

'Hi Lori!'

She jumped.

'Kyle! You scared me!'

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. How are you feeling this morning?'

'Delicate! But a bit better. At least people can speak to me in a normal voice now instead of it feeling like a church bell going off in my head!'

Kyle smiled at her. 'Well you were pretty drunk last night!'

'Don't remind me!' Lori smiled ruefully at him. 'In fact I was so drunk I don't even remember taking of my clothes and putting on one of your shirts.'

'You didn't!'

'I didn't what?'

'Undress yourself.' Kyle told her. His smile had slipped.

'Well who did?' Lori asked, her heart rate speeding up at the answer she suspected he was going to give her.

'Um…' Kyle appeared anxious and flustered.

'Kyle? Did you take my clothes off?' Lori whispered frantically to him, dragging him by the arm to the side of the corridor to a more secluded space where she figured they were less likely to be overheard.

'You were sick all down yourself, you smelt pretty bad and I didn't think that you would want Nicole or Stephen to see you like that so I took your clothes off and put them in the laundry.' He told her miserably.

'You took my bra off?' she almost squeaked at him.

'No! You did that yourself! You said it was cold and wet and tight and that you didn't like sleeping in it anyway. And then you started shivering and I couldn't find your night clothes and you wouldn't tell me where they were so I took off my shirt and helped you put it on and then you went back to sleep.' He explained apologetically.

Lori's eyes widened in horror.

'So, I threw up all over myself, got my boobs out and then took the shirt off your back? Oh. My. God!' She covered her face in embarrassment.

'I didn't look!' Kyle told her quickly.

'That is so not the point. And I don't suppose that glass of water grew legs and walked to my bedside table by itself did it?'

'A glass can grow legs?' Kyle asked, his eyes wide in astonishment.

And for a moment he looked like the Kyle she had known all those months ago when he had first come to live with them, when he knew nothing and believed everything he was told. But then recognition dawned and he smiled sheepishly at her.

'It's an expression, right?'

'Duh, Kyle!' Lori sighed. 'Oh, just forget about it.'

'Ok, but alcohol causes a diuresis meaning that you lose more fluid than you take in. The brain is surrounded by cerebrospinal fluid to protect it. If you get drunk, that fluid leaks out into the bloodstream and your brain sinks and pulls on the sensitive meninges that cover it and that's why you get a headache. I thought you might wake up in the middle of the night and feel thirsty so I left the water there for you so you wouldn't have to get out of bed because you didn't look very stable the evening before and I didn't want you to fall over and hurt yourself.'

God! He was so sweet and thoughtful sometimes, it made her want to cry. Although right now, she just wanted to cry in shame.

When she didn't look up at him, her embarrassment still too profound, he continued.

'Next time you drink too much alcohol, you should drink a pint of water before you go to sleep and that way you won't be dehydrated and have a headache in the morning.' He told her sincerely.

Lori shook her head.

'And on top of everything, a lecture on the biology of a hangover…'

'It's more physiology really.' Kyle told her apologetically.

'Perfect! My day just couldn't get any more perfect! She exclaimed, finally uncovering her face and throwing her hands up in the air.

Kyle watched her stalk off down the corridor with an expression of worry and concern on his face.

* * *

Hillary slid into the seat opposite Lori at lunch and put her tray on the table.

'So did you find out anything more regarding the mystery of the blue shirt?' She asked conspiratorially.

Lori rolled her eyes. 'You just do not want to know.'

Hillary's eyes widened. 'Yes I do! Yes I do! You can't leave me in suspense. Come on!'

'Well, let's just say that Kyle gave it to me.'

'And? Spill it!'

'And… God this is so humiliating! I threw up all over myself. He helped me change and I guess I wasn't in a position to even speak coherently let alone tell him where my shirts lived so he gave me one of his. Apparently he thought that I would be embarrassed if my parents found me covered in my own vomit. Oh yes, and I smelt really bad too!'

'That is so above and beyond!' Hillary told her in awe.

'And to top it all, he left a glass of water by my bed in case I got thirsty. He didn't want me to have to get up because he thought I was so drunk I might not be able to stand, let alone make it to the kitchen!'

'Well, he was probably right. I mean, you were off your face! Sounds like he's got you figured! But still, that's so sweet. I wish I had someone to leave me a cool drink when I was throwing my guts up!

'My own personal Beverage Fairy! Lucky me! ' Lori said sarcastically.

'Well taking everything into account, that doesn't really sound so bad.' Hillary told her. 'I mean we've all got so drunk that we've thrown up…'

She took the yellow piece of paper that had just been placed on the end of their table.

Lori sighed. 'I know, but it's just the thought of Kyle seeing me naked, even though he said he didn't look…'

'Talking of looking, Lori, you'd better look at this. The list's out and you and Declan are on it.' Hillary passed her the piece of paper.

'Best couple! Well this just proves how wrong it can be!' Lori said dejectedly.

'Who got 'Biggest Slut'?'

They both looked at the paper: Charlie Tanner.

'Oh my God!'

'Looks like the shit's gonna hit the fan now.' Hillary said.

'What? Why?'

'Your water pixie just came in and look who he's got with him.'

'Fairy!' Lori corrected automatically while looking up and spotting Kyle and Amanda carrying lunch trays and heading over in their direction.

'Pixie, Fairy, it makes no difference. Captain Clueless and the Original Virgin are both coming over here and I just know it's going to get ugly.'

And on that last point, Lori was most definitely in agreement.

Lori watched with sadness and sympathy as Amanda finally came to realize what the rest of them had known about for months: That Charlie was a two-timing cheat, liar and first rate bastard. She felt for Amanda, she really did, but quite frankly, Amanda was better off without Charlie and given time she was sure she would get over it. Of course it was horrible for her to have to have found out in such a public and demeaning way…

But it was Kyle she was more worried about. He hadn't moved or said a word since the whole thing had started. He just sat there staring back at Amanda, his beautiful, expressive eyes filling with tears, watching as her world came crashing down and with it, his own. The whole family knew how he felt about their next door neighbour and here she was balling him out for not telling her about Charlie's infidelity. She knew that Amanda was only lashing out because she was in pain, but so was Kyle. 'It's not his fault.' Lori wanted to shout at her. 'You were the one going out with Charlie. Kyle didn't do anything wrong.' She watched Amanda rush from the room in tears and then saw the angry and accusing look Charlie shot Kyle. As though Kyle had done something to pre-empt this and as if to say 'look what you've gone and done now.'

Lori couldn't bear to just sit and watch Kyle suffer any more. He looked as though he was about to cry at any moment. He still hadn't moved and didn't seem to know what to do. She got up and went around the table to stand next to him.

He looked up at her, eyes swimming in tears, silently pleading with her to tell him what to do. Lori thought that her heart was going to break. She gave him a small, sympathetic smile.

'Come on…' She said, touching him gently on the shoulder. 'Let's get out of here.'

She took his hand and led him from the lunch room. He followed her meekly like a small child.

_I grabbed onto Lori's hand as though it was a lifeline. I couldn't have let go if I'd wanted to. My feet moved automatically. I didn't know where she was taking me but I would have foll__owed her anywhere. I trusted her and knew that she would take care of me. Amanda had been hurt and humiliated and I could have stopped it. If only I had told her what I knew about Charlie. She was so angry with me and I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I couldn't move. And now she hated me and blamed me for her humiliation, embarrassment and pain. Because I could have prevented it all if I had just told her._

_I realized that we had stopped walking and looked up to find that Lori had taken me into an empty classroom. She made to move her hand away but my fingers just wouldn't let go._

'Kyle, it's ok.' She said softly.

_The kindness in her voice made something snap inside of me and I just couldn't control my emotions any longer. The tears that I had managed to hold back in front of everyone began to overflow and I knew that I was going to cry. I let go of her hand and wrapped my arms around her smaller body and hid my face__ in her long, chestnut hair._

'She hates me.' Kyle's muffled voice sobbed into her neck. Lori couldn't fail to notice the heart wrenching anguish in it.

'She doesn't hate you, Kyle. She was angry and hurt at finding out about her cheating boyfriend in such a public place, which is entirely understandable. She was just lashing out at you because you were there.' She explained, rubbing his back and gently stroking his hair.

'But I could have stopped all of this…'

'You might have been able to stop her finding out today in the way that she did, but the outcome would still have been the same. And you would be the one she associated with the break up. She would still have been angry at you just in a different place and time. Kyle, this was always going to end badly no matter what you did.'

She felt his body shake as he silently wept on her shoulder. She continued to soothe and comfort him and thought not for the first time about the strange dichotomy that seemed to make up Kyle's personality. There were some times, take last night for example, she thought, he seemed to be the most responsible, considerate and adult person she had ever known. Even though he was only 17 years old, he appeared more mature than her parents. But at other times, like now, when he was powerless, dependent and defenceless he seemed younger even than Josh. For all his strengths and amazing abilities, here he was crying on her shoulder, holding her as though his life depended on it, a lost and overly sensitive child who was devastated at the thought of having caused pain to another human being and at the fact that someone whom he'd considered a friend could hate him.

Gradually the shaking and trembling subsided until he straightened up, sniffing, hiccupping and wiping a hand across his face. His lashes were wet and appeared even longer and thicker than usual, his eyes, huge and dark still shimmering with tears, together combining to make him look so vulnerable, so beautiful, so utterly desirable.

'Just give her time, Kyle. It's a big change in her life. She needs to process it all.'

'Like you did?' He asked quietly.

'Like I'm still doing. And believe me, it's not easy.'

She looked up at him.

'Are you ok now, or do you need some more time?'

'Time to process?'

'If you want, but I was thinking more along the lines of washing your face before class starts!'

Kyle nodded.

'My face feels all puffy.' He admitted, feeling his cheeks.

'It looks pretty puffy too!' Lori told him.

And at that, his face broke into a genuine smile, revealing white, even teeth and dimples in both cheeks. The old, self assured, confident Kyle seemed to be making his comeback.

'Come on! Let's go get you that water. We've got math next period and while you're a genius and have an IQ of more than the whole class put together, I can't afford to be late!'

'You just need to concentrate more in class instead of talking about boys and shopping!'

'How do you know what I talk about in class?' She asked, shocked to be found out.

He gave her a shy smile as he led the way into the corridor. Realization dawned on Lori and she sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes. It was because he was Kyle, because he could do stuff that no one else was able to, that shouldn't be possible in a normal person. But then again normal wasn't in Kyle's makeup.

'It's not nice to use your abilities to listen in to peoples' private conversations, Kyle!' She called out after him.

'If you wanted to know anything about boys or shopping all you had to do was ask!'

God! Lori thought. He was adorable! She could kiss him!

* * *

Lori sat in the lesson thinking not about algebra: 'What a waste of time. When am I ever going to go into a shop and ask for a tin of 'a+b'?' but of Declan and the mysterious non-answer to the question why did he break up with her? Did he honestly mean he didn't know why he dumped her or just that he wasn't prepared to tell her or had he met someone else? She glanced up at him across the room. He appeared distracted: Not unlike herself, she thought.

Much as she was angry at him for dumping her in the unceremonious manner that he had done so, she still wanted the opportunity to see him and talk to him again. Maybe they could meet over coffee. She then glanced over at Kyle and wondered what he must be going through. He looked so sad. She hoped that he would be ok.

_I sat in the __lesson thinking not of algebra: 'What an amazing subject: the ability to define unknown quantities in an equation makes solving the day to day complexities of life so much easier' but of Amanda and how I could possibly make it up to her. I didn't want her to hate me and I wanted her to be my friend again. I glanced up at her across the room. She appeared distracted. I, too, was finding it hard to concentrate on the lesson._

_Amanda was refusing to look at me but I needed to talk to her to tell her how sorry I was and to explain why I had not told her __about Charlie before. I needed to find a way to see her after she had had time to 'process'. I then glanced over at Lori and wondered what she must be going through. She looked so sad. I hoped that she would be ok._

* * *

_As I left school that afternoon __I looked back over the events of the last few days. I had told Foss that I just wanted to be ordinary and that I wanted my own life. But since I had walked out on him and my training and it became apparent that my life had been anything but ordinary. Nicole had shown me that. I realized it was now time for me to stop running away and to accept myself for what I was. I would never have a normal life and be ordinary. It was my destiny to be extraordinary._

_That evening I went to the warehouse and told Foss that I was ready to restart my training, that I was now ready to face my destiny and with it, fulfil Adam Baylin's dream._


	3. Chapter 3

Love from jealousy – part 3

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

_Over the next few days I went to 'The Rack' with Lori and we would hang out together.__ She usually got a coffee of some sort and I would have a smoothie. Josh would make a different one up for me each day to see which one I liked best. So far it had been 'peach and passion fruit'. Now that Declan wasn't speaking to me and the only other person I talked to regularly was Tom Foss, it was nice to have another friend to talk to about something that didn't involve Adam's research or my next training schedule. Lori was kind and caring and funny and although I didn't always understand everything she said I loved listening to her and watching her._

_When Lori and I walked into 'The Rack' today, I immediately saw Amanda alone at a table. My heart sped up. Now was my chance to talk to her, to explain and to apologize. I looked over at Lori and she must have seen my anxiety because she gave my hand a squeeze and told me to go over and talk to Amanda and that she would get a coffee and wait. I took a deep breath and walked over to where Amanda was sitting, but it didn't go very well. Amanda was still angry at me and refused to let me explain. I told that I only wanted to say one thing, but she told me that she was not yet ready to hear it. Then she __told me not to talk her at all._

_I walked back to Lori who was now reading the classified adverts on the wall. She could see that I was upset and told me that Amanda needed some 'real estate' which thankfully she translated to space. I thought she meant physical space as in I shouldn't approach Amanda, but I think what she meant was emotional space and time to 'process'._

'Is that what you want from Declan?' I asked her.

_And she surprised me by t__he ferocity of her answer._

'Is what I want from Declan is an explanation! And I just can't stop thinking about it!'

_Maybe 'real estate' and time to 'pr__ocess' were important, but alternatively a distraction might work just as well. I suggested to Lori that perhaps she should get a hobby. She agreed and decided to take up guitar lessons._

* * *

Lori stomped into class, threw her books down on her desk and sat down heavily next to Hillary. 

'It is so over between Declan and me.' She cried angrily.

'What happened?' Hillary asked shocked at her friend's outburst and the tears that sparkled in her eyes.

'I had this stupid idea that maybe we could get together and talk, I mean really talk about how I felt and maybe get him to tell me what going on with him. And I promised myself that I would be calm and rational and not scary psycho woman. So I bumped into him after my guitar lesson and told him that if he cared about me just even a little bit then he should meet me at my house at 4 o'clock. And you know what?' Lori paused and looked at Hillary.

Hillary sighed sympathetically. 'I think I know where this is going…'

'The bastard didn't show. So that's it.'

'Lor, I'm sorry.'

'Well, I'm not. Declan's history and much as I don't say this very often Hills, I think you were right about the guy.'

'I was? Which guy in particular?'

'You know, T.P.G. The Perfect Guy!'

'Oh, I see! Hillary nodded slowly in understanding.

'Revenge is a dish best served cold my friend!' She smiled wickedly at Lori.

'You want to make Declan jealous!'

'So jealous that he can't think straight. I want him to feel like crap!' She shouted standing up.

A few people in front of her turned around and stared at her.

'Well, the first point in the plan is not to draw attention to yourself and give the game away.' She hissed grabbing Lori roughly by her arm and sitting her firmly back in her seat.

'Although your enthusiasm is to be commended, remember, walls have ears!' She said quietly.

'Now do you have anyone in mind?'

'Yes I do, Kyle!'

Hillary's eyes widened in surprise and then she smirked suggestively.

'I knew you'd come to your senses and finally see the potential of all that innocent goodness wrapped in such a pretty package. Just the thought of you running your hand over all that pale, virgin skin… I almost feel a little jealous myself…'

'Hillary! The plan wasn't to get a guy for me, the plan was to get 'The Perfect Guy' to be seen with me to make Declan jealous. Come on! Get your head back in the game!'

'The two needn't be mutually exclusive!' Hillary said as though it was obvious.

'Well, in Kyle's case they are. Look! I live with him! He's my foster-brother!'

'Yes, so therefore he's not your actual brother and as for the living together… No more having to sneak out like you did with Declan. You just nip downstairs in the middle of the night for a…'

Stop! Hillary, I don't even want to go there. Kyle is sacrosanct, untouchable and off-limits! At least in that way, now, back to the plan.'

'Ok, why have you chosen Kyle if not to, well…' She waved her hand around as if trying to find the correct phrase. 'sleep with him?' She finished in a bored voice.

'Because he and Declan were best friends!' Lori was suddenly very animated.

'Look, it all comes back to Kyle. Declan and Kyle were as thick as thieves and they started doing all this stuff together like going on secret trips and they wouldn't take me along. The last time they went away together, Declan came back all different and was really angry with Kyle and then Kyle went away and Declan was the only person he left stuff for, I mean like, souvenirs, but I think it was way more than that, I think it was a secret message to Declan. And then when Kyle came back, Declan just got moodier and then broke up with Kyle and then broke up with me.'

'Oh my God! He's gay! This is going to be brilliant! Guy on guy sex is just like so totally hot! And Declan with Kyle? I'd pay good money to see that!'

'He's not gay! Neither of them are gay! God! What is with you? Now calm down and listen! I think that deep down Declan still really cares for Kyle and seeing him around all the time and with me who in his eyes has taken his place as Kyle's new best friend and confidant will be bound to make him jealous! Oh and to really mess with his mind I might leave a few conspiracy emails lying around… So what do you think?'

'Dr. Evil's got nothing on you! Go girl!

* * *

Lori sat in a physics lesson that afternoon and once again wasn't able to concentrate on anything much. It seemed to be coming a bit of a habit and her dad would be furious if she flunked maths or physics since he was such a science guy. And of course living with a genius didn't help her self esteem any. Kyle only had to look at the question to know the answer whereas she had to sit down and work out each intermediate step and it was so slow it was painful. And it wasn't even as if it was just math that he was good at. Take last night for example. The night of the afternoon that Declan failed to turn up… 

There she was being depressed over Declan, lounging on her bed, minding her own business and practicing her guitar when Kyle wandered past her room. He stopped at the door and listened to her pathetic attempts at a few simple chords and then came in, his interest piqued. Lori watched him walk towards her in that oddly stiff way of his, his arms hardly moving by his sides until he stopped again.

'What song is it?' He asked her, a sense of wonderment in his voice as if it was the first and most amazing piece of music that he had ever heard.

'Song?' She replied in disbelief.

'You're too kind! It's G, D and C. Beyond that, it's the great unknown!'

He walked around her bed and then sat down on the end of it facing her.

'It sounds good so far!' He told her earnestly.

'Thanks!'

For all she knew he had never heard a guitar solo before!

'Can I try?' He asked hopefully, his forehead wrinkling as his eyebrows moved upwards.

'Knock yourself out!' She said handing over the instrument and plectrum.

He had seen her playing from the hallway so he knew how to hold a guitar and what to do with both his right and left hands. She watched him strum and twang the strings inexpertly, his head alternating back and forth between looking to find the right chord and looking where to strum the strings. He continued for several seconds playing chords that were off key by less than a semi-tone and then moving his fingers minutely over the frets to tighten up the sound, but it was still just noise like a child plucking the strings at random. She couldn't believe it. Was music something that Kyle was incapable of? Was it something that you had to be able to feel rather than to calculate?

'Finally! Something you're not amazing at! I never thought I'd see the day! She said sarcastically.

Could it be possible that she had found something that she might be better at than him?

And then his head came up and he took a breath in and launched in a perfect rendition of Pachelbel's canon. Now he wasn't looking at where his fingers were. He had memorized the position of all the notes he needed. Lori was stunned, but not surprised by his ability. He had moved his left hand over the six strings feeling all of the frets and noting what kind of sound they made. Each string vibrated at a different fundamental frequency and pressing on a fret just changed that frequency. It was all basic math and physics and with Kyle's amazing memory, he could no doubt hear any series of notes once and be able to repeat them perfectly.

But what did surprise Lori was not that he could play but how he played and what he chose to play. This was not just some random collection of notes, this was something he had heard and remembered and by the look on his face, it was a piece of music that meant something to him, deep down on some basic emotional level. She listened entranced by the beauty and feeling in his playing and shook her head in embarrassment for daring to have the audacity to think that there would be something that Kyle could not do superlatively.

He finished his song and before the last chord had even faded away…

'Get out!' She told him, her face dead-pan.

His head snapped up to look at her, eyes widening in shock and surprise, incomprehension in them at what it was he had done wrong to deserve such a harsh tone from her.

She saw the uncertainty on his anxious face and relented at once. He still didn't always understand the subtleties of her sarcastic humour but it wasn't funny to make Kyle feel unwanted, to make him feel that he was being pushed away or rejected. It brought back too many memories of his early days with them and his fear of abandonment.

'I'm just kidding!' She said smiling to reassure him.

For a moment he was unsure but then he smiled back at her with such relief in his eyes…

The physics teacher was droning on about force and momentum and acceleration due to gravity… She sighed, resting her chin in her hands, her elbows on the desk. She glanced over at the subject of her internal reflection, eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Kyle was sitting straight backed with his forearms and hands flat on the desk in front of him, his body perfectly still, eyes wide and unblinking, mouth slightly open, seemingly entranced by the physics lesson. How could that be? This sort of thing, Newtonian mechanics, must be like child's play to him with his phenomenal IQ. She didn't understand him. Why did he even bother turning up to lessons like this? Wasn't he bored? Or maybe he was just going through the motions and like her, thinking about other things, his incredible brain working at speeds she couldn't even comprehend let alone ever hope to emulate; absorbing, cataloguing and memorizing everything.

* * *

_Now that I had resumed my train__ing with Foss, I had started to leave the house secretly through my bedroom window at four in the morning so that I would have enough time to both train and be home before anyone knew that I had been gone. Although I could tell that Foss was pleased to have me back, he seemed to have increased the severity of the physical training to compensate for my absence to the point that it left me shattered. I was barely able to return home in time before the Tragers were up and about. I was getting increasingly worried that I sooner or later I would be found out._

_Just under a week after I returned to Foss, I was so exhausted that I didn't make it back home in time. I was just about to climb in through my window when I saw Nicole in my bedroom checking my tub and calling my name. I looked at my watch and saw that I was 15 minutes later than usual. There was no way that I would be able to sneak past the family and up the stairs without being seen so I went round the back of the house and climbed up to the roof and lowered myself into the upstairs bathroom from the guttering. Foss's training was certainly paying off, but I don't think sneaking back into your parents' house was exactly what he had in mind when he was teaching me!_

_I turned on the shower and stripped off my sweat-drenched clothes and then stepped under the spray of hot water. It felt wonderful. I quickly washed my hair and body and then just stood there letting the water flow over my tired and sore muscles, turning up the temperature until it was almost too hot to stand. The pleasurable sensation of the warm water cascading over my head and the deep ache that seemed to originate from every muscle in my body must have dulled my senses to the approach of another mind, because when I finally pulled back the shower curtain and stepped out of the tub Lori had just entered the room. In my hurry to be clean and down to breakfast with my family before they discovered I was missing, I had forgotten to lock the door._

* * *

Nicole was getting increasingly worried about both Lori and Kyle. Lori had been rather withdrawn since she and Declan had split up and she had hardly said a word this morning. Nicole glanced surreptitiously at her daughter. She looked pale and was pushing her cereal around her bowl. Nicole didn't think she had eaten more than a mouthful. Her son on the other hand was on his third sausage… 

And then there was Kyle. He seemed to be gone from the house more and more and was behaving quite secretively and it worried her that maybe he didn't want to be part of this family any more, that since he'd had a taste of his old life with his biological parents, he no longer needed or wanted her in his life. And that thought frightened her more than anything. He was getting up later and later for breakfast and often he would just stop at the fridge, noisily gulp down a glass of orange juice as though he was dying of dehydration, smile apologetically at her and rush off to school. She'd gone to his room today to try and get him to come and sit down and actually eat something but he wasn't in his tub. She figured he must be in the shower as she could hear the water on upstairs. When he hadn't come down after ten minutes she sent Lori up to tell him to get a move on.

Lori sighed and slowly walked up the stairs calling out as she did so.

'Kyle? Mom's on the warpath about you missing breakfast again so you'd better get your butt in gear and get downstairs pronto!'

She didn't get an answer from him but could hear the shower going so guessed he hadn't heard her. She pushed open the bathroom door and entered the room just as Kyle switched off the shower and pulled the curtain back.

'Kyle? Did you…'

The words died on her lips as jaw went slack and her eyes took on the dimensions of saucers as she stared at the scene in front of her.

Kyle was standing with his head thrown back, his eyes closed, and his fingers threaded in his hair having just pushed the thick, wet, now almost black strands off his face. On hearing her voice, his eyes snapped open and he froze in surprise.

For a moment she couldn't move. Her eyes raked over his body, noticing every detail about him, committing to memory each aspect of his features that made him physically perfect. And then she was staring at his groin and she felt herself blushing furiously which finally spurred her into action. She grabbed a towel from the rail and threw it at him.

'Cover up, Kyle!' She said, rolling her eyes dramatically.

He caught the towel and wrapped it around his waist then looked back at her apprehensively.

Now he was decent and her heart beat was returning to somewhere near normal she could start behaving like herself again, behaving as though seeing him naked hadn't affected her in the slightest, behaving as though his body wasn't the most spectacularly beautiful thing she had ever seen…

'You'd so better hurry up. Mom's got it into her head that you are starving to death so she's going to force feed you breakfast and she doesn't care whether you'll be late for school or not!'

'I'll be right down.' Kyle said still a little self-conscious.

'You'd better be or else she might try and feed it to me and there's no way I could eat a sausage this morning and keep a straight face!

She raised her eyebrows and then grinned at him before leaving the room.

_It didn't take a genius to work out what Lori had meant by her last comment. __I felt my face grow hot and looked in the mirror to see that I was blushing. Tomorrow, I would tell Foss that things were going to have to change because I couldn't afford to be late to breakfast any more. I could still hear Lori laughing all the way down the stairs…_


	4. Chapter 4

Love from jealousy – part 4

By Fishiexy

_Kyle's thoughts in italics_

After dinner that evening, the Trager household had all gone their separate ways. Stephen was in the lounge on the computer, Josh was in his bedroom playing video games, Nicole was in her office doing paperwork and Kyle had gone out. Lori was lying on her bed listening to music, just staring at the ceiling, her mind wandering. But wherever it wandered to, it always seemed to come back to Kyle. And more specifically, to Kyle in the shower this morning. She may have only been in the bathroom for a few seconds, but that image of his naked body was indelibly imprinted upon her brain. And once again her mind replayed the images for her…

His tall muscular frame glistened as water dripped off his body and formed small puddles on the floor. The normally pale skin of his back and chest now had a delicate pink flush to it where he had been standing for too long under the hot water. And he must have be warm because his circulation had dilated and she could see the veins standing out over his forearms and the on the back of his hands and feet. His body was still just as hairless as it had been over a year ago and his abdomen just as weird with no belly button marring his perfect skin. His eyelashes were once again wet but unlike the last time, when she had seen him in tears at school, there was nothing vulnerable looking about him now.

His dark messy hair, his little round face and chin that became pointed when he smiled, his long, straight nose, those beautiful, amazing colored eyes, his muscular chest and contoured shoulders and arms, his flat abdomen with its 'six pack' rectus muscles, his gorgeous long legs with their powerful quadriceps and hanging between them: his penis…

Back in her room she felt herself blushing again and put her hands over her cheeks feeling the warmth there. What was the matter with her? It was only a cock for God's sake and it wasn't like she hadn't seen one before. So why was she getting so embarrassed, so flustered, so excited? She put her pillow over her face and tried to think about something else. But her mind kept returning to Kyle just standing there, naked and perfect.

This wasn't the first time that Lori had seen Kyle naked. During the first few days he had come to live with them, Nicole had found out that Kyle loved having a bath. Bath time to him was play time. Every evening Nicole would help him off with his clothes until he learnt how to work the zips and buttons and laces himself and he would sit in the tub and kick and splash around and play with the foam bubble bath, squeezing it between his hands and then submerge himself, occasionally for worrying lengths of time, eyes open, looking upwards through the bath water at them all.

The whole family would sometimes be in the bathroom with him, ostensibly to keep an eye on him but really just enjoying watching him play and have fun. And then Nicole would tell him it was time to get out and he would stand up, dark hair plastered to his head, a huge grin on his face, with water and foam bubbles dripping from his body onto the floor. He had no idea of the concept of modesty and the first time this had happened, the whole family had been shocked into silence at his lack of self consciousness over his nudity. But then Josh had started laughing and pointing at him and then made a crude comment about the size of his penis which Lori totally agreed with, because it was way larger than anything she had ever seen. And that had been the end of it. Nicole had shooed them both out and forbade them to come in again when Kyle was getting his clothes on or off.

The next time she had seen him naked was also in the bathroom. He was getting out of the shower after she was supposed to have taken him to work with her, but she had lost her job and she had gone with Hillary to spy on Declan and had left Kyle behind. His ability to talk and his vocabulary had improved markedly compared to his first few days with them but his understanding of social niceties was still lacking. He called down to her for some clothes and when she brought them up to him he was standing butt naked in the middle of the bathroom. She remembered smiling and backing out of the room and telling him that it was time that he learnt about modesty, but not before getting a good look once more at his penis. It was just as thick and long as she had remembered it and this time she noticed that he was uncircumcised.

But this time it was different. Today his body had changed. When she had seen him a year ago, he looked like a teenager. His shoulders and chest were narrow, the muscles in his arms were lithe but there was no bulk there and his limbs were thin and gangly. He was all elbows and knees. It was like he hadn't yet grown into his body.

But this morning, in the shower, she saw his chest had broadened, his shoulders and arms had bulked out, the muscles of his abdomen were taught and well defined and his thighs were strong and powerful. He no longer looked coltish. He had grown into his limbs and his body had filled out. Now he looked like a man and Lori couldn't get him out of her mind.

* * *

Lori went downstairs and stood outside Kyle's room just watching him. He was sitting at his desk doing his homework. It seemed such a menial task for someone so gifted. She recognised the physics textbook from that afternoon. She could see the intense look of concentration on his face as he scribbled away answer after answer, not stopping once to refer to any notes or look up any formulae. She knew he was different, special, but to her he had always just been Kyle, her clueless and strange foster-brother, who was annoying and would cramp her style and was always trying to tag along and fit in. But now, she felt a new respect for him, a sense of wonderment and admiration in witnessing his abilities, so far beyond anything that she or anyone else around her could ever hope do. It had taken her ages to finish that assignment and he had done in five minutes, in front of her very eyes. 

'Hi Lori!' Kyle's deep slow voice startled her. He swivelled around on his chair to face her.

'What are you doing?'

'Thinking!' She said quickly leaning against his door hoping that she looked at ease, as though standing here watching him was a natural occurrence, a thing she did every night.

'What about?' He asked.

'You!' She wanted to say. 'About how amazing you are and what it would be like to touch you!' She looked at him: Thick dark hair, pale flawless skin, full lips, eyes, huge and black in the subdued lighting of his desk lamp. She didn't know why she hadn't noticed before just how beautiful he was. She saw the curiosity on his face and realized he was still waiting for an answer.

She sighed and looked down. She wasn't going to be able to keep up the pretence of her cool exterior.

'Nothing really, I guess I just wanted some company. I feel…' She paused, trying to put into words the emotions she had been experiencing lately.

'Adrift?'

She looked up at the sound of Kyle's voice to see him staring at her.

Yes! That was it! How did he know that that was exactly how she felt?

'How do you do that?' She asked him, baffled.

'Do what?'

'Know how I feel.'

'Because I think I feel it too.' He told her gently.

'When Amanda told me that she didn't want to talk to me any more I felt lost. I used to look forward every day to seeing her in school because she was a good friend and it made me feel wanted and special and now that I can see her but can't approach her it makes me sad and I feel lonely. I thought that maybe you felt the same way about Declan.'

He was so perceptive. She nodded at him, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes. There was a lump in her throat and she didn't trust herself to speak.

'Maybe we could spend some time together and that way we wouldn't be so lonely. He smiled shyly at her.

'I'd like that Kyle.' She said gratefully and walked into his room.

'How's the guitar playing going?' He asked.

'Good! I think I might actually be able to play a whole song soon!' She came and stood next to him.

'Although, I'm never going to be able to play like you! You are just so annoying sometimes, you know that right?' She said sarcastically and nudged him in the shoulder.

'I'm sorry, I don't mean to be.' He said timidly, lifting his head to look at her.

And there it was again: the look of uncertainty, anxiety. She sighed.

'I'm kidding, Kyle! Can't you tell yet?'

He smiled, but the relief that he hadn't really upset her was evident on his face once more.

He was so sweet, so sensitive, so desirable. She stared at him, unblinking. Even if she had wanted to, it suddenly became impossible to look anywhere else. His eyes were mesmerizing. Their color was incredible. She started to feel dizzy. She couldn't seem to get enough air into her lungs. She felt like she was drowning. Oh God! He was so beautiful…

She took a ragged breath in and tore her gaze away, trying to get herself back under some semblance of control. She saw his art supplies and a stack of his drawings piled haphazardly on the desk. She focused her mind on them and in that way she didn't have to look at him. Because if she did, she'd want to touch him and once she did that, she knew there'd be no stopping her. And her relationship with him, her friendship, was just too important to her to ruin by doing anything that could make him feel in the slightest bit uncomfortable even though she so desperately wanted him. She took another deep breath in and reached for the drawings.

She picked up each picture in turn noting the photo like quality and marvelling at the detail and colors in them before putting them carefully back on the desk. She knew he could draw, but she'd never really seen any of his pictures up close before. The first few were all of the forest that Kyle had been found in. The next few contained Amanda in various poses and positions. There was one of her family: Kyle must have done that when he was away and then one of them again when he first came back but it was the next one that held her attention, that she just couldn't stop looking at. It was a picture of Nicole.

'Kyle, this is amazing.'

She saw a small, pleased smile appear on his face.

'She looks beautiful!' Lori said astonished.

'She is!' He said, seemingly puzzled that she could possibly think that Nicole was anything else.

'I know!' She admitted.

'It's just that this picture…' She looked up at him, wonder in her eyes.

'There's so much feeling and emotion in it.'

Lori stared at the drawing of her mother again. She had a look of awe on her face, a look of amazement, reverence and admiration. Tears were sparkling in her eyes but they were tears of recognition, understanding and love.

'Who was she looking at?' Lori asked him.

'Me!' He whispered.

She wasn't surprised. Her mother had seen that Kyle was special from the beginning. She had protected him and cared for him from day one. It was only natural that if she was going to look like this for anyone it would be Kyle.

'She looks so proud of you and she's got that 'Kyle smile' on her face, the one where you've done something amazing but you don't realize what it is and just how amazing you are. Kyle! What did you do to make her look at you like this?'

'I saved someone's life!'

'Whose?' Lori's eyes widened.

'The girl in the fire.'

_And before I knew it I had told her the truth. As Lori was talking about the picture I had been thinking back to that night. Nicole had seen me come rushing past her, my clothes burnt and smoking from having been on fire but my skin was unharmed and she had come to my room for an explanation. I couldn't tell her how I had done it but she knew I was different._

_'I don't want to be different, Nicole, I just want to be ordinary', I told her and she looked at me, with sympathy and amazement and awe and love and told me that even if we could forget every amazing thing that I could do, my only instinct on seeing a girl in a burning building was to rush in a save her and there was nothing ordinary about that. And then I felt happy and thankful to Nicole for showing me that being different was nothing to be ashamed of and I knew at that moment that I was never going to be ordinary._

_But then when Lori asked me, the truth just came out. It was bad enough that Nicole and Declan had seen me, I didn't want Lori knowing as well._

'Oh my God! That was you?'

'Well, I just went and called the fire service, so I guess that's not really saving someone's life.'

_I tried to back-track and downplay my role._

'Kyle! Of course it is! Only Superman can go into a burning building and he's just a comic book hero. You're a real life hero!'

_She smiled at me and squeezed my arm reassuringly. I felt terrible lying to her when she was being so kind to me but inexplicably and inordinately pleased at her praise. I didn't know why it was so important that Lori's opinion of me mattered, just that it did._

'Has Mom seen this picture?' She asked.

'No.'

'You should show it to her. She'd love it.'

Again he gave her the small, pleased smile. It was just delightful to watch. He was so adorable.

She put the picture down on the pile with the others and then she saw a portrait of her. She picked it up and studied it closely. From the looks of her hairstyle it must have been done very recently. It was drawn in the same stippling style that Kyle used to create all his pictures and it had the same quality and likeness as if he had taken a photo of her. However, it was nothing like the picture of Nicole.

'I look so miserable, so down, so sad.' She told him.

'I don't want to look like that. I don't want other people to see me like that. Can't you draw one of me like the picture of Mom?' She pleaded.

'I can only draw what my mind sees and tells me to draw. I'm sorry!'

'And that's how you see me?'

'It was yesterday.' He told her apologetically.

The day Declan didn't show up! She might have known! Even when he wasn't in the same ZIP code as her he caused her problems. It was all his fault that Kyle had drawn a crap picture of her, she thought morosely.

'Perfect!' She said sarcastically.

She put the picture back on the pile next to the one of Nicole.

'It's not fair!' She pouted.

'I want to look like Mom!'


	5. Chapter 5

Love from jealousy – part 5

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori walked slowly down the hallway on the way to her next class. Hillary was talking animatedly, using lots of hand gestures and exclamations, but about what, she had no idea. She let the conversation flow over her head. She was thinking about the picture that Kyle had drawn of her yesterday. It bothered her that he should see her that way: sad and lonely. And it bothered her that it bothered her! Why should she care how Kyle's freakish and bizarre brain saw her she tried to tell herself? But she realized she did care and it mattered to her because Kyle with his remarkable and extraordinary brain mattered to her.

Kyle could no doubt recall any single moment in time and draw it in exacting detail. But he didn't just draw any random moment in time as the pictures on his desk last night testified to. He only drew things that were important to him, things that meant something to him on an emotional level. Therefore, the fact that he had drawn a picture of her was important. And if it was important to him, it was important to her.

Movement across the hallway caused her to look up and straight away she saw Declan. He was leaning casually against his locker talking to some friends and then he caught her eye and his whole demeanor changed. He pushed himself away from the locker and stood up straight. He appeared awkward and uncomfortable and the easy going smile she remembered so well had gone. He was frowning and looked worried. Worried because he had seen her? Worried because he thought she was going to make a scene?

This was awful. She felt quite sick. If this was what it was going to be like from now on, anytime that her and Declan accidentally bumped into each other, school was going to be a nightmare. She felt a lump forming in her throat and blinked back the tears starting to form. Now she knew what Kyle must have felt like when he thought that Amanda hated him, because from the look on Declan's face he couldn't even bear to be in the same room as her.

Just when she thought that she was going to lose it in the middle of the hallway Kyle came round the corner. His eyes made contact with her, noticed her stricken face and then realized the cause of her distress on seeing Declan standing stiffly opposite her. He lifted his hand up close to his jaw and cupped his fingers to his palm twice. He was waving at her! He had seen Declan and knew she was upset. He understood and was trying to make her feel better. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She settled for smiling back at him in relief, turning her head to follow him as he walked past her down the hallway. He stopped just before entering a classroom and looked back at her as though checking to make sure she was alright. He smiled shyly as he caught her gaze before turning once more and entering his class. Her eyes lingered on him until he had disappeared from view.

'Lori that was great!' Hillary gushed enthusiastically.

'Did you see the look on Declan's face? He was so angry and jealous! Your timing with Kyle was perfect and that lingering longing look you gave him…You almost had me fooled for a second! Oh my God! This plan is going to be so much fun…'

* * *

'Lori? Are you listening to me?' Hillary asked amidst the clatter and noise of the lunch room. 

'Uh huh!'

'Well, what did I just say?'

Lori looked at her friend. She realized she had no idea what their conversation had been about. She sighed, admitting defeat.

'I'm sorry! I'm just a bit preoccupied.'

'No shit, Sherlock!'

Lori carried on oblivious to Hillary's sarcastic remarks.

'It's just this Declan and Kyle thing.'

'I know! It's going brilliantly! Did you see the look that Declan gave Kyle in English this morning? Positively lethal! He was so jealous of the way you were staring at Kyle for like the whole lesson. You're certainly taking this plan very seriously.'

'Well you know me Hills. When I'm serious about something I go all out for it and I'm serious about Kyle.'

Hillary had no idea! Lori thought grimly to herself. She no longer cared about the plan or if Declan was jealous or not, because she just couldn't get Kyle out of her mind. It was like she was obsessed.

'Well here's your clueless little muffin now and just look who he's walking into lunch with! That is so not cool!'

Lori looked up to see Kyle talking to Deichman. They were both carrying their lunches on trays and walking to an empty table.

And then there was a shout as someone pushed Deichman who fell sideways into Kyle who was knocked flying and landed on the floor, wearing his lunch all over his front.

Lori was up out of her seat like a shot and running across the room to where Kyle was lying face down on the floor surrounded by a mess of food and people laughing, jeering and clapping. She bent down next to him being careful not to step in the remains of his lunch.

'Kyle! Are you ok?'

Back at their table Hillary shook her head in disgust.

'Total freak show!'

* * *

_I looked around at the sea of faces laughing and pointing at me and then looked down at my chest and abdomen and saw my lunch smeared across my shirt and pants.__ I had been in a situation similar to this at the juvenile detention center when I had been punched in the face and I had fallen over and wet myself. Everyone was laughing and staring and pointing at me then too. It seemed that history was repeating itself. The uncomfortable sensation of embarrassment I felt a year ago had not lessened over time. I looked down in shame._

Lori watched as Kyle slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position, legs straight out and open in front of him, rather like how a baby would sit, she thought. She saw him look round at everybody laughing at him and then saw the look of humiliation cross his face. His head slowly dropped to his chest and his shoulders sagged. It looked like he was trying to disappear through the floor. He was mortified.

'Come on, let's go!' She said kindly, taking his hand and once again leading him from the lunch room.

* * *

Kyle stood in the girls' bathroom his arms by his sides and head bowed as Lori attempted to remove the mess of food from his shirt with a damp paper towel.

'It's not as bad as all that and it was just unfortunate that you were in the way.' She told him, scrubbing at his chest.

He looked up at her in disbelief.

'Ok, I lied. Your shirt's ruined and it sucks that you got knocked over!' She stopped mopping the front of him and looked up into his face.

'I don't think I'm going to be able to do anything more with this shirt. In fact, I think I've just made it worse.'

They both looked at the mess smeared across his chest.

'Nicole's not going to be very happy when she sees me.'

'She's seen worse and anyway, she's used to you and your mess Kyle! Don't you remember when you couldn't sleep and you tried to eat the entire contents of the refrigerator and there was chocolate sauce and squirty cream and spaghetti all down your front? Mom didn't mind. She just cleaned you up like she always did.'

She got a new paper towel and knelt down in front of him, trying to get the mess off his jeans.

'Dad said it was like having a baby in the house!'

She smiled fondly to herself, remembering.

'I guess it was really because you had to be watched every minute of the day and night or else you'd get yourself into trouble and I mean big trouble. Like you'd jump off a building or climb onto the roof or run away into the woods…'

And then she heard Kyle gasp. She glanced up at him and saw two spots of color blossoming over his cheekbones. She frowned in confusion and then her eyes widened in horror as she saw where her hand was. She'd been so busy remembering the trouble he used to get her and himself into that she hadn't been concentrating on what she was doing. She'd been rubbing at the food stains on the front of his jeans, rubbing and stroking over his groin, rubbing and stroking him! She felt a firmness pressing insistently back at her.

She snatched her hand away and jumped to her feet in shame. She felt the color flood her own face. She didn't know where to look. Oh God! What if he thought she'd done it on purpose? What if he thought that her whole reason for kneeling down in front of him was just an excuse to touch him and watch him get hard?

'I'm s-sorry!' She stuttered out in a high pitched voice.

'I didn't mean…'

'It's ok.' He told her, equally embarrassed.

'You did a good job.'

Her eyes widened again as did his when he realized what he had said and what he'd accidentally just implied.

'I mean with the mess!' He corroborated quickly.

'On my pants! I mean you cleaned it up pretty well! Unlike my shirt…'

She nodded mutely and looked at his chest. She couldn't look up at his face or down at his…or down!

And then suddenly the bathroom door burst open and Hillary barged in.

'There you are! I've been looking all over for you!' She said, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the room.

Lori saw Kyle quickly pull his shirt out from where it was neatly tucked in to the waistband of his jeans and let it hang loosely in front of him, covering the evidence of what she had done to him.

'What have you been doing all this time?'

'Trying to get the mess out of Kyle's clothes.'

And suddenly Lori could breathe again. She'd never been so grateful to see Hillary appear in her life.

Hillary looked distastefully at Kyle.

'Well, Lori! I wouldn't open a laundry if I was you! And Kyle! You look disgusting and you smell! No offence, both of you!'

Lori rolled her eyes and then looked up at Kyle. He smiled at her. And just like that it was back to normal between them.

'Look, I've got gym today so I've brought a spare shirt with me. Why don't you put that on.' She told him.

He looked unsure.

'Geez, Kyle! It's just a plain white tee-shirt, nobody's going to know you're wearing girls' clothes, so stop being such a dweeb!'

'It's not that, it's… Do you think it will fit me?'

'I'm not exactly a size zero am I? Of course it will fit! Well, it might be a bit tight, but unless you want to go to afternoon classes looking like you've got very bad table manners…'

'Or like you've just blown chunks all over yourself!' Hillary added helpfully.

Lori and Kyle both turned to look at her, eyebrows raised in disgust.

'Well, I'm just saying… Ew!'

'Ok, thank you!' he said unbuttoning his shirt as Lori rummaged in her bag for the clean one.

'Oh my God!' Hillary gasped staring at him.

'He hasn't got a belly button! I thought you were joking when you told me last year!'

She walked over to Kyle and placed her hand on his skin where his navel should have been. Then she stroked his stomach. Lori watched Kyle's abdominal muscles contract underneath the unfamiliar sensation before he side-stepped out of her way looking rather uncomfortable.

'For God's sake, Hillary! Leave him alone. Here Kyle, put this on quickly. We're going to be late for class.'

'Freak! Hillary said to herself as she followed them both out of the room.

'Or Unique!' She added smiling.

'Because those abs!' She sighed.

'That boy is so hot!'

* * *

Nicole looked up from where she was sitting at the kitchen table when Lori and Kyle came in through the front door. 

'Kyle? Why are you wearing one of Lori's gym shirts?' she asked.

Kyle turned to Lori.

'I thought you said that no one would know that I wearing your clothes.' He said frowning.

'Obviously, I meant anyone other than my mom…'

She raised her eyebrows and smiled mischievously at him before shrugging apologetically as if to say that she wasn't responsible for Nicole's acute observational sense. She looked at him standing there, the material of her gym shirt stretched tightly across his chest. She smiled appreciatively to herself. He looked really good!

And then she remembered how he'd looked this afternoon at school after she'd accidentally touched him… How he'd appeared so young and innocent as he'd gasped and blushed so beautifully, so delightfully and how he appeared so embarrassed and even a little scared; eyes wide, lips slightly parted, staring at her looking so aroused, so turned on, so utterly gorgeous…

'I had an accident in school.'

His voice brought her abruptly back to the present.

'Are you ok?' Nicole asked, getting up and walking towards him.

'Yes, but my shirt's not!' He opened his back pack and pulled out a rolled up ball of material, stuck together by congealed food.

'So I see!' She said taking the shirt from him.

'Some asshole knocked him flying and he landed in his lunch!' Lori told her.

'In front of everyone? How embarrassing!' She said rubbing his arm, sympathetically.

'Did you manage to eat anything afterwards?'

Kyle shook his head and as if on cue his stomach growled.

'Oh you poor thing! Lori! Why didn't you make sure that Kyle got some lunch?'

'Geez Mom! I'm not his keeper!' Lori complained.

'No, but you should be looking out for him, taking care of him.' Nicole scolded.

'I can take care of myself, Nicole!'

'I know you can, Sweetie!' Nicole said brushing his cheek fondly.

'Here! Have a brownie. Dinner won't be 'till later and you must be starving not having had any lunch!'

She gave her daughter a glare. Lori scowled back at her.

'Jesus! What are you? Like five years old?' She hissed to Kyle.

He shrugged apologetically as if to say it wasn't his fault that Nicole was so protective of him, while munching away happily at his snack.


	6. Chapter 6

Love from jealousy – part 6

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

_I was glad__ now that Amanda was talking to me again, but I was also worried about her since a burglar had broken into her house and stolen her bracelet. I felt that the only way to make things up with her was to try and get her bracelet back since it meant so much to her. I had told the police that I had not seen the suspect which was true but I had heard his heartbeat and knew that I could identify him. But I couldn't tell the police how I knew that as they wouldn't believe me so I was going to attempt to catch him by myself. Well not actually by myself. Lori had agreed to help me and for some reason that made me feel very happy._

Lori sat in the front seat of the car, her head against the window thinking. She had long given up watching the house that they were staked out in front of. Stake-outs on cop shows always seemed so exciting and fun. In reality, they were anything but. She was bored and cold and hungry. So she let her mind wander. But wherever she sent if off to, it always came running back to Kyle.

He was so happy now that Amanda was talking to him again and she was glad for him, because he deserved to be. He'd had enough traumas, what with the kidnapping, his abandonment, his amnesia, the death of his parents and all the mystery surrounding his abilities to last him a lifetime.

She thought back to this afternoon and how she'd sat next to him at the computer watching him work out where the burglar was going to strike next. It was just amazing to witness such genius at work. But now she wasn't so sure that he had predicted correctly. It was approaching the bewitching hour and the thief still hadn't shown. She'd already teased him about it for the last hour but he just kept telling her that he was right and it would happen and to be patient. She looked across at him now, still and ever vigilant.

'Lori… Can I ask you something?'

She sat up straight in her seat and turned to look at him. He hadn't moved and was still watching the house down the street. But he sounded uncertain.

'Sure! What's up?'

'I was with Josh and your dad the other day and I did something…'

He hesitated, trying to find the right words to explain it to her.

'Something amazing? Something inexplicable? Something that only you could do?' She said gently.

He sighed and nodded. It made him sound so freakish when she said it like that.

'And they both just stood there staring at me until your dad said, 'Josh! I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!' and Josh said that he was going to ask the wizard for his money back! And your dad said 'follow the yellow brick road, son, 'cos I want a word with that wizard too!' We've never been in Kansas and there's no such thing as wizards and what road were they talking about?'

Lori could just hear the exchange in her head and wished she'd been there to see their faces. Kyle must have done something spectacular to generate that sort of response!

'They were referring to a children's film called the 'The Wizard of Oz'. It's about a girl who goes on a journey over the rainbow to a strange land and realizes that all she wants to do is get home. The only person who can help her is the all-powerful Wizard of Oz and to reach him she has to follow the yellow-brick road.'

Now Kyle was looking at her and hanging onto her every word.

'And what happened in the film?' He asked enthralled.

'Well Dorothy, that's the girl and her little dog Toto meet some people along the way, the scarecrow who wants a brain, a tin-man who wants a heart and a cowardly lion who wants some courage and they all accompany her to Oz to see if the Wizard will help them too. But there's a wicked witch who wants to kill Dorothy to get the ruby slippers she is wearing.'

'She's going to be killed for her shoes?' Kyle asked appalled.

'It's just a film, Kyle, don't be such a doofus! Anyway, Dorothy kills the witch first by throwing a bucket of water on her which makes her melt and finally realizes that she has had the power all along to get home and clicks her heels together three times and says 'there's no place like home' and suddenly she's home and vows never to leave again.'

She looked across at Kyle's enraptured little face.

'But what does it mean?'

'Well, Dorothy is an orphan and at the start of the film she feels she doesn't fit in at home and so she runs away. But she realizes that she does belong there and the people who look after her love her very much. But when she tries to get back, she gets hit on the head when a tornado comes. So we never know whether her journey through the Land of Oz is real or just a dream.'

'It was probably a dream. There's no such place as a land beyond the rainbow as a rainbow is just an optical illusion of the refraction and reflection of white light into its component colors through water droplets in the atmosphere. You can never travel beyond a rainbow as it will move with the observer.'

'You've got no soul, Kyle!' She said smiling at him.

'It's doubtful that you do either since the existence of the concept of 'soul' has yet to be proven.' Kyle informed her apologetically.

'Whatever!' She rolled her eyes at him. How could you argue with a person who knew everything?

'But what if her journey was a spiritual one? Dorothy needed to leave before realizing that everything she needed and wanted was already waiting for her at home.

His eyes were huge and dark in the muted glow of the street lamps.

'I hadn't thought of that!' He said.

'Well why don't you decide what it means for yourself! I'll get hold of the DVD and we can watch it this Saturday evening. Mom and Dad are going out so we'll have the house to ourselves. We could make a night of it. Popcorn and pizza! What do you say?'

He didn't answer her straight away and she looked up at him wondering if she had said the wrong thing. She back-pedalled quickly. It wasn't too late to salvage the situation. Her friendship with him was much more important to her than anything that she might wish to happen between them.

'I mean unless you've got other plans…'

'I don't have plans.'

'Great then, it's a date!'

'It's a date…'

Kyle repeated the words back to her slowly as though the phrase was unfamiliar to him, as though he was testing out the sounds of a new sentence or a new premise as he spoke them aloud. Once done and the results catalogued and filed in his head, he returned to his surveillance of the street.

Lori sank back in her seat. She felt ridiculously happy. What on Earth was the matter with her? She was going to stay in on a Saturday night and watch a DVD of 'The Wizard of Oz' with her foster-brother! Good God! She needed to get a life! But, she smiled to herself, she realized that there was no place else she would rather be. She looked over at Kyle.

'He's not going to show you know!' She said, resuming her teasing of him.

He just smiled, knowingly.

She continued to bait him and goad him loving how he looked sideways at her, loving the fun and easy relationship they had, loving the banter between them. And then Kyle turned to her and surprised her once more.

'I guess I'd figured you'd be better at this.'

'What is that suppose to mean?' She asked indignantly.

'Well, when you sneak out with Declan, you spend most of your time parked in a car, right?'

'That's way different!' She scoffed. As if he knew what 'parking' meant!

'Why? Because you're in the back seat and not the front?'

Her mouth dropped open in shock. She looked over at him in surprise.

'Kyle? Did you just make a joke?' She asked him, in mock astonishment.

And he was grinning at her and his eyes were sparkling and he was the most animated she'd ever seen him. He seemed so proud of himself that he had finally got one over on her. He looked across and gave her the 200 watt smile. She could see his teeth and the dimples in both his cheeks. He was just so beautiful and suddenly she couldn't breathe.

She was staring at his mouth: at his plump and puffy lips and wondering what they would feel like beneath hers. His mouth was relaxing, his smile fading and then his lips parted and she could see the tip of his tongue. She looked up into his eyes. He was staring intently at her. Could he see into her mind? Did he know what she was thinking, what she desired? Did he know that all she wanted at this moment in time was to kiss him?

She put her hand on his forearm. His eyes hadn't left her face. She could feel the heat radiating from his body. She leant slowly forwards… and then he was gone.

'He's here!'

It took her a moment to understand what he meant. She looked up at him. All his energy was focused on the man currently breaking into the house down the street: His body straight and tense, his eyes looking forward, unblinking.

'I'm going after him!'

He got out of the car and ran down the street. She watched him disappear into the shadows then got out her mobile and phoned the police.

That done she closed her eyes and let her head thump back against the seat in bitter disappointment. Her body was still humming, waiting for its chance to feel the smoothness of his skin beneath her hands, desperate to feel the pressure of his lips on hers.

She suddenly felt a pang of envy directed towards Amanda Bloom. Envy, because Amanda could generate such devotion in Kyle, that her friendship was so important to him that he would do anything to get her bracelet back and with it the possibility of their relationship becoming something more. And she had agreed to help him because it meant so much to him but also because it meant that she would have an excuse to spend time with him: To look at him, to talk to him, to touch him…

Lori wondered what it would feel like to have what Amanda had: that devotion, that loyalty, that love she realized, from anyone, but particularly from someone as special as Kyle.

She cursed the day the burglar was born and hoped the police would put him away for a long time because if he hadn't shown up just a few seconds ago she would have been kissing Kyle by now…

* * *

'Josh! Pizza's here!' Lori shouted as she closed the front door after paying the delivery man.

As if on cue, Josh appeared at the top of the stairs.

'What did you get?' He asked. 'None of that vegetarian girly crap I hope!'

'An extra large super supreme, meaty surprise with extra meat and a side order of cheesy garlic bread. Oh and a bottle of soda. Is that manly enough for you?'

'I hope the soda's diet. I've gotta keep this body looking good for the ladies!'

'Of course! God forbid the soda should make you put on any weight!' Lori said dead-pan.

'Sweet!' He replied jumping down the stairs two at a time and grabbing the pizza box from her.

'So! What are we watching?' He asked, walking into the living room where Kyle was already sitting in front of the television.

'We're going to watch a DVD!' Kyle told him.

'No shit! I'd never have guessed!'

Josh made a face at Lori showing her exactly how stupid he thought Kyle was, then put the pizza box down on the table and pushed him out of the way of the center seat of the sofa. Kyle, good-naturedly moved over.

'I meant what film are we watching, Einstein?'

'Josh! That was so rude, Kyle was sitting there!' Lori admonished him.

'Kyle doesn't mind, do you Kyle?' He said not looking at him or waiting for his reply.

'Josh, you're a complete asshole!' Lori told him crossly.

'Whatever! So, let's see what delights we have for our viewing pleasure this fine Saturday evening!'

He leant forward to pick up the DVD case.

'What are we having for dinner?' Kyle asked, looking at the pizza box.

'An extra large super supreme meaty surprise with extra meat!' Josh told him.

'What's the surprise?' Kyle asked wide eyed.

'There's no meat on it!' Lori said, a satisfied smile appearing on her face.

'What? You're kidding right?' Josh said anxiously.

He looked into the pizza box that Lori had just opened and saw the mushrooms, peppers, onions and pineapples scattered colorfully over the surface of the pizza.

'Oh man!' He sank back onto the sofa, disgusted.

'Well the movie better make up for this 'severe disappointment'.' He shouted the last two words at his sister.

'What the fuck?' He held up the DVD.

'It's about a girl who gets a head injury and goes on a journey with a dog and meets a scarecrow and a man made out of metal and a lion and there's a witch who melts because she wants to kill the girl for her shoes!' Kyle explained excitedly, helping himself to a slice of pizza.

Josh looked at him open-mouthed as though he couldn't believe what he had just heard.

'Head injury? Melting? Being killed for her shoes? Is this some kind of bizarre grindhouse or snuff version of 'The Wizard of Oz' that I haven't heard of because I didn't know you were into that sort of thing?'

He looked at Lori for confirmation.

'Dorothy gets hit on the head in the tornado and the Wicked Witch of the West wants the Ruby Slippers.' She translated Kyle's summary.

'I know the story! Everyone knows the story!' He said.

'But you're honestly telling me that you're going to sit down on a Saturday night and watch 'The Wizard of Oz'? I mean the original children's version of it?' Josh asked incredulously.

'Kyle hasn't seen it and apparently you and Dad made some unsubtle references to it last week which Kyle didn't understand and he asked me about them. So we decided to see the film tonight.' Lori told him.

'Are you going to watch it with us?' Kyle asked observing the interchange between his foster-siblings with interest.

'Well, I'd like to Kyle, I really would because there's nothing I would like better than to watch 'The Wizard of Oz' on a Saturday night with you! But I have to go upstairs and stick red hot needles in my eyes!'

The look of horror on Kyle's face would have been quite comical if Lori hadn't known with absolute certainty that Kyle believed every word that Josh had just said.

'Don't listen to him Kyle, he's just kidding. My brother, the comedian! He's just going upstairs to play video games by himself because he's such a sad loser!'

'Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? If you're such a social whirlwind what are you doing staying in on a Saturday night watching DVDs with Kyle?'

'For God's sake, Josh!' She said punching him in the shoulder and then turned to Kyle and put her hand on his arm and rubbed it reassuringly. Her brother could be so insensitive sometimes.

Josh got up and swiped the bag of cheesy garlic bread before leaving the room.

'Vegetarian pizza and 'The Wizard of fucking Oz'. Jesus!' he moaned stomping up the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

Love from jealousy – part 7

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori sat at one end of the sofa, discretely observing Kyle watch the movie. He was sitting cross legged back now in the center seat since Josh had gone, staring avidly at the screen, eyes wide, chewing slowly and automatically on a piece of pizza. He would swallow then move the pizza in his hand towards his mouth and without ever looking away from the screen take another bite and slowly start to chew again. It was like the movie was so important that he couldn't look away for a second not even to get more food into his mouth.

Lori had seen this movie more times than she could remember. It was one of her favorites and she knew the story backwards. Dorothy and Toto were currently in their house being sucked up by the tornado. They would soon land in Oz and the film would shift into color. She looked over at Kyle. He had stopped chewing and his hand with the pizza in it was stationary and hovering in mid air.

'I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more!' Dorothy said to Toto as she stepped out into the Land of Oz.

'I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more!' Kyle echoed.

That was one of the phrases that he had told her about in the car, that her dad or Josh must have said to him.

He reached out for yet another piece of pizza, while still staring at the screen. Lori leant forward and picked one up for him and put it into his hand.

'Thank you!' He said.

'You're welcome!' She replied smiling.

It didn't take much to make him happy! Some food and a film and he was absolutely enthralled.

'The Ruby Slippers!' He shouted suddenly and pointed at the screen.

'Dorothy's not really going to be killed is she?' He then asked anxiously turning around to face her for the first time since the movie started.

'No, Kyle, not as long as she keeps The Ruby Slippers on her feet. They're magic shoes and will keep her safe.' She said smiling, talking to him as though he was a worried child.

She reached out and placed her hand on his knee, stroking him gently and reassuringly. He was enchanting! It was delightful to watch him. In fact it was more enjoyable watching him watch the film than watching it herself.

'Follow the Yellow Brick Road!' A Munchkin told Dorothy.

'Follow the Yellow Brick Road!' echoed Kyle excitedly.

'Follow the Yellow Brick Road!' Lori copied, laughing.

'That's what Stephen and Josh wanted!' Kyle told her.

'What? To follow the Yellow Brick Road?' Lori asked surprised but then suddenly remembering that that was another one of the phases that Kyle had mentioned that Josh and her dad had said to him.

Kyle nodded.

'I think they wanted to talk to the Wizard.' He said earnestly.

'About what?' Lori asked humouring him.

'About me!' He whispered.

And suddenly, it wasn't funny anymore. Lori frowned. He was taking this all way too seriously. Did he honestly believe that the things that her dad and Josh had said were true? Did he not understand that it was simply a movie, a fairytale?

'Kyle, it's just a film. There is no wizard. Dad and Josh were simply kidding around. It's merely an expression, a lyric from one of the songs in the film.'

He looked so upset that she began to get quite worried.

'Kyle?'

She reached forward and placed her hands on his shoulders, turning him towards her.

'But they were staring at me with their mouths open as though there was something wrong with me, like I was a… freak!'

'Kyle, what did you do to make them look at you like that?' She asked him gently.

'I fixed Josh's car.' He said in a small voice.

'Ok!' She squeezed his shoulders.

'Why don't you carry on watching the film and I'll be back down with you in a few minutes. I just need to go and ask Josh something…'

She got up, ran upstairs and burst angrily into Josh's room.

'I knew it!' He shouted before she could get a word in.

'I knew you'd never be able to sit through the whole of that bloody movie!'

'I'm not here about the movie, I'm here about Kyle.'

'What?'

'Josh! What did you and Dad say to Kyle last week?'

'What are you talking about?' He continued playing on his video game.

Lori marched over to his bed and snatched the game controller out of his hands.

'Hey!' He cried angrily.

'What did you say to Kyle? Look! He's really upset downstairs. He said that you and Dad were looking at him like he was a freak.'

'You could say that!' Josh said sarcastically.

'Did he tell you what he did?'

'He said he fixed your car.' Lori told him.

'Did he tell you how?'

'Josh…' Lori warned. She wasn't in the mood for games.

'Ok, listen.' Josh ran a hand through his hair.

'Me and Dad were working on the car but the front tyre was flat. I went round to the trunk to get the jack, but there wasn't one. Dad told me to have a look in the garage and then Kyle comes up to us. I asked him if he could change the tyre for us. He went round to the front of the car and we both assumed that he was going to get the jack, but he didn't. He just bent down and with one arm, he lifted the car up and with the other arm, took off the flat and put on the spare.'

Josh paused to let his words sink in.

'He fucking lifted a car up Lori and with only one hand! And he wonders why we looked at him as though he was a freak! I know he can do things, like shooting hoops and math and stuff, but this…'

He shook his head.

'He's an alien, I tell you!'

'Josh…' She started to tell him not to be silly.

'No, I mean it Lori. Just watching him actually lift a car off the ground, it was literally, out of this world! But quite honestly it was a little scary too. Now, can I have my game controller back? Thank you!'

* * *

Lori sat at one end of the sofa, legs curled up underneath her, staring unblinking, but unseeing at the television screen. She was thinking about the incredible story that Josh had told her: that Kyle had single-handedly lifted a car and there was absolutely no doubt in her mind that that's exactly what he had done. But what did that actually mean to her? She looked over at him, eyes narrowed thoughtfully.

When she had first re-entered the room he had glanced up and smiled nervously at her before returning his concentration to the movie. He had eaten well over half of the pizza and had since started in on the popcorn, his long fingers picking up just one or two pieces at a time before bringing them slowly to his lips, the tip of his tongue just visible before popping them in his mouth. She watched him reach forward for a glass of soda and listened to him noisily slurp and gulp it down, just like he'd always done, eyes all the while still glued to the screen. She saw the muscles in his arm contract as he put the glass back on the table. Was that the arm he had used to lift the car? It didn't seem so different from hers…

The rest of him still seemed the same: Same beautiful face, same innocent expression, same child-like wonder in how he viewed the world and everyone in it… And then he yawned. Lori watched as he rubbed his eyes with his fists then blinked as if trying to not to fall asleep in front of her. He looked so young, so vulnerable and she suddenly realized that it didn't matter if Kyle could lift ten cars, nothing about him had actually changed and nothing could change her feelings for him.

_I knew that when Lori said that she was going upstairs to talk to Josh that she was going to ask him about what I had done. __I hadn't thought anything of it at the time only that Josh had asked me for help and I was happy to be useful. I had concentrated on the molecules in the metallic structure of the car with my mind, willing them move and together with my superior physical strength was able to lift the wheel to change the tyre. I had thought they would be pleased with me but it was only when I looked up and saw the expression of shock on their faces did I realize what I had done._

_I hadn't told Lori the night we had been sitting together waiting for the burglar to show because I didn't want her to look differently at me. I didn't want her to look at me like Stephen and Josh had. I didn't want her to see me as a freak._

_Lori's friendship had always been important to me but recently__ I found myself thinking about her more and more and looking forward to being with her at home and in school. I didn't know why, because when we were together she spent a lot of time teasing me or insulting me and I didn't always know whether she was being serious or not and was unsure of what to say back to her. But then she would laugh and say she was joking or hit me playfully and call me an idiot and I would smile in relief._

_I had also noticed that she had started touching me a lot more: on my arm, on my shoulder, sometimes on the back of my hand. Soft and gentle touches that never lasted for very long yet they made me feel all warm inside. She would look up at me and her pupils would dilate and I would find it difficult to breathe. But then she would break the contact and turn away from me and I would feel as though I had just lost something._

_I heard her come back downstairs and looked around anxiously. Josh would have told her what I had done a__nd knowing him he would have exaggerated what really happened. I watched her come in and take her place back at the end of the sofa. I couldn't read her expression to see what she thought of me. I smiled at her nervously and then turned back to the movie. I tried to concentrate but could feel Lori's eyes on me, watching me, studying me. I began to feel uneasy. I couldn't bear to lose Lori's friendship, it was too important. I liked the way she looked at me, smiled at me and touched me but she hadn't done any of those things since she had sat back down._

_And suddenly the last few days instantly__ caught up with me: Foss's gruelling training sessions, the break-up with Amanda, the late night stake-out. I felt so tired that I could hardly keep my eyes open. I gave a big yawn. And then Lori was looking at me with concern and compassion and I knew at that moment that I didn't have to worry about what she thought of me because even if she did think I was a freak, it didn't matter in the slightest._

'Hey! Are you tired?' She asked him gently.

He nodded.

'Do you want to lie down?'

'Ok.' He smiled at her gratefully.

She put her arm around him and he lay down on his side using her thigh as a pillow so he could still watch the movie. She rested her hand lightly on his shoulder and looking down at him she wondered what was it about Kyle that got under her skin so, that made her want to hold him, reassure him and keep him safe? Kyle was different and special and could do things that sometimes just couldn't be explained but underneath all that he was just a sensitive and lonely child who was desperate to fit in and to be accepted for who he was.

She saw his eyelids begin to droop and once or twice he jerked himself awake still trying to concentrate on the film and see it through to the end. But soon his eyes closed all the way and his breathing pattern changed indicating that he had fallen asleep. She moved her hand from his shoulder and gently ran it through his hair, smoothing the dark, soft and silky strands off his face. He sighed in his sleep and relaxed against her.

Since he had come to live with them, he had changed their lives, her life, for the better in so many ways that now she could no longer contemplate living without him. She looked down at the dark head resting serenely against her thigh. He was so beautiful, so desirable, yet he had a vulnerability about him that made tears come to her eyes. A fierce protective urge welled up inside her with an intensity that was frightening and it was then that she realized that there was nothing that she wouldn't do to protect this amazing young man lying asleep and utterly defenceless, beside her.

* * *

Nicole carefully closed the front door so as not to make a noise and wake the children up as she and Stephen returned home late that evening. The house was dark and silent except for the low flickering lights and muted sounds coming from the television. She took off her coat and made her way quietly to the living room, but stopped on the threshold as she took in the scene before her.

Kyle was curled up in the fetal position, his head resting on Lori's thigh. His arms were bent at the wrist and elbow and nestled closely against his chest and he had turned towards the back of the sofa so that his face was now almost buried in Lori's shirt. He had taken his shoes and socks off and Nicole could see his bare feet half way up the sofa. Curled up in this way, he looked small and very young and reminded her of when she had found him so many times in the early days hiding in the bath-tub, shaking and scared. But it was not Kyle lying there that worried her now. It was her daughter.

Lori had her hand resting on Kyle's forehead and was gently smoothing the thick, dark hair off his face. The touch was so light it was almost a caress. But it was her expression that made Nicole concerned. Lori was unaware that anyone was watching her and so the look on her face was open, honest and unguarded. She was gazing down at Kyle, with such tenderness, such warmth, such compassion that Nicole couldn't help but see the love radiating from her, even from where she was hidden more than half a room away.

Nicole made her presence known before emerging from the shadows giving her daughter time to get her emotions in check. She walked into the living room and smiled at Lori.

'Hey! I didn't know you were still up, it's late!'

'We were watching a movie but Kyle fell asleep and I didn't want to wake him...'

And as if on cue his eyelids fluttered and he turned over onto his back, his legs stretching out as he did so.

'Shh, it's ok…' She told him softly and stroked the side of his face.

'Go back to sleep.'

He wrinkled his nose and turned his face towards her, snuggling up to her side before finally relaxing once more.

Nicole watched as Lori looked down tenderly at Kyle, her fingers still running through his hair, soothing him, reassuring him, calming him and she couldn't help but be moved.

However, it was worse than she thought. Lori's feelings for Kyle were so obvious and so transparent that she wasn't able to hide any anything. Yet there was no way that her daughter would have allowed anyone to witness a display of emotion so profound and so touching as this, unless of course she was unaware of what she was doing, unless she was unaware of her true feelings for Kyle…

And it wasn't like Nicole didn't understand what Lori felt because she did, because she felt it too. After all, Kyle was easy to love as she could testify to. But while Nicole knew that she loved Kyle with every ounce of her being, she could see that it was different for Lori and that's what made her worried: because from the look on her face, Lori was falling in love. And regardless of whether or not her feelings were reciprocated, she was eventually going to end up getting hurt and Nicole knew that no matter how much she wanted to, there was not a single thing that she could do to stop that from happening.


	8. Chapter 8

Love from jealousy – part 8

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

_Something was pulling me, dragging me towar__ds it: not a voice as such, more like a sensation, a figment generated from deep within my subconscious. I felt that strange 'connection' with something or someone just like I had at the bonfire that night. It was calling to me, like a siren: soft and sensual, whispering and caressing my mind. But as I stood outside Nicole's office listening at the door, I knew that like the mystical sirens of ancient Greece, this presence was lulling me into a false sense of security, luring me towards some unknown danger, trying to insinuate itself into my brain, full of malevolence, anger, hatred and fear._

_I awoke with a shout to discover that my bath tub had lost one of its sides and I was falling onto the floor in my room. I tried to put out my hands to protect myself, but I was unable to because for some reason they were tied behind my back. I landed in an ungainly heap making a loud thump and hitting my head on the floor. I was momentarily stunned and looked up at the ceiling and saw stars._

_I didn't understand what had happened until I realized that I was not even in my room and my bath tub was in fact the sofa in the lounge which I had rolled over on and fallen off the side. Someone had placed a blanket over me in the night and it had twisted tightly around my body as I turned in my sleep, effectively restraining my arms and legs._

_Then I heard Lori frantically shouting my name. She sounded really scared and she came running into the lounge and bent down beside me._

'Kyle! Are you ok?'

_My brain felt sluggish and a sense of unease still lingered in the back of my mind from the remnants of my dream. I was not yet fully awake, lying in an uncomfortable position with my arms immobilized behind me, there was a dull ache in my head where it had hit the floor, my bladder was distended telling me I desperately needed to empty it and there was a deep pressure and tingle coming from my groin indicating I had woken up with an erection._

'Um, I think so!'

'Are you sure? Because you were shouting and then there was this massive crash and I saw you just lying on the floor and you didn't get up and I was so worried…'

_And then she was touching my face and running her hand through my hair and feeling my shoulders and my chest, checking to make sure that I was__n't hurt. It reminded me of my near drowning experience when Amanda had rescued me. But then Lori moved her hand lower, down across my abdomen, onto my pelvis and over my groin. And just as before, my body responded in the same way. Despite already having an erection I felt myself grow even harder._

Lori heard him groan and glanced quickly back up to his face to see his eyes screwed up in what looked like pain. Although his arms and legs were still pinned by the blanket twisted tightly around his body, he suddenly flipped himself onto his side and brought his knees almost up to his chest.

'Kyle? What's wrong?'

_I couldn't let her see me in this state. She had been so embarrassed and so uncomfortable at school last week when she realized what she had done to me, when she realized that she had been __inadvertently touching me. We were friends and I didn't want to do anything to change that. But the tingling in my groin and the feeling of Lori's hands on my body, like that day at the pool when Amanda had touched me, felt kind of nice. Unfortunately it wasn't going to make my erection go down and until that happened, emptying my bladder would be difficult._

'I need to go to the bathroom!' I blurted out.

Lori felt a myriad of emotions wash over her when he admitted why he was acting so strangely: Overwhelming relief at the fact that he wasn't hurt, irritation at him for making her so worried by thinking that he was, guilt at the enjoyment of touching him so obviously, discomfort because now he seemed uncomfortable, self-conscious and embarrassed in case he or her family realized just how much she cared for him. Because just the thought of him being hurt had made her blood run cold…

'God! Is that all? And I thought you'd got a concussion or had an aneurysm or something. Honestly Kyle! You're such a dork sometimes!'

_I tried to move, to touch Lori's hand to show her that I was ok, but the blanket made it impossible for me to free my arms. I flipped myself over onto my front and landed heavily on my pelvis, my penis squashed beneath me. I yelped in pain and tried to raise my hips in the air, but not having the use of my arms, I could only push up from my shoulders. I could hear Lori giggling at me from the sofa. I turned my head to the side to look at her and felt my knees slipping away from me. I tried to twist as I fell, but once more landed on my front, the pain from my groin this time momentarily winding me. Lori was now laughing so hard she had tears running down her face._

'Lori? Can you help me?' I pleaded my voice now muffled by the blanket covering my face.

_This just seemed to make the situation worse as __she screamed then pointed at me and clutched at her sides. I desperately needed to go to the bathroom as my bladder was painfully and insistently telling me and it didn't look as though Lori was going to be able to help me any time soon._

'Nicole! Stephen! Josh! Help me!' I shouted frantically.

_I saw Nicole rush into the room and look at Lori in fits of hysterics on the sofa._

'What on Earth's the matter? Why's Kyle shouting for help?' She asked concerned.

_Lori indicated to where I was lying on the floor in front of the sofa, restrained by my blanket prison._

'He fell off the sofa 'cos he got all twisted up in his blanket and then he tried to move but all he could do was wriggle around on the floor with his ass up in the air and now he just collapsed and looks like a giant mutant slug…!'

_She dissolved into giggles once more and then __I felt Nicole remove the blanket from my face._

'Kyle? Are you ok?' She asked trying not to laugh.

_I didn't understand what was so funny about a person being trapped in a blanket on the floor__ and I didn't think that I remotely resembled a mollusc, mutant or otherwise, as Lori had told Nicole that I did. I would have to ask her about it later, but not now, because now I desperately needed to get to the bathroom._

'Nicole, can you untangle me? Because I really, really need to pee!'

Lori screamed with laughter once more.

* * *

'Dinner's on the table, come and get it!' Nicole shouted. 

'Mmm, Thai! Spicy and fragrant and yummy! Good choice Mom!' Lori said helping Nicole to carry the take-out boxes into the dining room.

'I hope you've bought loads.' Josh said, sitting down at the table.

''Cos I'm starving!'

'Smells great!' Stephen said, giving Nicole a kiss as he sat down.

'Where's Dorothy?' Josh asked rudely.

'Who?' Stephen asked puzzled.

'He means Kyle.' Lori explained giving Josh a glare.

'I'll just go and get him.' Nicole said.

'No, I'll go.' Lori said smiling and jumping up from the table.

Nicole watched her leave with troubled eyes.

'What's with the 'Dorothy' reference?' Stephen asked Josh who was already helping himself to the food.

'Lori stayed in on Saturday night and watched 'The Wizard of Oz' with Kyle.' Josh replied, his mouth full of food.

'Really?'

'Now that she's not going out with Declan, it seems that she's got time on her hands.'

'Yeah, but 'The Wizard of Oz?'

Josh shrugged and made a face just as Lori returned leading Kyle by the arm.

'You've got to try!' She told him and steered him to his seat then pushed him down by the shoulders. He didn't look very happy.

'Everything ok?' Nicole asked.

'Kyle's worried because he can't use chopsticks!' Lori said smirking at him.

'The last time I did, I dropped everything and made such a mess…'

'Yes, but that was last year when you were a baby, when you couldn't even hold a fork, now you'll be able to do it. Look, I'll show you!'

Nicole watched as Lori knelt down beside Kyle and positioned the chopsticks in his right hand then placed her own hand on top of his showing him the movements required. Next she placed a small amount of pad thai noodles on his plate then once more guided his hand but this time picked up the food.

'Open up!' She commanded.

Kyle did as he was told and Lori deposited the morsel carefully into his mouth.

'Easy isn't it? Now it's your turn!' Kyle's eyes followed her as she walked around the table and sat down opposite him.

He made sure she was looking at him before taking a small piece of chicken with the chopsticks and manoeuvring it expertly into his mouth.

'See? You're a natural!' Lori told him.

Kyle gave her a shy smile. He still seemed surprised and pleased when anyone gave him praise. As though he didn't believe that he deserved it.

'Yeah! Kyle's a natural at everything aren't you Kyle? Like jumping off houses, predicting the weather and that special little trick involving gravity and cars.'

Nicole saw Kyle's smile falter but before she could say anything, Lori was out of her seat both guns blazing.

'Just what is your problem, Josh? Kyle fixed your car. You should be grateful.'

'I am!'

'Well why are you always giving him such a hard time then?'

'I'm not, I'm just saying…' Josh started.

'Well don't! Just shut up and get off his case. You can be such an insensitive asshole sometimes! Geez!' She stabbed at a spring roll viciously and speared it with her chopstick.

Nicole looked at Kyle's hurt and anxious face, Lori's angry one and Stephen and Josh's guilty expressions. Both Stephen and Lori seemed to know what Josh had been talking about, what had made Kyle so upset, whereas she for once, was in the dark. She looked over at him again. He was staring at Lori and then her eyes came up to meet his and he smiled at her, gratefully, thankfully. Then he picked up another pair of chopsticks and in one quick movement he slammed them all down spearing four spring rolls, one on each chopstick, copying her angry movement. He held them up to her splaying them out like a fan.

'So that's how you use chopsticks!' He told her smiling.

And as quickly as it had formed the tension in the room was broken. Lori grinned ruefully, turned her chopstick upside down and holding it like a popsicle started nibbling at the spring roll.

'It's really good!' She told him.

Kyle hesitantly offered a chopstick speared spring roll to Josh with an anxious smile who took the peace offering with a nod of thanks.

'Kyle? I'm sorry…' Josh blurted out.

This time, Kyle's smile was joyful.

'It's ok. I'm not mad at you!'

He then handed one to Stephen and Nicole before turning back to Lori who had started on another dish.

'Oh my God! This fish is amazing. Mom, what is it?' Lori asked turning to Nicole.

'It's the three spice cod, we haven't had it before. I thought we'd be a bit adventurous tonight!'

'Kyle, you so totally have to try this. Here!'

She broke off a bit of the fish with her fingers and reached across the table and put it in his mouth. Nicole saw Kyle's tongue snake out as he licked the sauce off of Lori's fingers, his eyes all the while, locked on hers.

Nicole stared at her daughter in disbelief. Did she really not understand what a profoundly personal and intimate act she had just allowed her whole family to witness, as if she and Kyle were the only two people in the room? Could she really be that naïve in not recognizing her feelings for Kyle and by the looks of things tonight, Kyle's reaction to her? She knew they were close and that since Lori was no longer going out with Declan they had been spending more time together, but the way Kyle had just sucked at Lori's fingers…

Nicole's eyes widened in horror. Oh God! The gentle touches on his arm, the caressing of his face and hair, the pushing him down by his shoulders, the long, lingering looks and now this. Was it possible that they had already been intimate with each other? Her daughter and her foster-son? Granted they weren't actually related in any way whatsoever, but the ramifications of any relationship and the potential for both of them to be hurt didn't bear thinking about.

'Well, did you like it?' Lori asked Kyle.

'Lori! Pass the rice please!' Nicole said trying to get her attention away from Kyle.

'So Kyle, what did you think of 'The Wizard of Oz'?' Stephen asked following Nicole's lead after witnessing… well he wasn't sure what it was, only that it made him feel very uncomfortable, between his daughter and foster-son. He raised his eyebrows questioningly at Nicole. Did she know how, well, sexual that had just looked?

Stephen schooled his face into a neutral expression as Kyle turned towards him, full of enthusiasm. But so help him if he found out that Kyle had been messing around with Lori…

'It was wonderful! Do you know the story? It's about a girl…'

'Everyone knows the story, Kyle!' Josh interrupted.

'They do?'

'It's a very famous film that most people see the first time when they are kids.' Nicole explained to him.

Kyle was silent for a moment. He hadn't seen anything when he was growing up. He had spent the first 16 years of his life in a pod…

'So what did you like about it?'

'It was interesting because it seems that the film was not just written for the entertainment of children but was in fact a political allegory about the socioeconomic hardships of rural small town America in the 1890s.'

He looked up to find four pairs of eyes staring at him incredulously.

'Only Kyle could find a secret plot in 'The Wizard of Oz'!' Josh said grinning and took another helping of spicy shrimp.

'I didn't know that! Carry on Kyle!' Nicole said, smiling at him supportively.

'Dorothy represents the American people, the 'everyman' with whom the audience can identify. The tornado she is sucked up into represents political upheaval of that time. The tin man is supposed to be an industrial worker who is ineffective until he gets together with the farmer, represented here by the scarecrow which in real life concluded with the formation of the Minnesota Democratic Farm Labor party in 1944.'

'I don't believe it! It's like being in an episode of the 'X-Files'!' Josh piped up.

_I looked around at the faces staring at me. There was a mixture of polite interest, pity, sadness, ridicule and that look that meant I was a freak. It seemed that once again I had unwittin__gly said the wrong thing. I glanced over at Lori. She seemed anxious and appeared to be waiting for me to say something else. I thought back to the film last night. Maybe she wasn't interested in what it really meant maybe she was interested in what it meant to me._

'I liked it because Dorothy realized that everything and everyone she ever loved was at home but she needed to leave before she understood that. And now I'm home too…'

'And just when you thought the game was over…' Josh started.

'He puts one in the end zone!' Stephen finished, looking at Kyle with respect once more.

_This time it seemed that I had said exactly the right thing. Because suddenly Lori was smiling at me and she looked so happy and so radiant and I hadn't seen her look like that since she and Declan had split up. I took some more of the three spice cod and popped it in my mouth. Lori was right. It was amazing!_


	9. Chapter 9

Love from jealousy – part 9

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori sat staring at Kyle's profile from across the lunch room. He was sitting, talking to Amanda, staring intently at her, concentrating on every word she was saying to him. It was ironic then that the only thing she could concentrate on was him. She looked at his thick, dark hair, noticing how it curled slightly at the nape of his neck and wishing she could run her hands through it again just so that she could see if it was as soft and silky as she remembered.

He was leaning slightly forward, arms on the table in front of him which caused the material of his shirt to stretch tightly across his broad back. She could see the muscles in his shoulders and noticed how they tapered down the length of his spine to his waist and then of course there was his butt…

Her mind jumped immediately back to how Kyle had looked in the shower just a few days ago: Wet and naked and absolutely gorgeous! She longed to touch him: To feel the texture of his skin, the heat and hardness of his body, the softness of his lips. She wondered what it would have been like if she had just taken her clothes off and joined him in the shower. She felt her heart rate speed up and her stomach turn over. Just the thought of being naked with Kyle was getting her aroused! What was the matter with her? She was like a bitch in heat! She took a deep calming breath and shifted in her chair.

And then Kyle's concentration suddenly wavered. His chin came up as though he had noticed something, or heard a minute sound. The next thing she knew his head had snapped round and he was gazing intently at her. For a moment, she couldn't look away from those unblinking blue-green eyes but then she felt a blush creep up over her cheeks. He had caught her staring at him, thinking about him, lusting after him! She smiled weakly, her eyes apologising for having been caught out then looked away, embarrassed.

How had he known she was looking at him? Could he hear her thoughts just like he could hear her conversations with Hillary that were whispered at the back of the class, conversations that not even the person in the next desk could hear? Or could he read her mind? God, she hoped not, that would be just too embarrassing! Josh's voice popped into her head: 'He's an alien I tell you!' She mentally shook herself and got a grip. No one could read minds. That was just being silly! It was most likely that Kyle was just extremely sensitive in picking up non verbal cues from people, like slight changes in expressions, minute movements of their eyes or noting the increase in heart beat by watching their carotid pulse or their breathing rate by seeing their chest move.

And then Lori remembered Josh's story about the car and wondered just what Kyle was capable of, what his limits were, if indeed he had limits but she suspected that not even he knew the answer to that question. She looked back over at him and he was smiling at her: an honest, open and infectious smile. And all that other stuff, that strange and sometimes scary stuff no longer mattered about him, because he was still just Kyle: Beautiful and perfect. She smiled back at him…

'Virgins in love - doesn't it just make you want to heave!'

Lori jumped, her pleasant thoughts interrupted. Hillary was nodding in the direction of Kyle and Amanda as she slid her tray onto the table next to Lori.

'Do you think they'll ever do it? Come to think of it, do you think they even know how to do it?' She asked giggling.

'Hillary!' Lori said disapprovingly but secretly wondering the very same thing.

'No, really! I mean she's so straight that she probably hasn't even seen a cock before, well I know for a fact that she hadn't seen Charlie's and as for your little stud muffin, he may be really hot to look at but in all other respects he's a clueless freak with no social skills whatsoever.'

Lori frowned. She didn't like hearing mean things said about Kyle. He didn't deserve it and it would hurt him if he heard it.

'Don't call him that.' She said quietly.

'What? Clueless or freaky?

'Hillary, don't! He'll hear you and he'll get upset. And it's not true anyway, he's not clueless or freaky he's just...'

She wanted to say sensitive and vulnerable and brilliant and amazing and honest and kind and heart renderingly beautiful but that would sound as though she had fallen for him. And she hadn't. Had she? She saw Hillary's raised eyebrows, a surprised expression on her face at Lori's outburst. She was waiting for her to finish her sentence.

'He's just…well, Kyle.' She finished lamely, looking down at her hands.

Hillary's eyes narrowed suspiciously and she looked up and over at Kyle smiling sweetly at Amanda and then back at Lori, looking forlorn and despondent.

'Oh. My. God!' Her eyes widened as the realization hit her.

'The perfect guy!

'What?' Lori asked confused.

'Kyle! He's not just the perfect guy, he is The Perfect Guy! I can't believe it!' I can't believe you've fallen for Kyle!'

'I haven't!'

'After all you said about him being off limits…'

'He is off limits!'

But it was like Hillary hadn't heard her.

'Are you going to sleep with him now?'

'Hillary!' Lori said shocked.

'Or have you already slept with him? You have, haven't you? You've had sex with Kyle. Fuck! What was he like?'

'For God's sake Hillary, keep your voice down! I haven't had sex with Kyle! I would never do that.'

'But you want to. I mean who wouldn't, just look at him! That trusting innocence, that angelic little face, that beautiful body… He's gorgeous!' She said dreamily.

Could Hillary be right? Could Kyle really be The Perfect Guy? He was certainly perfect, both to look at and to be with. But could he be her Perfect Guy? Lori glanced up to see Kyle smiling shyly at her once more. Hillary was right about one thing though. Kyle was absolutely gorgeous.

'Don't be silly, I already told you, Kyle is sacrosanct!'

But the words sounded hollow even to her ears.

* * *

Lori lay on her bed that evening mulling over the things that Hillary had said to her earlier that day. The perfect guy, no, The Perfect Guy. Kyle was The Perfect Guy for her. Which therefore implied that she had to like him. Which she did. Hell she loved him, he was her foster-brother after all, but that's not what Hillary meant. Hillary had said 'I can't believe you've fallen for Kyle'. And she had denied it vehemently, because she hadn't!

There's no way she could she fall for Kyle, she told herself. How could she fall for someone who little more than a year ago couldn't even wash and dress himself? How could she have any sort of relationship, especially a sexual one with someone who less than a year ago had never had an erection before, someone who didn't even know what an erection was, let alone what it was for?

However, that was then and now things had changed, Kyle had changed. And maybe she had changed too. She had told Hillary she would never have sex with Kyle, yet now it was all she could think of: How Kyle looked in the shower, what it would be like to be naked with him, how his body would feel when she touched him, how his body would respond to hers and of course, how it would feel to kiss him.

But then there was Amanda. And Kyle was in love with Amanda and had been since, like the first time he had laid eyes on her. Would that ever change? Could that ever change? Yet recently, since she and Declan had split up, Kyle had been spending more and more time with her: At 'The Rack', at school, on the stake-out, at the pawn shops, at home in his room, in her room… Maybe Kyle was changing and maybe she was too.

'Hi Lori!'

And then Kyle was standing in her doorway smiling at her and just seeing him there made her feel ridiculously happy and all she wanted to do was touch him.

'Nicole told me to tell you that dinner's ready.'

'Ok, thanks!'

She pushed herself up to a sitting position leaning back against the headboard, trying to keep cool and calm, willing her heart rate to slow down so that Kyle didn't pick up on how excited she was, just because she had been thinking about him. She looked at him again and sighed. How could anyone be so gorgeous, so beautiful, so perfect and yet not realize it? But then, she guessed, maybe that was part of his charm.

'What are you doing?' He asked still standing in the doorway.

'Thinking.'

'What about?'

They'd been here before, that time downstairs in his room and the answer was almost the same. 'You!' she wanted to say. 'About how amazing you are and what it would be like to kiss you!'

'I was just thinking how much you've changed.'

She saw his forehead wrinkle and he looked down at himself.

'I'm wearing the same clothes you saw me in at school!' He seemed perplexed.

She shook her head and smiled. Well some things hadn't changed. He was still so naively literal. It really was very cute.

'No, I meant how much you've changed since last year, since when you first came to live with us.'

He nodded, understanding now what she meant.

'Do you remember that time about four days after you got here when Mom thought it would be nice to take you to the Aquarium because you were fascinated by the fish on the screen saver on the computer?'

He walked into the room and sat on the bottom of her bed, very stiff, very straight, very Kyle.

'And you nearly peed yourself in the car because you hadn't been for three days as nobody had thought to check whether or not you knew how to use a toilet! And you were whining and jiggling in the back seat and when we asked you what the matter was the only thing you could say was 'gotta pee!' Me and Josh were shouting at Dad to stop the car because we were scared shitless that you were going to go all over the back seat…'

_I remembered it like it was yesterday. The pain in my pelvis was so great I thought I was going to die. Every bump in the road was agony. I didn't want to urinate in my clothes again as the last time I had done that it was cold and wet and uncomfortable and everybody had laughed at me, pointed at me, ridiculed me. My vocabulary was still very limited and the only thing I could say was 'Help me, Mom!' and I had said it over and over, each time, more frantically._

_Eventually Stephen stopped the car by the side of the road and Nicole unbuckled __me from my seat and then had to take my pants down because I was so desperate that I couldn't do it myself. And I had immediately squatted down on the ground and the feeling of relief was incredible. But the look on their faces when I stood up again, pants round my ankles, before Nicole had hurriedly pulled them back up for me: shock and horror and incomprehension as it dawned on them that I didn't even know how to do something so basic as to pee properly._

'And then Mom and Dad had that huge argument about who should take you to the bathroom in the restaurant. She said she couldn't take a grown man into the ladies and he said that he wasn't going to show you how to pee in a public toilet in front of other grown men.' Lori continued.

'And in the end we just turned around and came home.' Kyle finished.

_After dinner that evening, Nicole had taken me upstairs to the bathroom and showed me what t__he toilet was for. She made me stand in front of it and lift the seat up. Then she told me to take my penis out of my pants and told me to hold myself while pointing at the water in the toilet. Nothing happened until she put her hand on my stomach, rubbed over my bladder and told me to relax. And I had peed standing up for the first time in my life!_

'And what about that time that you wanted some popcorn and I put too much in the machine and it went mad and exploded everywhere and you ran screaming from room and we found you shaking and curled up in the bath and it took Mom nearly half an hour to coax you back into the kitchen again. And that other time when we all went for a walk in the woods and you didn't realize that you couldn't walk on water and you fell into the river and by the time we made it back home, your fingers and lips were blue and your teeth were chattering so much you couldn't talk and Mom had to strip your wet clothes off you and wrap you in a blanket and thaw you out by the fire.'

He nodded seriously at her. Her smile faded as she looked into his eyes.

'You don't do those things any more.'

_She had been smiling when she was recalling all the things I had done when I first came to live with the Tragers, __strange and inappropriate things I had done because I didn't know any better. But now, her mood had changed. Before she had been playful, now she was serious._

'You've grown up, Kyle.'

_And then she was staring__ at me, at my mouth with such desperate longing that I could feel the desire emanating from her. She reached up and slowly ran her thumb over my bottom lip. Her touch was so light, so gentle; it was almost as if she was afraid that if she pressed any harder I would break, yet it sent my body into overdrive._

_I felt my heart rate speed up and a deep pressure beginning to build in my pelvis. Lori had barely touched me yet I felt so aroused. The sensation of that one, delicate brush of her thumb over my lip was exquisite. As the blood flowed into my groin, I felt that familiar tingle signalling to me that I was getting an erection. I couldn't help it: I opened my mouth instinctively._

Lori was fascinated by Kyle's lips: by their shape, by their texture. They were so soft, so smooth, so full. She'd always wondered what they would feel like and the reality was even better than her dreams. But that one small stroke with her thumb had just left her wanting more. She wanted to touch his lips with hers. She wanted to kiss him. And then she heard him gasp.

His mouth opened and the tip of his tongue touched her finger that was resting against his lip. The contact was minimal, yet it felt so intimate, so suggestive, so desperate. He was staring at her, staring into her, like he was reading her mind, reading her thoughts. Did he know what she wanted? Did he know what she had just been about to do to him? He looked so beautiful, so desirable, so aroused. Did that mean he wanted it too?

She leaned towards him and slowly and gently touched her lips to his. The pressure was negligible, a brush almost. In fact, her touch was so light, it could hardly be considered a kiss at all, yet the sensations it produced in her body told her otherwise. Her heart was hammering in her chest, her breathing had all but stopped, she felt a heavy dragging sensation in her lower body as blood pooled in her pelvis. How could one simple, barely there kiss make her so aroused, make her feel so alive?

'Lori! Kyle! Where are you? Dinner's on the table. Come on! It's getting cold!' Nicole shouted from downstairs.

It was like her mother's voice had suddenly broken a spell. Her eyes widened as she recognized the implication of what had just happened between them and less than six hours after she had told Hillary repeatedly and emphatically that Kyle was off-limits.

She had just kissed Kyle her mind screamed hysterically at her and if it hadn't been for Nicole's timely interruption, she knew it wouldn't have stopped there. Because now she'd felt those gorgeous full and pouty lips beneath hers, she knew the next thing she would have done was to reach up and grab his shoulders with both hands and push him down onto his back on the bed. Then she would have straddled his hips, taken his head between her hands and kissed him properly, openly, invading his mouth with her tongue, tasting him, exploring him, her hands caressing his face and running through his hair. But even that wouldn't have been enough to satisfy her body's inexplicable need for him because what she really wanted to do was reach down between his legs and touch him…

She snatched her hand back from his mouth and wiped the warm wetness of where his tongue had licked her finger on her jeans and jumped off the bed. She ran a shaky hand through her hair and then glanced back quickly at Kyle, sitting there frozen and uncertain, two spots of color high on his cheeks, with a look of hurt and confusion on his beautiful face at her abrupt withdrawal from him. She shook her head in disbelief. God! What was she thinking?

'We'd better go. You know what Mom's like about dinner…' She said lamely, almost running out of her room in her haste to get away from him, from the desperate, silent pleading of his eyes for her to give him some sort of explanation for why she had just abandoned him.

_I watched as her body stiffened and her eyes widen__ed as she stared at me in horror. A moment ago Lori had just kissed me and it was the most amazing sensation that I had ever experienced. But on hearing Nicole's voice she recoiled from me as though I was contaminated and now she appeared uncomfortable and embarrassed and could hardly look at me at all._

_I didn't know what to do. __My body was still aroused, my erection pressing insistently up against the front of my pants, reminding me of Lori's kiss and how good it made me feel. I felt my face become hot. Had I scared her? Had I hurt her? I didn't understand what had just happened. I didn't know what I had done to make her leave. Why didn't she want me any more? What had I done wrong?_


	10. Chapter 10

Love from jealousy – part 10

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori hurried down the stairs and slipped into her seat just as Nicole was serving.

'Scully! You're late! Where's Mulder? Mom wouldn't let us start without everyone at the table.' Josh grumbled.

Lori rolled her eyes at him. Her brother was totally pathetic! If she wasn't so flustered she would have made some scathing retort, but at the moment she didn't trust herself to speak.

'Lori! Where's Kyle? He went up to get you ages ago!' Nicole asked irritated as the meal was getting cold.

'I don't know. He was right behind me…'

She shrugged carelessly and poured herself a glass of water trying to calm down.

'Here comes Mulder now!' Josh said flippantly.

Four pairs of eyes stared at Kyle hesitantly entering the dining room. He paused momentarily just under the archway looking anxiously at Lori before moving once more towards his place and sitting down.

'Oh! I know that look! Man! What have you done?' Josh asked him in mock horror as though he was going to be in big trouble.

Nicole didn't think it was possible for Kyle to look any more upset until she heard Josh speak.

'Josh, he didn't do anything.' Lori said.

'How do you know what he did or didn't do unless you were with him?'

'I was with him you idiot! We were talking upstairs in my room!'

'Well if it wasn't something he did, maybe it was something he said?'

Josh smirked, knowing that he was winding Lori up.

'For God's sake, Josh, he didn't say anything!'

'He must have said something, because you guys were 'talking'!'

'Josh!' Lori shouted and slammed her glass down on the table.

Kyle jumped at her angry outburst and glanced at her fearfully.

'Lori!' Nicole warned her.

'Well just tell him to shut up!' Lori said annoyed.

'Cool it, Josh!' Stephen told him seeing how riled Lori was getting.

'Look! All I'm saying is that Kyle was fine ten minutes ago when he went to get you for dinner…' Josh reasoned helping himself to some food.

'And now he looks like someone just killed his pet hamster!'

Nicole looked over at Kyle and waited for the customary wrinkling of his brow as he tried to make sense of Josh's statement. But it never materialized. She frowned herself. It was testament to just how upset Kyle must be that he hadn't even bothered to question something that he didn't understand. And he hadn't touched his food either…

'Kyle? Are you ok?' Nicole asked him, concerned.

He dragged his gaze away from Lori to look at Nicole.

'Yes…' He whispered miserably, his Adam's apple bobbing noticeably as he swallowed, his eyes overly shiny and bright.

Nicole frowned again. Who was he trying to kid? He didn't even come close to being ok. In fact it looked as though he was going to lose it any minute now.

'Look nothing happened upstairs, ok?' Lori turned to her brother angrily.

'Which means that something must have happened since you brought the subject up and then denied that it ever occurred!' Josh shouted triumphantly.

'No, I didn't! What are you talking about?'

'Come on, 'fess up! What happened between you two upstairs?' Josh said grinning.

Nicole looked first at Kyle's troubled and worried face and then at Lori, whose skin had flushed a delicate shade of pink. Had something happened upstairs between them as Josh was suggesting? Because yesterday she couldn't keep her hands off Kyle whereas now she seemed so uncomfortable and embarrassed that she could hardly look at him at all…

'God! How many times do I have to say it? Nothing. Happened!'

'Hmm…' Josh steepled his fingers together and looked upwards as if concentrating on something deep and meaningful but then raised his eyebrows at Lori.

'I don't believe you!'

'And I don't give a shit!'

'Me thinks that the lady doth protest too much!' He said mischievously.

'Well the lady thinks that you're an asshole!'

'Guys! Give it a rest! Your mother's gone to a lot of trouble so let's just have a nice dinner together ok?' Stephen said giving warning glares to both his kids.

But Josh was on a roll and wasn't going to give up his advantage in the 'baiting Lori stakes'.

'Come on, what was it? Did Kyle move your soft toys or rearrange all your CD's or rifle through your underwear drawer? Or did he tell you the truth about how you really look? You know how he hates to lie! Or maybe now that Declan's not around, you needed to get rid of some sexual tension and so used Kyle for…'

Lori snapped.

'Just shut the fuck up!' She shouted furiously.

'Lori!' Nicole said shocked at her daughter's outburst.

'Lori, that's enough!' Stephen told her.

'I don't like you swearing at the best of times but I won't have it at the dinner table!' Nicole said.

'What's the matter with you? You've been in a mood ever since you came downstairs?' Stephen asked her.

'For Christ's sake! Nothing's the matter and nothing happened!' Lori replied angrily.

'Lori!' Nicole and Stephen said almost simultaneously.

'Lori?' Kyle interrupted in a small voice.

It was all getting too much for her. Why couldn't everyone just leave her alone? She turned on him.

'What?' She shouted maliciously.

Kyle recoiled as though he had been slapped. There was silence around the table as everyone looked on horrified at his shocked expression, caused by her harsh and unforgiving tone.

Lori was breathing heavily, trying to get her emotions under control. She looked at Kyle's distraught face and knew she had gone too far. But by now she also knew how Kyle's mind worked and that he was going to need an explanation because otherwise he would think that her behaviour was all down to something that he had done, when really it had nothing to do with him at all. Which meant that he was going to take the blame and apologize, therefore giving credibility to Josh's argument about something happening upstairs.

He opened his mouth to speak. 'Don't say it!' She willed him, but for once Kyle's supposed mind reading skills failed him.

'I'm…'

'Kyle!' She said sharply, a warning in her eyes for him not to say any more.

Lori had been getting more and more worked up as Josh's teasing, however unintentional, grew closer to the truth about what had taken place upstairs. She didn't normally let it bother her but today she just felt so embarrassed about everything that had happened. It was one thing to fantasize about being with someone, to think about him almost non-stop, but it was another thing altogether just to give in to her body's desires and actually touch him with no thought whatsoever about whether or not he wanted it and the consequences of her actions.

And then she had lost her cool when Josh suggested that she had done something inappropriate to Kyle, which she most definitely had, because she had kissed him. But it was more like she was angry and shouting at herself than Josh. Well of course she was shouting at Josh too, because he deserved to be shouted at every day whether he'd said something annoying or not! But Kyle was different. You didn't shout at Kyle because he didn't deserve it. It was like kicking a puppy. And the hurt and disbelief in his eyes! Despite his phenomenal IQ, he just didn't understand these things.

And not content with nearly molesting him and then pushing him away so brutally when he had no idea what was happening to him, she went and yelled at him as though he really had done something wrong, like all this was his fault. Oh, God!

She watched his eyes well up with tears as he sat there frozen to the spot just looking at her, pain and confusion etched once more on his beautiful face. How could she be so thoughtless and insensitive and mean to him? Kyle, who was the sweetest, most caring, considerate and loving person she had ever known and here she was treating him like shit, not once, but twice in quick succession. She felt dreadful!

_I watched Lori get more and more upset as she repeatedly told her family that nothing had happened upstairs. I couldn't understand why she was lying. She had kissed me and it was wonderful and she had seemed to like it as well, so why had she run away from me? What had I done to make her so distressed?_

_Then Josh started being Josh and normally Lori just ignores him but today because she was already upset with me she didn't and then she swore at him and that made both Stephen and Nicole __very angry. I didn't know what it was I had done to upset Lori but now, because of me her whole family was cross with her. I just wanted to tell her that I was sorry. But when I tried she was so angry and she shouted at me and I could see the warning in her face along with worry and anxiety. She was scared about what I was going to say so I just stopped. I didn't know what else to do._

Lori looked at Kyle in fascinated horror as his beautiful expressive eyes already shimmering in tears overflowed, while all the time he just stared at her, his face full of anguish and misery. She couldn't bear it. She couldn't bear to see him suffer like this all because of her.

She suddenly didn't care what her family thought about her and any relationship she may or may not have with Kyle, she just had to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he hadn't done anything wrong and that she was sorry…

'Kyle…' She started, but Nicole beat her to it.

'Kyle, it's ok, Lori's just a bit upset…' She said rubbing his shoulder soothingly and giving Lori that look. The one which said 'you're so insensitive and you've really hurt Kyle's feelings'.

He sniffed and batted away the tears with the backs of his hands. And suddenly Lori's anger returned with a vengeance. She was trying to apologize and make things right between them yet her mother was the one comforting Kyle when it should have been her. She should be the one stroking his hair and rubbing his arm and telling him it wasn't his fault. She should be on her knees at his feet looking up into those glimmering eyes, wiping away his tears with her thumbs, begging him for forgiveness, and telling him that the reason she had left him was because she was scared. Scared at what might have happened between them. Scared that once she had started, she wouldn't have been able to stop…

'God! You're such a bitch these days! You made Kyle cry…' Josh said and for the first time in his life, really meaning it.

And for once Lori agreed with him, but she certainly wasn't going to say so, not when she was angry and Kyle was hurting and she couldn't do anything about it here. She turned to Josh.

'Well you've always been an asshole…' She fired back angrily.

'It's no wonder that Declan dumped you, I'm just surprised that he didn't do it sooner!'

'Josh!' Nicole said shocked at his insensitivity.

_And it was starting all over again. There was a dull ache behind my eyes that seemed to be getting stronger the more they argued. Soon it__ became a sharp and stabbing pain and I began to feel dizzy. I could sense the tension and worry and anger emanating from everyone in the room all because of me. I knew I had to end this soon before I passed out from the pain._

'Stop!' Kyle said softly.

'His loss, because he's an asshole too: An uncommunicative, moody, arrogant, lying asshole.'

Lori's voice rose in volume until she was shouting angrily at Josh. Or was she really shouting at Declan, a little voice inside her head piped up, or even at herself?

'Lori! What on Earth has got in to you tonight?' Stephen asked both puzzled and worried.

'Not Declan that's for sure!' Josh said snidely.

And that was it!

'Fuck you!'

'Please stop!' Kyle whispered, hands pressed to his head, eyes screwed up in pain.

'Bitch!'

'Bastard!'

_A blinding __flash of pain seared into my consciousness, my vision blurred and became dark around the edges. I tried to stand up but my limbs were so heavy and then I felt myself falling… _

Nicole watched in horror as Kyle toppled sideways off his chair and landed in an ungainly heap on the floor. She was by his side in an instant followed a few seconds later by the rest of the family.

'Kyle! Are you ok?' She asked, gently shaking his shoulder.

There was no response. She bent down and placed her head next to his and made sure that he was still breathing then checked his pulse and pupils.

'He's not dead is he?' Josh asked fearfully.

'No!' Nicole replied sharply, as if anyone could even think such a thing! 'But he is unconscious.'

'Why? What happened?' Stephen asked her.

'I don't know. He just seemed to collapse.'

'He looks so pale. Is he going to be alright?' Lori asked tearfully. She couldn't bear it if something happened to him.

And then he groaned, brought his hands up to his head and curled up into a ball, whimpering softly.

'Kyle can you hear me?' Nicole said stroking the side of his face.

_I awoke to find four pairs of eyes staring at me. __They all looked very worried. Then Nicole suddenly smiled._

'He's awake!' She said sounding relieved.

'What happened to you dude?' Josh asked.

'Are you alright?' Stephen asked.

'Kyle?' Lori said in a small voice.

_I looked slowly around the room. Everything seemed to have been rotated by 90 degrees._

'Why am I lying on the floor?' I asked.

'You passed out.' Nicole told me.

_I remembered feeling dizzy and my vision becoming dark and blurred._

'How long was I unconscious for?'

'Only a couple of minutes.' Stephen informed me.

'You gave us quite a scare. Do you think you can get up now?' Nicole asked.

_I __thought back to sitting at the dinner table where the whole family had been arguing. Lori had been so angry. I had tried to make them stop but the pain in my head had become too great. I looked up at Lori's face. She didn't look angry now. She looked like she had been crying. I didn't want her to be sad and upset because of me. Yet I couldn't say anything to her here in front of her family as during dinner she had made it perfectly clear that she didn't want me to speak._

'I'm sorry!' I told her, my voice breaking.

_It was what I had wanted to say earlier and I hoped that she would understand.__ I still wanted to say so much more but I didn't want to make things any worse between us._

'That's ok, Kyle, we're just glad that you're alright.' Nicole said and helped him to sit up.

But he clearly wasn't alright. In fact he looked so upset she thought for a moment that he might start to cry again. And apparently Lori must have thought the same thing because she sighed, walked over to where he was sitting, legs splayed out in front of him, bent down and touched him on the shoulder. He looked up at her hesitantly, almost fearfully, Nicole thought.

'You haven't done anything wrong, Kyle.' She said gently, staring at him.

And whatever veiled message she was giving him, he understood because the corners of his mouth slowly turned up in a tentative and hesitant smile.

'I didn't do anything wrong.' He repeated, with relief.

Warning bells the size of 'Big Ben' were going off in Nicole's head. She glanced up anxiously to see Stephen looking tight-lipped at her, a worried frown across his face. Evidently she wasn't the only one who thought something was going on between Lori and Kyle.

* * *

_The pain in my head had disappeared and I felt normal again. I tried to get up off the floor but Nicole insisted on taking me to my room to lie down. She said that healthy 17 year old boys didn't just pass out for no reason __and that I should 'take it easy and get an early night'. She was clearly very upset and was hovering and fussing over me and I think she would have undressed me and put me into bed if I hadn't insisted that I was alright now. She did however pull the covers up over me and kiss me goodnight before leaving me alone with my thoughts._

_Since Lori had told me that I had done nothing wrong it seemed that she __had somehow given my mind permission to finally start to process the events of this evening and try and understand all the feelings and emotions that I had been experiencing._

_From the safety and security of my bathtub, I__ could now begin to analyze Lori's reasons for behaving as she did. When I first entered her room and before she kissed me she had been brooding and appeared contemplative as if she was trying to work something out or understand something herself. But then I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was thinking about how much I had changed, but somehow I didn't think she was telling me the whole truth._

_Her mood then changed again as she recalled the strange and naïve things I had done when I had first come to live with her family. She smiled and seemed to remember my odd antics with fondness. But then she just stared at me as if seeing me almost for the first time, as if she finally understood something and I saw the longing and desire in her eyes._

_My mind suddenly jumped forward to the awful situation at the dinner table and how angry and almost uncontrollable Lori had become especially when Josh had mentioned Declan. She had said that it was over between them but that had been Declan's wish and not Lori's and I often caught her staring at him when we were in class as though she still had feelings for him. Could it be possible that I was just a substitute for him? That she had thought that she was kissing Declan? It would certainly explain why she looked at me in such horror when Nicole interrupted us and she realized that she was kissing the wrong boy._

_And then there was the kiss itself: the look of desperate longing and need on Lori's face, that made me feel that at that moment in time I was the most important person in her life, the slow, inexorable movement of her head towards me, I couldn't have stopped it if I had wanted to because in fact I could hardly breathe, let alone speak, the soft, gentle touch of her lips across mine, and the way it made my body feel._

_And even__ the memory of that amazing event made my body respond again just as it had less than an hour ago. I felt that familiar deep pressure in my pelvis, felt the blood surging into my groin, felt that tingle that signified that I was becoming aroused. I shifted in my tub trying to get into a more comfortable position, trying to relieve the insistent pressure of my penis against my pants that suddenly felt far too tight._

_But the feeling of that pressure combined with image of Lori's face and the memory of the sensation of her lips on mine was remarkable. __Having an erection before, even when it happened when I was alone made me feel faintly embarrassed and my body always seemed overly sensitive so much so that it was almost painful to touch. But now, being touched was the thing foremost on my mind._


	11. Chapter 11

Love from jealousy – part 11

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori desperately wanted to apologize properly to Kyle, to explain the reasons behind her abrupt withdrawal from him, to reassure him once again that it wasn't his fault and that he had done nothing wrong. She had tried to follow him to his room after he'd got up from the floor, but Nicole had shooed her away and told her that Kyle didn't need any more excitement that night, that it would be best for him if he could just get some sleep. So she had reluctantly turned away but not before getting one last look at him standing unsteadily next to his tub and reaching out with a shaking hand to Nicole for help.

As she walked up to her room an overwhelming sense of guilt descended upon her. Kyle had been fine before she had touched him, before she had rejected him. She was the cause of his anxiety, his misery and pain. She had shouted at him and made him cry for God's sake! And she could have stopped it all so simply by just going over to him, taking his hand and telling him she was sorry and that she hadn't meant to hurt his feelings but that she was scared of how easily she had given in to her body's desire to kiss him even though she knew it had been wrong.

But she hadn't because she didn't want her family to see how much she cared for him, she wasn't ready for the questions she knew would follow, questions she didn't have answers for, because she didn't understand what she was feeling herself. So she had ignored him, tried not to look at him so as not to arouse suspicion. But that had just caused him even more pain, made him even more worried and anxious and maybe even been the cause of his collapse.

This whole thing had started after Hillary had put it into her head that Kyle was The Perfect Guy for her and that she had fallen for him. And Lori told her emphatically that it would never happen because Kyle was off-limits. She had lost count of the number of times she had warned Hillary off of Kyle, warned her not to touch him, not to corrupt him because it was simply wrong. Kyle wasn't the sort of person that you just had a one night stand with. He wasn't someone that you slept with to ease your tensions or to see what he would be like. Casual sex or a drunken hurried coupling would sully him, denigrate and defile him, contaminate him. He was destined for higher things, for a higher purpose. He had a goodness about him, a purity that transcended the everyday desperate and insincere attempts of her peers for gratuitous sexual conquest. When Kyle finally experienced intimacy it had to be with someone who cared for him deeply, who was prepared to hold him, touch him, teach him, mould him but most importantly love him unconditionally.

Yet here she was dreaming of doing to him the very things that Hillary had dreamt of doing to him too. How hypocritical was that? Yet she hadn't stopped there, hadn't been able to stop there because when she'd kissed him her body had gone into overdrive. She had never felt like that with Declan, with anyone, never felt so important, so desired, so sexy, so alive. Her body was humming, her skin felt on fire, she couldn't get enough of him and yet her lips had barely grazed the surface of his. She couldn't understand why she was acting like this and what the hell was happening to her.

As she closed her eyes and drifted off into a troubled sleep she realized that the only thing that made sense to her in this whole sorry mess was how good Kyle made her feel, whether it was just by being with him, or watching him, or talking to him, or holding him but most of all by kissing him.

* * *

She could hear the shower going as she pushed the door open to the bathroom. Steam enveloped her: hot and humid, burning her lungs. She made her way over to the bath. She could see a dark figure moving through the shower curtain. She slowly reached out her hand and pulled it back. The steam billowed out and surrounded her, sticking her thin nightshirt to her skin. She looked into the shower and through the misty vapour saw an outline of a male body. 

Kyle was standing under the spray with his back towards her, arms outstretched and hands flat against the wall in front of him. The hot water was cascading over his head, down over his shoulders and back, his normally pale skin now flushed a delicate shade of pink. She followed the line of his back as it tapered down to form his waist and then met his buttocks. Firm, taut, muscular… And then he turned his head and he was looking at her over his shoulder, deep set eyes gazing at her. It was just like in school. She'd been caught staring at him again, lusting after him again. Did he know that she wanted him?

She looked down and was mortified to find that she wasn't wearing any clothes any more. And suddenly, all the imperfections of her body, all the things she wished she could change, all the things that she was ashamed of became visible and were on display for Kyle to see. And Kyle's acute eye for detail meant that he would notice everything, every blemish, every birthmark, every freckle. He would see that her waist was too thick and her legs were too short, her butt was too big and her breasts were lopsided, not by much, but she could see the right one was bigger which meant that he would know too. He would think she was fat and freakish and undesirable. And with Kyle's amazing memory, everything he saw he would never forget. She would never be able to have him. She turned away in shame.

But then she felt a hand on her shoulder. He was turning her around to face him again. He was lifting her chin up to look at him. He was smiling at her, reassuring her. And suddenly it didn't matter what she looked like, because Kyle would never make fun of her, Kyle would never make her feel insecure, never make her wonder if that was the real reason why Declan had split up with her.

Now she could look at him and appreciate all of him standing naked in front of her. She didn't have to be embarrassed about his nudity because he wasn't. She didn't have to flick her eyes over him or quickly look away when all she really wanted to do was to stand there and drink him in: His almost black hair, wet and flat against his head, the front of it, normally spiked up, now plastered over his forehead, so long it almost covered his eyes. His dark eyelashes clumped together by the water, making them even longer, even thicker than they normally were, framing his amazing colored eyes.

His tall muscular frame, glistening under the cascading water, the shape of his shoulders and arms, lithe, toned and contoured, the muscles hard but not overly bulky. His flat abdomen with its 'six pack', his narrow pelvis and hip bones jutting out, his gorgeous long legs and hanging between them: his penis. It was longer and thicker than she remembered or maybe he had just grown…

She reached out to touch the skin of his chest: hairless, hot and slick from rivulets of water running down his body from the shower still pounding over him. She followed the trail of the water down his chest and onto his abdomen. She lingered there for a moment feeling the ridges and edges of his rectus muscles, almost the same as Declan's stomach except for that peculiar and unique lack of an indentation at the center. She could feel his muscles contracting beneath her fingers. She looked up at him to see him smiling at her: friendly and inviting. And it suddenly wasn't enough just to touch his skin with her hand, she wanted to feel all of him, hold all of him against her. She stepped forward under the water and wrapped her arms around his body.

The spray pounded over her, immediately soaking her hair to her head, dripping into her eyes, running down her nose, off her chin. The water was hot on her neck but nothing compared to the heat radiating from Kyle's body. She felt his hands run down her back and come to rest lightly on her hips before he pulled her firmly towards him, squashing her breasts against the hard muscle of his chest. She could feel his penis trapped in the space between them, pressed up against her abdomen, digging into her stomach, long and thick and hard. She felt his hips gently moving, undulating, rubbing his groin against her, stimulating himself. Kyle was aroused and very erect and suddenly she didn't care about Declan or Amanda, or what she'd said to Hillary or any implications this may or may not have for the future, she just wanted to have Kyle now, because he was perfect.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she gazed down at his erect penis: uncut, dark and swollen, heavy with blood, he was so different to Declan. She reached down between their bodies, between his legs, longing to feel the silky hard length of him, but something was wrong. Puzzled, she raised her eyes to his. He had stepped backwards out of the spray and was standing frozen and uncertain with a look of hurt and confusion on his face. She tried to move towards him to touch him and reassure him and to tell him that she was sorry. But the more she reached for him the more he seemed to back away from her and fade into the swirling steam. And then she saw that he was crying or was it her, the spray from shower stinging her eyes and blurring her vision.

'Kyle, I'm sorry. Don't go!'

She shouted to him through the water cascading over her, the steam surrounding her, hot and humid, scalding her lungs, making every breath an agonizing burn.

'Kyle!'

But he just stood there, silently weeping, with a look of hurt and despair on his beautiful face and she knew that she was the cause of his pain because she had so cruelly and unthinkingly, rejected and abandoned him.

'Kyle!'

* * *

'Kyle! Kyle!' 

Nicole heard the distressed and plaintive calls as she opened the door to her daughter's bedroom.

'Lori! Wake up!' She told her firmly.

'Kyle?'

'No, it's Mom.'

'Mom?'

Lori's unfocused eyes gazed at Nicole, before widening in realization at where she was. She quickly looked round the room just to make sure, then ran her hand shakily through her hair.

'Are you ok?' Nicole asked her. 'You were shouting in your sleep.'

'Shouting?' Lori asked anxiously, remembering the more erotic parts of her dream Oh God! She hadn't said anything incriminating had she. 'What was I saying?'

'You were calling Kyle's name over and over.' Nicole told her.

'Oh. I must have been having a dream…' She smiled awkwardly.

'It couldn't have been a very nice one then.' Nicole paused and raised her eyebrows, giving Lori the opportunity to explain. 'You didn't sound very happy at all!'

Lori thought back to the look of despair on Kyle's face, both dream Kyle and real Kyle.

'I guess not.'

Lori shrugged then sighed. Nicole frowned in consternation.

'Honey, are you alright?'

Lori looked up at the worry and concern evident in her mother's voice debating what to tell her. Nicole wasn't stupid and she was bound to have noticed that Lori hadn't been her normal self over dinner and she had certainly noticed that Kyle was upset. And she did after all shrink peoples' heads for a living! Maybe she should give her the benefit of the doubt and try and tell her what was going on although the problem was she didn't really understand it herself.

Lori sighed again.

'It's just that ever since Declan left, I've been feeling… alone, out of sorts, frustrated and… '

She thought of the way Declan had been flirting with her mom's new patient the very same day he had come around to the house to pick up his stuff, hell, flirting with that disturbed headcase in her house while she was still upstairs like she meant nothing to him…

'Betrayed.' Lori finished angrily.

Nicole rubbed her arm gently and smiled sympathetically encouraging her to go on.

'And I don't know what I would have done without Kyle because he's just been so great, helping me through it all. He's been there for me and just listened to me talk which can't have been easy for him because Declan was his friend too, and I've cried all over him and he didn't say anything and he's just so thoughtful and kind and considerate and he's really good company when you spend time with him and he's developed a sense of humour and last week he actually made a joke and he was like so totally pleased with himself!'

Nicole watched how animated she had become, how she just couldn't seem to help herself let all the things she admired about Kyle just bubble up spill over and how she smiled as she remembered their shared time together.

'It sounds as though he's been a very good brother and friend to you…'

'I guess.'

'So what's the problem then?' Nicole prodded.

Lori's face was downcast again.

'I don't know. Nothing really, apart from being dumped of course.'

'How do you feel when you're with Kyle?' Nicole asked.

Lori thought for a moment. Her mom was doing her head shrinking business now, but she realized she wanted to talk to someone about Kyle. She wanted to tell her mom all the little details she had noticed about him, all the funny and cute things he did without knowing, how he looked, how he dressed, how he behaved, the things he said. She just couldn't seem to stop thinking about him.

'Like I'm important. Like I matter. He makes me forget all the crap in my life. He makes me feel good about myself.'

Nicole smiled. Kyle did have a way of doing that.

'Did Declan make you feel like that?'

'In the beginning, yes!'

'And now?'

'He's like the total opposite of Kyle!'

Kyle again, Nicole noted. She thought back to the tender and unguarded look of love on Lori's face when Kyle was asleep on the sofa and then to the embarrassed and angry look at Josh's insinuations that something had gone on between her and Kyle upstairs. And Kyle's apology and Lori's reassurance to him, whatever that was about, she was certain that something had happened between them.

'Kyle seemed very upset tonight.'

Now Lori's face became guarded.

'Lori, I have to ask you this, but did Kyle do something tonight, something um…'

She searched for a word that wouldn't have too much of an emotional impact on Lori.

'Inappropriate?' Nicole asked.

Lori's eyes widened in horror.

'No!' She denied vehemently, body stiff in outrage at the question.

'No!' She repeated again, 'How could you think that?'

Then her shoulders sagged.

'No.' She said for the third time. 'Nothing.'

She sounded pensive, almost regretful Nicole thought and then opened her mouth in shock at the sudden realization of what Lori had just implied. She had not been lying when she had told everyone repeatedly at dinner that Kyle had done nothing wrong because Kyle in fact had done nothing at all and that was where Lori's problem lay. Lori then, was the one who had behaved inappropriately, Lori was the one who had done something to Kyle, something she was ashamed of and for whatever reason, Kyle had not responded to her. And judging from the unhappy and dejected look on her face, Lori had very much wanted him to.

Nicole thought carefully before proceeding.

'Having feelings for someone, caring about them, loving them…'

'Love? You mean like love for a brother right?' Lori tried not to understand what Nicole was saying to her.

'Oh honey!' Nicole sighed and shook her head.

'Because how could I love someone who less than a year ago couldn't speak, who ran away from home to wait for his alien parents to come and pick him up, who couldn't tie his own shoe laces, who I had to babysit for in case he stuck his fingers in the electrical sockets or tried to drown himself, who ate so much ice cream he was sick, who walked around the house naked, someone who didn't even know how to pee standing up?'

Nicole smiled sadly at her.

'How could you not love someone who only a year later helps you overcome the break-up of a relationship and makes you feel important and good about yourself, someone who puts other peoples' feelings and needs above his own and who holds you while you cry, someone, who despite the most horrendous trauma in his own life would do anything to protect you and make you happy? Honey, Kyle's so easy to love.'

Nicole watched Lori's eyes fill with tears.

'But he's… well, he's Kyle!' She said lamely, as if that alone was a reason why it would be impossible for her to have feelings that were anything but platonic for him.

Nicole sighed as she pushed Lori's hair behind her ear and then gently wiped away her tears. How could she make what was blindingly obvious to her, clear to her daughter who was so deeply in denial about her own feelings and emotions that they were threatening the very relationship which unconsciously she so desperately desired.

'Lori, have you considered the possibility that the reason you're feeling so adrift, so lost, is that you might have fallen in love with Kyle?'


	12. Chapter 12

Love from jealousy – part 12

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

'Hey Babe, where'd you go?' Stephen asked groggily as Nicole came back into their bedroom

'Lori was having a nightmare.' She told him climbing in under the covers.

'Is she ok?' Stephen asked concerned.

'Not really. It was about Kyle.'

'What?' Stephen said now suddenly wide awake.

He pushed himself up to a sitting position and looked at his wife.

'I knew something was going on when he came downstairs last night looking so guilty. What did he do to her?' He asked angrily.

'Nothing! She swears he didn't do anything to her.' She told him.

'And you believe that?' He asked her incredulously. 'Nicole, he's guy! A teenage boy with the mind of a child but full of raging hormones in a man's body and if a pretty girl like Lori starts paying him attention and spending time with him then like any normal guy he's going to try it on.'

'He doesn't have the mind of a child!' Nicole exclaimed.

'In terms of sex and dating he does.'

'And he's not a normal guy either.' Nicole said softly.

'That's for damn sure!' Stephen huffed. 'But his body's pretty normal; in fact he's physically superior in a lot of ways compared to other kids his age, apart from the whole belly-button thing of course. Look, what I mean putting it crudely is that he's got a dick that he's not shy about letting the whole world see and after that poolside 'boner' incident last summer we know it's in full working order! And thanks to me and my little talk, he now knows what's it for and how to use it!'

'Stephen, he hasn't walked around the house naked for over a year now and anyway I thought you wanted him to behave like a normal teenage boy. You were the one who was always telling me to let him go out and have fun.' Nicole said indignantly.

'Not if he's going to be having his fun with Lori! Look I know how boys think I was one once, remember?'

'And I know how Kyle thinks and I'm telling you he didn't do anything. Besides, I've got a feeling that it was Lori who 'did the doing'!'

'What?' Stephen asked again.

'She's in love with Kyle.'

'What?' Stephen repeated stupidly.

'Oh, she doesn't know it yet. She's deep in denial.'

'Well let's hope she stays that way then! But if she doesn't even know, how do you?' Stephen asked shocked at Nicole's admission.

'You can see it in her eyes when she looks at him, hear it in her voice when she talks about him and it's written all over her face when she touches him…'

'Ok, stop! I don't want to hear the words 'touching' and 'Lori' in the same sentence as the word 'Kyle'!

Stephen sighed and then rubbed his face in his hands.

'But why does it have to be him? She's beautiful and intelligent and she could have her pick of any boy, so what does she see in Kyle?'

'What apart from the fact that he's beautiful and intelligent you mean? Stephen, she's just come out of a relationship with the boy whom she lost her virginity to and it wasn't a very nice break-up by the sounds of things and it also wasn't her idea.'

'I always thought that Declan guy was bad news especially with that hit and run thing last year. Good riddance if you ask me!'

'You know how sensitive Kyle is to the feelings of others and there was no way that he could fail to pick up on Lori's distress and not do anything to try and make her feel better. It's just not in his nature to let another human being suffer if there's even the remotest chance that he could do something to help. He's a compulsive fixer!'

Stephen's eyes suddenly widened.

'Oh, God!' Stephen said horrified and feeling quite sick. 'You don't think he tried to 'fix' her in a physical way, do you? That they've already been, you know…'

'Intimate? No! I told you, Kyle hasn't done anything and I think that therein lays the problem at least in Lori's eyes.'

'What? Are you trying to tell me that Lori wants to have sex with Kyle? Because there's absolutely no fucking way on God's Earth that that's ever going to happen!'

Nicole glared at him disapprovingly.

'No, I don't think she's thought it out that far at least not consciously.'

Nicole explained as best she could.

Although I do believe that Lori is actually in love with Kyle I think that she's also in love with the idea of Kyle, of what Kyle stands for, of what he represents. After all, he's everything that Declan's not or rather wasn't: sensitive, attentive, protective, caring, devoted. And that's a very potent ego boost for anyone, let alone someone in a vulnerable and exposed emotional state after being dumped.'

'That's all very well and I understand what your trying to say but we've got to remember that Kyle is Lori's brother!'

'I know that and Lori does too and I think that it's one of the reasons why she hasn't been able to recognize her emotions and why she is so conflicted and unsure of what she's feeling. It's like she's being pulled in two different directions; her body's physical needs and desires are telling her one thing and her head is telling her another, namely that any relationship she pursues with Kyle would be incestuous.'

'Ok, 'desire' is another one of those words that can't be used in the same sentence as 'Lori' or 'Kyle'. And while you're there you'd better add 'physical needs' and 'incest' to the list.'

Stephen paused for a moment trying to get the images of his daughter and his foster-son together out of his mind.

'And since you're the self-professed expert on all things Kyle, what does our 'special' son think about all this? Is he in love with Lori?'

'That I don't know. It's obvious that he cares deeply for her, but whether he's in love with her I can't tell.' She sighed. 'Sometimes he's so open and easy to read whereas other times I know he's keeping secrets from me.'

'Perhaps I ought to have a little chat with him, man to man as it were and find out what his intentions are towards our daughter.' Stephen said seriously.

'Intentions?' Nicole giggled. 'Which century are you from! Besides, I don't think that's a very good idea at all. You'll only get embarrassed or angry or both and that will just make Kyle upset and withdrawn and I'll be the one who has to pick up the pieces.'

'Yeah, well, if he so much as lays a finger on Lori…' Stephen threatened.

'You wouldn't be able get to near him! You've seen how fast he moves when he wants to, how strong he is. Besides, Josh swears he can read minds so he'd know what you were going to do before you'd even taken a step towards him.' Nicole said winding him up.

'He can be very fast…' Stephen admitted.

He thought back the day he'd taken him jogging, trying to get him physically tired so that he could sleep, but Kyle had just sprinted away from him and after they'd already been running for half an hour.

'And quite strong…' He added.

He remembered the way Kyle had lifted the front end of Josh's car like it was made out of plastic. He just couldn't stop staring at the kid and Kyle had seemed so happy as if he was glad to be of help, thankful to be included in some father-son bonding time until he saw the looks on his and Josh's face. Even now, thinking back, it was the most fucking freaky and unbelievably awesome sight he thought he had ever seen in his life.

'And he does have a knack of knowing what you are thinking and feeling before you even know yourself, so maybe he can read minds like Josh says. I mean no one really knows what Kyle's capable of. I doubt that even he does. But I don't want him touching our daughter.'

'Stephen, Kyle's our son too now and we owe him the same duty of care as we would to either one of our biological children. You're worrying about the wrong person here. Kyle's the one we should be protecting from Lori not the other way round because I think the more immediate problem we need to solve is going to be how we stop our daughter from touching our son.'

* * *

Stephen knocked on the door to his workshop or rather the door now to Kyle's bedroom, he reminded himself. There was no answer and he couldn't hear anyone moving about inside as though they were busy getting ready for school. He looked at his watch. It was nearly seven. Nicole was already up, making breakfast and she would be calling the kids down to eat soon. Now was his chance to talk to Kyle alone to find out just what in the hell had gone on last night and to warn him off Lori. He felt a twinge of guilt knowing that Nicole had advised him not to do this but he just couldn't believe her version of events, namely that Lori was the aggressor here and Kyle was, as always in Nicole's eyes, an innocent victim in a situation beyond his control and once again blameless. 

He opened the door and walked silently into the darkened room stopping just in front of the bathtub that housed the still form of his sleeping foster-son. Seeing him in shadow in the tub like that, it suddenly hit him just how bizarre and abnormal Kyle actually was. Granted he had been through the most horrendous trauma, what with the kid-knapping and that psycho Adam Baylin keeping him as a substitute for his own dead son and then finding his parents again after five years only to have them ripped once more from his life as they were killed in a car crash… But that didn't explain why Kyle had to sleep in a bathtub and why he had all these amazing abilities. Nicole had said it was because he felt safe in the tub, but safe from what? And why did he feel safe there? Had his parents or Adam Baylin made him sleep in a bath? What sort of sick and twisted person would do that to a child? Stephen wished he could have known Kyle before all this happened to him, to see what he was like before he was so damaged.

He wasn't the psychologist in this marriage but surely it was time now to make Kyle move into a proper bed, at least to try and give him some semblance of normality. Admittedly he had come a long way since Nicole had first brought him home, he could speak and eat his food with utensils and use the toilet now! And since he had come back to live with them for good, he appeared much more grounded and sure of himself, more grown-up, more 'normal'. In fact he seemed to have matured into a happy and well-adjusted teenager. Stephen had to admit that he had had more trouble with his real kids' tantrums and mood swings than he had ever had with Kyle. However, that wasn't what was worrying him.

The teenaged years were when things started changing, physically, emotionally and sexually. But the changes that were taking place in Kyle's body and mind went far beyond anything Stephen could even imagine let alone understand; his speed and strength, his intelligence and memory, his almost supernatural sensitivity to the physical world around him and now this thing with Lori.

Sexual awakening, with all its new and inexplicable desires and feelings, with all its strange physical changes and uncontrollable body reactions, urges and emissions were embarrassing and confusing at the best of times. And a normal boy had several years to grow into it, get used to it, understand it, conquer it. But Kyle wasn't normal and his development seemed to have taken place at the most amazing rate: from baby to teenager in less than a year.

How then in that small amount of time could he hope to understand and master the new sensations and emotions swirling through his mind, how could he hope to ignore the desires and needs his body was telling him it craved and how could he possibly hope to restrain himself physically when the urge to just take engulfed him? His strength was such that he could lift a car. What damage would he do to a small female frame when he lost control of his body, of his mind in the heat of sexual passion and the blessed release of orgasm?

He looked down at Kyle sleeping so peacefully. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light he could now make out individual features that had a few moments ago been obscured in shadow and he suddenly felt very guilty. Look at him! He was just a kid! His forehead had lost the wrinkles that it habitually wore during the day whether that was due to worry or anxiety or just earnest concentration, but now in sleep Kyle appeared relaxed, calm and so young and innocent. Suddenly Stephen felt unsure of himself. Could Kyle actually be blameless in all this as Nicole had suggested? Was it really Lori who was the one that was reaching out for Kyle, who was touching or stroking or kissing him? Stephen looked down again at the mysterious and enigmatic young man that they still knew so little about lying asleep and noticed his eyes moving from side to side beneath shut lids: Kyle was dreaming!

His tee-shirt had rucked up during the night revealing his strange, flat abdomen, one hand was lying across his hairless chest and the other was tucked away somewhere underneath his body. His blanket had slipped halfway down his legs during the night and his hips were twisted sideways exposing one pale thigh. And then he shifted in his sleep and sighed, his hand rubbing across his chest, fingers grazing a nipple. Stephen's eyes widened in recognition of what was happening. He knew from personal experience the significance of that whispered ethereal sound: His 'innocent' little foster-son was having an erotic dream.

He watched in dismay as Kyle's hand moved slowly down his body, skimming over his abdomen and coming to rest on his groin. Kyle sighed again and started to move his hips, gently undulating, slowly thrusting against his hand, unconsciously trying to stimulate himself. Now that he had shifted in the tub and was lying on his back with his blanket barely reaching his knees, Stephen could see how aroused he was, his erection tenting his shorts.

'Jesus Christ!' He said in disbelief.

And suddenly he was furious. Furious at Nicole for trying to tell him that Kyle was so pure and accusing their daughter of behaving inappropriately, of behaving like this, furious at Kyle for duping him into thinking that he was an innocent child, that he was harmless, that he wouldn't know what to do, that he wouldn't try it on with Lori and furious at himself for giving Kyle the benefit of the doubt against his better judgement when it was obvious just looking at him touching himself in his sleep that he wasn't a child, that he had the body and needs of a man and that given half the chance he would want to do that to Lori, to his daughter.

Stephen was going to make sure that Kyle didn't get anywhere near Lori, no matter how embarrassing or difficult the conversation he was about to have was bound to become. Despite how much he cared for Kyle, after all, he was his foster-son and he had been just as happy, glad and relieved to see him walk through the door when he returned for good as anyone else had, despite the sorrow and pity he often felt for him as he awkwardly muddled his way through life, trying to make up for all those lost years of memory and experience, and despite also understanding at least on a cerebral level that Kyle was naïve, both socially and sexually, on a visceral level, deep in his gut, he knew that Kyle was still a guy whereas Lori was his little girl.

Although they were both his children and as Nicole had correctly said last night they should be treated equally, Stephen still felt, rightly or wrongly, that there was a difference between the sexes, and therefore a difference between how he should treat Lori and Kyle. Even if Nicole was right and it was Lori who was the one coming on to Kyle, the one initiating physical contact, she might get scared or change her mind or just not want to go all the way but once Kyle had been intimately touched, had had a taste of the forbidden fruit as it were, with all the hormones pouring into his blood stream, coursing through his veins, new sensations coming from his over stimulated body and the superior physical strength and size of any guy but specifically Kyle, with his extraordinary abilities, he might not be able to stop himself and Stephen couldn't bear for Lori be hurt.

Kyle moaned softly and arched his back upwards, turning his head towards Stephen and parting his lips. Fuck! The kid was going to come in his sleep if he didn't do something soon! He bent down and shook him roughly by the shoulder.

'Kyle! Wake up!' He said loudly.

Kyle's eyes fluttered open and he stared unblinking at Stephen, confused and unfocused, not yet fully awake, pupils dilated, lips still parted, body still humming from the remnants of his dream.

'Get up!' Stephen told him.

And then Kyle's eyes widened and he sat bolt upright and looked at his watch.

'Oh no! I'm late!'

_I__ realized that with all that had been going on last night I had forgotten to set the alarm clock and I had missed my morning training with Tom Foss. He was going to be angry with me for not turning up but also worried in case something had happened to me. I needed to get in contact with him as soon as I could, which meant I needed to get away from Stephen._

'Kyle? We need to talk!'

'I can't now Stephen, I'm late! I have to go.'

_As I got out of the tub I felt my shorts pull tightly across my groin. The sensation of something rubbing against me in my aroused state sent a shiver up my spine and I had an immediate flashback __to the dream I had had last night: the dream where Lori had been kissing me. I walked awkwardly over to my chair where I had left my clothes. I needed to put my pants on. I couldn't let Stephen see me like this, besides, my phone was in the pocket and I had to contact Foss._

'No Kyle, I want to talk to you now!

'But…'

'Now!' Stephen shouted.


	13. Chapter 13

Love from jealousy – part 13

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori had been thinking about Nicole's parting words for the best part of the night since sleep had eluded her. Could it be true that she really was in love with Kyle? She certainly enjoyed his company and looked forward to seeing him at school and at home and then of course there was the physical side of things; even the thought of seeing him naked got her all hot and bothered and that kiss last night was just awesome! But Kyle was her brother. You could love your brother but you couldn't be in love with your brother. And there's no way she would have ever kissed Josh like she'd kissed Kyle. In fact just thinking about it was icky! But then again, Kyle wasn't really her brother was he? He was just some guy that had been found wandering in the woods and her mom had brought home to stay for a few days but he had never left. So theoretically, it was ok wasn't it?

And even if she was in love with him, so what? That didn't mean that she had to do anything about it. They could just carry on as they were, being good friends and enjoying each others company. It would just mean that she felt even closer to him, desired him that much more. But to make sure that continued to happen the first thing she had to do was apologize for her behaviour last night and give Kyle some sort of explanation for why she treated him so badly. And that had to be done right now because in love or not she couldn't wait any longer to see him. She got out of bed and quickly padded downstairs.

* * *

Lori quietly opened to the door to Kyle's room and saw him standing near his desk in the gloom.

'Kyle? I'm really sorry about last night, it's just that…'

'Lori!' Kyle said turning round, both relieved at the interruption and happy to see her at the same time.

'Lori! What's going on?'

'Dad? Oh my God! What are you doing here?'

'I came to talk to Kyle, why are you here?'

He walked over to the window and drew back the curtains. Light streamed into the room making Kyle squint momentarily at the unexpected brightness.

'I came to talk to Kyle too.' Lori replied.

'Looking like that?' Stephen asked shocked now that he could see what his daughter was wearing or more accurately what she wasn't wearing.

Lori was dressed in a tight strappy top that only just covered her chest showing off her midriff and a pair of very brief shorts which did nothing but accentuate the outline of her butt. Her shoulders and arms, legs and feet were bare and to top it all she wasn't wearing a bra. He could see her nipples beneath her shirt hardening in the cool air. Jesus! A man shouldn't have to view his daughter looking so wanton, so shameless, so sexual. She was still a child. It wasn't right! What had she really come here to do dressed like that?

'Looking like what?' Lori asked frowning, an edge suddenly in her voice.

He glanced over at Kyle who was staring opened mouthed at Lori, a look of surprise or was that appreciation in his eyes? His boxer shorts hung low on his hips exposing both his flat muscled abdomen and his very obvious and impressive erection. Christ! This was getting worse by the second!

'For God's sake Lori! Put some clothes on! You're standing in front of Kyle in your underwear!

'It's not underwear, they're my pyjamas!'

She rolled her eyes as if Stephen was being particularly dense in not recognizing that fact.

'Besides, Kyle's in his underwear so I don't see what the difference is!' She told her father sullenly then turned to look at Kyle in his boxer shorts.

Her eyes widened as she suddenly realized the state he was in. She glanced up at his face now unsure of how to handle the situation. It was like at school that time; the time she had been rubbing at the front of his pants trying to get the food stains out and he had gotten hard. Had the same thing happened today? She looked down at herself and saw her breasts hanging loose and free, a little lower than normal without the usual support from her bra, bobbing and jiggling slightly as she moved and her nipples erect and poking out through her shirt, pointing at him. Jesus! What must she look like? Had she done this to him? Made him get so aroused, so spectacularly hard? Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to come down here to his room, but all she had wanted to do was apologize for last night. It hadn't crossed her mind that Kyle would be undressed, that he would think that she was coming on to him, that she wanted him.

Kyle immediately picked up on the change in Lori's demeanor. She now appeared uncomfortable, embarrassed and a little scared.

'Lori…' He took a step towards her.

'You!' Stephen said pointing at him. 'Don't move!'

Kyle froze on the spot.

'And you!' He said turned towards Lori. 'What did you mean when you said you were sorry about last night? What happened last night?'

'Nothing!' Lori said quickly.

'Lori, I'm not stupid, and neither are you. So tell me what happened?'

She swallowed almost audibly and wrapped her arms protectively around herself. Stephen's eyes widened. He quickly glanced over at Kyle, who was literally following his orders not to move, still as a statue, one leg in front of the other, forehead wrinkled once more with a look of fear on his face. Fuck! Something really had gone on upstairs yesterday. What in God's name had he done?

'Lori…' Kyle tried again.

Anger and a feeling of betrayal welled up inside Stephen. He had welcomed Kyle into his home with open arms, allowed him to live with his family, treated him like his own son and this was how he repaid them? By abusing his daughter? Stephen reacted without thinking.

'Stay the Hell away from her!' He shouted.

Kyle recoiled as though he had been struck physically, eyes welling up with tears, body once more frozen to the spot.

Stephen turned to Lori. He could see fear and anxiety written all over her face. Her feelings mirrored his own.

'Lori, did Kyle do something to you?' He asked gently.

Just as last night when Nicole had asked her the same question, Lori's eyes widened in horror.

'No!' She once again denied vehemently. 'Why does everyone keep asking me that?'

'Lori, this is very important, are you sure Kyle didn't touch you in any way?'

'Of course I am! Kyle would never do anything to hurt me. Kyle wouldn't hurt anyone! And stop talking about him as though he's not even in the room. He's standing right there!'

'Ok!' Stephen's voice hardened again. 'What about you then? If Kyle didn't do anything to you, what did you do to him?'

Lori gasped.

Christ fucking almighty! Nicole had been right. Kyle was the innocent party in all this, a victim of circumstance, or was it abuse? A few minutes ago he had been judge, jury and executioner for the poor kid just because he'd been having a wet dream! Then he'd shouted at him, warning him to back off from Lori because at that moment in time he had just wanted to beat the crap out of him.

He was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt for doubting both Kyle and Nicole. Shit! He wished he'd listened to Nicole, wished he had taken her advice and not come to talk to Kyle because now he had started this he was going to have to see it through and it was going to get worse before it got better. He looked over again Kyle still standing rooted to the spot, anxiety and fear written all over his face, eyes bright with unshed tears and he suddenly felt terribly sorry for him. Had Lori touched him against his will? Was she really the predator here? Exploiting him, manipulating him? Jesus! This was a nightmare!

'Lori what did you do?' He said quietly, afraid almost to hear the answer.

'Nothing!' Lori cried, her cheeks reddening.

Stephen could see how upset, embarrassed and scared she was and knew that he wouldn't be able to get her to admit the truth at this point in time. Maybe if he came at it from a different angle. He switched tack.

'Kyle! What did Lori do to you?'

Kyle's head snapped around to stare at Stephen. He was like a deer caught in the headlights.

'Um…'

'Kyle?' Stephen asked again.

'Kyle!' Lori warned, pleaded for him not to speak.

He started to turn towards her.

'Kyle, don't look at Lori. Look at me and answer the question. What did Lori do to you?'

_And suddenly it was starting all over again. __The arguing, the shouting, the accusations, the anxiety, the fear. I felt a dull ache start behind my eyes. I frowned and tried to blink the pain away, but they were both pulling at me, pulling at my mind, willing me to take their side. And then like yesterday, that excruciating sharp pain lanced through the front of my head. My vision blurred and I heard myself gasp._

'Kyle?' Stephen prompted him again.

'Dad, stop it! You're hurting him! Kyle? Are you ok?' Lori asked frantically, concerned at his appearance, at his sudden pallor.

_And just like that the emotion had changed in the room__ from anger and fear to worry and concern and the pain subsided once more to a dull ache throbbing just behind my eyes._

Nicole opened the door.

'What's going on? Is everyone ok? I heard shouting…'

Nobody answered her. Stephen and Lori were glaring at each other, standing stiffly, like they were adversaries facing off. What were they doing in Kyle's room anyway at this time in the morning and why was Lori still in her pyjamas? Then there was Kyle, looking scared and anxious, two spots of color high on his cheekbones, his hands clasped in front of his groin. Nicole frowned and then sighed as Stephen's anger, Lori's resentment and state of undress and Kyle's profound embarrassment suddenly made sense.

'Oh for God's sake!' She said in disbelief as she realized what it was he was trying to hide.

She tended to forget that in spite of the speed with which his development had taken place and how emotionally mature he was for his age that he was still just a teenage boy with all the hormones and bodily responses to prove it!

Was her husband so clueless and wrapped up in his argument with Lori that he hadn't noticed the state his son was in, what he was desperately trying to cover up or was he just so insensitive that he didn't care if the poor kid died of embarrassment? He looked as though he was about to cry any moment as it was! She walked over to where Kyle had left his clothes folded neatly over the back of his chair and picked up his jeans.

'Kyle! Put your pants on!

She threw his jeans at him, which he caught one handed and quickly shucked into, fastening them securely. He smiled gratefully at her, sniffing and blinking away his tears. She acknowledged him with a sympathetic smile before walking to the wardrobe and taking out his bathrobe which she then proceeded to hand to her daughter.

'Lori! Go upstairs and take a shower, then get dressed and ready for school.'

Lori shrugged into the robe and tied the belt tightly around her waist. She looked over her shoulder at Nicole as she left the room, gratitude in her eyes. Nicole acknowledged her with a small nod before finally turning her attention to Stephen.

'And you!' She said grabbing his arm, looking annoyed and leading him from the room. 'I think we need to have a little chat!'

* * *

_I phoned Foss as soon as Stephen and Nicole had left my room but __got no answer from him. There was no way I could make it to the warehouse to see if he was there and be back for school on time, besides, I had no excuse for leaving the house so early. I would go to see him after school and maybe we could fit a training session in tonight. I knew that Foss wasn't going to be happy but what else could I do?_

* * *

Lori still hadn't managed to get Kyle alone to apologize to him. There had been no opportunity at home or in the car on the way to school or before first period as they only just made it in time before the bell went for the start of classes. She had looked for him between lessons, but he was not at his locker. She had tried to speak to him at lunch but he had been talking to Amanda and had looked so happy that she didn't have the heart to interrupt him. She knew how he felt about her and that even since he'd found her bracelet things still weren't quite back to normal between them. So she'd waited for him after school but he must have left before her. Then she'd tried The Rack in case he was hanging out there but again had no luck. He seemed to have disappeared off the face of the Earth.

She had to say something to him today, give him some sort of explanation, especially after the debacle that had happened in his room this morning. Her dad had been talking about him like he was a rapist or something and Kyle had been standing right there in the room, listening to the accusations, probably waiting for her to stand up for him, to clear his name, to admit that it was all her fault. But she had said nothing and neither had he and Lori knew it was because he was protecting her. She would have to speak to him tonight at home.

* * *

_I went to the warehouse after school and __found Foss at the table that he used as a makeshift desk. He was cutting long strips of cable with a hunting knife. I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't pleased._

'Where were you this morning?' He asked me.

'I'm sorry! I overslept.'

_He stopped what he was doing and looked up me, eyes narrowed slightly._

'That doesn't sound like you. What happened?'

'I forgot to set my alarm clock.'

'Why? You don't just forget things Kyle!'

'It all got a bit out of hand last night at dinner. Everyone was arguing. I tried to stop them but I got a terrible pain in my head and I blacked out.'

'Are you ok now?' He asked concerned, his anger momentarily forgotten.

'Yes, but it took a while for everything to get back to normal last night. Nicole had to help me get to bed; I was dizzy and shaking so badly I could hardly stand.'

'How long were you unconscious?' He asked me quickly.

'A couple of minutes.'

_Foss was silent for a second_

'The same thing happened to Adam a few times.' He admitted. 'It seemed to occur during times of stress. Not necessarily mental or physical, more intense emotional stress.'

_He looked up at me again._

'Kyle! What's been happening?'

'I've been trying to have a life, with my family and friends, like a normal person.' I told him.

'And how's that going, your 'normal' life?'

_His voice was low, dangerous, his anger __back, simmering and barely controlled. I thought of Amanda and Declan not speaking to me and Stephen so angry with me and then there was Lori and our kiss…_

'I've been spending a lot of time with Lori…' I tried to explain.

'Kyle! What are you doing?' He interrupted, his voice rising in volume. 'You've got to be careful. This isn't a game. I told you, you can't be like a normal person. You can't waste your time hanging out, trying to get laid and talking to people who provide your body and mind with nothing and who are ultimately useless to you.'

'She's not useless and she needs me. She's been going through a tough time lately.' I shot back angrily.

'I don't care what she's going through!' Foss shouted at me. 'Adam had a dream for you, a dream he'd first tried to accomplish himself, but because his body was weak, he failed. And I'm not going to let the same thing to happen to you.'

_His eyes bored into me. He was breathing heavily. I could see him trying to get himself back under control.__ The knife glinted cruelly in his hand as the overhead lights reflected off its blade._

'You're not taking your training seriously enough, Kyle. Adam died because his body couldn't keep up with his mind. You're spending too much time with people and things that don't matter!'

'They matter to me!' I shouted back at him.

'Well they shouldn't! You're not a child any more, Kyle. You don't need Lori to hang out with you; she can't educate and challenge you. You don't need Nicole to pat you on the head or hug you or put you to bed like a little boy; she can't teach you how to defend yourself. Neither of them can save your life. Only I can do that. I'm all you need Kyle and you don't seem to understand that!'

_He had moved forward and was shouting into my face. His voice __echoed around the large, cold and dank warehouse. I stood my ground. I wasn't afraid of him._

_He suddenly seemed to realize that I wasn't responding to him and he stepped back. His expression had changed. I sensed his heart rate slowing, his breathing much less erratic. He was still angry but he was actively controlling it. Whereas before he was just shouting and blustering now he had formed a plan and he was focused. Now he was dangerous._

_He turned and walked to the center of the large room, underneath the skylights that I had shattered when I first began my training with him._

'Since you seem to think that you don't need my help, let's see how you do today with a spot of self defence and a little unarmed combat.'

_He was totally calm now and paradoxically, I started to feel anxious. As Foss's heart rate slowed so mine increased._

'Foss! I never said I didn't need your help…'

'You've got to learn to take this seriously, Kyle. If they find you, they'll try and kill you.'

'Foss…'

'Get over here…'

_I took off my coat and walked over to the center of t__he room to stand opposite Foss._

'Move back!' He commanded.

_I took a step back as I had been told._

'I said, move back!'

_And then he lunged at me. There was a rush of air and before I knew it my body had moved__, seemingly of its own accord but not before I felt a dull thud as the heel of his hand made contact with the middle of my sternum. I stumbled backwards, only narrowly missing falling over. I looked up at him in surprise. If I hadn't have moved, that blow would have fractured my breast bone. And even so, it was quite painful. I could feel an ache radiating across the front of my chest._

'You're not listening to me Kyle and you're not concentrating. This isn't a game.'

_I squared up __to Foss warily. He was angry and I had the feeling he was going to try and teach me a lesson for failing to turn up for training this morning._

'Now take your shoes off.'

'Why?' I asked puzzled.

'There you go again, Kyle, fighting me at every turn. You don't need to know why, you just need to trust me and do as I say.'

'You keep telling me that this is not a game yet you treat me as if I was your puppet, to do with as you wish. Well, I'm not! I need to understand why you want me to do certain things…'

'Because I'm telling you, that's why!' He said angrily.

'That's not a good enough reason.' I shouted back at him.

'I haven't got time to explain every single detail to you. Nicole might do that, she might stroke your hair and kiss you good night and tell you it's all going to be ok, but she'd be lying and she'll just end up hurting you Kyle.'

'Nicole would never hurt me!' I shouted angrily. 'She loves me!'

'Love leaves you vulnerable and ultimately leads to pain. And you should know by now that I would never hurt you either. So take off your shoes.'

'You would never hurt me?' I shouted in disbelief. 'You just punched me in the chest. If I hadn't moved, that blow would have shattered my ribcage. I could be dead Foss!'

'Take off your shoes!' He repeated, ignoring me.

'No! Not until you tell me why!'

'Kyle, you've no idea what your body is capable of. Your brain works differently and more efficiently than normal. Your body is stronger, more resilient, your reaction times faster than any person on this planet. But only when you concentrate, only when your head isn't up your ass and bogged down with minutiae and the mundane crap that you keep insisting you experience and want in your life. Your mind is clouded, you're overly emotional and you're not thinking about the bigger picture. Now, take off your shoes.'

'You still haven't told me why and until you do, I'm not moving. And as for the bigger picture…How can I think about it when I don't know what it is?'

_I could see the anger flash__ing in his eyes as he looked at me. But I was angry too. I wanted to be treated as an equal partner in whatever weird sort of relationship it was that we had, not some sort of naughty child._

'Foss, we're wasting time here…'

_He stared at me for a moment, eyes narrowed as if thinking about the way to best handle me to get what he wanted. Then he took a deep __breath in and sighed, seemingly relenting._

'In a minute I'm going to be attacking you and you are going to have to defend yourself. Given who you are, there's no way that I should be able to get near you, let alone land a punch on you. I on the other hand am not special like you and am quite likely to be hit during this training exercise. So, if you are going to kick me in the head I would prefer you to do it with your bare feet.'

_That was all there was to it? No __hidden agendas or secret plots? I suddenly felt terribly guilty. Foss wasn't trying to deceive me, he was just protecting himself. He knew what I was capable of doing and he didn't want to get hurt._

'Foss…'

_I started to apologize,__ my voice soft, but as in the past any show of emotion from me just seemed to make him uncomfortable and in turn, even more angry._

'Now, for the last time, take off your Goddamned shoes!' He shouted furiously at me.

_I nodded at him and b__ent down to do as I had been told._

'You gotta trust me Kyle, this is for your own good and might one day save your life.'

_I stood up and got ready to face him._

'Defend yourself!' He said menacingly.

_A__nd before I even had time to think my body had once again shifted, seemingly of its own accord, this time rotating sideways as the knife Foss had been holding whistled past my cheek and lodged into a wooden post behind my head. _


	14. Chapter 14

Love from jealousy – part 14

By Fishiexy

_Kyle's thoughts in italics_

Tom Foss looked over at Kyle with feelings of both profound admiration and satisfaction: Admiration for the amazing speed at which his young protégée had reacted to the unexpected and dangerous attack he had just sprung on him and satisfaction for the look of disbelief on Kyle's innocent and too trusting face that someone would do such a violent and potentially lethal thing to him. It was time to make him understand that not everyone had his best interests at heart and he was making it easy for them by not taking his training seriously and letting his mind be overrun with the problems of others like that precocious and somewhat promiscuous sister of his and the little blonde girl from next door with whom Kyle seemed so inordinately fond of.

Then of course there was the unhealthily intense, emotionally over-dependent relationship he had with the mother. She was forever talking to him, touching him on the arm, stroking his hair or enveloping him in a hug and Kyle just seemed to lap it up, melting into her embrace, his arms wrapped tightly round her body, his head resting on her shoulder, his face buried in her blonde hair…

'I thought you said unarmed combat.' Kyle exclaimed, shocked at the ferocity of Foss's attack.

'I did, but I meant for you, not me!' Foss sneered. 'Defend yourself!'

Foss lunged again and kicked at the space where Kyle's head should have been. He touched nothing but air. He spun round and punched at his chest. This time he felt the soft cotton of Kyle's sweat-shirt brush his knuckles, but there was no contact with the flesh or bone beneath.

'You're not concentrating!' He shouted, before dropping to the floor and kicking out at the side of Kyle's leg, a blow that had it connected he knew would have ruptured all the ligaments in the kid's knee. But Kyle had jumped up and over him and was now backing off, a look of alarm on his face.

'I shouldn't be able to get near you Kyle. That means your mind is clouded. You gotta concentrate! What's the matter? What are you thinking about?'

Foss rolled backwards and then flipped himself to his feet. Kyle circled him warily.

Foss charged again, punching and kicking, using all his martial arts training and military experience to try and hit Kyle. But Kyle was just too fast. Like he'd predicted at the beginning, he really couldn't get near him. It seemed then that Kyle was concentrating and had been paying attention and taking his training seriously. But Kyle was focused now on his own survival, he had no one else to think about here apart from himself.

The problems started, however, when the lives of other people entered the equation. Kyle's weakness was his capacity for love. It made him emotional and then he became careless. It was time then to change the rules and to use Kyle's weakness against him, time to show him that this family he thought he so desperately needed would ultimately put his life at risk.

'You're not really trying are you Kyle?'

'What do you mean? I've done everything you asked and you haven't been able to touch me!'

'That's true, but you should be touching me! All you've done so far is shown me some fancy footwork, dodged a few blows and jumped over me. This is supposed to be self defence not the fucking ballet!'

'I am defending myself. You threw a knife at me!' Kyle said indignantly.

'And you know as well as I do that you could have caught that and in a heartbeat thrown it back at me. You have to stop me and that means you gotta stand up and fight otherwise I'll just keep coming. I only need one chance to kill you!'

'I'm not going to hurt you Foss.'

'No? Well you should Kyle, 'cos I'm trying my fucking best to hurt you…'

Kyle looked back puzzled.

'Why?'

'Because you need to know that this is serious, that I'm serious and there are people out there who will kill you if they get half the chance and your family makes you vulnerable.'

'My family? What have they got to do with all this?'

'Would you kill me Kyle?' Foss asked changing the subject.

Kyle looked shocked.

'Of course not! How could you even think that? I already told you that I wouldn't hurt you!'

'Let's see then…'

He started circling again, lashing out with his fist, trying to connect with Kyle, but failing repeatedly because he always managed to stay tantalizingly just out of reach.

'I've been reviewing some of the tapes I made of you and your family when I bugged your house last year. Your sister, she's quite attractive isn't she?'

He could see Kyle watching him guardedly, eyes narrowed and knew he was becoming distracted. He was homing in on the meaning of the words which meant he was closing his mind to all the information coming from his other senses. Foss needed to up the ante, make Kyle emotional, distressed, protective, then he could make his move to show this incredible and unique yet naïve and overly trusting young man just how easily he could be hurt.

'There was a camera in her room. I used to look at her get undressed. It was a real turn-on. She's got a good body on her, young and nubile. Have you seen her Kyle? Does she walk around the house like that or does she take her clothes off just for you?'

'Foss, stop it!' Kyle said becoming uncomfortable.

He remembered the time he had seen Lori's body, when she was drunk after the bonfire party. He'd never seen a girl's breasts before, the naked girls in Josh's magazines and on the internet didn't count because they weren't real and standing right in front of him, and he'd tried so hard to avert his eyes, to respect her privacy but he couldn't help it and he'd found himself starting to get aroused especially when he had sat her up to put his shirt on her and she had put her arms around his neck and pressed her bare chest up against his. Of course, Lori didn't remember any of this, but Kyle couldn't forget.

'I know where Nicole keeps her spare key. I could quite easily get into your house without even breaking in. What would happen if you came home one day and found me in Lori's room, on top of her, touching her…'

'Why would you do that? Why would you want to hurt Lori?' He cried incomprehension in his eyes.

Foss noticed Kyle was frowning and his movements had slowed, becoming jerky and uncoordinated.

'She's naked beneath me and I've got a knife to her throat. She's crying, she's scared shitless. She sees you coming into her room and she pleads with her eyes for you to help her. It's me or her, Kyle. You know you're going to have to hurt one of us, but you also know that it's Lori that poses the threat to you.'

'Lori's not a threat. She can't hurt me!' Kyle said urgently as if this was a real scenario, as if Foss had Lori down on the floor right now.

'Yes she can and I'll show you how.' Foss said and resumed his story…

'I'm unzipping my pants. It's been a long time for me Kyle, a very long time and she's so pretty, her lips are just begging to be kissed. You can stand there and watch or you can try and stop me but you'd better hurry 'cos right now I'm going to fuck her…'

'No!' Kyle shouted horrified.

Foss saw his chance. He pivoted on the spot then lashed out with his foot aiming a kick at Kyle's shoulder and Kyle, distracted by the disturbing images planted in his brain, was just a split second too slow to avoid the contact altogether. It caught him on the angle of his jaw as he was turning away causing his head to snap sideways before he fell limply backwards landing heavily on the concrete floor, his skull hitting the ground with a sickening, dull clunk.

* * *

Lori had looked for Kyle immediately she had got home from school but she couldn't find him anywhere. Nicole hadn't seen him either which meant he hadn't got back yet. She had gone upstairs and made a start on her homework expecting to see him at dinner but he was a no show there too. It was Josh who had finally asked what she desperately wanted to know and Nicole had told them all that Kyle had already phoned to let her know that he wouldn't be able to make it for dinner: Something about an assignment at the library? Apparently he was going to be back around nine. 

So here she was, lurking in his room at exactly five minutes past nine and he still wasn't home. Exactly what assignment needed more than five hours to complete especially when you were a person who could read a whole set of encyclopaedias in less time than that? Something didn't smell right but then again since when had she ever understood anything Kyle did?

* * *

_I__ watched the monotonous to and fro of the windscreen wipers in silence as Foss drove me home. Normally, a pattern so regular would be calming to me and the sound of rain on the roof, soothing, but not tonight. My jaw throbbed from where I had been kicked, my head ached from where it had hit the floor and I could still taste the blood in my mouth from where my teeth had sliced through the inside of my cheek. Foss had the fan on trying to get rid of the condensation on the windows and the heat and humidity inside the cramped confines of the truck was starting to make me feel sick._

_I__ heard Foss change down through the gears and eventually pull to a stop at the side of the road. I could just make out the lights in the Tragers' house through the rain. Foss would never park directly outside in case someone saw him or saw him and me together. He switched off the engine. I heard him shift in his seat and knew that he had turned to look at me._

'Are you ok?' He asked.

* * *

_I__ had awoken to find myself lying on Foss's bed. I couldn't remember how I got there. I tried to sit up, but gasped in pain as my head felt like it was going to explode. I squeezed my eyes shut and collapsed back on the bed, curling up into a ball. My cry must have alerted Foss as the next time I opened my eyes he was sitting staring at me._

'How are you feeling?' He asked, softly, concern in his face.'

'Dizzy and sore. My head feels like it's going to fall off.'

'Here, take some of these, they'll help with the pain.'

_He took two__ pills from a small brown bottle and held them out to me._

'What are they?' I asked, hoarsely.

'Painkillers!' Foss said sarcastically.

_I__ frowned. Why did Foss always have to treat me like a child? Why couldn't he answer my questions about even the simplest of things without shouting at me or ridiculing me?_

'Foss…'

'They're a synthetic opiod, similar in structure and potency to morphine. I've used them before. They're very effective in relieving pain.'

_He held out the pill__s in his hand plus a plastic bottle of water._

'Don't be stubborn Kyle, take them! You'll feel better!'

_I hesitated then took the tablet__s and washed them down with the water provided. I looked up at Foss._

'How did I get here?' I asked.

_He__ looked faintly embarrassed._

'I carried you.'

'What happened?'

'We were training. You didn't listen to me. You got hit. You collapsed.'

_And then it all came back to me; how angry Foss had been, how he'd gone out of his way to provoke me, the awful things he said he'd do to Lori __and how he'd asked me if I would kill him. And for a split second, when he had said that he was going to…to rape Lori, I had wanted to kill him and I had been so upset and distracted that I had not seen his attack coming. I put my hand up to feel my jaw. It was all puffy and swollen and very sore._

'What am I going to tell Nicole?'

'You'll lie to her like you always do Kyle.' He said sighing as though it was obvious and I was stupid.

'What?'

'You'll tell her you walked into a door, or fell over in gym class or got into a fight over a girl. Well, the last one's more or less true isn't it?' He sneered at me.

_And suddenly I just wanted to go home. I didn't care that Foss was right and I was going to have to lie to everyone, I just wanted the warmth and security and love of my family, I just wanted someone to put their arms around me, to hold me close and tell me everything was going to be ok._

_I stood up and took a step towards the exit__ but the floor seemed tip sideways and the room started to spin. I heard Foss shouting to me in the distance and then his arm was around my waist and I felt myself being lowered gently back down onto the bed._

'I think you'd better stay here for a little while longer.'

'But Nicole…'

'You can phone her to tell her you're ok, but that you're going to be late for dinner.' Foss said handing me my mobile. 'I'll drive you home when you can stand up. Now be quiet and get some rest.'

* * *

'Are you ok?' He asked. 

_And I wasn't, not really. Because now I understood just how dangerous my family could be to me and in turn, just how I could hurt them. All it would take was someone to see me and Lo__ri together, to figure out how important she was to me and then they could hurt her to get to me. Maybe Foss was right, maybe I needed to back off, not get involved, try and distance myself both physically and emotionally as I knew that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if Lori or any of them were hurt because of me. But I didn't know how I could just walk away from the people I loved most in this world especially as I had risked so much in coming back to them after Adam had been shot and that I had promised them that this time, I was here to stay._

'My jaw aches.' I told him.

* * *

'Are you ok?' He asked. 

Kyle was silent for a few moments. He seemed pensive and forlorn. Foss knew he was thinking over what had happened to him tonight and what that would mean for him and his relationship with the Tragers.

'My jaw aches.' He replied finally.

'Yeah well, that's what happens when you get kicked in the face. My advice is to make sure that it doesn't happen again.' Foss told him gruffly.

Kyle nodded absent-mindedly then leant his forehead against the window while looking longingly at his house down the street. Foss could see the ugly dark bruises on Kyle's jaw even in the eerie glow of the neon street lights and the possible consequences to that remarkable brain caused by a head injury severe enough to make him lose consciousness niggled at the back of his mind. He would never forgive himself if he let anything happen to that extraordinary young man that Adam had entrusted him to look after.

'Kyle…' Foss paused as if unsure about what to say or whether even to continue at all.

Kyle turned to look at him.

'Those things I said to you, about Lori… You understand that I was just making a point, don't you? I would never hurt anyone in your family. Besides, teenage girls aren't really my thing…'

He paused for a moment as if thinking how best to continue.

'But I wanted you to understand how caring for someone can make you vulnerable. I know how you think and what your weaknesses are and I knew that planting a horrific image in your brain especially a violent and sexual one against a member of your family would make you distraught and distract you just long enough for me to make my move. And if I can reach you Kyle, you can bet that other people can do it too and they won't stop at kicking you in the head.'

'Yes, about that! Next time maybe you can take off your shoes as well!'

Foss smiled, looking faintly embarrassed.

'I didn't plan of hitting you, but I'm not sorry that you got hit. You needed to understand just what we're up against and how the simplest thing can cause you to lose focus.'

Kyle nodded solemnly.

'I do understand, but my face…'

And suddenly he was angry and worried and scared because Kyle had just made him realize that he was still only a child; a remarkable and amazing child, but a child nevertheless, with all the insecurities, innocence and lack of experience that went with being a teenager. But this job, this mission that he had been given, no inherited, needed more than that, more than just a boy with extraordinary abilities that he couldn't always control or even comprehend, it needed a man. It needed the man that Kyle would become.

But Foss didn't have the luxury of time. He was here now with the teenage version of Adam's dream trying to make him understand things that he simply had no concept of, absolutely no frame of reference for and that were completely and utterly alien to every atom in his body. How could he make him see that he was possibly the single most important person in the world, to be protected at all costs when the only thing Kyle could see was what he could do to help other people? How could he explain such destructive notions such as hatred, revenge and murder when Kyle only understood self-sacrifice, honor and love? Foss suddenly felt overwhelmed. How was he ever going to keep this special young man alive and protect Adam Baylin's dream at the same time?

And why couldn't the kid just grow up and worry about more important things than his bloody looks, he thought unreasonably.

'It won't leave a scar and the bruises will be gone in a few days. Don't worry, Kyle, you'll still be a pretty boy!' He sneered. 'Now I suggest you go home as quickly and quietly as possible, lie down in your tub and get some sleep!'


	15. Chapter 15

Love from jealousy – part 15

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori wandered around Kyle's room looking at the few decorations and souvenirs he had collected over the past year. Not much to show for his whole life she thought sadly. She glanced over at his desk and once again noticed his art supplies and the stack of drawings piled haphazardly in one corner. Her eyes widened in surprise. It seemed that Kyle had been busy during the night as there were now four new pictures of her lying alongside the others.

She picked the first one up and felt herself blushing. This must be how Kyle saw her just before she kissed him and it was quite plain to see the longing and need in her eyes. Had she really looked at him with such desperation? Was she so sex starved since she had split up with Declan that she had been seriously considering sleeping with Kyle? She shook her head in embarrassment and picked up the next picture.

She was standing in front of her bedroom door, a look of horror and disgust on her face. She remembered the feelings she'd had when she realized that she had just kissed Kyle. Her face in the picture was staring back at her now just as she must have done to Kyle last night. No wonder he had been so upset over dinner, thinking that he had made her look like that, thinking that she was disgusted with him.

The third one depicted her at the dinner table, a look of uncontrollable anger on her face. Was this when she had just turned on him, shouted at him and made him cry? God! If Kyle only drew pictures that meant something to him, then he must be a complete masochist! Talk about negative emotions…

She picked up the last one. The perspective was strange until she realized that it had been taken, no drawn she corrected herself, from when Kyle had been lying on his side on the floor after he collapsed. In this one she looked scared, sad and remorseful. Oh yes and let's not forget that she'd been crying making her eyes all swollen and her nose all red.

She sighed in annoyance. So Kyle had seen her as desperate and needy, horrified and disgusted, angry and mean, scared and with puffy, swollen eyes. Gee! Thanks Kyle! You're a real buddy! Lori put the pictures back but at the bottom of the pile. After all, there was no need for anyone else to see the evidence of how badly she had treated him. And there on the top of the pile as if reminding her of all her mistakes and shortcomings was the picture of Nicole; with light coming from around her wispy blonde hair, making her look like some sort of angel, happy and smiling and radiating love. Sometimes she was just so jealous of her mom; her looks, her height, her intelligence and the unique and special relationship that she seemed to have with Kyle. Because when those two did that emotional bonding thing together, it was like nobody else in the room even existed...

She jumped suddenly as she heard someone enter the room and turned around quickly to see Kyle silhouetted in the doorway.

'Hey Kyle!' She said smiling awkwardly at him. Had he seen her going through his things?

'Hi Lori!' He returned her smile, but was there a hint of apprehension in his voice?

_My jaw was throbbing, my head was achin__g and I was feeling a little dizzy from the painkillers I had taken. Foss had told me to go home and get some sleep and that's all I wanted to do; crawl into my tub, close my eyes and rest my bruised and battered body, but I didn't know if I was going to be able to because I couldn't get those disturbing images of Lori out of my mind; crying, helpless and terrified._

'So, Kyle…'

She looked across at him. She couldn't see all the details of his face as he was in shadow from the light coming from behind him and she had only put his desk lamp on in his room not wanting to draw attention to the fact that she was here. He was still standing in the doorway, staring at her, probably waiting for an explanation of why she was alone in his room. Her mouth felt dry and she found it difficult to swallow. This shouldn't be so hard! She really was very sorry for hurting him. Maybe the difficulty lay in telling him the reasons why she had walked away from him, because that would mean she then had to admit her feelings for him, had to admit her feelings to herself. She took a deep breath in.

'Look! I want to apologize for the way my dad treated you this morning, the horrible things he said, the way he accused you of…of, well, you know, doing stuff when it was me that…'

'That's ok Lori! It wasn't your fault.' Kyle interrupted her.

She frowned. How could he say that? It was all her fault. She was the one who had kissed him, which was what had started this whole thing off! How could he just accept the blame?

'But Kyle, it was my fault. I came down to your room this morning to apologize for last night. I didn't want you to think that you had done anything wrong. You shouldn't have to take the blame for me.'

'Stephen was only trying to protect you…'

He said it so reasonably, so matter-of-factly. Why wasn't he angry or upset? Her dad had more or less accused him of forcing himself on her.

'No Kyle! I was the one who did something wrong. I was the one who kissed you!' She said quietly. 'And I just want to say that I am sorry.'

'Oh!'

He turned around and shut the door, then walked over to his desk and sat down. She could now see his profile and noticed he was frowning, his forehead wrinkling.

'Kissing me was wrong? You're sorry that you kissed me?' Kyle asked in a small voice.

She looked at him, puzzled. Of course kissing him was wrong! He was her brother! Hadn't he noticed that fact?

'Well, yes!'

Kyle looked down at his hands in his lap, sadness and disappointment on his face. Her eyes widened as she suddenly realized what he was saying. Oh God! He thought that she didn't want him, that kissing him had been a mistake.

'No! No, Kyle, not that! I meant that I was sorry that I pushed you away, that I left you alone. It's just that I got scared…'

'I made you scared? Did I hurt you? Did I do something wrong?'

Christ! This wasn't going the way she had anticipated at all! She had hoped to allay his fears not make him even more upset.

'No! Of course not! Not at all!' She told him quickly.

She stepped in front of him and put her hand on his shoulder, hoping the physical contact would reassure him.

'Because it was my first time; my first kiss.' He said his voice a little wobbly, his eyes a little too shiny. 'I didn't know what I was supposed to do! Didn't I do it right?'

He was looking straight ahead at his desk, his body stiff and upright as though he daren't look at her because he was frightened to hear the answer to his question, in case he had in fact done something wrong. She could see the apprehension in him, hear the uncertainty, self-doubt and fear. She suddenly felt so awfully sorry for him and wanted nothing more at that moment than to take him in her arms and just hold him close.

'Kyle! It was perfect! You were perfect…'

She put her hand on his head and stroked his hair trying to calm him, reassure him. He seemed to melt into her touch before suddenly yelping and flinching away from her.

She jumped at his sudden movement then frowned. That had been a cry of pain!

She reached out with her hand to try and place it on his head once more but he put his arm up in front of his face as if he was trying to hide from her. Or was he scared that she was going to hit him?

'Kyle?'

_I didn't want Lori to see what had happened to me, because__ I knew she would be upset and then I would have to lie to her just like Foss said._

'Lori, don't…'

'Ssh, it's ok.'

_And I didn't want Lori to get hurt because of me so I had decided to try and put some distance between us. I would make up excuses not to spend so much time with her at school and not go to her room to __talk to her or hang out with her at The Rack. But she was waiting for me to get home so she could apologize and she was being so gentle and kind to me that I just couldn't move away._

'It's ok, Kyle…'

She slowly put out her hand and rested it on his head before once more gently running it through his hair until she came to an egg sized lump on the back of his skull. She felt the swelling and pushed gently against it. It moved beneath her fingers. It was fluctuant and kind of boggy. She heard Kyle gasp and then felt sick as she suddenly realized what it was and what it implied: the large squishy mass moving beneath her fingers was a collection of blood underneath Kyle's scalp, which meant that he had somehow received a blow to the head.

'Kyle, what happened to you?' She asked worry evident in her voice.

She knew that head injuries were dangerous and in Kyle's case the size of the lump meant that considerable force must have been used to cause such bleeding under his skin. Could it have in fact fractured his skull? And how did he get it? Was it an accident or had somebody hit him?

He didn't answer her, his head in profile, still turned away from her, his eyes downcast. And suddenly Lori was very scared. She hadn't seen the whole of Kyle's face since he came in and now this bang on the head. She had the awful feeling that there was more yet to come. What had Kyle gotten himself into?

'Kyle, look at me!'

She touched his chin with her finger and guided his face around so that she could see the other side of it.

'Oh my God!' She said staring at his jaw in shock.

The normally pale and flawless skin was now marred by an angry looking dark red graze and ugly deep blue and purple bruises. Kyle had been hit in the face as well as on the back of his head.

'Who did this to you?' She asked, outraged.

He looked up at her, distress evident in his eyes.

'Kyle, you have to tell me!'

'I can't!' He whispered.

_I didn't want to lie to her__ or let her find out about the secrets that I was keeping. She was in enough danger as it was._

'Kyle, you have to. You got hit on the head. It could have killed you!'

'No, I fell over and hit my head on the floor!'

'Tripped over a book at the library did you? And I suppose you hit your face on the way down as well? Or did you walk into a door?' She asked him sarcastically, but then relented when she saw how upset he was.

'We need to do something about this!'

'Lori! Please don't make a fuss! Please don't tell anyone about this!'

'I don't think I'll need to tell anyone! How do you think you're going to hide that from my parents tomorrow? And as for not making a fuss! You know what Mom's like when anything happens to you, she's going to lose it big-time. She's going to be all over your ass. I wouldn't be surprised if you're grounded because she's not going to let you out of her sight!'

'Lori, please…'

She looked at him, his eyes huge and dark, willing her to understand, to respect his wishes and just drop it. But she didn't understand and she was angry on his behalf. How could anyone do this to him? How could anyone want to hurt sweet and innocent little Kyle? But would making a fuss help him? There was no way he was going to tell her who had done this to him or in what circumstances it had happened. Going on at him would just make him more anxious, more upset.

He exhaled in relief as she finally relented and smiled sympathetically at him.

'Well all I'm going to say is that I hope the other guy came off worse!' She told him, sighing dramatically.

He smiled gratefully at her, but didn't answer. Lori suddenly became serious again as she looked more closely at him. His face was a mess; swollen and bruised.

'Is it painful?' She asked.

'A little.' He admitted ruefully.

'I'm not surprised, it looks awful…'

Lori slowly leant forward and gently touched her lips to his damaged cheek. The pressure on his skin was minimal. She pulled back and looked at him. His mouth had opened and he was staring at her.

'What are you doing?' He whispered.

She cupped his jaw in her palm and gently ran her thumb over the edge of his bruises. She smiled at him.

'I'm kissing it better!'

'How does that work?' He asked her puzzled.

'I don't know, it just does!'

She leant forward and kissed him softly once more on the cheek. She heard him sigh as she pulled back to look at him. His eyes were closed, his lips were parted and his head had dropped back.

She shuddered. God! He could have been really hurt tonight, like brain damaged or even worse. A sudden feeling of hatred surged through her and she wanted to kill whoever had done this to him. She couldn't bear to think of how her life would be without him in it, that she would never see his beautiful face again. Now, Kyle seemed more vulnerable than ever and his bruises just made her want to hold him close and never let him go.

'Kyle!' She called to him softly.

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

'Stand up!'

He did as he was told, eyes never leaving hers. She put her hands behind her and levered herself up so she was sitting on his desk.

'Come here!' She whispered to him.

He moved to stand in front of her, his eyes now level with hers. She leant forward and gently touched her lips to his. It was meant as a friendly gesture, to soothe and reassure him. She heard him catch his breath and pulled back to look at him. He was staring at her, eyes wide and mouth open in an expression of surprise. She could see the need and longing on his face along with barely repressed desire, but there was something else there too, a look of fear. Kyle was scared! Was he frightened that she was going to push him away like she had done last night or was he uncertain about his performance because he didn't know what to do, worried in case she thought he wasn't doing it right?

'Kyle!' She said rubbing his arm gently.

He seemed so nervous, so unsure.

'You're perfect!' She reassured him once more.

He gave her a shy, shaky smile.

'So you're not sorry that you kissed me?' He asked timidly.

Hell no, she thought to herself.

'I'm sorry if I hurt you or scared you, but I'm not sorry I kissed you!' She said grinning at him.

'You didn't hurt me, Lori! I liked it!'

'You did?'

'It was amazing!' Kyle beamed at her excitedly.

Wow! She thought to herself. If Kyle had that sort of response when she had barely touched him, just think what would happen if she ever really laid her hands on him. God! He would probably spontaneously combust or something! Shame then she'd never get to find out, because no matter how much she loved him, and desperately wanted to be with him physically, she couldn't have anything other than a platonic relationship with him. It would be just plain wrong.

'Lori?'

Kyle's sweet voice interrupted her fantasy.

'You were amazing!'

And then he wasn't smiling anymore, but was staring at her and she was sure that he was reading her mind again and he knew just what she wanted, knew that she wanted him. And suddenly, like last night, she couldn't look away. Despite the bruises he was still so beautiful and so desirable! And he could be dead right now, a little voice piped up deep within her brain and then you would have lost your chance, then he would never know just how you felt about him, how much you wanted him…

And suddenly Lori couldn't care less about what was right or wrong, she just needed Kyle now. She wrapped her legs around his hips so his body was flush with hers then grabbed his shoulders and pulling him towards her, fastened her lips onto his. There was nothing soft or gentle about this kiss. She was desperate to feel him against her, desperate to touch and taste him. She wanted him so badly and now she had started there was no way she was going to stop.

Kissing Kyle was everything she'd ever imagined and more. His pouty lips were warm, smooth, supple and so soft beneath hers. She couldn't help herself. She stuck out her tongue and ran it over his full bottom lip. She felt him stiffen. She didn't want to scare him, but she didn't want to stop either. She reached up and placed one hand on his head and cupped his face with the other, taking care to avoid both the haematoma on his scalp and the contusions on his jaw. Then she caressed his face with her thumb and locked her ankles around his back drawing him closer. She felt Kyle relax, like he was subconsciously giving her his permission to continue.

She pressed herself up against him and thrust her tongue between his lips demanding entrance into his mouth. Kyle put up no resistance. She explored every intimate detail of his mouth, touching and licking and pushing against his tongue. Kyle tasted of a combination of minty freshness from the family toothpaste, a sweetness that she associated uniquely with him mixed with the metallic tang of blood. The small part of her brain that was still capable of conscious thought, the part that was not involved in revelling in the blissful sensations of the hormones raging around her body realized that he must have bitten the inside of his cheek when he had been hit.

She was worried for a moment that kissing him may have been causing him pain but then she heard him sigh and felt him relax yet further against her. She tangled her fingers in his hair and tugged his head back causing his mouth to open even wider allowing her to deepen her kiss, to probe and explore him, to caress him with her tongue. Kyle seemed to be enjoying her touch, yet he had not responded to her in any way. His mouth was motionless beneath hers and his body frozen to the spot.

_Lori had told me that she wasn't sorry that she had kissed me and that I was perfect.__ I felt euphoric and dizzy and couldn't stop staring at her. She leant forward and I felt her brush her lips over mine. I closed my eyes and sighed. It was just like before; the gentle, soft pressure on my lips, the warmth of her breath on my skin..._

_But then she was pulling my hair and __tipping my head back and my mouth was opening beneath hers and she started licking and sucking me and then her tongue was inside my mouth, so hot and wet. She hadn't done that to me last night and I could feel my body responding, feel the blood rushing to my pelvis, feel that pressure and fullness in my groin, feel myself getting hard. I tried to stop it happening because I didn't want to make Lori uncomfortable or embarrassed and I remembered Stephen telling me that it was not something you wanted to happen in front of other people, it was a private matter._

_And suddenly an image flashed into my mind of Foss standing over Lori, except that a second later it wasn't Foss it was me.__ Lori was looking up at me, shock and horror in her eyes as she somehow knew all the secrets I had been keeping, what I was, what I was capable of, watching me, fear on her face as I looked down at her and unzipped my pants. I was the one about to touch her, to force her, to hurt her. This was wrong. I shouldn't be here doing this. I didn't want to hurt Lori! I needed to take Foss's advice and get away from her, except that she was kissing me and holding me and the feelings that she was generating in me made it impossible for me to move or concentrate on anything other than the sensation of her tongue in my mouth._

Lori leant forward and kissed him again, openly and deeply, her tongue penetrating him, thrusting against his, fingers tugging at his hair, demanding that he respond. A small whimper escaped his mouth and at that minute and pitiful sound, Lori got a sudden heady rush of power.

She had never felt that way before because with Declan she had been the inexperienced one and had allowed him to take the lead in all their sexual encounters. And she had been nervous and anxious and worried that she looked stupid because she was a virgin and that he would find her inadequate or wanting in some way and then it had been messy and painful. She didn't want Kyle to have to go through all that, to have to feel like she had; to have to feel embarrassed, incompetent and ashamed. She was now in a position that she could help him, show him, educate him gently and sensitively without intimidating him and let him feel just how good being intimately touched could be.

She tugged down the zipper on his sweat-shirt and then undid the buttons on his shirt before grabbing hold of them together and pushing them both off his shoulders, down over his arms and letting them puddle around his feet on the floor. She placed her hands over the hard muscle of his chest. She could feel the heat radiating from him, feel his heart beating rapidly, pounding against the inside of his ribcage. She ran her thumb over a pale pink nipple and he jumped and gasped. She did it again, this time touching both nipples, stroking and grazing them with her nails. He groaned and shuddered against her, his head falling forwards onto her shoulder, his body twitching.

He was so sensitive and his reactions were such a turn on, she'd never had this effect on a boy before. She was trying to take it slow so as not to frighten or intimidate him but her body just couldn't seem to get enough of him. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close, her head now resting against his smooth and hairless chest, tongue snaking out to taste him, mouth sucking and lapping at the salty skin over his collar bone, her hips unconsciously moving against his, trying to placate and appease that insistent need her body had for his.

_T__he shock of her first touch made me gasp and sent a burst of heat straight to my groin. Then she ran her fingers over both my nipples. I didn't know that they could be so sensitive. Was pleasure their purpose? It seemed like they were somehow connected directly to my pelvis, because every time she touched me, electricity sparked down my spine, increasing the tingle and pressure in my penis. I couldn't seem to think straight or remember how to control my body. My head was spinning and I felt myself falling against her, my muscles twitching and jumping. She put her arms around me, holding me close, pressing herself up against me, sucking at my skin and then her groin rubbed over mine. Heat and pleasure flooded my body and something just snapped inside of me._

'Oh!'

Kyle's arms shot out from where they had been hanging stiffly by his sides and he grabbed onto the edge of his desk in front of him. Lori, surprised by his high-pitched, breathy little cry stopped kissing and sucking his neck to see him trembling; his weight balanced on outstretched hands placed either side of where she was sitting, arms and body rigid. His pelvis seemed to spasm and twitch and then it was like he couldn't hold up his own weight any more. She saw him shudder as his legs buckled and suddenly he was on his knees at her feet.

The little voice was back in her head. Look what you've done! This is all wrong! Kyle's supposed to be off-limits. He's sacrosanct! Nobody's touched him like this before, he's a virgin remember? You said you wanted to protect him and now he's kneeling in front of you scared shitless! You've got to stop this because you're going to hurt him again and this time the damage to his psyche might be permanent.

'Kyle?'

She noticed that he was breathing noisily, his chest rising and falling in short, sharp bursts. His eyes were wide and unblinking. His pupils were dilated and he had a delicate pink flush over the skin of his face and chest. His hair was tussled from where her fingers had been running through it and his lips were wet and swollen from their kissing, making them appear even more pouty than usual. His arms were once more rigid by his side, his hands clenched into fists, his knuckles white with effort, nails digging into the palms of his hands. His dark gray sweat-pants hung low on his narrow hips and could do nothing to hide his erection or disguise his blatantly obvious arousal and desire for her. He looked young, innocent, embarrassed and very, very frightened.

And suddenly Lori was frightened too. She had thought Kyle had been enjoying himself, all the physical evidence had pointed in that direction but what if it was actually all one-sided, coming from her? He hadn't kissed her back or tried to touch her, in fact he hadn't tried to do anything thing at all. Kyle had not responded to her in a single way whatsoever. And she'd hardly even touched him, well, down there, but he had acted like he was about to come in his pants and then he just collapsed and now he seemed to be freaking out and having an asthma attack and it looked like he was going to die at any minute!

She jumped off the desk and bent down next to him.

'Kyle, what's wrong!'

_Just that one touch from Lori __had sent my body into overdrive. An electric spark shot up my spine releasing endorphins into my bloodstream and causing a sensation of pleasure to flood my brain. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest and my fingers and lips had gone numb. It was becoming more and more difficult to breathe and then the world started spinning. I grabbed onto the desk for support but could feel my legs trembling and then my knees buckled and suddenly I was on the floor._

_My breathing became rapid and shallow as __adrenaline surged through my veins and these new and exquisite sensations escalated and intensified. My penis was now so hard it was painful and there was a deep ache in my balls. I felt fluid start to leak from the end of me as waves of intense pleasure cascaded over my body. Something was going to happen to me, something powerful, something that I knew I wasn't going to be able to control. I needed to get away from here, but I couldn't move: my body was betraying me! My skin was on fire and I was being burned alive._


	16. Chapter 16

Love from jealousy – part 16

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

The next morning Lori snuck down stairs half an hour before the rest of the family was due to get up and quietly knocked on the door to Kyle's room. After waiting for a few moments and receiving no answer she let herself in. She switched the light on and walked to the center of the room where the big white tub was, or rather where Kyle's bed was, she reminded herself and looked in.

There was a mass huddled somewhere underneath the blanket and she could only tell that it was Kyle because she could see his unruly dark hair peaking out at the top. No other identifiable bits of him were visible.

'Kyle!' She called softly.

There was no movement.

'Kyle, get up! Your Hollywood make-up artist is here. We've got work to do!'

And when there was still no answer, she reached down into the tub and shook his arm.

'Kyle, come on, you gotta hurry. My mom's going to be up soon.'

She pulled the blanket off, revealing Kyle in the fetal position still dressed in just the sweat pants she had left him in last night. He looked so small and adorably cute all curled up! If she wasn't in such a hurry and worried about them both being caught she could have just sat there and watched him sleep.

'Kyle! For God's sake!'

She poked him in the ribs this time.

He sighed, then uncurled and rolled over onto his back, eyes opening and then immediately squeezing tightly shut again due to the overhead light. He slowly pushed himself to a sitting position, and rubbed his hands over his face before squinting up at her.

'Lori? What are you doing here?' He asked groggily.

His eyes appeared unfocused and he didn't seem to be able to keep his head still. It was making small nodding and jerking movements as though he was about to fall back to sleep at any moment.

'I've got my concealer with me!'

She held up her make-up bag for him to see. Kyle just stared at her.

'I said I'd help you disguise your face so that Mom doesn't get wind of your… of what happened to you. How are you feeling by the way?'

'Strange!' He told her. 'My eyes feel heavy and my vision is blurred. My mind and body feel slow and it's difficult to concentrate.'

'From experience that sounds like a hangover to me! Are you sure you weren't drinking last night?'

'No but I did take drugs!' Kyle told her wondering if the pills Foss had given him were making him feel so groggy this morning.

'Kyle, are you insane?' Lori hissed at him. 'What did you take?'

'A synthetic morphine substitute.'

'Oh my God, you took morphine? That's like heroine! You can get addicted to that stuff. You'd better not tell Mom or Dad you did that and who the fuck gave morphine to you?' Lori asked, shocked at his admission.

Kyle frowned and was silent.

'Don't tell me it was the same guy that smacked you around?'

The guilty look on Kyle's face said it all.

'Ok, if you're not going to tell me then fine but Kyle, promise me you won't take any more drugs.'

'I only took two pills, they were painkillers.'

'You mean somebody told you they were painkillers. They could have been anything! How could you be so stupid? Promise me, Kyle that you won't do it again. Promise me!' Lori said rather hysterically.

'Ok!' Kyle said wide-eyed.

'Good!'

Lori stared at him for a moment. She was both angry and scared at what he had done but also saw that her little outburst had once again made Kyle unsure of himself, of what he had done wrong. He had that anxious look on his face again. She tried to lighten the mood between them, to get Kyle back in his comfort zone, to remove the apprehension from his eyes.

'God! For a smart person you can be really dumb sometimes!' Lori joked shaking her head and relaxing slightly. 'Right then, are you ready?'

She held out the make-up bag again. He looked up at her apologetically.

'What now?' She asked trying to hide her irritation but not entirely succeeding.

'I need to pee!'

'Jesus, Kyle!' She said rolling her eyes at him. 'Well go on then but hurry up, because Mom's going to be calling us down to breakfast soon and I'm going to need a few minutes to do this.'

She watched him as he climbed slowly out of the tub.

'And wash your face while you're there, too. This stuff's not going to go on over dried blood!' She called out to him as he made his way from the room.

A few minutes later, Lori had Kyle settled at his desk and was shining the lamp at his face. She unzipped her make-up bag and got out a tube of concealer before turning his head gently to the side and surveying the damage.

'Do you want the good news or the bad news first?' She asked him.

'The good news?' Kyle replied hopefully.

'The swelling's gone down.' She told him. 'You don't look like a chipmunk with a whole packet of peanuts stashed in one side of your face any more!'

'And the bad news?'

'The bruising is even more apparent today.'

She sighed.

'Ok, here goes nothing. Tell me if I hurt you…'

Lori took off the cap of the concealer and dabbed the stuff onto Kyle's face. Then she gently rubbed it in with her fingers. She looked closely at the skin over his jaw. It felt so soft and smooth even though she could see a bluish discoloration underneath that had nothing to do with his bruises.

'Kyle, did you shave when you were in the bathroom?'

'No.'

Perhaps he had done it last night before he went to bed, although he didn't seem in a fit state to do anything after what had happened. She thought back to the previous evening and the image of him kneeling, body rigid, hands clenched, eyes wide with fear in front of her.

At first he had been so agitated that he didn't seem to know that she was even in the room with him and then after he had had time to settle down and get himself back under some semblance of control, he couldn't seem to stop shaking and then his knees had given out and he had sagged backwards onto the floor, his butt resting on his heels, his head bowed, as though he was exhausted.

Initially, Lori had thought that he had ejaculated prematurely but that didn't seem to be the case because, as she was somewhat ashamed to admit, she had glanced down at his groin and noticed that he was still hard. So what was going on? She had tried to talk to him about it, but Kyle had seemed as puzzled and perturbed and not to mention profoundly embarrassed by the whole experience as she had been.

Although she was by no means an expert when it came to sex and dating, she had been with enough guys, and of course she had Hillary's extensive experience to add to her own, to know that they all tended to react the same way when they started making out. Yet Kyle had done none of the things that would lump him in together with a group of teenage boys. He hadn't grabbed her and pushed his tongue down her throat and rubbed himself up against her, he hadn't put his hand up under her shirt or down her pants, tried to take her bra off or grope her boobs and he certainly hadn't taken his dick out, wrapped his hand around himself and started jacking off in front of her, or expected her to do it for him. She looked down at him in confusion as she suddenly realized just how different he was.

And by the look of shock and fear on his face last night and the seeming lack of recognition or understanding of the sensations being generated in his body coupled with his extreme physical reaction to her barely touching his groin, it led her believe that this was in fact a new experience for him.

But how could that be? She knew he wasn't normal by a long shot, but he was a 17 year old guy for Christ's sake and she knew for a fact that he had had erections before and understood what they meant because she had seen him get hard at the pool last year when Amanda had touched him and her dad had given him the 'birds and the bees' lecture, therefore he must know what it felt like to be touched even if it was only him doing the touching! Unless of course, he didn't touch himself, unless once he got an erection he just didn't do anything about it, either because of some moral objection or because he didn't know how!

But surely he must have heard of the concept of masturbation? Her dad or Josh or even someone in the boys' locker room at school must have told him about it, joked about it or just performed the obscene hand movements associated with it! Kyle wasn't stupid, he had to know! He was a guy and guys did it all the time, just look at her sex-obsessed brother; she was surprised he didn't have calluses on his palms!

She had tried to broach the subject with Kyle; she had asked him if he had heard of the word to which he hesitantly replied that he had, but then it was like he was waiting for her tell him about it and then she had lost her nerve. She just couldn't ask him if he ever jerked off or in fact if he even knew how to jerk off! She felt herself going red as she saw Kyle staring at her. She told him that this was a topic of conversation that he needed to speak to a guy about, confidentially and in private!

And then suddenly she was imagining him doing it! She could see the look of rapture on his beautiful face, hear the little sighs of contentment he made as he was pleasuring himself and she wanted to watch him come, writhing in ecstasy and know that he was fantasizing about her…

But as she left the room, her face burning with embarrassment at the lascivious thoughts she had just been having she got the distinct impression that Kyle had never done any of those things, had never experimented, touching and stroking his body, had never played with himself before in which case it was quite probable that he had never experienced an orgasm in his life! And at that thought Lori suddenly felt unbelievably sad.

Kyle's soft sigh brought her back to the present.

She put the top back on the concealer and opened a small pot of foundation. This stuff was amazing; it covered up all sorts of skin blemishes, she never left home without it! However, her skin tone was subtly different to Kyle's she realized as she blended the foundation in over his jaw. His complexion was a couple of shades lighter than hers, kind of like peaches and cream she thought enviously, pale with just a hint of pink blush over his cheekbones, whereas hers was more golden. Now it looked like Kyle had got a tan on just one side of his face! But at least it covered the bruises and beautifully at that. It was worth every last cent it had cost her!

'Well, I think that's about as good as you're going to get! What do you think?'

Kyle got up and went to stand in front of the wall mirror. He turned his head back and forth a few times then reached up with his fingers and touched his jaw.

'Hey careful! You'll rub it off!' Lori warned him.

'My face looks different!'

'I though that was the whole point!'

He turned to her.

'Thank you!'

'Don't thank me yet! This isn't going to fool Mom you know if she sees you up close. I recommend the polo-necked sweater today and a scarf! When you get to school, don't look anyone straight in the eye and keep your good side facing out at all times. I'll take this stuff with me so I can give you a quick touch up should the need arise.'

She put the concealer and foundation back into her make-up bag and zipped it up tight.

'Last thing, hold steady a moment!'

She reached up and ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair teasing it down and forward so that it lay over his ears and covered the sides of his face and jaw as much as possible.

'Cool!' She said surveying her handiwork.

'Ok then, this is the plan until we get to school. We'll both go upstairs now. You go into the bathroom and turn the shower on, but don't whatever you do get your face wet. Stay there for 20 minutes or so. Take your time getting dressed. I'll tell Mom that you overslept and that you don't have time for breakfast and then at the last minute you can come running down the stairs and jump straight into the car, hood up and scarf on, ok?

Kyle frowned.

'What's wrong?'

'I don't feel very comfortable deceiving Nicole.' He admitted.

'Well, you know if she sees you, she's going to freak out! And you're the one that asked me not to tell anyone. Have you changed your mind?'

'No.' Kyle said unhappily. 'It just seems wrong, that's all.'

'What's wrong, Kyle, is that someone hit you in the face and you won't say who or tell anyone about it. Besides, this isn't the only thing you're keeping from Mom is it?' Lori said raising her voice.

Kyle looked at her warily, but didn't say anything.

'I know you weren't at the library last night! I mean, it doesn't take you five hours to do any assignment, so I guess you were out some place that you didn't want Mom to know about. So if you were happy deceiving her last night, why can't you do the same this morning?'

'I wasn't happy.' Kyle said miserably. 'But I didn't want her to worry about me.'

Lori shook her head and sighed.

'Kyle, she's always going to worry! It's in her nature and in the mom job description to worry about her kids and you're part of this family now which means that you're her kid too. But I can guarantee that if she sees those bruises on your face she'll feel responsible and think she let you down because you're the baby of the family not to mention her personal pet project and she'll be so worried that she won't let you leave the house ever again. So what's it going to be?'

* * *

Amanda unconsciously touched the bracelet that her father had given to her as she watched Nicole drop Kyle, Lori and Josh off at school. She had been wanting to talk to Kyle properly for over a week now and although she saw him in class and had had lunch with him a couple of days ago, they hadn't really talked like they used to and she missed it, missed him.

She had been so angry with him for keeping Charlie's infidelity a secret and had let him know in no uncertain terms that she was upset, disappointed and angry, but she had not stopped to think what it must have been like for him, knowing a secret but being unable to tell for fear of hurting her. And then he told her that she always saw the good in people and that he hoped that she would never lose that and before she could reply he had just smiled sadly and enigmatically at her then turned and walked away.

At first she was almost glad, but then she started thinking and began to get worried. What would she have done in Kyle's place? Would she have told him that his girl-friend was doing the dirty on him? It was a difficult situation for anyone to be in and telling one's friend could always back-fire and besides Charlie was the one who had betrayed her, not Kyle. Kyle had done nothing except for be a good friend and she had pushed him away.

But then there was the incident with her bracelet. She had been so scared when she knew that someone was in her house and then Kyle came charging up her garden path like a knight in shining armour except that he was wearing nothing but his pyjamas and suddenly she was so relieved and she felt safe. And then she realized that she had always felt safe when Kyle was around.

And he had gone out of his way to get her bracelet back and had even traded his ring that was so important to him for it and she was so grateful and happy when he turned up on her doorstep until she saw the look of anguish in his eyes that told her that something was dreadfully wrong. Once again, it was Kyle that was with her when she found out that another person that loved her had deceived her, this time, her mother. And her life had changed yet again.

But maybe change wasn't all bad. Although she was worried about the financial aspect of the whole sorry mess, she actually felt closer to her mother than she had in years and her mother seemed to warm just a little bit towards Kyle, which had to be a good thing. And although she would always feel the hurt of Charlie's betrayal, the fact was she was now single which meant that she could go out with whomever she wanted. And after all this time, she had finally realized that she wanted Kyle. But therein lay the problem…

She had thought that giving him the money so that he could buy his ring back would solve everything and return them to where they were before the break-up. She wanted the happy, fun and friendly relationship they had had together. Admittedly there had been some slightly strange and surreal aspects to it, but Amanda knew that she could always depend on Kyle no matter how different he was from other boys, in fact he was different from any other people she had ever met and if she was honest with herself, it was the differences about him; his innocence, his kindness, his selflessness that she found endearing and really quite attractive. Oh, and it certainly didn't hurt that he was pretty easy on the eyes too!

But although Kyle had seemed quite overwhelmed by her gift of the money and had almost refused to take it from her until she had insisted and folded his hand around it, she still felt that there was a distance between them. Kyle seemed reticent, skittish almost around her as though he was still giving her space and time to get over Charlie. Although he still smiled at her as though he was inordinately pleased to see her in school, he rarely approached her any more and seemed to be spending a lot of time with his foster-sister, Lori. But she guessed that was inevitable since they shared the majority of science classes together and of course they lived under the same roof.

Amanda followed the three Tragers into school where Josh then peeled off to meet his friends. Kyle and Lori continued up the corridor until they stopped at Kyle's locker. Amanda caught up with them then tapped Kyle on the shoulder.

'Hey Kyle!'

Kyle spun round to face her.

'Amanda!' He said surprised and seemingly happy to see her as his face broke into a broad grin.

'Wow! Aren't you hot?' Amanda asked looking up into his face that was almost covered by the hood of his gray sweat-shirt and a big fluffy scarf that was wrapped at least twice around his neck.

'A little!' Kyle told her honestly, just standing and staring at her.

'Well why don't you take some layers off then?' Amanda asked baffled.

'That's a good idea!' Kyle agreed and pulled down his hood still leaving the scarf around his chin and neck.

'Kyle pulled a muscle in his neck and the doctor said that he had to keep it warm, didn't he Kyle?' Lori nudged him in the shoulder.

Kyle's smile faded.

'You had to see a doctor? It must have been really bad!' Amanda said sympathetically. 'How did it happen?'

'Um…'

'He just woke up with it! You should have seen him this morning! His head was all on one side and he had his hand on his jaw. My mom was really worried!'

Lori glared at Kyle and emphasized the last word.

'Anyway, I'll see you later Kyle? Remember to keep your neck warm today… Bye Amanda!'

'Bye!'

Amanda watched thoughtfully as Lori disappeared around the corner before turning back to Kyle.

'Are you alright?' She asked him concerned.

'Yes!'

He tried to smile and failed miserably.

'No!' He admitted.

_I looked at Amanda who was staring up at me, worry and concern on her face. It seemed like I was deceiving everyone around me, everyone I cared for. Foss had told me that it was for their own good, to ensure their safety, but did that make a lie acceptable? I had already hurt Amanda so badly by not telling her about Charlie and now she was finally willing to speak to me again and I didn't want to lose her friendship a second time, she was just too important to me. And I hadn't seen her to talk to her properly for such a long time and now here __she was, and it was just like it was before. She was so beautiful!_

'My head hurts!'

_A__nd at least in that respect I was telling her the truth!_


	17. Chapter 17

Love from jealousy – part 17

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Amanda had linked her arm through Kyle's and gently led him down the corridor to his first class where she left him at the door, his scarf still wrapped around his neck. She had tried to catch up with him at his locker after the lesson, but Lori had already beaten her to it and was giggling at something and stroking his arm and Kyle was smiling back at her as though he liked the attention, liked the feeling of her hands on his body. Amanda felt an irrational little pang of envy as she wondered what it would be like to be in Lori's shoes right now, touching Kyle.

And then after their second lesson she saw Lori running down the corridor and almost jump on top of Kyle, her hands on his shoulders, before swinging around to stand in front of him, gazing up into his eyes, grinning at him like an idiot. And if Amanda hadn't known better, hadn't known that they were related she would have sworn that Lori was coming onto Kyle. It was like she couldn't keep her hands off him and it made Amanda feel a little uncomfortable and if she was quite honest, it was also a bit creepy!

But it was the third time that she saw them together that really had her worried and upset. In fact she didn't quite know what to make of the whole situation; it was all so bizarre and surreal!

She had seen Lori look around surreptitiously, as though checking to make sure that no one was watching them before grabbing Kyle's wrist and dragging him into the girl's bathroom. Amanda had waited a few minutes and when they didn't come out, she had followed them inside.

The place appeared deserted, but then she heard movement from the end cubicle. She stopped in front of the mirrors, she didn't want them to hear her or know that she was eavesdropping.

'Oh!'

That was Kyle's voice and he sounded like he had been surprised!

'Ssh!' Lori told him.

'I'm sorry!'

'It's ok. Did I hurt you?'

'No, not really, it's just very sensitive!'

'That's understandable; it's still a bit swollen after all!'

Amanda's eyes widened in shock! She couldn't believe her ears! This wasn't happening! There must be a rational and reasonable explanation! It couldn't be what it sounded like, could it? Her mind immediately jumped back to all the strange and flirty little touches that she had witnessed Lori make today; gentle and soft but also almost desperate in their neediness, like she wanted to possess him. But that was madness! She must be reading it wrong, just like she had with Charlie!

'Ok, you're done!' Lori's voice told him.

Then there was the noise of paper tissues being pulled out of the dispenser, the sound of a zip being done up and then the toilet was flushed.

Amanda's fevered imagination ran riot! They were brother and sister! There was no way anything like that would ever happen between them, it was impossible! Oh God! What on Earth were they doing in there?

She had planned to coolly and nonchalantly ask what had been going on, but what would happen if there really was something between them, something sexual and forbidden and… She heard the lock snap back on the inside of the cubicle door and before she knew it she was running out of there as though the place was on fire.

* * *

'Hi Amanda!' Kyle said smiling shyly at her.

Amanda jumped and then looked up to see the source of her worry and concern. She stared at him, noticing the happy, open expression on his beautiful face. He didn't look like a person who could be involved with his sister! But then what did she know about people she asked herself? After all, she had thought that Charlie loved her and was as devoted to her as she had been to him, but he'd had a secret life, no lives, she thought morosely, as Hillary wasn't the only person he had been fooling around with.

'Amanda! Are you ok?'

Kyle's slow, deep voice interrupted her thoughts once more. And it sounded normal again, not at all like how it had been a few minutes ago in the bathroom; high-pitched and breathy, like he was surprised or aroused…

'I guess…' She said glumly.

When Kyle didn't say anything and had not yet moved she looked up at him, puzzled. He just seemed to be hovering over her, holding his lunch tray, brow wrinkled, a worried expression on his face.

'Kyle? Do you want to…?' She indicated the seat next to hers.

He nodded and moved to her other side.

'Something wrong with that chair?' Amanda asked raising her eyebrows.

'Um, no!' Kyle said, his cheeks reddening. 'It's just my neck…'

'Oh I'm sorry! How is it?' Amanda asked him, genuinely concerned.

She noticed that although he had taken off his scarf he still had a high-necked sweater on, presumably to keep his damaged muscle warm.

'Better, thank you!' Kyle said softly.

She watched him open up a carton of milk, pour it into a glass and then gulp it down noisily. He seemed nervous, twitchy almost.

'I haven't seen much of you around lately.' She said by way of an opening gambit.

He put the empty glass down and then paused before turning towards her, eyes filled with apprehension, sympathy and remorse. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then thought better of it and bit his lip. He looked up at her hesitantly, apologetically.

'It's because of me and Charlie isn't it?' Amanda said sighing.

'It's not because I didn't want to…' He told her quickly. 'It's just that I thought you might need some space and some time to process, away from me, away from the person who, who…'

He frowned and she saw his Adam's apple bob several times as though he was having difficulty swallowing.

'Who hurt you, who was the cause of your pain.' He finished, not looking at her.

God! Was he still beating himself up over this? She'd got over it weeks ago! Yes it still hurt and yes she still thought about it, but it wasn't the be all and end all of her life any more. Amanda's heart went out to him. She touched him on the arm.

'Kyle, Charlie was the one who hurt me, not you. And although I still think you should have told me that he was cheating on me, I can understand why you didn't.'

'You can?'

Kyle looked up her, glassy eyed.

'I guess you were trying to protect me.'

He sniffed and nodded.

'And while I don't think I need protecting, it was nice to know that you felt strongly enough to do that for me.'

She took his hand in hers. And it just felt so right somehow.

'You know, I've missed seeing you Kyle.'

'I'm sorry!' He told her sincerely.

'And every time I've tried to speak to you it seems that you're with Lori.'

'We have been spending a lot of time together recently. She's been going through a rough time.'

'And you've been helping her?'

Kyle nodded.

'Are you sure that's all there is to it?' Amanda asked.

'What do you mean?' Kyle said frowning.

'I know she's your sister and all, but she just seems so clingy and she's always hanging around you and touching you.'

'She just needs reassurance. She was upset because Declan left her.'

'It looks more than that. It's like she's in love with you!'

'Well I love her, too!'

'That's not what I mean, it's just, well, it looks a little incestuous to me!' Amanda said uncomfortably.

There was silence. Amanda turned her head to look at Kyle. He was staring at her a bemused expression on his face.

'Incestuous…' He said slowly to himself.

He rolled the word around his mouth as if trying it out for size, repeating it aloud as he tested out the new sounds. Amanda had been here before with him. It meant he had come across something that he didn't understand.

'Yeah, you know, from the noun: incest?'

There was silence again. Amanda raised her eyebrows at him.

'You have heard of the word 'incest' haven't you?'

'Yes…' Kyle answered hesitantly.

Amanda waited for him to continue. When he didn't she prompted him again.

'So you do know what it means then?'

'Sexual activity between two people who are considered for moral or genetic reasons, too closely related to have such a relationship!' Kyle rattled off quickly as though reading from a dictionary.

Yet he still didn't seem to see the connection, see what she was getting at.

'Well, Lori's your sister…'

She watched him process the comment, his forehead wrinkled and his eyes narrowed in concentration, then suddenly his whole demeanor changed. He turned his head towards her, body stiffening and straightening, eyes opening wide, a look of horror on his face.

'You think that Lori and I…that we had… that we did…'

His face had gone white with shock. She saw his Adam's apple bob again.

'But I haven't ever…um…'

He stopped abruptly and then his face turned red as he realized that he had nearly admitted to her that he had never had sex before. Of course she had suspected, but he was a guy and therefore it was a possibility, no matter how naïve and innocent he seemed… But it was so sweet and charming that he should be embarrassed about it, and not want to tell her as though she might think less of him, when in fact her opinion of him had just gone up even further. And all the worry and concern she had felt over the last few hours suddenly evaporated because there was no way that anything could have happened between them given the look of horror that just a single word conjured up on Kyle's face. Maybe things could go back to the way they were or maybe they could both now move forward together. Amanda hoped so because she hadn't realized just how much she had missed him until he was no longer in her life every day.

* * *

Lori sat in the lunch room picking listlessly at the remains of her lunch. She was thinking about her… well she didn't really know what to call it, but whatever had happened between her and Kyle last night! She definitely had some sort of relationship with him as they had kissed properly now and she had undressed him, well the top half of him anyway and if he hadn't have lost the plot so soon, she knew the next thing she would have done was to put her hand down inside his pants and touch him…

Her stomach turned over at the mere thought of stroking the silky hard length of him and she shivered. God! Feeling him stiff against her last night had got her so excited, so turned-on and he had been so responsive… Yet there was a little niggle of doubt at the back of her mind and not just the whole forbidden, Kyle is your brother, this is wrong on so many levels, kind of doubt, more doubt about Kyle's feelings towards her. He hadn't said anything to her, hadn't touched her, hadn't responded to her. What did that mean? She sighed.

'Hillary! How do you really know when a guy likes you?' She asked wistfully.

Hillary looked up first at Lori, poking forlornly at her lunch, then over at Kyle and Amanda holding hands in a corner table of the lunch room.

'Are we talking about any guy in particular, say, dark, handsome and kind of clueless?' She asked mischievously.

Lori looked up at Kyle and Amanda together and snorted.

'Virgins in love! It makes me want to puke! No! I'm talking generic men. What makes them tick? They never say anything, so how do you know what they're feeling. Declan was a classic case in point!'

Lori tried for some misdirection. She didn't want Hillary teasing her about Kyle. Her 'relationship' with him was difficult enough as it was!

'Look, how about I give you an example of someone I was with a while ago and you can see what you think?'

'Someone you were with a while ago? Who? I know everyone you were with!'

'It doesn't matter, it's just a generic guy!'

'Of course it matters!'

'Just hear me out!' Lori said interrupting her.

'Ok, whatever!' Hillary said putting her hands up in the air in surrender.

'So I'm with this guy and we're making out and it's like totally hot! We're kissing…'

'Tongues?'

'Yes! And…'

'Is he hard?'

'Hillary!' Lori exclaimed. 'I haven't told you all the other stuff yet…'

'Sorry, carry on!'

'I take his shirt off and he's got the most amazing body and he's so responsive and he's making these little noises, kind of sighs like he's enjoying himself and really turned on.'

'What are you doing to him?'

'Stroking his chest, sucking his skin.'

'Where are you?'

'I'm sitting on a table and he's standing between my legs.'

'Is he hard now?'

'Yes! I can feel him against my stomach. He's so… big!'

'And?' Hillary said, a look of excitement and anticipation on her face.

'Well, that's it!' Lori finished suddenly, coming back to Earth with a bump.

'What do mean, that's it?'

'Well, he didn't respond to me.'

'Huh?'

'That's why I want to know what a guy is thinking about at a time like that. I mean he didn't say anything, or do anything. Nothing at all!'

'What not even when you gave him a hand job or blew him or had sex?'

'I never got to do those things, because he, well, he, stopped!' She finished lamely.

'What do you mean stopped?'

'He just stopped. Didn't continue. Moved away.'

'Who was this?'

'Just someone I was with.' Lori said flushing.

'If you want me to tell you what he was thinking then I need to know who it was.'

'Why?' Lori asked.

'Because if Declan did something like that, it would mean that he wasn't interested in you but would be quite happy to use you so that he could get off, but not enough to hurt you by going all the way. However, if, for example, hypothetically speaking, say, Kyle did something like that, then that would be a whole different ball game.'

'It would?'

'Yes, it most certainly would!'

Hillary watched Lori glance worriedly at Kyle across the room.

'Oh my God! It was him, wasn't it? You were totally making out with Kyle!'

'Of course not! Look, this was just a guy I met...'

But Hillary was having none of it.

'I can't believe you! I mean, Kyle of all people! Does Amanda know? Hell, does your mom know?'

'I told you it's not Kyle…' Lori said, but her protestations sounded weak even to her own ears and she knew that Hillary would never let this go.

'Does it being forbidden, incestuous love make it even hotter? Kyle's like totally hot anyway, but him being your brother? Oh my God! You are just so bad and so lucky! It's always the quiet and shy ones that surprise you. I mean, Kyle and cock! I never would have thought that those two would have gone together!'

Lori felt her eyes welling up and wished she'd never started on this line of conversation. But Kyle was all she could think about and she had been so desperate to know whether or not her feelings were reciprocated.

Hillary looked at Lori's stricken face, saw how close to tears she was and for once wasn't sure just how to play this. It was just so obvious to her how Kyle felt about Amanda, hell, how Kyle had always felt about Amanda and his body language was so open and easy to read and he was just such an honest and uncomplicated person at least in this respect that he might as well have a huge sign above his head with 'I am in love with Amanda' written all over it!' However, while she had been going out with Charlie, it meant, in Kyle's eyes anyway, that she was unavailable. But now that Charlie was out of the picture and Amanda was a free agent, Kyle could finally make his move and if for some reason he couldn't or wouldn't then Amanda was sure to judging by the looks she had been giving him all morning. Either way, it didn't hold out much hope for Lori.

Hillary looked over at 'Innocence and Goodness personified' expecting to see the normal expression of happiness and awe that Kyle habitually wore when he was anywhere near Amanda, but today there seemed to be trouble in paradise. She smiled and turned to her friend. Maybe there was some hope for Lori after all.

'Hey Lor, I don't want to get your hopes up or anything because I know you're not interested in Kyle in that way, but his body language tells me that he's not happy with something Amanda's just said to him! And by the looks of her reaction to him the feeling's mutual!'

Lori looked over to see Kyle suddenly turn in her direction, wave and then smile. And it was like the sun had just come out from behind a cloud illuminating everything in its path, making everything clear and making all her doubts and worries disappear. It suddenly didn't matter if he hadn't responded to her last night because she knew from that one smile that he loved her and he would do anything for her just as her mom had said. She smiled back at him before watching Amanda get up and walk out of the lunch room leaving him alone with a worried expression on his face.

'Not happy at all!' Hillary said trying not to smile.

'And when you say big…' She added mischievously, 'just how big are we talking about? You have so got to tell me!'

* * *

'But why would it be wrong if two family members kissed each other?' Kyle asked Amanda.

'Well I guess it would depend on how they kissed. If it was just a peck on the cheek and platonic, that would be ok but if it was like a real kiss, on the mouth or if it was done in a way that was sexual then that would be wrong. That would be incestuous.'

'Wrong? Why?'

'Why's it wrong?' Amanda said in disbelief. 'Well it's illegal for a start! And it's a bit sick too, Kyle!'

Kyle frowned.

'But kissing is a way to show someone that you love them…'

'And so is having sex! Would you sleep with Lori?'

The wrinkles were back on Kyle's forehead Amanda noticed as he frowned and thought hard about what she had said. She suddenly became very frightened as she realized that he hadn't actually answered her question.

'Kyle…'

'Lori has been a good sister and friend to me, Amanda. When Declan dumped her, she was in so much pain… I didn't sleep with Lori but I did take her in my arms and hold her. How could I just stand there and watch someone I love suffer? She was hurting so badly…'

As Amanda listened to his heart felt confession and saw the love in his eyes that he felt for Lori and the protective streak that had emerged in him when he had explained just what he had done, she realized that it was quite impossible for Kyle to have acted in any other way than he had. How could he have not held Lori and been there to comfort her when she needed it? It wasn't in his make-up to stand by if he could help anyone let alone someone close to him, someone he loved, someone who was hurting.

And there it was: The reason why Amanda had always admired Kyle and more recently wanted to be with him, and now wanted their relationship to become something more. However, it was also the reason why any relationship with Kyle might never work. Because no matter how much she needed him there would always be someone else who needed him more and Kyle, being Kyle just couldn't help himself. It was like he was destined for greater things than just solving the problems and being there for one, small, insignificant teenage girl. Kyle's greatest gift to her and to the world was also his greatest weakness: His capacity for love.

Kyle lifted his head as though he had heard something, then turned around and stared across the lunch room straight at Lori. She looked upset, worried and as though she was about to cry at any moment. Kyle raised his hand up to his jaw and opened his fingers wide, waving to her then smiled. It wasn't one of his 200 watt smiles that Amanda knew intimately having been on the receiving end of so many, there were no teeth or dimples, in fact it was a small, sympathetic almost sad little smile, like he knew what she was going through, like he understood, like he could read her mind and was with her in spirit. And it transformed Lori's face. Amanda could see the love radiating from her eyes and not just the platonic love that Kyle obviously felt for her: Lori was in love with Kyle and that made all the difference in the world.

Jealousy shot through her like she had never experienced before. Didn't Lori have Kyle all to herself every night at home? Why did she have to monopolize his company all day at school too? How dare Lori use her break-up with Declan to manipulate Kyle, to make him take her into his arms and hold her close to him, burying her head in his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing herself up against his body, sobbing, hurting, so that he would soothe her by rocking her, running his fingers through her hair and caressing her skin with his breath whispering to her that everything was going to be ok…

Would it have been different if she had just let him talk, let him explain the one thing he wanted to say to her? Would Kyle's arms be around her now as she wept her distress over Charlie onto his shoulder, her arms around his neck, clinging to him as he held her close, hearing the familiar and reassuring slow and steady beat of his heart, her head nestled against his chest like all those times in the past when he had hugged her…

In the end though it wouldn't have made a difference because Lori would have still needed him and Kyle being Kyle would have still gone to her. After all how could he not? And Amanda didn't know if that would ever change or indeed, if she even wanted it to, because that's what made Kyle special. The trouble was she wanted him now and while she was happy to share most things in her life, boy-friends were not one of them and if she and Kyle were ever going to get it together then she needed to have all of him: heart, mind and soul.

'And you know, just for the record Kyle, I split up with my boy-friend too!' She said standing up 'Lori's not the only one that's hurting. I guess I'll see you around.'


	18. Chapter 18

Love from jealousy – part 18

By Fishiexy

_Kyle's thoughts in square brackets_

_Foss had allowed me to have a couple of days free of physical training due to the head injury I had sustained the previous evening. I__t was nice not to have to get up at four in the morning but he had said that he would expect me for a couple of hours after school instead. I could still use my brain, he told me and so here we were, going through Adam's journals and research, the topics of which were varied but included, among other things, work about me._

_Normally, I would have found his theories fascinating but today I was finding it difficult to concentrate on the task in hand because there were so many other thoughts swirling through my mind, the chief amongst them being Amanda. I had been so happy to see her today in school and she finally seemed to want to talk to me again. It had been wonderful when she took my arm and held onto my hand as she led me down the corridor to my first class. I didn't ever want to let her go._

_But then at lunch she seemed sad and pensive and__ it appeared to be related to Lori, or more specifically the fact that I was spending a lot of time with Lori. I tried to explain that I was helping her get over her break-up with Declan, but Amanda then reminded me that she too had suffered the loss of her boy-friend, the implication being that I had not helped her like I was helping Lori. I had been so busy concentrating on Lori's pain that I had not stopped to think about how Amanda must be feeling. Once again I had hurt her by not acting and once again she had walked away from me. Were things ever going to be right between us?_

_Then of course there was Lori and the things that Amanda had implied that Lori wanted to do to me. She had said that kissing someone on the cheek was ok, but kissing someone on the mouth, like Lori had done to me was incest which was both wrong and illegal. So by letting Lori kiss me, I was breaking the law!_

_I knew that I had been spending a lot more time with Lori since she and Declan broke up as she seemed so sad and lonely and I wanted to make sure that she was ok. I also felt guilty because I knew that ultimately I was the cause of their split. But Lori turned out to be good company and recently she didn't seem so sad. I liked the way she looked at me and gently touched my arm and listened to what I had to say. It brought back memories of how Amanda used to look at me and smile at me. And how I would smile back at her..._

_Had I been looking and smiling at Lori like that: like I wanted her to touch me, like I wanted to feel Amanda's body close against mine? Was I giving off signals to Lori that I wanted more than just friendship between us? Had I inadvertently said or done something to make her touch me in such an intimate and personal way?_

_I still dreamed__ of Amanda and wanted to hold her and be with her more than anything but it hadn't felt exactly wrong last night with Lori and my body had responded to her touch in a way that it had never done before and it was so pleasurable and so sensitive that I thought I was going to burst. And Lori had seemed to know what I wanted and what my body needed yet she told me that it was private and confidential and I had to talk to another guy about it. She had seemed embarrassed, confused and worried and Amanda was upset and angry and hurt and I didn't understand why or what was happening only that once again I was the cause of all this pain, I was the one that was hurting the people I cared most about and I didn't know what to do._

Foss looked up from where he had been studying Adam Baylin's small and neat handwriting when he heard Kyle sigh for about the tenth time since he had arrived at the warehouse from school. Trying to understand Adam's notes was difficult enough at the best of times without someone distracting and annoying him. Foss watched Kyle across the table staring forlornly at a book, a pencil poised in his right hand over a sheet of notepaper. Whatever the kid had on his mind was not going to let him get any work done tonight.

They'd been at it for a while; maybe they both needed a break. Foss's chair scraped back from the table as he stood up, making Kyle jump. He was back a few moments later, a bottle of beer in one hand and a can of soda in the other. He threw the soda at Kyle, whose left hand seemed to appear automatically out of thin air as he caught the can in mid-flight. Foss smiled. He still got a surge of pride not to mention a kick out of seeing Kyle use his amazing abilities without thinking about it, just because he could, whether it was shattering skylights, making an impossible jump or catching a can of soda that he hadn't known was coming.

'So what's bothering you, Kyle?' He asked, popping the top off his beer and taking a slug.

Kyle looked up, eyebrows raised, forehead wrinkled, a look of surprise on his face that Foss had guessed that something was troubling him.

'You don't hide your emotions very well and your body language gives you away. You're upset and worried and distracted.' Foss explained amicably leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on the table.

'Besides, you haven't turned a single page in the last few minutes which is normally all the time you need to read an entire book!'

Kyle's look of surprise turned to one of guilt and worry as Foss took another swig of beer.

'So, what's on your mind?'

_He didn't sound angry that I had not been concentrating on Adam's research. In fact he seemed concerned and almost…__ friendly. Maybe I could talk to him like Lori had suggested. He was a guy after all!_

Foss watched Kyle with interest as he slowly drank his beer. Kyle remained still for a minute, body stiff and upright as if debating with himself whether or not to divulge his worries. And then he sighed and his shoulders sagged and he looked hesitantly over at Foss.

'You once said that if I needed to talk to someone…'

'Yes…'

'That I could talk to you.'

'And that still holds.' Foss told him.

Kyle took a deep breath in, opened his mouth as if to speak, then thought better of it, closed his mouth again and sighed.

'It's ok, whatever it is you can tell me!' Foss told him gently.

Kyle nodded, then swallowed noticeably, but still didn't say anything.

'Kyle?' Foss prompted him.

'Somebody kissed me!' He blurted out.

Oh, so that's what was worrying him! Kyle's hormones were finally making an appearance! Foss had wondered for quite some time now when sex was going to rear its ugly head. A year ago Kyle's mind was effectively that of a new-born but his body was already well into puberty. Would that strange combination of mental innocence and physical maturity influence Kyle's ability to cope with all the confusing new feelings, emotions and physical changes taking place in his body that experiencing sex for the first time tended to generate in a person? A person with no prior memories, no knowledge, no understanding of what was happening to him yet with a body already primed by adult doses of hormones that would generate within him an adult physical response. When it came to sex Kyle's mind may have been a blank slate but his body was more or less fully developed. Did it respond in the same way that a normal teenager's would?

Foss suddenly recalled the day he had liberated Kyle from the Zzyzx pod with a poignancy that was physical. He remembered how he had pulled Kyle roughly out of the tank, one arm around his back, the other under his knees, trying to get a grip on his almost translucent skin made slippery from the pink goo that had been bathing his body, enveloping and sustaining him for the previous 16 years. He only had a few moments to get the kid out, to get them both out before they would be tortured and then killed.

If he'd had just had a few more minutes he would have been able to make sure that Kyle was safe and secure for the frenzied, adrenaline fuelled journey. He would have been able to settle his arms comfortably over his body, gently cradle his head against his chest and cover his nakedness with a blanket. But as it was there was no time for any of that, no time for comfort and dignity, no time to do anything except run from the building with Kyle's head lolling and flopping against his shoulder and with his penis exposed and lying half way across his abdomen.

Kyle wasn't particularly heavy not having much muscle bulk due to his enforced 16 year period of inactivity but he was awkward to carry due to his size and sprawling dead weight. Foss reckoned Kyle was around six foot tall and his long, gangly limbs dangled limply, getting in the way as he tried to manoeuvre them quickly through narrow corridors and emergency exits. He had carried him into the woods, naked, slimy and cold and it was only when he had deposited him on the forest floor that he had realized that Kyle wasn't breathing.

He hadn't needed to breathe for himself before this moment; the pod and gelatinous pink fluid surrounding him had performed all the necessary physiological functions his body required and he wasn't supposed to be extracted from his life support system so soon, so abruptly, so violently. He hadn't had time to adapt. Foss could still remember the chill that ran down his spine, the fear he felt as he fastened his mouth over Kyle's cold and blue lips breathing life saving oxygen into his collapsed lungs, thumping him repeatedly on the chest shouting at him, willing and pleading with him not to die.

Foss had spent years looking after Kyle, initially because Adam had asked him to, but once he had seen him in the chamber, a child, suspended in liquid, deprived of any external sensory stimuli, isolated from all human contact, something inside him just felt the need to comfort and protect Adam's offspring. He tried his best to make sure that he visited Kyle as often as possible, played him music, talked to him about everything and nothing as he pottered about the lab performing his duties, to stimulate his brain and to make him aware that he wasn't alone.

The med techs and the scientists had told him that Kyle, or rather 781227, couldn't hear him and wouldn't understand him even if he could, but Foss had a feeling that somewhere deep down in Kyle's subconscious, he knew and appreciated what Foss was doing for him.

And when his wife and daughter died, Kyle was the only thing that kept him going. And now he had been taking care of Kyle longer than his own child had been alive. For all the time, attention and… love that Foss had put into looking after and protecting Kyle, for all the effort he had put in to cover his tracks and the people he had 'eliminated' to keep Kyle safe, for all other intents and purposes Kyle was effectively his son.

And now he needed to have the facts of life explained to him! He hadn't been able to have this conversation with his own child because she had died before even entering puberty so maybe this was his way of getting a second chance. Kyle was giving him another opportunity to be a father and this time Foss wasn't going to let his child down.

'Somebody?' Foss asked him.

'A girl.'

'A girl kissed you?'

'Yes!'

'Ok!'

'On the mouth!'

_I wanted __to make sure that Foss understood that this wasn't like a kiss that Nicole sometimes gave me on the cheek or on the forehead or in my hair. This had felt very different!_

Foss looked over at Kyle's earnest expression and tried not smile. Sometimes he was just so young, so innocent and so sweet! Was this really the first time he had been kissed? Foss tried to remember back to his own teenage years, long ago in the mists of time, tried to remember what that first, fleeting taste of the opposite sex had felt like, how wonderful it had been. Had he ever been that young?

'And how was it?' Foss asked him gently.

Kyle paused a second before answering making Foss almost certain that he was accessing his memory and reliving the experience in his mind.

'It was nice.' He said finally.

'Nice?' Foss asked a little surprised.

It certainly wasn't a word he would have used to describe his first kiss! Messy and embarrassing yes, with too much saliva and tongues and teeth clashing but it had been wonderful and exciting too, in fact almost too exciting he seemed to remember because the instant he'd been touched he had almost gone off like a rocket…

'It was amazing!' Kyle reiterated, this time smiling shyly at him.

Yeah, that was more like it, Foss thought.

'But then she started licking and sucking me and she was pulling my hair and touching my face and then something happened to me, to my body…'

Foss's heart went out to the kid. This must be so embarrassing for him. He sympathized, he really did. He could remember the loss of control, the rush of pleasure and liquid heat as if it were yesterday. He knew what was coming. He grimaced inwardly at his unintended pun.

'I got an image of you and… and Lori in my mind, but then it changed and it was me standing there.'

No! That wasn't even close to what Foss had been thinking about!

'What sort of image?' Foss asked frowning. He didn't like where this was going.

'Lori was…'

Foss saw Kyle seemed to be having difficulty swallowing.

'She didn't have any… um…' Kyle floundered.

'She was naked?' Foss guessed.

Kyle nodded almost imperceptibly.

'And what were you doing?'

'I was standing in front of her and then I was going to… going to…'

He looked up at Foss, eyes full of anguish.

'Hurt her!' He whispered.

'But this was just an image in your head right?' Foss asked quickly.

Kyle nodded.

'Did you hurt her? In your head, I mean?'

'No! But I was going to!' Kyle said fearfully.

'But you didn't!' Foss reassured him firmly.

'No…' Kyle said in a small voice, but then more forcibly. 'I wanted to leave, but I couldn't move and then my body…'

'Are we still in your head? You couldn't move, like in a dream?' Foss interrupted.

'No, I really couldn't move and then my body…'

'Hang on a minute! We only had this conversation yesterday.' Foss interrupted, only now just picking up on what Kyle was telling him. 'You mean to tell me that you were making out with some girl last night after what happened at the warehouse?'

Kyle's eyes flicked up to meet Foss's then guiltily looked away again.

'Did she see your face?' Foss asked his voice raising.

'Yes!'

'What did you tell her?'

'That I fell over! But I don't think she believed me and she was so angry and upset and then she kissed it better…'

'Kissed it better?' Foss asked incredulously.

'Yes! That's what she called it. I didn't understand what it meant either!' Kyle said seemingly glad to have found out that he was not the only one having difficulty with all that had happened.

'I understand what it means, Kyle, but what are you, like four years old?' Foss said sarcastically.

He was regretting ever asking Kyle what had been on his mind!

'No, I'm 17!' Kyle said a hurt look on his face.

Foss's eyes narrowed as he looked at Kyle sitting immobile across the table from him. He had been trying to say something, something that was worrying him, something that had happened to him…

'You said that you were going to 'hurt' Lori. What stopped you?' Foss asked.

'She put her tongue in my mouth!' Kyle said simply.

'Christ fucking Almighty!'

Foss stared at Kyle incredulously, his beer momentarily forgotten. He hadn't seen that one coming! So the girl that had been kissing Kyle last night was his foster-sister. Jesus!

'Everything else went out of my head! And then she took my clothes off and touched me and my body was all tingly…'

'I'm not fucking surprised!' Foss said without thinking!

'And it felt really nice but then she touched my penis and suddenly I couldn't breathe and my fingers and lips went numb and the room started spinning and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor and it felt like my body was going to explode.'

An awful feeling of dread welled up in Foss's stomach.

'Kyle!' Foss shouted at him, before swinging his feet down and replacing them with his arms so that he was now leaning across the table. 'Are you trying to tell me that you had… sex with your sister?'

'No!' Kyle said quickly, shocked that Foss could even ask him that question.

Foss thanked God for small mercies before sinking back into his chair, relieved. But if Kyle hadn't had sex with Lori then what was he trying to say? That last night his foster-sister made out with him and jacked him off? Well this was a turn-up for the books! Foss had always thought that when Kyle finally got round to realizing what his dick was for he would have chosen the little blonde next door neighbor, but Lori had obviously offered him something he couldn't refuse!

But while Foss had no problem with Kyle sowing his wild oats per se, doing it with Lori was just wrong on so many different levels and Foss owed it to both Adam and Kyle to point out the reasons why.

'You can't have a relationship with Lori!'

'Why not?' Kyle asked remembering that Amanda had told him exactly the same thing.

'Because she's your sister!' Foss said as though that explained everything and Kyle was an idiot for asking.

'I know!'

He obviously didn't, otherwise they wouldn't be having this conversation!

'It's incestuous, not to mention illegal!'

'So I've been told, but why is it wrong?'

'Because… you'll have retarded children!'

Foss flung out the only logical reason he could think of that might reach Kyle on a cerebral level, although even as he said it, he realized that it wasn't true because Kyle and Lori were not actually related in any way at all.

'Children?' Kyle looked surprised, then anxious. 'Do you think that because I'm different my children will be… brain damaged?'

'No! Of course not! I'm just saying that's the reason that incest is illegal!'

'I can't have a relationship with Lori because of disabled children?' Kyle asked puzzled. 'I don't understand!'

'Christ! What's the matter with you? You can't have a relationship with Lori because… Hell, I don't know, it's just disgusting and sick to want to sleep with your sister!'

Kyle pursed his mouth. He obviously didn't agree with how Foss viewed this whole situation.

'What we did wasn't disgusting or sick. It was nice. I care for Lori. I love Lori. She's my sister!' He frowned.

God! This was a trainwreck! Kyle was supposed to be a genius. Why couldn't he see that what he was doing with Lori was wrong? Foss cursed the moment he'd told Kyle that he could come to him to discuss his problems. He just wasn't the touchy-feely-talky type! What on Earth had he been thinking?


	19. Chapter 19

Love from jealousy – part 19

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

'Kyle, you can't have sex with Lori! You can't kiss her or let her touch your body. She's your sister and you live under the same roof as her. It's incestuous and it's wrong.' Foss told him, exasperated.

'Why would you think that I want to have sex with Lori?' Kyle asked puzzled.

'Didn't you just tell me that Lori put her tongue in your mouth, took you clothes off and started touching you?' Foss asked wondering suddenly if he had got hold of the wrong end of the stick and Kyle had in fact been talking about something completely different.

'Yes, but what's that got to do with me wanting sex?'

'What the fuck?' Foss exclaimed in disbelief. 'Are you insane?'

'I don't think so.' Kyle answered him, unsure of whether the question was rhetorical or not.

'What do you think you were doing then?'

'I didn't…'

'Oh, so what you're telling me is that you didn't do anything so it was all Lori's fault! She was the one who did the kissing, stripping and groping. She was the one who felt you up. It was Lori that was in the wrong, not you!' Foss said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

'I tried to leave, to put some distance between us, like you told me, but once she started kissing me, I just couldn't move. It didn't feel wrong Foss. Lori seemed to know what my body wanted and when she touched me, it felt amazing!'

'Yeah, well it is wrong so the next time you get that urge when you're with your sister…' He emphasized the last two words, 'go and take care of it on your own!' Foss told him sarcastically.

'How can I…'

'Go and jerk off like a normal person!' Foss pre-empted, shouting at him.

Kyle looked at him blankly.

'Jesus Kyle! You know, relieve the tension, masturbate!'

'Oh!' He said understanding now what Foss had meant. 'Lori said I should talk to you about that.'

'What?' Foss asked in disbelief.

There were two things wrong with Kyle's previous statement and Foss chose the least embarrassing one to discuss first.

'You told her about me?' Foss asked incredulously.

'No, of course not!'

'Then how did she…'

'She said I should talk to a guy.' Kyle enlightened him.

Now Foss had to talk about the other thing; the embarrassing thing and he still couldn't believe that Kyle had discussed that with Lori! Had families changed so much since he had been a child? He would never have dared speak about anything this personal with friends let alone his family! What was with the Tragers? Had they always been bizarre or had this only happened since Kyle had come to live with them?

'Well, you are a guy…' Kyle prompted when he didn't respond. 'And she said that it was a confidential matter and I should ask about it in private!'

Foss could feel a warmth suffusing his face and knew that he was blushing. He didn't normally get embarrassed but this! He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Kyle really expect him to discuss the finer points of masturbation with him? He glanced across the table at Kyle who was waiting patiently for him to speak, a look of interest on his face.

God! Just when he thought he was making progress with Kyle on a social level and actually starting to enjoy his company, he goes and pulls a stunt like this! And the fragile relationship that had been slowly and painfully building immediately crashed as Kyle reinforced once more just how odd he was.

'So what were you doing talking about this with Lori anyway?' Foss asked him confrontationally and throwing the subject back at Kyle; an avoidance tactic if ever he had seen one!

'She was worried about me, about my body's reaction to being touched.'

'Why?' Foss asked.

'I don't know. She seemed to think I was unusual.' Kyle said confused.

'Well maybe you are.' Foss told him bluntly. 'It wouldn't be the first time your body's reacted very differently to the expected norm.'

He watched Kyle frown in consternation. It was obvious that he was unhappy with that suggestion.

'I don't want to be different.' He said in a small voice.

Foss looked over in pity at the young man sitting dejectedly opposite him. Despite his unique abilities and amazing brain, Kyle was still just a confused teenager wanting to know what was happening to him, to his body and desperate to fit in.

'I know you don't, Kyle.' Foss told him gently.

'Will that happen every time someone touches me? Will everyone think I'm abnormal? I tried to… I didn't know what to do!'

Foss noticed the quivering bottom lip, the huge eyes welling up with tears and the uncertainty in Kyle's voice. Oh, for God's sake! Even he wasn't made of stone!

'So how was it different when Lori touched you compared to when you touch yourself?' He heard himself ask and hoping that he wasn't going to regret starting this line of conversation!

There was a pause. Foss looked over at Kyle who was frowning again.

'Touch myself?' Kyle asked confused.

No way! He had got to be kidding! Good God! He'd thought the incest thing was difficult enough! Adam had never said anything about having to explain this! How could Kyle be ignorant about the concept of masturbation? He'd obviously heard of the word because Lori had told him to talk about it! Was he really that sexually naïve? Did he honestly expect anyone to believe that at his age he'd never played with his dick before and brought himself off?

But how could that be? Although Kyle's brain was highly unusual, his body appeared physically normal which meant he had an extremely sensitive and responsive organ in a very visible place on the front of his body within easy reach of his hands and as far as he recalled, Kyle's was more visible than most! It seemed that his physical superiority was not just limited to his speed and strength! So how could he not touch it even if it was only accidentally through his clothes? And once that had happened how could he not continue to explore the amazing sensations that wrapping your hand around your cock brought all men? How could Kyle not know the pleasure of bringing himself to orgasm?

'You know! When you hold and… play with your…'

Foss could feel himself blushing again as he waved his hand vaguely in the direction of Kyle's lower body.

'My penis!' Kyle clarified.

Jesus! Foss winced at the correct anatomical nomenclature that Kyle used. He just made it all sound so clinical, so mundane and routine as though this were just another conversation for him to acquire knowledge about a subject that he knew next to nothing about! He closed his eyes and groaned inwardly as he ran his hand through his hair. It was all the same to Kyle! They could have been talking about last night's football game or what he did at school yesterday as opposed to whether or not the kid jerked off! He didn't know where to look and he certainly didn't know what Kyle expected him to say!

'Why would I do that?' Kyle asked him conversationally.

'You're joking right?' Foss snorted in disbelief, his embarrassment momentarily forgotten.

Kyle's bemused look confirmed that he wasn't.

'Because it feels fucking amazing, that's why! And if you've never whacked off and come all over your own fist then firstly you don't know what you're missing and secondly you certainly are different to every other guy on the planet!' He yelled crudely and hurtfully across the table.

'No I'm not! I'm not different!' Kyle told him urgently. 'I, I… 'whacked off' once!'

The coarse, colloquial language sounded alien and totally wrong coming from Kyle's innocent and pretty mouth.

'Once?' Foss asked at him in disbelief.

Who was he trying to kid?

'And?'

Kyle looked like he wanted to answer, to reassure both Foss and himself that he was normal but he didn't seem to understand the question.

'Well? What was it like?' Foss asked him confrontationally.

'Um…'

And as Foss watched Kyle swallow noticeably, an unhappy and anxious look on his face, he suddenly felt triumphant. The tables had been turned and Kyle was the one who was unsettled and uncomfortable now, squirming awkwardly beneath his gaze. Although the topic of conversation was still an embarrassing one, Foss no longer felt embarrassed discussing it. He was the normal one here and Kyle with his superior body and brain was trying to emulate him! How twisted was that? Yet he felt oddly elated!

'It, it was… nice!' Kyle stammered out.

'Nice?'

There was that word again!

'Is that all?'

He snorted dismissively.

'What about when you came?' He said aggressively and then rolled his eyes at seeing Kyle's blank look.

'When you ejaculated?' He rephrased, annoyed at Kyle's ignorance of the vernacular.

'I, I haven't…I mean, I didn't…Well, I stopped!

'Stopped? Why on Earth would you stop?' Foss asked amazed.

'Because it felt kind of… sensitive!'

Sensitive? Of course it was sensitive! It was a cock for Christ's sake! It was supposed to be sensitive. Hell, it was the most sensitive part of a man's body! He couldn't believe it! The kid really was a freak!

'Well, you must be doing it wrong then!' Foss told him bluntly, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest.

He could see that they weren't going anywhere fast with this line of conversation and it was time to end it before either one of them got any more embarrassed than they already were. And as he regarded Kyle sitting opposite him, his sense of elation rapidly faded. He didn't feel at all triumphant now. He had been proud of himself a minute ago because it was the first time he'd managed to get one over on Adam's extraordinary offspring, on Kyle, with his speed of light reflexes, his superior strength and stamina and his phenomenal IQ.

God! He was supposed to be the adult and mentor here! Why would he want to make himself feel good at the expense of an anxious and insecure teenager about a subject that was both so embarrassing and so personal that if wrongly handled could cause irreparable damage to the kid's already fragile ego and self-esteem? It wasn't as if Kyle was exactly inundated with people he could talk to, who knew about him, his origins and his abilities. Maybe this was just the hair trigger of youth or Kyle misreading the sensations coming from his over-stimulated body for the first time, having literally nothing to compare them to or maybe his body really did behave differently to everyone else's. After all, Adam's certainly hadn't been normal.

'Foss?'

Kyle's hesitant voice interrupted his thoughts.

'I want to know what to do…'

And suddenly the tables had turned back again. Foss felt himself blushing furiously as the realization of what Kyle was asking of him hit home. And then he saw Kyle's hands disappear under the table…Oh God! Was he going to take it out here and do it in front of him, right now?

'What the fuck are you doing?' Foss shouted hysterically.

'I'm going to…' Kyle started to explain.

'Put your hands on the table where I can see them!'

Foss stood up, eyes wide, breathing heavily.

Kyle obediently raised his hands, revealing the can of soda Foss had thrown him clasped in his fist.

'I was thirsty…' He said apologetically.

Foss stared at the unopened can in Kyle's hand for a moment before stumbling backwards away from the table, away from Kyle. He took a deep breath in and ran his hand through his hair. He didn't know what was the matter with himself. It wasn't as though he had never seen a naked male body before or watched other men jerk off in front of him! Hell, there wasn't much else to do to relieve the boredom and frustration when you were in the military, confined to barracks! So why had the thought of Kyle doing that caused him to become almost hysterical? Could it be the fact that they had been talking about incest and here he was taking on the role of the father, pretending to care for Kyle yet really just abusing him?

He thought back to all the times he had shouted at the kid, told him he wasn't trying hard enough, inferring that he was lazy and not taking his job seriously, reinforced how different he was, told him he shouldn't need a family, tried to isolate him from the people who loved him, tried to prevent him from forming any sort of relationship that didn't center around himself, hell he had gotten so angry with him yesterday for just missing a single training session that he had punched him in the chest and kicked him in the head and if it hadn't have been for Kyle's lightening reflexes, either one of those blows could have been fatal! Was that what his subconscious was trying to tell him? That he was responsible for Kyle's problems?

No! That was psychological bullshit! He was only looking out for Kyle and it wasn't his fault if the kid didn't listen and needed the occasional dose of tough love. He could feel himself growing angry at Kyle, at Adam, at himself. Kyle had put him in this situation and made him feel like this. How could someone as clever as Kyle not understand that this wasn't a topic of conversation you had with anyone let alone your physical trainer? Kyle kept on telling him that he didn't want to be different and he just wanted to be normal. Well, normal people didn't discuss incest or masturbation or expect other people to tell them how to do it! And why the fuck hadn't Adam warned him about the possibility that Kyle's body might be different? And just what the hell was he supposed to say to the kid if he ever asked about sex, which inevitably he was bound to do?

It had been a mistake to think that he could do this, that he could be 'emotionally available' and counsel Kyle he realized bitterly. He wasn't the right person for the job and he was a fool for even daring to think that he might have been good enough to be a father to anyone let alone this boy, this amazing boy with his brilliant mind and his desperate need to fit in, to be accepted, to be loved.

'It's late Kyle, you should go home. Nicole will be getting worried.'

Foss's emotions were reigned in, his voice low, his tone clipped.

'But we haven't finished talking about…'

'I don't think I'm really the right person to help you.'

'But you said that I could talk to you. About anything!'

'Anything except this!'

'This?'

'Yes, this! Personal stuff!'

'It's all personal to me, Foss! Everything I don't understand is personal! I don't know what I should say or do or how to behave. I don't know what is appropriate or normal. I'm learning but there don't seem to be any rules. Other kids have had a 16 year head start on me. I need to talk to someone. How else am I supposed to understand any of this and fit in?' Kyle shouted desperately.

'Isn't that what your family's for? Don't they know the most about you?'

'Not as much as you! You know everything about me and about Adam! Did this happen to him too?' Kyle asked frantically.

Foss ignored his very valid question. He just wanted to pass the buck and get the kid out of here.

'You should talk to Stephen.' He said calmly. 'It's a father's job to tell his son the facts of life.'

And Foss wasn't this kid's father; didn't deserve to be this kid's father.

'I can't. Stephen thinks that I hurt Lori!'

Foss heard the pain in Kyle's voice and wanted to ask him what had happened, wanted to know why Stephen would have thought that about him. Yet doing so would have just started this whole discussion up again. He pressed on trying to find another person with whom Kyle could confide in, who could advise him.

'Well Nicole then? She's a psychologist. Sex is part of her remit!'

'But Lori said that I had to talk to a guy!'

'Ok, well what about your interfering friend Declan? He's a guy!'

'He's not talking to me because I wouldn't tell him my secrets, because you wouldn't let me.'

Kyle was fast running out of options and Foss was feeling increasingly guilty about abandoning him in his hour of need. But he just couldn't face doing this and in any case he had a bottle of whiskey that needed to be drunk tonight and he didn't want Kyle around to see the sorry mess he knew that alcohol combined with anger and guilt turned him into. Foss knew that when he was drunk, it got ugly.

'I told you not to involve him at all, but you wouldn't listen and you're not listening to me now. It's time for you to leave.' He said angrily and with a finality that broached no argument.

'But what about what happened to me with Lori, to my body? And what should I do?' Kyle tried desperately and in vain to continue the conversation.

'You're a clever guy, Kyle, I'm sure you'll figure it out. Now go home!'


	20. Chapter 20

Love from jealousy – part 20

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

_I__ had walked home in a daze, my mind in turmoil. I couldn't stop thinking about Amanda and Lori and Foss and all the things that had happened in the last day. I let myself into the house and quietly shut the front door behind me. I felt anxious, twitchy and unsettled. I made my way to my room, got into my tub and leaned my head back against the pillow. The sides surrounding me usually gave me a sense of calm, probably due to a subconscious throwback to my life in the incubation chamber at Zzyzx but not today. The walls enclosing me were not enough to make me relax and allow my mind to concentrate and process all the thoughts and feelings and questions that the past 24 hours had generated within me. I needed something more. I got out of my tub and went upstairs to the bathroom. The tub there was almost identical to the one in my room and I had spent many of my early days with the Tragers curled up in it, frightened and alone. But this tub had one thing that mine didn't have: a means of filling it with water._

_When Nicole had first brought me home a year ago I discovered how enjo__yable having a bath could be. The foam bubbles she added not only made me smell nice and got me clean from whatever mess I had accidentally smeared all over myself that day, but the warm water surrounding my body made me feel relaxed, safe and secure. Of course, at the time I didn't know why it made me feel that way just that it did and so began the nightly ritual of my bath._

_I put the plug in, turned the taps on and added s__ome of Nicole's foam bubbles to the cascading water. I took off my clothes and then got into the bath. I took a deep breath in, then slowly exhaled and let myself slip under the surface. As the warm water enveloped me and covered my head I could feel the tension in my body begin to dissipate. My limbs became lighter and my heart rate slowed down, somehow freeing my mind and allowing it to process all that had happened to me._

_I had started spending time with Lori because she was upset about her split from Declan and she seemed to need someone to be with her, to make her feel that she was not alone. The more time I spent with her, the more I seemed to enjoy her company. I liked the way she looked at me and touched me and then when she kissed me, my body had seemed to come alive. No one had ever made me feel that way before._

_I had told Amanda that I loved Lori yet Amanda had said that Lori was 'in' love with me and the way she had said it __made it sound like a bad thing. That one small preposition then seemed to change whether or not love was right or wrong. But how could love be wrong? How could it be wrong to care for someone so much that you would do anything to keep them from being hurt? And that's how I felt about Lori, because Lori was my sister._

_Both Amanda and Foss had become agitated when they discovered that Lori had been touching me. They repeatedly used the word incest and said it was illegal, sick and wrong. But kissing and hugging and by extension touching was a way o__f expressing affection. Why was it wrong to show another person, even if they were related to you, that you loved them? Lori's touch had made me feel amazing. Surely then making someone feel that good was a way of showing them that you cared deeply for them?_

_I had thought that Lori was initially using me as a substitute for Declan because she had seemed so upset when she realized that it was me she had been kissing. But now I was not so sure. Amanda had said that Lori appeared very 'clingy' and was always hanging around me. I had thought this was because she enjoyed my company as I enjoyed hers, but what if it was more than that?__ Last night she kissed me like she used to kiss Declan and I had seen Amanda hold Charlie close and stroke his skin and run her hands through his hair like Lori had done to me; like someone would do to their boy-friend. Was that what Lori thought I was to her?_

_Foss had seemed to think that Lori and I were having sex. I didn't understand why he would think that because we had only been kissing. I had no first hand experience of sex and although I knew the mechanics of it having attended sex ed. classes in school, I was sadly lacking in the details. I had thought that people took their clothes off to have sex and lay down on a bed before intercourse took place. Lori had been fully clothed when she was kissing me and I had only a tub in my room which was quite a tight fit for one person let alone two lying down! But then Lori had taken my shirt off and had wrapped her legs around me and the movement of her pelvis against mine was incredibly stimulating. What would have happened if we had continued? Would she have taken all my clothes off? Would she have taken her clothes off? Were there things that happened before sex actually took place? Was what we had been doing in fact a preamble to sex?_

_The thought made me feel both aroused and uncomfortable. The sensations Lori had generated in me last night were amazing, yet they had also scared me, because yesterday, I had been out of control. When Lori had taken my shirt off, rubbed her hands over my chest and sucked at my skin, I couldn't control my reactions. My body would not respond to me, it was as if it had taken on a life of its own, yet the sensations and feelings her touch generated in me were exquisite. One part of me wanted to experience more, to know what would have happened had Lori continued to touch me, yet the rest of me was frightened by such intense feelings that appeared so rapidly, sensations deep within me that I couldn't understand or control. I had wanted her to stop so that I could put some distance between us, yet her touch left me gasping and unable to move._

_While the water surrounding me had freed my mind enough to allow it to begin to process the thoughts and emotions that had been confusing me it had also reminded my body of the sensations that Lori had evoked in it last night. I thought back to how she had put her arms around me and pulled me close. I could feel her breasts pressed up against my chest and I wondered what it would have been like if I had taken her shirt off like she had done to me. But thoughts of wanting to see Lori naked were wrong; both Amanda and Foss had told me so and letting Lori touch me was also wrong, yet the more I tried to block the thoughts and memories from my mind the more they pushed themselves into the forefront of my consciousness. I felt the blood start to flow into my groin and that familiar pressure building up in my pelvis as I remembered how good my body had felt, the pleasure she had generated when she had touched me and the lingering feeling that there was still so much more to experience._

_I cared for Lori__ deeply and didn't want her to be hurt but I had never contemplated having sex with her, in fact I had never contemplated having sex at all. Sex was something you were supposed to do with someone that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. It was about the joining of two people both physically and emotionally. It was supposed to be special and mean something profound. At least that's what I imagined it should be! But from the little snatches of conversations I had overheard from Josh and from people at school, sex seemed to be some forbidden, unattainable goal that was messy, embarrassing, occasionally painful and could get you into trouble. So why then did people talk about it incessantly and want it so badly?_

_I thought back to all the times Lori had touched me, soft and gentle touches on the arm, how she stroked my hair and caressed my face, how I would catch her staring at me in school or across the table at dinner, how she would maintain eye contact for just a few seconds longer than normal, how her pupils would dilate __and her heart rate would speed up as she looked at me and how she would smile as though I was the most important person in her world…_

_And __as I lay there in the bath aroused and submerged beneath the warm water I realized that that was the way I had always wanted Amanda to look at me, the way I imagined that Amanda would one day touch me, the way I wanted Amanda to smile at me. Was that what Amanda had meant when she said that Lori was 'in' love with me? Did being in love with someone mean that you couldn't stop thinking about them and wanted to be with them every minute of the day, to hold them and kiss them and touch them, to sleep next to them, to dream about them and to… have sex with them? And did Lori feel that way about me?_

* * *

Lori realized that although she had been 'studying' for the last two hours she still hadn't actually made a start on her assignment yet. What she had done though was to artistically doodle all over her piece of paper and it was now full of drawings of various types of flowers, bizarre geometric shapes, a couple of small animals (species unknown but possibly related to the common chipmunk), several faces with different hairstyles, a pair of lips with a giant spliff hanging out of one side and Kyle's name written in elaborate, swirling handwriting over and over again. She threw her pen down in disgust and screwed the paper up into a ball before throwing it into the trash. Her mom would have a psychological field day if she ever saw that! Lori sighed. There was no point in sitting here in her room just thinking about him, about what they had done last night and about what it meant when she could go downstairs and ask him about it.

The whole situation with Kyle was driving her crazy. She hadn't realized just how dependent she had become on him. If she didn't see him at breakfast and at school and at home, before, during and after dinner she felt cheated somehow. But when he looked at her and smiled she felt so incredibly happy. It was a smile meant just for her, like he understood everything, like they had a secret and it made her feel wonderful. But the downside of it was she didn't want to share him and just recently she had been feeling jealous of his friendship with Amanda Bloom and she didn't want to be that person; possessive, demanding and insecure. After all Kyle wasn't hers to share or to be jealous about.

And then of course there was last night. She hadn't meant for it to happen at all. She had only gone down there to apologize to him for kissing him in the first place. But then he had seemed so upset when she told him it had been a mistake and then she had seen his face and all she had wanted to do was to make him feel better but once she had started kissing him she couldn't stop: The taste and smell of him, the feel of his lips, his hair, his skin, the heat radiating from him, the little sounds he made, the way he looked at her and the way he reacted when she touched him…she had never felt so alive, so turned-on in her life.

Yet Kyle had said and done nothing and it had suddenly become important to know whether the most amazing sexual encounter she had ever experienced was as gratifying and enjoyable for him as well. She thought back to her midnight conversation with her mom and realized that it wasn't just about the sex any more. Nicole had been right. She had been feeling lost and adrift because she hadn't understood until today what was happening to her. And now that she did, she had absolutely no idea what she should do about the unassailable fact and revelation that she had indeed fallen in love with Kyle.

His door was open but he wasn't in his room, however, she knew he was home because he'd left his backpack on his desk. He wasn't in the kitchen or the lounge or the study which meant he had to be upstairs and the only place he could be was in the bathroom. She knocked on the door which she noticed was slightly ajar. She called out his name and pushed the door open a bit further before hesitantly sticking her head around it. She didn't want to catch him on the toilet or doing anything else that was equally as embarrassing! But the only thing there was a neat pile of clothes, which meant that their owner had to be in the bath. Yet from here, it appeared empty.

As she walked into the room she could see that the tub was actually full of water and beneath the surface was a dark shape, unmoving and partially obscured by the remnants of Nicole's foam bubbles. He was so still that at first she thought he had drowned. There wasn't a ripple anywhere to be seen which meant he must have been underneath the water for several minutes at least. She felt her stomach turn over and for a moment thought her heart had stopped. Oh God! Had Kyle killed himself? Because of what she had done to him?

But then reason took hold of her as she remembered just who it was she was dealing with. Kyle had done this before, when he had first come to live with them and it was her dad who had had exactly the same reaction as she had just done. She thought back to how he had reached into the water and yanked Kyle's head and shoulders out, terrified about what he might find. Kyle had initially looked a little surprised at being grabbed so unceremoniously but then he just sat up, rubbing his eyes, brushing his hair off his face and then smiled at them all, as if trying to reassure them that lying under water was a totally natural thing to do. And the look of relief on her dad's face! Lori leant over the tub and peered in.

Kyle's head was totally covered by water and there were no bubbles of air coming from around his nose or mouth at all. His eyes were closed and his hair was 'floating' away from his scalp like seaweed gently moving in a coral reef. The make-up she had so carefully applied and touched up several times in school that day had washed off and the purple and yellow bruising was once more visible on his pale skin. His arms were hanging freely by his sides and he looked so relaxed and serene that he could have been asleep except for one thing. He was totally submerged and as such had had to cross his legs to fit the whole of his body under the water, which meant that his feet were somewhere underneath his butt pushing his pelvis towards the surface and revealing that he was very aroused.

Lori's stomach turned over for the second time in as many minutes. She thought back to the three times in the past she had seen him naked and realized that they had all taken place here in this very room; twice last year when emotionally speaking, he was little more than a child, even though physically he was almost fully developed and that time a couple of weeks ago when she had walked in on him as he was stepping out of the shower. But today was different; today was the first time she had seen him naked and… hard!

She had been fantasizing about that situation more and more often until recently the lascivious and lustful thoughts had occupied her mind for most of her waking hours. And then of course there were her dreams; all involving Kyle, naked and positively pornographic in nature! But now the real thing had presented itself right in front of her and it was bigger and better than she could have possibly imagined…

_And suddenly I realized that I was no longer alone.__ Like those few weeks ago when Lori had walked in on me in the shower, the emotion and confusion I had been feeling had dulled my senses to the approach of another mind and I opened my eyes to see the blurred image of Lori leaning over the tub and staring at me, her long chestnut hair framing her face. And then she looked down my body and I could sense her heart beat increasing and I knew that she had seen that I was aroused. I sat up quickly, splashing water all over the floor and tried to hide my body from her. Why was she here and what did she want from me?_


	21. Chapter 21

Love from jealousy – part 21

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori jumped backwards in surprise as Kyle suddenly shot up from the bath, wiping water from his eyes and brushing his hair off his forehead. He then quickly brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He looked both embarrassed and scared to have found her watching him.

'Kyle? Are you ok?' She asked him concerned.

'Why are you here?' He spluttered breathlessly.

'I came to see you!'

'But I'm in the bath!' He squeaked out.

'Well if you didn't want anyone to come in you should have made sure you shut the door then…' Lori told him sarcastically.

'Oh!'

'What are you doing in here anyway? You normally take a shower… In the morning!'

'I needed to think!'

'And you couldn't do that at your desk or in your own tub?'

'It was important and I needed water. It relaxes me.'

'What were you thinking about that was so important that you had to lie under the water for and make me nearly have a heart attack because I thought that you had drowned?'

'You!' He answered without hesitation.

'Me?' She asked surprised.

Kyle had been lying in the bath with a hard-on thinking about her? Wow! She felt her face break into a grin. She couldn't help it because all of a sudden she just felt so happy. She took a step towards him…

'Kyle…'

'Do you want to have sex with me?' He blurted out wide-eyed.

Jesus! Lori's mouth dropped open in shock and for a second she was speechless! Had Kyle just made the joke of the century or was he really asking what she had secretly been longing to hear?

'What now? Here in the bath?' She asked, her voice dead-pan.' We should at least take it somewhere a bit more comfortable, like say, my bed!' She said dryly.

Lori watched as Kyle's eyes almost popped out of his head as he stared at her incredulously, a look of utter disbelief on his face. The whole situation would have been quite comical if Lori hadn't known with absolute certainty that Kyle believed every word that she had just said, just as he had when Josh had told him he was going upstairs to stick pins in his eyes, when they were about to watch the Wizard of Oz. Was he ever going to get the hang of humor?

'Kyle, I'm joking…'

She looked over at him hoping to see the sheepish smile and the relief in his eyes that usually happened after he realized she had just been teasing him, but her attempt to lighten the mood and reassure him like she had done so many times in the past failed dismally as he continued to stare at her aghast.

Oh God! He totally believed she was coming on to him, that she was accepting his proposition and by the look on his face just the mere thought of sleeping with her obviously horrified him. Would having sex with her really be that bad? Declan had seemed to like it but what if he had been lying? What if he had actually thought that it was awful?

'Kyle! Don't be silly! Of course I'm not going to have sex with you. That would be like totally incestuous.' She said indignantly as if it was the most stupid thing that he'd ever suggested.

'Incest is illegal!' Kyle blurted out again.

'I know.' She replied frowning.

'We broke the law!' He told her frantically.

'What?'

'We were incestuous…'

'What are you talking about? We didn't have sex!'

'You kissed me and touched me!'

'So?'

'It was wrong.' He said sounding panic-stricken.

As Kyle's frenetic words slammed home Lori felt a terrible sense of dread start to well up inside her and for a moment she thought she was going to be sick.

'Kissing me was wrong?' She asked in a strained voice.

Now she knew what Kyle must have had felt like last night when he had uttered the very same words to her, when he'd thought that she didn't want him, when she'd told him that kissing him had been a mistake… Then she felt a sense of sorrow descend over her that was so acute it was almost physical in its intensity as she finally understood that her feelings towards him were not and had never been reciprocated.

Lori saw Kyle's whole demeanor change instantly in front of her. He was no longer frantic and frightened; he was now worried, anxious and guilty because he knew that what he had said had just wounded her deeply.

'Lori…'

He put his hands on the side of the tub and started to get out before remembering that he was wet and naked and still erect. He sank back down quickly, forehead wrinkling, teeth worrying at his bottom lip.

Lori felt tears pricking at the back of her eyes. Disappointment, devastation and despair overwhelmed her as she now realized that Kyle didn't want her! She had thought he enjoyed her company and spending time with her because he was always smiling at her and holding her and hugging her but had that all just been a lie or had she been reading things into the situation and seeing things that weren't really there?

'I'm sorry.' Kyle said anxiously.

He was sorry? Sorry for making her believe that he cared? Sorry for making her believe that he wanted her? Sorry for making her feel that she had finally found someone that she could be happy with and that she had thought was perfect? Or was he sorry for experimenting with her and using her so that he could get off? God! She felt so embarrassed and so stupid! Had she been that desperate for male company and physical affection since Declan left that she had actually convinced herself that she had fallen in love with Kyle? Kyle for God's sake! What had she been thinking?

Then suddenly she was furious. How dare Kyle come over all holier-than-thou when he had looked at her with such need and longing and desire in his eyes? He had been on fire last night! He had looked so beautiful, his face so expressive, his body so responsive and she'd never seen anyone appear so turned-on in her life. Was he honestly trying to tell her that he hadn't felt a thing? That she meant nothing to him? She might have been the one that initiated things but he wasn't so innocent or as pure as he was trying to make out.

'Well, you should have thought about that last night because I didn't hear you telling me to stop!' She hissed angrily at him.

'I couldn't…'

'Are you saying you didn't like it?' She asked incredulously.

'No, but…'

'Because your body sure as Hell seemed to know what it wanted, in fact it looked very much like it does right now…' She spat out, breathing heavily, trying to get her emotions back under control.

She watched as Kyle's eyes widened once more and two spots of color blossomed over his cheekbones. It seemed the crude meaning of her hurtful comment was not lost on him and now he appeared embarrassed and self-conscious. Well, welcome to my world she thought spitefully!

'I tried to stop it happening because I know it's an intimate and private thing but you were kissing me and I couldn't help it! And then you took my clothes off and it wouldn't go down and I was dizzy and I couldn't think properly! But when you started touching my… um… touching me down there, I knew that something was going to happen that I wouldn't be able to control and I wanted to tell you to stop, but I couldn't move and then I couldn't breathe and I was so scared…'

Lori remembered how she had told Hillary that Kyle was off limits and that she would never touch him, never hurt him yet here she was not only having physically abused him, but now trying to pin the blame on him for her lack of control and make him feel embarrassed and guilty because that's how she was feeling. He'd tried to explain and make sense of what had happened to him last night but he just seemed to be overwhelmed by the sensations coming from his body, the sensations that she had evoked in him and that he was probably experiencing for the first time ever.

She had accused him of not stopping her and therefore encouraging her actions but Kyle hadn't responded to her because she had scared him to the extent that he had been physically unable to move. It was not surprising that he had felt out of control, because if he hadn't have collapsed at her feet when he did she was sure that he would have climaxed just a few seconds later and if kissing and touching your brother to orgasm wasn't inappropriate, incestuous and totally and utterly wrong she didn't know what was.

_I had wanted to help Lori and make her feel better but it seemed that all I had done was cause her more pain and that once again I was responsible for hurting the people that I cared for the most. I had made both Lori and Amanda upset and angry by saying the wrong thing and not acting w__hen I should have done. I had tried to make Lori understand what had happened last night but my explanation just seemed to make her even more distressed and now she was looking at me like I was a freak. Lori had said that I hadn't stopped her so did that make all this my fault? Was I the one being incestuous and breaking the law?_

'Lori?' Kyle said in a small voice.

'What?'

'I want to get out of the bath!'

'Well, get out then! What's stopping you?' She snapped at him still reeling from the shock of his confession, at just how scared she had made him, of how she had potentially damaged him psychologically and emotionally and of how guilty and angry she felt at herself.

'Um…I haven't got any clothes on!' He said looking embarrassed.

Lori snorted.

'Well, it's not like I haven't seen you naked before is it?'

Kyle frowned and bit his lip.

'I,I don't feel comfortable…' He stuttered.

Lori didn't know it was possible to feel any worse than she already did until she heard Kyle utter those words. She thought back to his explanation of what had happened. He said that he had wanted to tell her to stop but she had frightened him to the extent that he couldn't speak. The sense of dread was back as she realized that she had effectively touched Kyle against his will. She looked over at him still sitting at one end of the bath, arms wrapped around his legs, hugging his knees to his chest like he was trying to comfort and protect himself. He just looked so small and vulnerable. God! She hated herself. How could she have done this to him?

'Oh for fuck's sake, Kyle, just get out of the bath!' She shouted, angry and irritated at herself but taking it out on him for making her feel that way.

'Lori?'

Nicole's voice called out from the landing.

'Are you in the bathroom? With Kyle?'

Nicole pushed open the bathroom door to see both her daughter and her foster-son turn their heads to look at her wide-eyed, with identical expressions of fear and guilt on their faces. What was Lori doing in here while Kyle was taking a bath? Her worry over her daughter's potentially inappropriate behaviour turned to worry of a different kind when she suddenly noticed Kyle's bruised jaw.

'Oh my God! Kyle! What on Earth happened to your face?' She cried, rushing over and bending down beside him.

Lori watched Kyle shrink away from Nicole's touch as she turned his head gently from side to side surveying the damage incurred to the skin overlying his jaw and cheek.

'Kyle what happened?' She asked again, looking at him concerned.

He hugged his legs even closer to his chest and put his chin on his knees. It was as though he seemed to think that if he made himself as small as possible, he would become invisible and wouldn't have to answer any more awkward questions.

'I fell over.' He whispered.

_Although that was technically true, I knew it was still a lie of omission __and I couldn't look at Nicole because I felt guilty not telling her the whole truth and like Lori last night, she too didn't believe my story._

'Kyle…'

Lori recognized her mother's 'do you really expect me to believe that?' tone of voice. Both her and Josh had been on the receiving end of it more times than she could remember, but she never thought that she would hear her mom using it on Kyle.

'I, I did fall over…' He stuttered weakly.

'But that's not all that happened is it?' She said frowning.

Lori noticed the guilty and worried look spread over Kyle's face as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment at having being caught out not telling the truth. God! He was such a crappy liar! Did he think that they were both stupid or something?

Nicole swung round to face Lori.

'Did you know about this?' She asked angrily.

Lori's eyes widened in surprise as she was suddenly caught off guard and accused of being Kyle's co-conspirator, a crime of which for once, she was completely innocent of. She glanced quickly over at Kyle looking for clues as to how he wanted to play this, but he seemed to be so stricken with guilt and anxiety that he wasn't able to move, let alone signal to her what he wanted her to do. Shit! What had really happened to him and why was he so determined not to tell anyone about it? She hadn't been kidding when she had told him that her mom would lose the plot if she found out about this.

'Answer me!' Nicole demanded furiously.

Lori took an involuntary step backwards at the intensity of Nicole's anger. She didn't want to land Kyle in it, but she also didn't want to be blamed for his deception when she had tried to get him to tell her parents last night. And on another purely selfish note…She didn't want to be grounded yet again. She swallowed nervously.

'I didn't exactly know…'

'I can't believe you Lori!' Her mother launched into an angry tirade.

Lori realized she needn't have worried about trying to think of what to say to her mom, because Nicole had already made up her mind that she was involved and it seemed that she wasn't in the mood to listen to any more lies from either of them.

'How could you not tell me about something as serious as this? Look at him! Bruising that severe means a significant amount of blood must have been released into his skin from ruptured veins and the only way that could have happened would be blunt trauma to his face. So either Kyle was in a road traffic accident which seems unlikely given that my car doesn't have a scratch on it or he was hit in the head.'

When her mom put it like that, explained it in such medical detail, it just sounded so awful.

'So what happened?'

'I don't know.' Lori said anxiously.

'Lori, you're supposed to be the mature one here, you're supposed to be looking out for Kyle, taking care of him, not letting him get hurt.'

The logical and rational part of Lori's mind understood that Nicole must have been really shocked and scared over suddenly seeing Kyle like that, after all she hadn't had a day to get used it and that she was probably transferring her worry and fear into anger to stop her having to face the horrendous possibility that Kyle could have been much more seriously injured, maybe even permanently. But the selfish and childish part of her didn't think it was fair that her mom was blaming her for not protecting Kyle, after all how could she have when she hadn't even been there, where ever there was?

And suddenly it wasn't about Kyle's physical injuries any more; it was about the emotional impact of what she had done to him last night. It was like her mother knew what had happened between them and was telling her just how badly and irresponsibly she had behaved. Nicole was right. She was supposed to be the mature one in this 'relationship'. She should have known better. Kyle was the innocent, the child who didn't know what to expect, who didn't know what was happening to him. She was supposed to be taking care of him, protecting him and instead she had hurt him just as much as if she had hit him in the face herself.

She looked over at Kyle sitting motionless in the bath, anguish written all over his face. She felt her throat start to close up and tears prick the back of her eyes once more.

'I'm sorry…'

And she wasn't quite sure who she was apologizing to; her mom or Kyle or both of them.

'So what happened?' Nicole pushed again.

'I really don't know. I just found him like that.' Lori said tearfully.

'And you didn't take him to the nurse?' Nicole asked in disbelief. 'And nobody in school thought it was important to let his parents know that he had been injured? Lori, why didn't you phone me?'

_I knew that Nicole was cross and upset__ but I didn't understand why she was angry with Lori. This was all my fault, yet Lori was taking the blame. She could have easily denied knowing anything about what had happened to me yet she was covering for me, protecting me and lying for me._

'It's not Lori's fault and nobody in school knew about it.' Kyle blurted out, suddenly breaking his silence.

'What?'

'I covered my face up this morning.'

'This morning? You mean this didn't happen today in school?'

'Just tell her, Kyle, she's going to find out anyway.' Lori said to him.

'Tell me what?'

'Kyle please…' Lori implored as she saw him start to clam up.

'Tell me what?' Nicole asked again, but this time there was fear in her voice.

'I fell over yesterday evening and Lori helped me disguise my face before school. She painted over the bruises and I wore a scarf and put my hood up.'

'I thought you were at the library last night. You missed dinner because you said you had an assignment…'

It was like Nicole didn't care about the details, her mind was working through more important points in their deception: She was frowning and then her eyes widened.

'Did you hit your head when you 'fell over'?'

'Yes.' Kyle said quietly. There didn't seem much point in denying it now.

'Were you knocked unconscious?'

Kyle hesitated before answering.

'Yes.' He whispered.

'For how long?'

'I don't know.' Kyle answered honestly now looking at Nicole who was once more bent down next to him and touching his head. But this time she was running her hands through his hair, feeling the back of his scalp and Lori knew she had found what she was looking for when Kyle winced.

'What time did you get in?'

'About ten.'

'Ten? You called to tell me you would be late hours before. Why didn't you come straight home?'

_Lori had been right when she said that Nicole would be worried if she saw __my face, but she was asking very logical, valid and sensible questions despite being angry and upset and I didn't know how to answer them without telling them both what had really happened to me, something that I knew I couldn't do._

'Um…'

Nicole suddenly turned to her daughter.

'Did you put him up to this? Did you tell him to stay away and then sneak him into the house last night?'

'No!' Lori denied vehemently.

It was like her mother couldn't possibly believe that Kyle could do anything duplicitous on his own. But then Nicole had always protected Kyle, looked out for him, believed in him, encouraged him, helped him, loved him and in her eyes her amazing and special son could do no wrong.

'I'm alright, Nicole!' Kyle's voice rang out, uneasily.

_I tried__ to reassure her and direct her attention to me rather than have her focus on Lori as I could see they were both angry and upset and the situation was fast getting out of control. This was my mess and I didn't want to get Lori into any further trouble or make Nicole any more anxious than she already was._

'But you might not have been and you've been trying to hide things from me and Lori's been helping you, lying for you.'

Nicole's anger had been replaced by something infinitely more powerful, Lori realized, at least that's how it would appear to Kyle. Nicole was disappointed in him and she knew that that would affect him much more acutely than shouting at him ever would. And sure enough she saw the guilt appear on Kyle's face that meant he desperately wanted to confess but it was also mixed with the anguish of wanting to keep his secret safe, for whatever his reasons and whatever that secret was. It looked like guilt was going to win as Kyle opened his mouth to speak but not if she intervened and protected him like she should have done before.

'It wasn't like that Mom! Kyle wasn't deliberately hiding things from you, but he didn't want to worry or upset you last night. He knew you would fuss over him and blame yourself for letting him get hurt and then this morning, he wanted to tell you but I persuaded him not to.'

'You persuaded him not to?' Nicole said indignantly. 'Well for that serious lack in judgement on your part you're grounded!'

'No, Nicole that's not fair.' Kyle said frantically, the water sloshing against the sides of the bath as Kyle suddenly shifted and put his hands on the side of tub as if wanting to stand up.

'Lori pleaded with me last night to tell you about what had happened but I didn't want you to get worried. I was the one who persuaded her not to tell. Lori didn't know anything about this and she didn't sneak me into the house last night, I did that myself. If you're going to ground anyone it should be me! Nicole, the reason I missed dinner was because I was so dizzy I couldn't stand up!'

There was a moment of silence as both Lori and Nicole looked aghast at his admission.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Lori finally whispered.

'I couldn't.' Kyle said apologetically.

'But you just told my mom.'

'I had to. This was my fault and you shouldn't be blamed. It was wrong.'

It was wrong? There were those words again. What she had done to Kyle was wrong. But here he was standing up for her once more, protecting her, like he always did. She didn't deserve to have him as a friend. She had betrayed him and his trust in her and she just felt so awful, so embarrassed and so guilty that all she wanted to do was run away from him and hide. Yet he was staring at her and there was something in his eyes that made her unable to look away, unable to move…

'Well at least tell me that you went to the hospital to get yourself checked out, to make sure that you didn't have any internal bleeding.'

Kyle's shocked expression told Nicole that he hadn't even thought about that possibility.

'Well for that serious lack of judgement, you're grounded too!' Nicole told him firmly.


	22. Chapter 22

Love from jealousy – part 22

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Nicole mulled over the events of the evening involving her two elder children as she lay in bed unable to sleep. After her talk with her daughter a few nights ago she had been quite convinced that Lori was in love with Kyle and what she had witnessed this evening had done nothing to make her change her mind on that account. But watching the two of them together, staring into each other's eyes, standing up for each other, each trying to take the blame to protect the other, she realized that Lori's feelings weren't entirely one-sided. It seemed that Kyle also loved Lori deeply and knowing Kyle like she did, she knew that he would do just about anything to protect her. But exactly how far was he willing to go to stop her from being hurt?

Then there was Kyle's behaviour tonight. Nicole felt disturbed and agitated at discovering that he had been less than honest with her but also disconcerted and worried that he'd believed he needed to lie in the first place. Just what was so awful that he felt he couldn't talk to her about, that he considered it necessary to hide from her? Because knowing Kyle and just how difficult and distressing he found lying to be, he wouldn't take the chance of disappointing her, of hurting her if she caught him out unless he perceived there to be a very good reason for keeping the truth from her. And with Kyle the only reason that made any sort of sense at all was that he was protecting someone, so the real questions then were; just whom was he protecting and from what danger or threat? Both of which she realized made her feel very uncomfortable.

Her troubled and restless mind switched back to her daughter. Lori had obviously been upset tonight but whether it was due to her being grounded or because of Kyle's admission that he had been knocked unconscious or because of something completely unrelated she had no idea. Kyle had also realized that Lori was upset and he'd started to get out of the bath to try and comfort her before seemingly remembering that he was naked and sitting back down with a splash.

Then it all seemed to become just too much for Lori and the tears started falling. Kyle's eyes became wide with distress as he witnessed her emotional collapse and he made to get up out of the bath again before once more thinking better of it.

'Lori, I didn't tell you… Lori! I was kicked in the face because I got into a fight over a girl.' He said frantically.

Before his comment Lori had been looking at Kyle with such love, but now there was also pain, anguish and something akin to loss in her eyes. It was as if Kyle's words had somehow unleashed a torrent of emotional heartbreak within her. She looked up at him again but like this was the last time she would ever see him and she wanted to commit every detail of him to memory before finally turning away and walking out of the bathroom.

Nicole remembered how Kyle, his own face a mixture of anguish, guilt and pain, suddenly seemed to make the decision that modesty was no longer important at this point. He uncurled his long limbs and stood up in one fluid motion, water dripping off his glistening body into the bath below before calling out in desperation:

'Lori! I got into a fight over you!'

Nicole recalled the pity she'd felt of witnessing him in such obvious distress that he could stand up in the bath in front of her forgetting his nudity, but then she felt the embarrassment again that had caused her to blush profusely and turn away from him trying to give him some privacy because an unintentional quick glance down at his groin had revealed to her that he was partially erect.

Nicole turned over in bed, squirming uncomfortably. This wasn't the first time that she had seen Kyle without his clothes on but she hadn't been prepared for her very visceral reaction to him standing there naked, aroused and so… noticeable in front of her this time and being semi-hard as well just seemed to make the emotional impact of realizing that he had changed that much greater.

From the moment she had first set eyes on him she had known that he was attractive, but looking at him now, at all the lithe, toned, hard muscle and recognizing just how much his body had filled out, how much he had grown since he had come back to live with them, she suddenly understood why Lori couldn't seem to keep her hands off him: Kyle was quite possibly the most beautiful young man that she had ever seen. But that really wasn't the point was it?

* * *

Nicole tapped softly on her daughter's bedroom door. There was no answer but then again she hadn't really expected one.

'Lori, Honey? Are you ok?' She asked softly, opening the door and letting herself in.

Lori was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. Her eyes were red and puffy and she had inadvertently smeared her mascara across her cheeks as she had run her had across her face trying to get rid of the evidence of her tears. She pushed herself to a sitting position, leaning against the headboard and let out a long shaky sigh.

'I'm fine, Mom.' She said sniffing, her eyes still brimming with tears.

Nicole nodded but didn't say anything. There was silence for a minute as Lori picked at her nails then played with a loose strand of hair before sighing again.

'I did something yesterday… and said some very mean things to someone I care about and respect, to a very good friend of mine and I feel terrible about it and I think that I may have spoilt things between us. I don't know if they still want to be my friend anymore.'

Nicole wondered who she was talking about: Hillary? Declan? Or someone else entirely…'

'Have you explained why you did what you did and apologized to them?'

Lori's expression was strained as she shifted slightly on the bed.

'I said I was sorry, but that just led to… other stuff and then they said some things and I got really angry and then I said…'

Lori paused, took another deep breath in.

'Then I said… '

She tried to continue, but Nicole could see that she was very upset and looked both embarrassed and guilty about what she had said and done.

'Lori…' Nicole put her hand on her daughter's arm. 'These things… Are we talking about Kyle here?' She asked gently.

Lori's eyes immediately filled with tears once more. Her bottom lip trembled and her face crumpled as she began to cry.

'Oh Honey…' Nicole said sympathetically and pulled her into an embrace.

'Kyle doesn't like me!' Lori sobbed into her mother's shoulder.

'How can you say that, Sweetie?' Nicole spoke softly into her hair, stroking her back.

'I just know.' Lori hiccupped.

'Are we both talking about the same person here? Tall, dark and handsome? Sleeps in a tub? Because I just came from where that young man was standing up in the bath, wet and naked and shouting after you! Lori, it's obvious that Kyle loves you…'

'Kyle loves everyone,' she said morosely and dismissively 'but he doesn't 'like' me…'

That generated a fresh bout of sobbing and as Nicole held and comforted her daughter she suddenly realized just what it was that Lori was trying to tell her. She sighed.

'And you 'like' like him.' Nicole confirmed more to herself than asking for clarification from Lori.

She felt rather than heard Lori's muffled answer in the affirmative somewhere in the vicinity of her neck. So Lori had been dumped by the boy who had taken her virginity and then fallen in love on the rebound with her foster-brother only to find that her love was unrequited! No wonder she was distraught.

However, Nicole couldn't conceive of the possibility that Kyle, who was so extraordinarily sensitive to the feelings of others and especially Lori in her current state, was capable of doing anything to hurt her. Yet from her reaction tonight she seemed convinced that Kyle did not return her affections so what had he said or done to make her feel that way and taking it back a step further, what had she done to him in the first place that made her feel so guilty and made Kyle, unconsciously or otherwise rebuff her advances? Because it wasn't just about love any more. Lori 'wanted' Kyle in a physical way as well now and that really did complicate matters.

'I didn't mean for any of this to happen.' Lori said sitting up and wiping her face. 'And I know it's wrong to have feelings for… for…'

'For Kyle!' Nicole said, pushing Lori's hair gently behind her ear. 'And Honey, it's not wrong to have those feelings for him.'

'But it's like you said, Mom! I've fallen in love with him.' Lori confessed, her voice wobbling and her eyes welling up with yet more tears.

'I know.' Nicole said softly and sympathetically.

'It's just that he's so… amazing. And he's been so kind. And sometimes he looks at me and it's like he can read my mind or see into my soul or something and then he smiles and he's just so beautiful and so…'

She paused like she was imagining him in her mind's eye, imagining all the things she wanted to do with him yet knew would never, could never happen.

'Perfect…' Her voice cracked.

Nicole could see the love, the pain, the loss in her face as the tears overflowed and ran down her cheek once more.

'But that still doesn't make it wrong. Having feelings for someone and wanting to share them with that person in a physical way is a very beautiful and natural thing. But although being in love can be the most amazing experience in the world it also comes with a responsibility, a need in fact to put the other person's wellbeing and happiness above your own because how could you ever want to hurt the person you love?'

'But I did hurt him, Mom and then I shouted at him and now he's never going to want to speak to me again. I've messed up everything!' Lori cried, anguish written all over her face.

'Honey, are you sure? Because the way Kyle was looking at you and sticking up for you in the bathroom just now, that's not the action of someone who hates you.'

'You don't understand!' Lori exclaimed, her voice high-pitched and fraught with emotion.

'Maybe not, but I understand that Kyle is different and special and he would never intentionally hurt you.' Nicole told her gently.

'But I'm not special.' She said frantically. 'And maybe the fact that he's different is part of the problem…'

Her eyes were wild looking and darting around the room as though searching for an escape route and then Nicole noticed that her hands were shaking. God! What had she done to make her feel so guilty and scared?

'Lori?'

'I didn't plan any of this, I just wanted to see him.' She said hysterically.

'Plan any of what?' Nicole asked now worried and concerned.

'I only went into his room to talk to him but then I saw the bruises on his face and it really freaked me out and I got angry because he wouldn't tell me what had happened. But he was upset too and worried about how you'd feel and so I said I wouldn't tell you and then I just…I don't know… His face looked so awful and the lump on the back of his head was so huge that I suddenly thought that he could have died that night and he would never have known how I felt. He just seemed to need someone to hold him, to make him feel safe. But then he was staring at me and there was this look in his eyes like he wanted something more and… and… I didn't mean… it just happened…'

Nicole stared at Lori wide-eyed, listening to her recall with ever increasing desperation what had gone on between the two of them. She thought back over the last couple of weeks to all the long lingering looks that Lori had given Kyle, the gentle touches on his arms, his shoulders, how she had run her hand through his hair, soothing and comforting him as he lay with his head resting on her lap. It was obvious how she felt about him and in one respect Nicole couldn't blame her as Kyle's sensitivity to her moods and feelings, his ignorance about the implication of her actions and conduct towards him and possibly even his own feelings regarding Lori made him very receptive to her needs and she could easily see how Lori could have viewed his behaviour as encouragement but had she crossed that line from loving him and wanting him to actually doing something about it?'

'Lori! What 'just happened'?' Nicole asked, becoming increasingly worried.

'I kissed him!' She blurted out.

That was certainly enough! But was that all? Nicole thought.

Lori watched as her mother's eyes first widened as though in shock at her confession and then narrowed as she frowned.

'I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help it!' Lori continued quickly trying to justify her actions. 'He just seemed to need it and he was so sensitive, so responsive and just so beautiful that I couldn't stop…'

Nicole noticed that the tears were about to make an appearance again. It seemed then that kissing Kyle wasn't the end of the story. She felt her heart rate begin to speed up and her stomach turn over at the very real possibility that last night her daughter and her foster-son had had sex with each other.

'But then he just collapsed!'

Lori's lip had started to quiver again.

'Collapsed?' Nicole asked puzzled and worried.

'Well, his legs just seem to give way and suddenly he was on the floor and then he just totally freaked out and it was like he couldn't breathe properly and his eyes had gone all weird and black and his face was really pale and he didn't seem to know what was going on or what was happening to him and he was just… whimpering.'

Nicole thought abstractly that it sounded very much like Kyle had suffered a panic attack: the difficulty in breathing, the dilated pupils and pallor of his skin, the collapse, it could all be explained by hyperventilation and the surge of adrenaline brought on by fear.

'He was kneeling on the floor and his whole body was shaking, Mom, and he just looked so scared.'

'Oh Honey, I can imagine how frightening that must have been for the both of you…'

'I didn't know what to do!'

'What happened? Was he ok?'

'Eventually. I tried to talk to him but he didn't seem to understand and he just looked shattered. So I helped him get into his tub and he curled up into a little ball and went to sleep.' She paused. 'And then I went upstairs to bed.' She said pointedly and almost added as an after thought.

Lori watched Nicole get up and come and sit next to her, back against the headboard. She felt her mother put her arm around her shoulder and one part of her just wanted to relax into her side, bury her face into her blonde hair and hear her mom tell her that everything was going to be ok and that she hadn't ruined anything and that Kyle loved her and wanted to be with her. But the rational part of her knew that wasn't true and that Nicole was going to tell her just how badly she had behaved after all, how could she not when her own daughter had done things; terrible and incestuous things that had hurt and scared her foster-son, for whom she would do anything to protect.

Nicole listened carefully, her eyes narrowed thoughtfully at Lori's description of Kyle's extreme reaction to being intimately touched. She had her suspicions as to his reasons for behaving that way, but she wanted to make sure that Lori wasn't withholding any more important information that would shed a different light on things.

'Honey, why do you think that Kyle behaved that way last night?' Nicole asked, gently stroking her arm.

What? Apart from me scaring him shitless, you mean? Lori thought guiltily to herself.

'I don't know!' She heard herself answer quickly. 'That's why I went into the bathroom just now to talk to him about it.'

'What did he say?'

Oh God! Did her mom know or at least suspect that she had scared him to the point of climax and it wasn't just by kissing him?

'He said that it was his first time.'

Both Nicole and Lori's eyes widened at her unintentional Freudian slip.

'I meant kiss. It was his first kiss! We didn't have… I didn't do anything to hurt him. I love him.' Lori exclaimed frantically.

Nicole could see that Lori was becoming uncomfortable with where her questions were leading and she had the feeling that if she pushed too much further her daughter would clam up altogether and she needed to get Lori to see that although having feelings for Kyle wasn't wrong, acting on them certainly was.

'Lori, I don't doubt the sincerity of your feelings for a minute and I can't think of anyone else in the world it would be easier to fall in love with than Kyle. I know how special he is to you, to all of us, but less than a month ago you broke up with Declan and I just wondered if there could be something else going on here as well. You said Kyle was different…'

'He is different!' Lori said urgently, 'he's good and kind and brilliant and amazing and beautiful and sensitive and vulnerable…'

Vulnerable? Now that was an interesting choice of words, Nicole thought. It implied that Lori was aware of how easily Kyle could be hurt.

'I know that,' Nicole said smiling in agreement at the long list of adjectives Lori had used to describe Kyle, 'but how was he different last night? I mean, how did he react to you before he collapsed?'

Lori frowned.

'He didn't.' She said quietly.

'Didn't what?'

'He didn't react.'

'What? Not at all?'

'No. But it was nice and he seemed to be enjoying himself.'

'Did that happen when you kissed Declan?'

Lori snorted in disbelief.

'You've got to be kidding me right? He was always pushing, wanting more and it was like hands and tongues and...'

She stopped abruptly and felt herself start to blush as she suddenly realized that it was her mother she was talking to.

'Look, what I'm trying to say is that Kyle is different to anyone else I've ever known. He made me feel special, safe.'

Of course he is! Nicole nearly shouted out loud. That's because he is different to everyone else!

'And Declan didn't make you feel special and safe?' She asked carefully instead.

'Declan? Safe? I don't think so! I never used to know where I stood with him from one minute to the next! In the beginning I guess it was rather exciting, I mean he was cool and on the basketball team but he was also a bit intimidating and then recently he wouldn't even talk to me. So did that make me feel special? Not so much!' Lori explained sarcastically. 'But Kyle's nothing like that. He makes me feel special all the time.'

She wanted to make her mother understand that how she felt about Kyle was nothing to do with her split from Declan. They were totally different people.

'I can see that Honey! But when your relationship with Declan ended, with no real explanation and not by your choice, you were in a very vulnerable state. You were projecting feelings of sadness, confusion and loneliness which Kyle, given his extreme sensitivity to the emotions of others around him couldn't fail to pick up on.'

Nicole paused for a moment trying to think of the best way to continue without alienating Lori or minimizing her feelings for Kyle.

'A few days ago we had a rather eventful dinner where tempers were frayed and words were heated…'

'Oh!' Lori said, wrinkling her nose at the memory of that disastrous evening meal after she had just kissed Kyle for the first time and then had got so angry and out of control that she had shouted at him in front of her whole family and hurt him to the extent that she had made him cry. And then he had collapsed, almost exactly like the chain of events that had happened last night…

'Um…Sorry about that!

'That's ok, there was a lot of emotion in the room that night! But you said at one point that Declan was…um…I think the phrase you used was 'a moody arrogant asshole?'

Lori closed her eyes in embarrassment.

'Yeah, well, he kind of is, or was.' She admitted.

'I'm afraid I don't know him well enough to comment on that description, but my point here is that Kyle is none of those things. In fact he's everything to you that Declan isn't or rather wasn't: sensitive, attentive, protective, caring and devoted. It's easy to see how you could have subconsciously projected your feelings of frustration and unhappiness over Declan onto Kyle which makes him 'seem' perfect by comparison.'

'So are you trying to say that I don't really love Kyle?' Lori exclaimed indignantly.

'No, Sweetie, I'm not, not at all! I believe you love him with all your heart. I'm just trying to suggest a reason why Kyle could appear so attractive to you at this point in time.'

Nicole took a deep breath in.

'Kyle by his very nature doesn't push. He just doesn't know how. He's passive and non-threatening in that he lets you lead and he never takes more than you want to give.'

She turned to look at Lori.

'Could it be that it's Kyle's lack of reaction that makes him so appealing right now because in that way he's less intimidating to you, less like Declan and that makes it easier for you to control the relationship and therefore that's why you feel safe with him?'

'Or maybe Kyle's just a guy who is different and really is perfect.' Lori flung back angrily.

Nicole sighed. She knew this must be a very difficult subject for Lori to hear, but coping with it by denial wasn't going to help either her or Kyle.

'Lori!' She said exasperated. 'What you see in Kyle isn't perfection, but rather ignorance and naivety due to his total and absolute lack of experience. He didn't react to you because he didn't know how. You said it yourself; it was his first time and I don't just mean being kissed. Kyle has never been in any sort of relationship before and then suddenly there you are; a beautiful, intelligent girl who is looking at him with such love and such desperate need and longing. That would be a huge ego boost even for a normal boy but imagine what it would do to someone like Kyle who has never experienced anything like that before, never had that rush that comes of having somebody desire you so totally and completely, never had that incredible and mind-blowing feeling of knowing that somebody wants you; heart, body and soul.'

'And then when you finally did get into a situation where you kissed him… Just think back to your first kiss and how it felt to be touched and held and how amazing it was. But you at least knew what was happening and where it might lead. Kyle on the other hand wouldn't have any idea of what was going on and what he was supposed to do: The sights, sounds, smells, tastes of someone intimately touching him, caressing him, kissing him… There's no way he could have possibly understood or interpreted with any sort of logical meaning the physical sensations coming from his body. Remember, he has no memory of which to draw on to tell him whether what was happening to him was normal or not and how to behave in either situation. The whole experience must have been overwhelming for him.'

'But let's just pretend for a moment that Kyle wasn't different, that he was just a normal boy and see what might have happened last night. Either he would have wanted you and therefore would have responded to your advances in which case you would have probably ended up having sex or he would have pulled away and stopped you. But neither case would have generated the response that Kyle gave. Lori, what I'm trying to show you is that if Kyle were aware of things in the same way as you are, if he understood the significance of what was happening to him, the meaning of having a physical relationship with his sister then the chances are he wouldn't be allowing you to get that close.'

Nicole stopped as she saw the silent shaking of Lori's shoulders and despite everything felt so terribly sorry for her. She had initially come in here as a psychologist trying to get Lori to understand that as the 'normal' young adult in this relationship she should have known better and that her behaviour had been both inappropriate and morally and ethically wrong but now she realized she was going to end up just being the mother of a confused, lonely and heartbroken teenager. She pulled her weeping, distraught daughter close and wrapped her arms around her.

'No one's perfect, Lori, not even Kyle, although I will grant you, he comes pretty close to it sometimes! And although you were right about Kyle being special, you were wrong about how you described yourself. Lori…you've always been special to me.' Nicole told her sincerely, kissing her on the top of her head.

'And nothing can change that or how much I love you.'


	23. Chapter 23

Love from jealousy – part 23

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

_I watched in desperation as Lor__i started to cry because of me. Lori who was my sister and had looked after me and cared for me when I was upset in school and at home, had held me and comforted me while I cried over Amanda, had protected me and lied for me causing Nicole to be very angry and ground her all because of what I had done. And I had repaid her kindness and love by rejecting her and keeping things from her. I needed to find Lori immediately and apologize to her for saying the things I did and reassure her that nothing had changed between us, that she was still my friend and I wanted to be with her just as much as before._

_I __quickly got dressed and walked along the landing towards Lori's room but stopped before going in because the door was slightly open and I could see that Lori was still crying. Nicole had her arms around her and was hugging and rocking her and speaking softly to her and it didn't seem right to use my abilities to listen in and intrude upon their private moment. Lori was obviously so upset by what I had done, I didn't know if she would want to speak to me again let alone see me right now so I quietly turned away and went downstairs to my room. I got into my tub but I couldn't go to sleep because all I could think about was the look of pain and loss on Lori's face._

* * *

The next morning Lori lay in bed wondering just how she was going to face either her mother or Kyle ever again. She thought back to the previous evening and at how she had been feeling so guilty at the way she had treated poor Kyle that she just had this sudden urge to confess to someone, anyone, about her behaviour and feelings for him. And not being one to do things by halves, she had bared her soul in spades to the first person that had come along. Just her luck of course that it was her mom! 

She remembered the way she had grabbed at Nicole like a life line, sobbed her heart out, blabbed over the realization that Kyle didn't feel the same way about her and then recalled in horror the moment she had told her mom that she had kissed Kyle! She cringed in embarrassment. Psychologist or not, there were some things that you just didn't tell your mother and molesting your foster-brother certainly fell into that category! What on Earth had she been thinking?

Then of course there was Kyle himself; beautiful, kind, caring, sweet and innocent little Kyle who had done nothing but help her and make her feel better about herself and everything awful that had been going on in her life. But she had so totally overstepped the boundaries of friendship with him and then when he hadn't wanted from her what she was desperate to have from him, she had shouted at him, denied that she wanted to sleep with him because she was so embarrassed that he had found her out and then angrily accused him of leading her on and he had looked at her like he believed her lies, like he was starting to doubt himself, blame himself and think that maybe it really was all his fault…

She had thought long and hard about all the things Nicole had explained to her last night, about how Kyle was incapable of reacting to her due to his lack of experience, about how scared he must have been not recognizing the physical sensations coming from his body, his beautiful, over-stimulated body that she had made get that way by touching and fondling him and how if he was a normal boy, if he had understood the significance of what she had been doing to him, then there would have been no way that he would have allowed anything like that to have happened between them. 

So effectively, she had forced herself on him and if the tables had been turned, if he had been the older, more worldly-wise, supposedly responsible one and had taken advantage of her, an innocent, naïve and sexually immature girl, her parents would have had a fit and probably called the police by now citing sexual assault. 

So once again she was left with feelings of profound guilt, sorrow and loss and a deep dissatisfaction with how things had been left between them. She sighed. She didn't know if Kyle could forgive her for what she had done to him, but if it was possible to salvage any part of her relationship with him she knew she had to try because despite all that had happened Kyle still meant the world to her and she realized that she was just as much in love with him as ever. She glanced at the clock for the umpteenth time since going to bed. It was six forty-five in the morning. If she went down to see Kyle now, she could apologize to him and get back up to her bedroom before the rest of her family had even woken up.

She padded quietly downstairs, her heart beating wildly in her chest, her stomach churning at the worry of how he would react to seeing her again and what she was going to say to him and pushed open the door to Kyle's room. Her eyes were drawn automatically to the large tub in the center, but there was no dark head resting back against the side as there should have been at this time in the morning. She walked right up to the bath and looked inside just in case he had slipped down in the night or had curled up in the fetal position as he so often did when he was anxious or scared, but apart from a scrunched up blanket and his small blue and white checked pillow lying at an odd angle there was no indication that the room had been occupied at all. Everything else was just as neat and tidy as Kyle always kept it. So where was he and what was going on? 

Lori jumped on hearing a kind of a creaking noise and to her shock she saw Kyle's head appear at the window. She watched in amazement as he climbed in, his movements lithe and graceful and almost fluid in their suppleness before he suddenly noticed her standing there and then he froze, staring at her wide-eyed, one leg on a small wooden crate positioned strategically against the wall, the other still partway through the open window.

'Where have you been?' She asked dumbfounded. 

Her voice seemed to give him the impetus to move and he finished letting himself all the way into his room turning around to shut the window tightly behind him. Now he appeared clumsy in front of her, stumbling slightly as he stepped down from the wooden box, his movements jerky and hesitant.

'I had to go out.' He told her.

'But my mom grounded you…' She said stupidly as if it hadn't occurred to her that he could leave the house after being expressly forbidden to do so.

Kyle's face took on a pained look as she pointed out his transgression.

'I had to… meet someone.' He explained carefully.

She looked at him in disbelief. Was this what Kyle did? Mislead people by omitting any inconvenient parts of the truth that he didn't want them to know? He said at first he had to go out, which was obviously what he'd done, so he had told her the truth, just not the whole truth and then when she unintentionally upped the ante by telling him that he had disobeyed Nicole, he had added something extra to his story, given her just a little bit more information to try and placate her, so that she would be satisfied with what he'd said and wouldn't ask any more questions and she was sure that that was the truth too because everyone knew that Kyle hated lying. 

But now it seemed he was quite happy to find a way around the whole truth or at least leave stuff out, so in effect it was a lie of omission. And from the way he said it she knew that he would never tell her who it was he had to meet but she didn't need him to, because she could guess. After all, she thought bitterly, who else would he sneak out of the house for at this time in the morning, risking further groundings from Nicole if he was caught, if not for Amanda Bloom? 

'Lori? Are you ok?'

His deep and slow, melodious voice refocused her stunned mind on the here and now and she realized she must have been staring at him for several minutes, shocked, immobile and mute. He approached her slowly as one would a nervous child, his beautiful face once again showing how worried, anxious and concerned he was and it suddenly dawned on her that that was how he fooled everyone:

The wrinkled forehead that made him look as though he was concentrating or trying to work something out, but just couldn't quite understand, the way he bit his lip and glanced hesitantly across at them as if scared and not wanting to offend anybody or give them a reason to shout at him, the way his eyes shone with tears and his bottom lip quivered, that poor little lost boy look when he played on peoples' emotions willing them to understand how sensitive he was and how much he was hurting, making people feel sorry for him and treat him differently, because he was special, when actually he just did whatever he wanted and no one had a clue about what he was really up to or what he was really like.

Maybe it had developed as a survival technique, maybe he wasn't even aware he was doing it or maybe he knew exactly what he was doing and had been playing them all along. She shook her head in disbelief. It was like she didn't know him at all. She took a step backwards and put her arm out warning him not to come any closer. He stopped immediately as though her hand had physically made contact with his front of his chest, the anxious look on his face now replaced by one of fear.

She might not have Hillary's experience when it came to sex and relationships but she knew what boys liked and wanted and two days ago, Kyle had wanted her. She had heard the soft sighs and little moans of pleasure he made as she stroked and sucked his skin, she had seen how he shivered as she ran her fingers over his nipples, how his pupils were so dilated due to arousal his eyes appeared almost black and she had felt just how excited he had become as she was kissing and caressing him, his cock straining at the front of his pants, rock hard and pressing insistently up against her pelvis. 

Everyone thought that Kyle was so sweet and innocent but there was nothing innocent about the way he had responded to her touch. She had told her mom that he was different and special and made her feel important but now...

Had Kyle been lying when he had admitted to her that he had never been kissed before? Or was he just an amazing actor, because his performance of sexual innocence and vulnerability was so appealing, so touching he'd had her totally fooled.

She noticed the clothes he was wearing; gray tracksuit bottoms and a very sweaty sweat-shirt, exactly the same as he'd come home in two nights ago. She had thought that Kyle had snuck out of the house sometime early this morning to see Amanda, but what if he had actually gone yesterday evening after that disastrous conversation she'd had with him in the bathroom? What if he'd actually spent the night with Amanda? She looked at him in horror. Had Kyle had sex last night? 

Was that the reason why he had seemed so upset when he thought that she had wanted to sleep with him because in fact he had already gone to bed with Amanda? It was like a bucket of cold water had just been poured all over her and she suddenly felt so stupid.

'How long have you been seeing her?' She blurted out.

'Seeing who? I don't understand.'

He was frowning and doing that confused thing with his face again and if she didn't know better she could have sworn that he really didn't have a clue about what she meant. But then Kyle had 'clueless' down to an art form.

'You said you had to go out to meet someone. Who was it? And what was so important that you had to sneak out of the house to meet them in the middle of the night?' She demanded.

She watched him look across at her, guilt written all over his face, his expressive and beautiful eyes filling with tears and then she noticed he had begun to hyperventilate, his chest rising and falling with increasing frequency, the muscles in his neck standing out like cords as he tried to drag more and more air into his lungs. She felt her own respiratory rate start to increase as she realized he was struggling both to breathe and to answer her questions. 

She knew she needed to do something to help him even if it was just getting him a chair and telling him to calm down before he collapsed like the last time he had done when she had seen him breathing this way but she couldn't, not yet. Because first she needed to hear him deny that he had been with Amanda otherwise what she'd had with him, what they'd had together would have meant nothing because if he had been thinking of someone else then it would have all been based on a lie.

'Kyle?' She prompted him, alarmed at both his physical state and for what he still hadn't said.

'I didn't go anywhere last night.' He managed to get out between breaths.

And suddenly she was furious. How could he say that? How could he deny that he hadn't gone out? She had caught him climbing in through his own window for God's sake! And from the guilt on his face and the fact that he was refusing to acknowledge who he had met just added fuel to the fire of her fevered imagination that Kyle had actually had sex with Amanda.

'Jesus, Kyle! For once in your life, just stop lying!' She shouted frantically at him. Didn't he see how hard this was on her?

She couldn't have made Kyle any more distressed if she'd walked up to him and kneed him in the groin. She watched as his eyes widened and the color drained from his face leaving his skin ashen and combined with his noisy breathing she really thought for a moment that he might actually pass out.

'I…I can't.' He stuttered out.

'Yes, you can.' She pleaded with him desperately, all traces of her anger disappearing in that instant. 'If I mean anything to you, if what we did together meant anything at all, please just tell me the truth…Did you spend the night with Amanda?'

She stared at him, waiting for his answer, unconsciously holding her breath, willing him to deny it and felt tears start to prick behind her eyes, felt her throat closing up and knew she was going to break down very soon. 

'No.' He whispered.

It was the answer that she had wanted to hear but from the way she had had to threaten him to drag it out and from the look of guilt and angst on his face, somehow she just couldn't believe it. She put her hand in front of her mouth so that he wouldn't be able to see just how much she was hurting as she felt the first tears start to fall. 

If she had thought that Kyle was distraught before then that was nothing to the look on his face now. She saw him take a step towards her and put his hand out, touching her on the shoulder and realized that his cheeks were wet with tears too. And if this had been any other day then she would have gone to him, wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him down into her embrace, hugged him and comforted him, letting him cry on her shoulder, soothing him by rubbing his back and stroking his hair. But not today; not when he was the one who had hurt her, and certainly not when he was the one who had betrayed her.

'No!' She cried, knocking his arm away. 'You lied to me and who knows how many times you've done it before.'

She remembered how hurt and upset she had been when she had been betrayed by Hillary, the time she had lost her virginity to Declan and then how awful she had felt when she had been dumped by Declan, when she hadn't seen it coming and still didn't understand to this day what it was she had done to make him hate her so. But both of those times paled into insignificance compared to the pain she was feeling now. 

She had just had her faith shattered by the one person in whom she had trusted more than anyone, whom she had believed in with all her heart, the person who she would have both killed for and in the next breath laid down her life for.

'Just stay away from me, Kyle!' She warned him, her voice bleak with resignation and despair before turning and walking out of the room.


	24. Chapter 24

Love from jealousy – part 24

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori ate her breakfast mechanically, forcing the food down even though the desire to eat was the last thing on her mind. She had schooled her face into a neutral expression for her mother's benefit as ever since she had entered the kitchen she could feel Nicole watching at her and had seen the worry in her eyes and she didn't want her mom to start asking her if she was alright because she wasn't and Nicole being nice to her would just make her start to cry again. So she kept her head down, avoided eye contact with her mom and slowly and painstakingly chewed her way through a piece of toast. But internally her mind was racing, going over and over the significance of Kyle's response to her question regarding his whereabouts this morning.

If he was telling her truth and he hadn't gone over to see Amanda last night, then who else in his life was so important that he had snuck out of the house to see and why? And since he had evaded all the other questions she had asked he was effectively still lying to her by omitting to tell her the whole truth. But if he had seen Amanda and he was outright lying to her in the hope that she wouldn't go all psycho on him and cause a scene, then their whole relationship had been a sham because it was based on a lie which made this train of thought a moot point. So whichever way she looked at it, he had lied and was still lying to her so there was no way that she could ever trust him again.

And then suddenly there he was, hovering in the kitchen doorway, eyes wide, staring at her, face paler than usual with the bruises on his jaw fading to yellow around the edges but still noticeable above the high necked sweater he was wearing. He looked so anxious, so worried. God! Just what was she going to say to him? Then she remembered this was all an act. Kyle was the master manipulator and actor extraordinaire. He was the one who had been lying; she was just the stupid girl who had fallen in love with him. Her only job now was not to succumb to the innocent and vulnerable facade that he projected so completely and so perfectly. She squared her shoulders and looked straight into his eyes, silently warning him not to come any closer, hoping that he couldn't sense just how fast her heart was beating and just how sick she felt. He started forward hesitantly towards the breakfast counter.

'Lori…'

'Kyle, my man! How's it hanging?'

Josh breezed into the kitchen, giving Kyle a manly slap on the back. Lori let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been so glad to see her little brother!

'Mom! I'm starving! What's for breakfast?'

'The same as you have every school day, Josh!' Nicole told him bringing over a box of cereal and setting it down in front of Kyle's place.

'How's what hanging?' Kyle asked confused and distracted. He looked at Josh and then glanced back at Lori.

'It, Kyle, you know, it!' Josh gestured to the area below Kyle's waist.

Kyle looked down at himself.

'It?'

'That's right! It! Does it hang to the left, to the right or maybe it's pointing straight up towards the heavens; the 'Pole' star as it were!' Josh waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Kyle looked up and out of the kitchen window before turning back towards Josh and frowning.

'But Josh, Alpha Ursae Minoris or 'Polaris' as the pole star is more commonly known isn't currently above us.' Kyle said confused.

'It means 'how are you?'' Nicole explained kindly to him, before giving Josh a glare.

'Oh!' Kyle said in a small voice as he realized he'd misunderstood yet again.

'Why don't you sit down and have some breakfast, Kyle?'

Nicole steered him gently by the shoulders to his chair where he lowered himself woodenly onto it, glancing anxiously across at Lori.

'So Kyle, what's with the bruises?' Josh said helping himself to a piece of toast. 'Get into a fight did we?'

Kyle raised his eyes at Josh, a look of fear momentarily appearing on his face before quickly turning his head away and biting his lip.

'Um…'

'Oh my God!'

Josh's eyes widened in amazement.

'I thought that you were just being a dork and fell over or something but you really did get into a fight didn't you? That is just so cool! What happened?

'I did fall over.' Kyle said weakly.

Lori frowned. God! He was at it again, she thought angrily; lying to them all by telling just part of the truth which without the rest totally changed the meaning of what had happened. How often had he done this? How often had he lied to her, to her mom, to all of them?

'Yeah, whatever! But I bet you threw the other guy clean across the room! I've seen what you can do to a car!'

And now it was Nicole's turn to frown as she suddenly remembered a few nights back to when Josh had been ribbing Kyle over dinner and he had gotten very anxious and upset, similar to how he looked now she thought. Lori had sprung to his rescue and mentioned something about a car then too. What had he done to make Josh get so excited?

She glanced over at Lori, wondering whether she was going to defend Kyle again now, but Lori was scowling at him, lips pursed, eyes narrowed angrily with a look of bitterness on her face. She knew her daughter had always been a bit highly strung but she had never seen her this emotionally labile before. Last night Lori had been crying her eyes out because she had thought that Kyle didn't want her and now, less than 12 hours later she was looking at him like she wanted to stab him through the heart. What had happened to cause her to look at him with such resentment?

She turned back to see Kyle sitting dejectedly at the table, his breakfast untouched before him. At least she could understand the reason for Kyle's unhappiness and it was easy to do something to make him feel a little better.

'That's enough Josh!' She said sharply.

'But Mom, this is a first! Kyle's never been aggressive in his life. We need to know what happened to make him blow a fuse. I mean he's a lethal weapon just waiting to be unleashed. We don't want him going off accidentally in the house!'

'It…it wasn't like that! I'm not dangerous…' Kyle blurted out, turning around and looking at Nicole, eyes wide, desperate for her to believe him.

'But you could be!' Josh said his eyes shining in admiration. It was obvious that he thought that this was one of the coolest things that Kyle had ever done.

Lori shook her head both in disbelief at Kyle's deception and grudging awe at the skill with which he portrayed with absolute perfection the picture of innocence and vulnerability. God! He was such a hypocrite and everything he did now took on a new significance as she saw each one his 'moves' from a new perspective and for what they were. Christ! It was all just a fucking act and a day ago she would have jumped down Josh's throat for making Kyle so upset, for making him feel like a freak, for making him worry that he might be taken away from them because he was a danger to himself and anyone around him. After all, he had so many strange abilities, who knew what he was capable of doing?

But now she just saw how he was manipulating everyone around him. Take last night for example. Who could have possibly thought that Kyle would have slept with Amanda? And knowing her mom and specifically her blind spot as far as anything to do with Kyle was concerned he would succeed in fooling her because how could she possibly fail to respond emotionally to those huge, tear filled eyes that slowly and hesitantly raised themselves to hers, that slight tremble of his mouth and chin, the way he anxiously bit his bottom lip as he tried to stop himself whimpering but never quite succeeded, the look of desperation and pleading on his face that was more explicit than any words ever could be and just silently cried out 'hold me, comfort me, love me because I'm scared and alone', that poor little lost boy in pain look that he had mastered so totally, completely and perfectly. And he would wrap Nicole around his little finger just like he'd always done from the first moment she had brought him home and she would fall for it hook, line and sinker just like she had always done. And that's how Kyle got away with doing all the things he did, doing whatever the hell he wanted and fuck everyone else and their feelings too.

'I know you're not, Honey!' Nicole said gently rubbing his shoulder in an effort to reassure him.

Lori shook her head once more but this time it was with a perverse sense of satisfaction at just how spot on in her assessment of Kyle's manipulation of Nicole she'd been. Jesus! Her mom was so gullible! Why couldn't she see that Kyle wasn't the naïve little innocent he claimed to be?

She watched as Kyle frowned and brought his hand up to his face, pressing his fingers into the side of his head. She had a sudden flashback to when she had been standing in his room that morning when her dad had been shouting at him, trying to get him to say what she had done to him and realized his hand had been digging into head then too. Her stomach churned as it had been doing ever since she had woken up this morning, but it was for a different reason now: Kyle was in pain.

And suddenly she wasn't sure of anything anymore. Maybe this was Kyle manipulating them all again, but what if he wasn't? A few days ago he had gotten so upset after she had first kissed him then pushed him away and shouted at him over dinner that he had collapsed. And he had been holding his head in exactly the same way as he was doing now. Was Kyle so clever that he could act himself into unconsciousness or was he really just an extremely distressed teenager who was anxious, upset and hurting like she was?

She opened her mouth to speak but just like the other night at dinner her mom once more beat her to it.

'Josh! Can't you see that Kyle doesn't want to talk about it?' She scolded him. 'Be quiet and leave him alone!'

'Ok, ok!' Josh said putting his hands up in surrender. 'But don't think it's just me that's interested in Kyle's new hard man persona. Everyone's going to want to know what happened when he goes to school looking like that!'

He stared pointedly at the bruises on Kyle's jaw.

'No one will suspect anything, because we've got it covered haven't we Kyle?' Nicole rubbed his arm soothingly.

And looking at him hesitantly raise his eyes to connect with Nicole's, seeing his bottom lip quiver and then watching him form a tentative smile full of thanks and gratitude, Lori realized how sensitive and scared he really was. And although it might just be an act and she was falling for it once more she didn't care because he had always looked out for her and protected her and had everyone else's best interests at heart so surely he now deserved the same treatment in return? He had denied that he had spent the night with Amanda so maybe there really was nothing going on between them and she was desperate to believe him because then what they had shared together and what Kyle had experienced the other night would have actually had some significance to it because she would have been his first.

* * *

'_Just stay away from me, Kyle…' Lori's words echoed loudly in my mind as __I sat in the back seat of the car next to Josh looking out of the window as Nicole drove us to school. I couldn't stop thinking about her and how distraught I had made her when she realized that I had been lying to her all this time. I still had the remnants of the headache that had appeared over breakfast and it was showing no signs of disappearing any time soon which made my thought processes slower and more difficult than usual. I had not expected Lori to be waiting in my room when I came back from my early morning training session with Tom Foss and I could see that she was upset and shocked that I had disobeyed Nicole after I had been grounded._

_I had wanted to see Lori to apologize for how I had treated her last night but when I tried to talk to her in my room this morning she backed away like she was scared of me and then she shouted at me to tell her the truth. I had tried so hard to keep my secrets from her and her family yet she knew that I had been lying to her all along. I couldn't tell her the truth because Foss had warned me and shown me very effectively just how dangerous it could be for both Lori and me if anyone ever found out about my origins. I was going to have to lie to her again and she already hated me for keeping the truth from her last night. I could feel my heart rate speeding up and was finding it difficult to get enough air into my lungs to breathe and for a moment I thought I was going to collapse. But then she asked me a direct question to which I could give her an honest answer because much as I wanted to, I hadn't spent the night with Amanda._

_Lori had left my room before I had had the chance to talk to her properly, but not before saying those words to me and not before looking at me as though she never wanted to see me again. I tried to speak to her at breakfast but she appeared anxious and angry and scared and then Josh noticed my face and correctly__ surmised__ that I had been in a fight and like last night I had that awful feeling of being pulled in two different directions. I wanted to tell him what had happened just like I had wanted to tell Lori and Nicole because I didn't want to keep secrets from my family but I didn't want to put them in danger once they found out about who I really was and what I was capable of. I tried to explain to Josh that I had fallen over which was true but just like Nicole he realized that there was more to my story than that and he wouldn't let it go. I could feel Lori's eyes boring into me in disbelief and I knew that she hated me. I could feel the pain building up behind my eyes and I put my hand up to my head to try and push it away._

_And then Nicole__ came to my rescue and told Josh to be quiet and I was so grateful yet I couldn't speak because I felt so guilty. I had lied to her yet she was always there for me, helping me and saving me. She took my hand and led me from the kitchen upstairs to the bathroom where she sat me down and painted over my bruises just like Lori had done yesterday._

'I'm sorry.' I said. For everything I wanted to tell her, but the words just wouldn't come.

'It's ok.' She replied, putting her hands on my shoulders and looking into my eyes.

_But it wasn't. Ni__cole had taken me in and allowed me to live in her home as part of her family. She had looked after me, cared for me and loved me. She had treated me like her son and I had betrayed her, because I had lied to her. I knew that she was disappointed in me and I didn't know how I could ever regain her trust or her love. And then there was Lori and the way she had told me to stay away from her with such desperation in her voice. She was crying and upset and hurt all because of me. The feeling of guilt that had started last night now appeared almost overwhelming along with the oppressive ache behind my eyes. Foss had told me about how Adam had responded to intense emotional stress and I was worried that it was starting to happen to me too._

* * *

Amanda had a weird sense of deja vu as she watched Nicole drop off Lori, Josh and Kyle outside school once again. She had been so surprised, confused and upset yesterday when she had thought that Kyle and Lori were involved that she had become strangely irrational and not to mention insanely jealous and had more or less accused Kyle of having sex with his sister! She cringed at the memory. She had known Kyle long enough to realize that there was no way he would ever do anything like that even though she had had to explain to him why incest was wrong. But he had denied sleeping with Lori and had been horrified that she had even thought that he would contemplate something like that, but then he had become upset and very protective towards Lori, telling her that she had needed both his physical and emotional support over her break-up with Declan. And that was when she had lost it and told him snippily that Lori wasn't the only one who'd gone through a break-up and perhaps he'd like to think on that for while!

And Kyle being Kyle she realized had probably agonized over it greatly but she had been thinking about it all night too and about the look of pain and angst on his face as she walked away from him in the cafeteria and now this morning she felt absolutely dreadful. Kyle had offered to be there for her when Charlie had publicly humiliated her. He had sought her out on more than one occasion to try and make her feel better and to make amends for not telling her of Charlie's infidelity, but she was the one who had pushed him away. And now she was upset because he was doing the same kind and considerate things for someone else; for his sister who hadn't pushed him away.

She was mature enough to admit to herself that the reason she had become so angry at Kyle's protectiveness towards Lori, was because she was jealous of anybody that threatened her relationship with Kyle. Even when she had been going out with Charlie, she knew that Kyle had had a crush on her and if she were honest with herself, she could admit that she found it very flattering. But now that Charlie was out of the picture and she was finally able to pursue a relationship with Kyle, to her shock and surprise she found that someone else had taken her place at the center of Kyle's universe.

She had never really felt jealous before but she realized just what a destructive emotion it was because at that moment she had hated Lori and had deliberately lashed out at Kyle, knowing that her comments would make him feel guilty and upset him enormously. She never would have thought that she could become the sort of person that would hurt someone intentionally especially someone as good and kind as Kyle. She despised herself for it and it was important that she talk to him as soon as possible to apologize profusely and to ask for his forgiveness. If Kyle did decide to pursue a relationship with someone else, even if that someone else was Lori, then so be it and she would be happy for him, for them she reminded herself, but her friendship with him was just too important to her to let him walk out of her life forever.

She followed them once again into the main building noticing that Kyle was wearing the same high necked sweater as he had yesterday. His damaged muscle must still be playing him up she thought sympathetically. She watched as Josh peeled off to meet his friends leaving Lori and Kyle walking side by side. However, the body language between them today seemed off, strained almost. Yesterday, Amanda had witnessed Lori practically jumping on top of Kyle and they had been walking so close to each other that their arms were constantly touching. But now…Had something happened last night between them after all?

Amanda saw them stop at their lockers. Now was her chance to speak to Kyle. Her heart beat felt loud in her ears as she walked towards them, but then Lori turned and noticed her approaching and her eyes widened imperceptibly before she glanced apprehensively at Kyle. Amanda hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath in and began to walk purposefully towards Kyle once more. Before she had even taken a full step forward he somehow seemed to know that she was behind him and had turned to face her.

'Amanda!'

His delight at seeing her as was so spontaneous and genuine that it was enchanting. His face broke out into a wide grin and his beautiful eyes sparkled as they locked onto hers before his smile faded away again and he suddenly appeared nervous as he remembered who he was with. He glanced quickly at Lori as if she would be upset by his reaction before looking back anxiously at Amanda. Lori for her part just seemed bitter and frustrated.

'Don't mind me!' She said sarcastically to Kyle and then smiled weakly at Amanda before slamming her locker shut and turning away.

'Lori! Don't go!' Kyle called out desperately.

Lori shook her head in disbelief. What was going on? He had denied messing around with Amanda and he had said it with such heart felt sincerity that she was tempted to believe him, hell, she desperately wanted to believe him, yet the evidence she had seen with her own eyes this morning as he climbed back into the house and the guilt written all over him as she accused him of lying indicated otherwise. And then the delight she'd witnessed on his face as he turned around to see Amanda standing there was so obvious that something must be going on between them, yet he was calling her back as though he was worried that he'd hurt her feelings. She didn't understand. What was he trying to do to her she thought frantically? Had he slept with Amanda or not?

Lori turned back to face him.

'Kyle...Much as I'd love to stand here and chat I wouldn't want to get in the way of any clandestine meetings or interrupt any secret trysts. Besides, listening to you talk about what you did last night really would make me hurl!'

'But Lori I didn't…'

'So, I'll see you at home tonight if you decide to turn up that is, because if you remember, my mom's grounded us both, not of course that a trivial little detail like that ever stopped you doing anything!'

Amanda watched Kyle watch Lori depart, a worried and troubled look on his face. And suddenly talking to Kyle didn't seem like such a good idea any more. There was obviously something going on between him and Lori that was making him extremely distressed and her presence in the mix had only seemed to increase his anxiety. He appeared apprehensive about Lori's reaction to her and so maybe he was still upset because of what she had accused him of yesterday and judging from Lori's caustic diatribe it seemed that something had happened last night so maybe he was scared or embarrassed that Lori had revealed his secret to her. But if that were the case, then who had he met last night, what had he done to make Lori want to hurl and what had happened between him and Lori to make Nicole ground them both?

'I'm sorry! This is a bad time…'

'No! Amanda…'

'I'll talk to you later Kyle, I have to get to class!' She said quickly, clasping her books protectively to her chest and walking purposefully away from him.

* * *

_I had still not managed to ap__ologize to Lori for rejecting and deceiving her or to Amanda for not supporting her through her break-up with Charlie. I was trying to find the right time to talk to Lori and then I sensed that Amanda was near. I turned around and there she was, walking towards me and she looked so beautiful, so radiant that for a moment I forgot all the problems in my life and the difficulties between us and I couldn't help staring at her. But then I remembered how upset Lori had been this morning thinking that I had spent the night with Amanda and I saw how uncomfortable she had become and then she made an excuse to leave, but Amanda had also noticed me looking at Lori and she too appeared uncomfortable and upset. A few seconds ago, she had been smiling at me and it looked like she wanted to talk and I really wanted and needed to talk to her, but now she too was making excuses to get away from me._

_I felt my headache return with a vengeance causing a deep stabbing behind my eyes__ that made me cry out in pain. I was getting more and more worried about the increasing frequency and intensity of their attacks. I had tried to talk to Foss about them this morning but he didn't seem in the mood to speak to me about anything. His answers were monosyllabic and his tone clipped. Normally, I would go to Nicole if I was upset, but I couldn't explain to her the reasons why I was so worried about these headaches as she didn't know how different both Adam and I were or that Adam had collapsed just like me when things got too stressful for him. And even if I wasn't abnormal, I still wouldn't be able to talk to Nicole because I had let her down and had disappointed her and now she didn't love me any more. I felt tears start to form at the back of my eyes and there was a huge lump in my throat that felt like it was choking me. And at that moment all I wanted was someone to put their arms around me, to hold me close and tell me that everything was going to be ok, but there was no one left in my life that I hadn't alienated by lying to them. I suddenly felt so alone and very very scared._


	25. Chapter 25

Love from jealousy – part 25

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Declan looked up in annoyance as someone interrupted his last minute completion of yesterday's homework by swearing loudly. Hang on a minute! He recognized the owner of those dulcet tones! He glanced around to see Lori rummaging through her bag and slamming her books down on her desk. God! She looked so pissed off! He grimaced to himself as he turned back to his overdue work. He certainly didn't miss her temper and her acerbic attitude.

'Oh great, that's all I need!'

Declan turned around once more on hearing Lori's sarcastic mutterings and was surprised to see her glaring accusingly at Amanda Bloom who had just walked into the classroom. Goodness! What had the poor girl done to earn the wrath of the great Lori Trager? Amanda luckily didn't seem to have noticed that she was being given the evil eye and appeared to be deep in thought, her forehead wrinkling as she frowned to herself. And with that expression of uncertainty and anxious bewilderment on her face, for a split second Declan could have sworn he was looking at Kyle…

And then his heart contracted painfully the way it had been doing repeatedly over the last few weeks whenever he thought about Kyle, which was inevitably followed by feelings of anger, confusion, sadness and grief as the realization of the friendship that he'd lost hit home yet again.

He remembered back to the day when he had really met Kyle for the first time. It was on Lori's birthday which was also the day of that awful storm when he'd crashed his car, freaked out and driven away without a backward glance… God! He remembered it like it was yesterday: He'd just had yet another row with his dad and had turned around and walked out of the house, got in his car and left. He didn't know where he was going; just that he had to get away from his father because he was so angry he was actually worried that he might do something that he would later regret…He smiled wryly to himself over the irony of it all.

* * *

It had been such a foul night and if he had been thinking straight, or indeed at all, then he would never have been behind the wheel in those weather conditions. The rain was lashing almost horizontally and the wind was buffeting the car around making it impossible to see more than a few yards in front of his face despite having the windscreen wipers on at maximum speed. He turned a corner and knew immediately he had taken it too fast. He felt the car skid uncontrollably and then there was a loud, sickening crunch and he was thrown sideways by an invisible force, his body restrained by the seatbelt, but his head, heavy, mobile and unprotected slammed into the metal frame of the window.

He pulled the car to a stop half way across the road and turned around in his seat looking out through the driving rain where he could see the blurry red tail lights of another car. Oh God! He hadn't been concentrating or looking where he was going. Was he actually on the wrong side of the road? Was it possible that he had hurt someone? Killed someone? And suddenly he just panicked. He slung the car into gear and rammed his foot down on the accelerator as hard as he could and just drove off. It was only when he found himself outside the front of Lori's house did the enormity of what he'd done flood his consciousness: He was a hit and run driver! Christ! What was he going to do? He couldn't go home, his dad would kill him and besides he would then have to admit that his dad had been right all along; he was a total disaster of a person. And that was how he found himself standing outside Kyle's window in the pouring rain at two o'clock in the morning.

Initially he was going to try and climb up to Lori's bedroom but in that weather and not to mention the rather shaky state he was in after what had just happened to him, he would have probably slipped and broken his neck. But then he remembered Lori telling him about her foster-brother and how he slept downstairs in her dad's old workshop.

He had to admire Mrs. Trager for taking in a foster-kid but a teenager with memory loss? Who knew what sort of problems he had coming from juvie? And from some of the weird things that Lori had told him, like wandering around downtown Seattle naked for starters, he certainly wouldn't want to have the kid staying at his house! So what had Mrs. Trager been thinking just bringing him home like that? And there'd been no discussion with her real kids about their thoughts on the matter. Declan actually felt quite worried for Lori, what with some freaky stranger wandering freely around her house. But he supposed at least they were being careful and making him sleep away from the rest of the family just in case he was some sort of adolescent axe murderer…

Declan tapped on the window while pulling his jacket collar up and hunching his shoulders against the driving rain. God! It was pissing down; he was already soaked and he had only been standing there for about 20 seconds. He saw a dark shape moving towards the window and then a light went on and for a split second the boy on the other side of the glass stared back at him, eyes wide in fear as if he had suddenly seen a ghost. Then he heard the window being opened and before the young occupier of the room could change his mind he had jumped up and climbed inside.

'Thanks man. It's getting pretty wet out there!'

The boy shut the window and let down the blinds before turning back to stare at him.

Declan remembered back to the night of his party when Lori had got totally hammered and had been carried home by a kung-fu kicking knight in shining armor. And when Hillary had told him about it the next day he had to admit he was a little jealous although of course he hadn't let on to Lori about that but he had no idea it was this boy until Lori had come clean a few days later and had explained about the strange new member of her family. He looked across at Lori's foster-brother and something about him seemed vaguely familiar; the dark messy hair, the large, deep set eyes, the curious and interested expression, the oddly stiff way he moved with his arms almost motionless and close by his sides, the tee-shirt and thin cotton pants he was wearing. Yeah, he'd seen those before…

'You're Kyle right? The amnesia guy?'

'Yes!'

'You broke the window at my party. My dad had an aneurysm over that one!'

He looked accusingly over at Kyle but wasn't quite sure what he was expecting from him after that slightly aggressive opening gambit; a bit of initial teenage bonding maybe over the shared understanding of angry parents, damaged property and a forbidden party where underage drinking was going on? An explanation of how he managed to walk through an external sliding window of reinforced safety glass? Or maybe a little bragging about what had happened after that with Lori because by all accounts his brush with the cop and the speed of his moves to avoid arrest had been simply awesome. But Kyle just stood there looking at him; his face a blank and despite the implication that it had been him that had got Declan into trouble with his father for breaking the window he didn't seem to know what to say. He finally settled for a one word apology.

'Sorry?'

'He has aneurysms over everything. So whatever, it's cool!'

Declan turned away and picked up a towel lying on a chair.

'You mind?' He said paying lip service to the illusion of conventional politeness by asking permission but not waiting long enough for Kyle to give his consent before towelling himself dry.

Kyle for his part didn't seem bothered but just kept watching him as though he was waiting for something to happen and then Declan heard the first sentence that Kyle had spoken that contained more than one word in it.

'You know, Lori's sleeping…'

His voice was deep and slow and completely at odds with the youthful look that both his face with its expression of wide-eyed curiosity and his slim body with its slightly undeveloped muscle bulk gave him and it threw Declan for a second before he realized just what it was that Kyle had said to him.

He was kidding right? It was two o'clock in the morning! What else was Lori supposed to be doing? But the expression on his face was so earnest and sincere… Maybe he really was just trying to be helpful.

'Well, yeah, it's pretty late. I need a place to crash and I didn't think it was too smart to climb in through her window in the rain.'

'You're bleeding!'

There was now a note of concern in Kyle's voice. Declan looked down at the towel.

'Crap! Sorry!'

He dabbed at his head again and remembered back to how his car had been hit from the side. He must have been so pumped up on adrenaline that he didn't even feel the pain as his skin and the tissues beneath split open like a ripe melon.

'It's ok, but what happened to you?'

Like he was going to tell Lori's strange kid foster-brother whom he'd only just met that he was a hit and run driver! Although maybe Kyle had done worse things than that and maybe those things were the reason why he was in foster-care in the first place. But no one knew what had gone on in his past because very conveniently he couldn't remember anything!

'It's a long story. It's too boring. Hey! You got an extra blanket or something? I'll crash on your floor!'

And to give him his dues, Kyle didn't raise an eyebrow at the fact that an unknown, unexpected, soaking wet and bleeding person who had just climbed into his room at two o'clock in the morning had invited himself to spend the night with no explanation about why he was here or how he had been injured. He watched Kyle move to the wardrobe to get him a blanket and then looked around at the room. Lori had said that Kyle was staying in her dad's workshop, but this didn't look like any workshop he had ever seen.

'What is this place?' He asked.

'My bedroom!' Kyle told him as if it were obvious.

There was the deep, slow voice again almost hypnotic in quality, the syllables of the words spoken, long and drawn out and virtually equal in length making his speech appear somewhat childish in nature.

'Where's the bed?' Declan queried, humouring him for lack of anything better to do.

Kyle gestured to the large white tub in the center of the room.

'You sleep in a tub?' Declan asked sarcastically. The kid was yanking his chain!

'Yeah.'

But from the way he said it, like it was a totally normal thing to do and from the open and sincere look on his face, Declan realized in shock and amazement that he was in fact telling the truth. He couldn't believe it; Lori's foster-brother Kyle slept in a bathtub!

'Trager said you were a head case!'

And the words had tumbled out before he'd even had time to think about them. Declan watched in embarrassment as Kyle's eyes widened imperceptibly and the expression of curiosity and innocence on his face was replaced by a look of pain and confusion.

'I…I mean, not like rudely.' He back-pedalled furiously.

What was going on? He didn't understand what had just happened! Lori had told him that Kyle was 16 years old yet he was behaving as if he were a small child who had been betrayed by a trusted grown-up! The hurt look on his face made Declan feel just awful and if he could have taken the sarcastic comment back he would have done so in an instant.

He had expected some sort of retribution even if it had only been a look of anger, scorn or resentment after all he'd just insulted the kid and let it slip that his foster-sister had been talking about him behind his back to a third party! But as Kyle's eyes met his he found that there was no malice there at all. Just like a small child, it seemed that Kyle didn't hold a grudge either.

'Whatever, it's cool!'

He was a great mimic too, Declan realized as he listened to his own words echoed back at him.

'The rain should let up by morning.' He said turning away and returning to his task of towelling himself dry.

'Actually it won't let up 'till 2:27 tomorrow afternoon.' Kyle informed him as though it were a certainty and a statement of fact.

Declan frowned in irritation. Like he gave a shit about the weather! He was only trying to make conversation for Christ's sake because just standing there in awkward silence with Kyle's intense dark eyes on him all the time, eerily watching and waiting was starting to freak him out! He grabbed the pillow and blanket from Kyle's hands. There was something extremely odd about this kid and Declan felt strangely uncomfortable around him.

'Yeah, whatever!' He said dismissively and settled himself down on the floor on his back.

And as he lay there in the darkness, he could hear Kyle getting into the tub and making himself comfortable and then the room was quiet save for the white noise of the rain still pounding down outside. Declan shook his head in disbelief; it seemed he actually was going to sleep in the bathtub. Lori was right! Kyle really was a fucked up head case. Declan hoped he wasn't doing anything stupid by spending the night with him…

But apart from waking up slightly stiff from sleeping on the floor and remembering with a sick feeling what had happened to him the previous night, everything seemed fine until Kyle brought Lori into the room. She was pissed that he was there because she was worried that her parents would find out and jump to the wrong conclusion when for once nothing actually had happened. He had told her to relax and that he was on his way out and that her parents would never know.

'They'd better not!' She warned him ominously before seemingly relenting and sighing. 'Just don't make a sound, ok?'

He nodded as he followed her to the front door but before he had got even half way through it he was coming back in again having been caught by Lori's dad. He put on his most winning smile, introduced himself and said he had just arrived to wish Lori a happy birthday and the next thing he knew he was eating blueberry pancakes, discussing basketball and listening to Kyle going on about death, longevity and something to do with the lifespan of the Japanese.

'Whose idea was it to let him read the encyclopaedia?' Lori said grinning and turning her head to look affectionately at Kyle.

And as Declan saw Kyle's face form a small, shy smile in return and then watched with increasing discomfort at the way his eyes with their unusual color gazed intently at Lori from beneath long dark lashes, he felt a sudden irrational surge of jealousy at the way this bizarre boy was staring at his girl-friend.

And it was weird because the whole family just seemed to accept his insane, random babbling as if it were a normal part of their breakfast conversation and then they all looked fondly at him, smiling indulgently exactly as they would if he had been a kid that had said something inappropriate yet amusing at the table, like they were humoring him and wanted to make him feel special and included.

But Lori had said that her mom reckoned Kyle was about 16 which made him older than her real brother, therefore he wasn't the baby of the family so why did everyone treat him as if were when in reality he was teenager? And being a teenage boy himself he knew exactly what thoughts and desires would be running through Kyle's mind at the current moment, sitting as he was opposite a beautiful girl who was smiling and taking an interest in him!

His gaze jumped from Kyle to Lori. She was different from every other girl he had ever dated. Hell! Lori was different from every other girl he had ever known! And it wasn't just about the sex any more; he really wanted to be with her and to get to know her a whole lot better and for that reason if nothing else he didn't want any other guy within 100 yards of her let alone some fucked up head case with his shy smile and careless hair, his mesmerizing eyes with their soulful depths and that whole innocent, vulnerable little boy look which Declan knew from personal experience would send the girls into a frenzied rush to be at the front of the queue just for the opportunity to be a shoulder for him to cry on. Chicks simply couldn't resist the sensitive, defenceless look and Kyle, despite his apparent problems with normal social interaction seemed to have mastered the concept of flirting perfectly. Declan frowned. There was definitely more to this boy than met the eye and he was determined to find out just what his secret was.

'Why didn't you tell me Kyle sleeps in a bathtub?' He hissed to Lori as they moved from the kitchen to the lounge after breakfast.

Lori shrugged.

'Gee, I don't know! I guess talking about my foster-brother's weird sleeping habits when we were making out wasn't really the thing foremost on my mind!' She told him sarcastically.

'Is Kyle retarded?' He asked bluntly.

She snorted and then gave him a funny look over her shoulder.

'You're kidding me right?'

One look at Declan's face told her that he really wasn't.

She stared at him in disbelief.

'How could you even think that? Kyle's a genius!'

Now it was his turn to stare at her incredulously.

'Oh, come off it Trager! The guy can hardly speak! And when he does finally say something his voice is all slow and weird and he talks absolute nonsense. You heard him at breakfast, I mean, what was all that about?'

'He learned to talk in a day Declan! And he can do hour long math tests in like about 5 minutes and he must have a photographic memory or something because he remembers everything that you've ever said.'

'Yeah, I'm sure, he's a regular Einstein!'

Declan looked over at Lori waiting for her to smile and acknowledge that she had been playing with him all this time, but she appeared to be deadly serious. He frowned. What was going on? No one learned to talk in a day and no one forgot how to talk either especially when they were 16 years old. At first Declan was amazed that Lori who was normally so cynical actually seemed to believe all that stuff about Kyle but then he became annoyed. Kyle had got a good thing going on here living with the Tragers and Declan wanted to make sure that Lori understood that Kyle wasn't all he seemed.

'Shit, Trager! How clever can he be? He sleeps in a bathtub for God's sake!'

'My mom says it makes him feel safe.' Lori said as though that explained everything.

Declan got a sudden flashback to the look of abject fear that had crossed Kyle's face last night before he had realized just who it was that had knocked on the window in the pouring rain. What had happened in his past to make him look so frightened? Was it something that had been done to him or something that he had done to someone else?

'Safe from what?'

Lori shrugged.

'We don't know and Kyle…well that's probably not even his real name, can't remember anything.'

'Convenient!'

Lori gave him a disapproving look.

'What? You're the one who told me he was a head case!'

Declan sighed in exasperation.

'He's really strange and it's not just what he says, he walks funny too; slow and kinda stiff. Not to mention the way he was staring at you over the breakfast table just now. I'm telling you, there's something seriously wrong with that kid!'

'There's something wrong with Kyle because he was staring at me? What's wrong with me that a guy wouldn't want to stare?' She asked him, her voice taking on an edge at his insult. Yet Declan wasn't quite sure who she was more upset for, herself or Kyle.

'Trager, you're starting to sound like a girl and you know that's not what I meant.'

She folded her arms, set her mouth and waited for him to explain.

He sighed.

'It's just that I don't get to see you very often and Kyle lives in your house so he sees you every day and…'

'And you're jealous!' Lori said smiling at him.

'No!' He denied quickly.

He took a deep breath in and ran his hand through his hair. This wasn't going the way he wanted it to at all.

'Well, maybe a little.' He admitted finally before looking over at her. She really was very pretty.

'But I'm not jealous of Kyle, just of the fact that he sleeps in your house and gets to see you in your…'

'Finish that sentence and I guarantee that you won't be seeing anymore of anything!' She warned, raising her eyebrows at him.

He gave her a sheepish smile.

'Declan! It's true that Kyle's… not normal, I mean he does sleep in a tub and it's like he's seeing everything for the first time, he doesn't understand even the simplest stuff that we all take for granted and he can be really annoying sometimes when he follows me around and gets in the way when I want to go out but underneath all that weird stuff he's a good guy and his heart is pure. Well, everything about him is pure! He hasn't got a clue about girls and sex! Ok, that is like so totally not the point!'

She took a deep breath in.

'Look, what I'm trying to say here is that Kyle is my foster-brother and contrary to popular belief…'

She gave him a pointed stare.

'I don't wander round the house in my underwear or take my clothes off in front of him and there's no way that anything would ever happen between us. Besides, he's got a huge crush on my next door neighbour.'

'Amanda Bloom? What like as in going out with Charlie Tanner?' He asked surprised.

Lori nodded.

'Wow!'

'And one more thing?'

She reached up, took his shoulders in her hands then leaned forward and whispered in his ear…

'I am a girl!'

'It's kinda hard not to notice that fact, Trager.' Declan said grinning at her.

But then he stopped noticing anything because suddenly Lori was kissing him.

* * *

And then later on that day it had been because of Lori that he had turned himself over to the police, because her opinion of him somehow mattered back then as opposed to now he thought glumly when there was no point in him trying to do anything to please her because she didn't give a shit about him. Not that he could blame her of course, after all, he was the one who had dumped her. He shifted subtly in his seat and looked at Lori once more. She was still just as beautiful and desirable and as cynical and outspoken as ever…

He suddenly realized he'd been staring and the last thing he wanted was for her to know about it, he thought feeling rather flustered, so he switched his gaze quickly to Amanda Bloom sitting just a few desks away. But while his eyes were on Amanda, his mind was still thinking about Lori because it was Lori who had unwittingly introduced him to Amanda and made him realize that once again he had totally misjudged someone based on a fleeting first impression…


	26. Chapter 26

Love from jealousy – part 26

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

It was only since Declan had started hanging around with Lori last year that he had gotten to know Amanda in any sense of the word at all. Before that he hadn't had much to do with her having met her initially only as Charlie Tanner's girl-friend. She was pretty, cute and clever but had never featured on his radar as apart from the few basketball parties she had attended she didn't travel in the same circles as him and if he was honest she seemed a little boring and too good to be true; she didn't drink, she didn't swear, she didn't put out and if the stories were to be believed, Charlie had never got to more than first base with her! The only thing he knew about Amanda Bloom back in those days was that she was way too good for Charlie. But then came that day at the Tragers' house when he'd finally got to know a little bit more about the quintessential girl next door…

* * *

It was day after the night of the storm and although the wind had let up the rain hadn't. He had spent the morning playing video games with Lori's little brother Josh which annoyed Lori no end but then around lunchtime the power went down so that was the end of that. Then they had all gathered in the living room which was when Declan noticed that Amanda had joined them and that Kyle couldn't keep his eyes off her.

He suddenly felt as though a weight had just been lifted from his shoulders and the tension and resentment that had been building up since breakfast that morning just seemed to evaporate leaving him relaxed and sure about himself again. There was no need for him to feel jealous or angry or bitter towards Kyle over how he looked at Lori because although it was obvious that he was extremely fond of her, from the look of breathless awe on his face, Kyle's affections and desires were directed towards someone else entirely. Now he just felt sorry for the guy, after all he knew what it was like to want something you couldn't have…

They decided to play with the Ouija board which of course Kyle had never heard of. And while he and Lori and Josh had ridiculed the whole idea of spirits giving answers to secrets, Amanda had remained quietly supportive and had reached over to get the game set up because Kyle seemed so desperate to play.

It had started off as a joke with Lori and Josh asking stupid questions but then it suddenly stopped being funny as Kyle in all seriousness, asked when his birthday was. Declan saw Amanda looking at Kyle with such compassion and pity as he closed his eyes and concentrated on the board, desperate for an answer to a question so simple and so basic that everyone else took it for granted. Amanda's hand was over Kyle's, lending him encouragement, compassion and support as he spelt out that meaningless number and then asked Josh what he doing when she saw him writing in his 'Kyle file'.

Later, when the power was back on and he and Josh were battling it out again on the video game, Amanda was standing behind Kyle helping him search the internet for any mention of the bizarre, seemingly random number that he had generated. And while Josh was being an asshole and telling Kyle to search for 'alien' and 'freaky meteorologist' and getting Kyle more and more upset, Amanda was making helpful suggestions and trying to calm him down. But of course Josh being Josh had to go that little bit too far and then Kyle just snapped and totally freaked out and the look on Amanda's face as he started shouting at Josh, was just as shocking as watching the normally placid Kyle completely lose his cool.

Then Lori's mom came in and took one look at Kyle standing there shaking with anger, frustration and grief before they were all politely ordered to leave the room in a tone that broached no argument. Mrs. Trager hadn't looked shocked like Amanda, but she did appear concerned at Kyle's uncharacteristic loss of control and she approached him as one would a lost and frightened child, speaking in calm, low tones and putting her hands on his shoulders, making him concentrate and focus only on her and what she was saying. And the last thing Declan heard before he followed the others upstairs was Kyle's hysterical and desperate voice:

'No! I can't feel like this anymore! I don't want be this freak in Josh's notebook. I need to know who I am…'

Sitting upstairs with the others he listened to Amanda verbalize what they had all been thinking and feeling; how much pain Kyle was in, how sensitive he was, that they didn't realize just how acutely he felt things and how desperate he was to remember the smallest detail about his past yet how it was all still a complete blank to him.

* * *

His estimation of Amanda had gone up that day and looking over at her now he knew that his initial assessment of her had in fact been correct; she was way too good for Charlie and their split, though unfortunate and unpleasant for Amanda at the time was actually the best thing that could have happened to her because now she was free to go out with someone who did deserve to be with her, who wouldn't cheat on her and hurt her, who was as good and as kind as she was, who put other peoples' feelings above their own just as she did, someone who loved her with all their heart, someone like Kyle…

Amanda's eyes suddenly widened and he watched as she sat up straighter in her seat before glancing anxiously across at Lori then back to the front of the class. Lori had also stopped what she was doing and had snuck a worried look in Amanda's direction before folding her arms across her chest in a classic passive aggressive Lori pose that Declan knew so well and looking up to the front of the class. He followed her gaze to see Kyle entering the room, his usual expression of interest, curiosity and wide-eyed wonder at everything around him replaced with a frown just like Amanda's. Then he slowed, his movements becoming hesitant, his frown deepening until he suddenly stopped and turned his head to look at Amanda and Lori, apprehension written all over his face.

Declan's heart contracted painfully once again at the sight of Kyle and a myriad of emotions washed over him making him recall in exacting detail and reminding him so poignantly and distinctly of every instance that he and Kyle had ever spent together…

Embarrassment at the way he thought of and treated Kyle when he first met him, amazement at the discovery of his basketball skills, irritation that he wanted to be on the team, gratitude and awe when he had stood up against the coach and refused to play when he could have been a hero, pity when they stayed over in the dorms at U-Dub because Kyle just spent the whole night looking out of the window trying to work out the mystery of his past, excitement as they drove to the woods together, fear as they broke into Tom Foss's apartment and found those surveillance cameras, worry when he collapsed and had a seizure on the carousel, relief when he came round and was ok, annoyance and anxiety when he refused to tell Lori's parents of the danger he was in, pain and loss when his biological parents came to take him away, resentment at the fact that he just accepted it all so calmly and went with them, confusion over the box of souvenirs he left, such joy and happiness when he returned, anger and bitterness when he refused to tell him what had been going on and overwhelming sorrow and despair at the realization that he had pushed away the best friend that he had ever had.

He wondered if this was what it felt like to have Kyle's memory; to be able to recall with pin-point accuracy every event in your past, to be able to feel with complete clarity every sensation, every emotion evoked by those events so you could relive every moment of every fuck up you ever made time and time again. How had he let himself get sucked into being the keeper of Kyle's dangerous and damaging secrets? He didn't know how much longer he could go on feeling like this. He had become an empty shell of his former self. He didn't know what to do.

Amanda was becoming increasingly worried that something was wrong with Kyle. He was just standing at the front of the class staring at Lori with a look of anguish on his face. She wanted to get up and go to him, to ask him what was the matter and whether there was anything she could do help him but Lori was sitting just a couple of desks away and what if something had happened last night and they were involved? Would Kyle welcome her concern? Would Lori welcome her interference? She didn't know what to do.

Something was terribly wrong with Kyle; Lori could see it in his eyes. He was staring at Amanda with a look of anguish on his face just like he did this morning at breakfast after she had told him to stay away from her. She wanted to get up and go and see that he was ok but Amanda was sitting close by and from the way that Kyle had looked at her just a few minutes ago she was sure that something was going on between them. What if he didn't want her touching him on the shoulder or stroking his arm like she did at home to reassure him in front of his… in front of Amanda? She didn't know what to do.

_I walked into class with my head poun__ding. The pain had become so severe that it was starting to affect my vision. It was like I was looking down a telescope; a singular bright point of light in front of me surrounded by long tunnels of black. I didn't know what was happening to me and it was making me more and more frightened. And then I could sense Amanda and Lori but something was wrong. Their heartbeats had both increased as I entered the room and they increased further still as they glanced first at one another then at me. I tried to catch their eye but it was like it was painful for them to look at me._

_The thought of two of my clo__sest friends both hating me caused a shooting pain behind my eyes that momentarily blinded me. I tried to make myself relax but my body was telling me it needed more and more oxygen and I could hear myself gasping for breath. I felt as though there was a steel band around my chest and every time I exhaled it tightened a bit further preventing me from taking another breath in. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to explode. I tried to call out to Amanda and Lori, to tell that I was sorry and to ask them for their forgiveness but my tongue felt heavy and numb. I looked over at them willing them to help me but they just stared back, their faces frozen in horror at the lies that I told and the person that I had become._

A sharp gasp made Declan look up to see Kyle's hand pressing into the side of his head, his eyes screwed tightly shut and his face contorted in pain. He looked like he did that day when he was trying to listen through Foss's apartment door. What was going on?

Amanda watched in concern as Kyle brought his hand up to his head and squeezed his eyes shut in what looked like pain. She saw the color drain from his face and felt her stomach contract in fear. What on Earth was the matter with him? He looked so ill.

Lori's eyes widened in recognition of what was happening to Kyle. She'd seen him behave this way several times before at home and it always seemed to occur when he got emotionally stressed over something. Lori's stomach churned at the realization of what would happen next if Kyle didn't get himself back under control. She watched as he pressed his hand into the side of his head. He was in such pain. But what had set him off? Had it been her?

Declan watched as Kyle staggered to one side, his hand still pressed to his head, surprise turning to shock as Kyle suddenly dropped to his knees.

Amanda no longer cared what Lori might think of her because something terrible was happening to Kyle. She had to see that he was alright. She stood up.

Lori didn't give a shit any more about what Amanda might think of her because Kyle was in trouble. She had to make sure that he was ok. She stood up.

_The pain in my head was excruciating. I couldn't see or think straight, yet I knew that something awful was going to happen and that I wasn't going to be able to do anything to stop it. I could feel the concern radiating from both Lori and Amanda but there was also something else; resentme__nt towards each other and towards me. I could sense the atoms of the air around me subtly shifting, just as they had that day in the warehouse when Foss had been shouting at me, when I had shattered the glass skylights above us and I knew that if I didn't get my mind back under control then it would happen again here in school and who knew how many people would be hurt. But the pain made it impossible to concentrate. I had to get out of here._

Kyle managed to pull himself to his feet just as the English teacher walked in through the door.

'Mr. Trager, Ms. Trager and Ms. Bloom would you like to join everyone else and take your seats?' The teacher said dryly.

It wasn't phrased as a question, Declan noted. He turned around to see Lori and Amanda still standing behind their desks, their eyes wide with worry and fixed on Kyle as he lurched drunkenly towards the door bumping into Declan's desk as he did so.

'Mr. Trager! By the fact you are stumbling around aimlessly and seem unable to find your place, are you by any chance intoxicated?' The teacher asked, the tone of his accusation mocking and sardonic.

Jesus! Was there a class that all teachers took that made them come across as sarcastic, cynical, arrogant assholes? Declan thought irritably. There was no way that Kyle was drunk although maybe there was something else wrong with him as he certainly wasn't acting like himself.

'Kyle, man! Are you ok?' Declan hissed at him.

'I've got to get out of here.' Kyle whispered frantically. 'Please, Declan, I can't…'

Declan held his breath as he waited for Kyle to finish his sentence. I can't… what? What had he been about to admit? What had he been about to tell him?

'The three of you, sit down now!' The teacher shouted.

Declan let out the breath he had been holding and closed his eyes in disappointment. He had thought just for a second that Kyle was finally going to confide in him, finally going to let him in on the big secret that he had been keeping and finally make these last few months of hell he had been living through somehow worthwhile.

'My head, Declan, please help me, please…'

Kyle's plaintive, pitiful and desperate cries sent chills down Declan's spine.

'Kyle?'

That was Lori's voice and she sounded just as scared as he was. Did she know what was going on?

'Declan, please, you've got to get me out of here, please, please…'

Declan looked at Kyle and saw his face had gone white. God! He was really scared. And why didn't he just leave if it was so important to him unless… Declan now noticed the way Kyle was hanging onto the desk, the way his arms were rigid and shaking with the effort of trying to support his weight, the way his eyes were staring at him, pleading, begging, willing him to help and understand; Kyle was unable to help himself.

'Why have you got to leave? Kyle, what's wrong?'

'Don't let Lori near… I need… I can't…Please, someone might get hurt…' He implored Declan desperately.

_I couldn't wait any longer. I could feel the windows beginning to break, sense the molecules of the glass fracturing along paths of least resistance ready to shatter at any moment just like my mind seemed to be doing. I couldn't control my body. My arms and legs were shaking and my head felt l__ike it was about to explode. I had to try and get as far as possible from this room, had to get away from Lori and Amanda so that I could try and calm down, so that this destructive force in me could disperse safely and not hurt the people I loved._

Declan nodded, understanding not what Kyle was so hysterical about or why he seemed so very frightened but of his perceived urgency of the situation and his desperate need to leave.

'Mr. Trager…' The teacher said narrowing his eyes and walking towards him. 'Are you alright?'

Declan saw Lori and Amanda both approaching.

'Don't let them near me, I can't protect them. You've got to get me away from here. I can't control it for much longer, please, please help me…'

Kyle's frantic and tortured whispers made his blood run cold. He wanted to ask so many things; what it was that he couldn't control, what had happened that day in the woods outside U-Dub, what was the significance of the box of souvenirs, what had happened while Kyle was in Connecticut, to understand what was happening now, but one look at his friend trembling with fear and pain made him realize that his questions would have to wait. It was Kyle's needs that came first right now.

'Kyle's not feeling well; I'm going to take him outside for some air.' He told the teacher.

He stood up and grabbed Kyle's wrist and pulled his arm over his shoulder, dragging him upright.

'If he's feeling unwell enough to miss class then he needs to be taken to the nurse.' The teacher replied, as though this had all been some elaborate ruse for them both to cut class Declan thought angrily. As if Kyle would ever play up in this way. Hell, he loved school!

He then turned towards Lori and Amanda.

'And unless you two also need to see the nurse then I suggest you sit down immediately. Anyone who is not in their seat in the next ten seconds can stand as long as they like in detention. The choice is yours.' The teacher warned.

'But…'

'It's ok, Lori! I've got him.' Declan stared at her for a second trying to make her see that he would take care of Kyle and that it wasn't worth getting a detention over.

For a moment he thought she was going to make a fuss but then she seemed to come to a decision and nodded to him as if to say 'go', 'help him' and 'keep him safe'. And that's exactly what he intended to do. That and find out just what the fuck was going on…


	27. Chapter 27

Love from jealousy – part 27

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

**Author's Notes:**

**Apologies for taking so long to update but work got in the way and saving lives is just so time consuming not to mention exhausting! Anyway, here is the next chapter. Enjoy...**

Declan half dragged, half carried Kyle from the room into the corridor and down the empty hallway.

'Outside…' Kyle whispered to him.

He nodded noting almost abstractly that the further they got away from the classroom the more Kyle's legs seemed to be making an effort to walk on their own although his arms were still around Declan's neck, hanging on for dear life.

He bundled Kyle along deserted corridors as fast as he could and finally kicked open the door he knew would take them to the bleachers running down to the football field. That was the closest, most deserted 'outside' he could think of as he had a feeling that Kyle didn't need or want an audience the way he was behaving right now. But they didn't even make it to the benches because as soon as they were through the door he felt Kyle resist further forward movement. Declan lowered him rather unceremoniously to the ground and then sat down next to him on a concrete step breathing heavily after the unaccustomed exertion of dragging another person around.

He looked worriedly over at Kyle who was staring off into the distance, eyes unblinking as though he were concentrating incredibly hard on something and then Declan felt a strange sensation wash over him. It was like the air surrounding them had suddenly become charged with static electricity and he felt his skin start to prickle as the hair on his arms, head and back of his neck stood up. He watched anxiously as Kyle took a sharp breath in, tipped his head back and closed his eyes. His body had gone rigid, his arms outstretched, shaking slightly, the whole effect painting an image for Declan of a crucifixion.

He didn't know what was happening but the best way he could describe it was that Kyle appeared to be enveloped by a field of energy. There was nothing to see but he could sense something powerful in the air surrounding them. It was a surreal feeling and took him back to that night at the bonfire when he had stood paralyzed with fear and watched Kyle come running out of a burning building, his clothes and hair on fire, yet a moment later amazingly, shockingly, he'd discovered that he was undamaged.

He stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed in astonishment as the space around Kyle seemed to blur slightly and then it was like some kind of force had suddenly been released from him. The air seemed to dance and shimmer as if he were looking at a mirage on a sunny day. Declan followed it as it flowed out across the football field in front of them. It rolled away like a wave and within a couple of seconds had disappeared just as ripples eventually did on the surface of a pond.

There was a long, drawn-out sigh from Kyle as if in relief of finally getting rid of this terrible burden and then his whole body seemed to sag as though he was exhausted and he tipped sideways coming to rest against Declan's arm, his head leaning on his shoulder.

* * *

When Declan looked back on this incident in years to come he realized that he hadn't been scared because at that point he hadn't understood the significance of what he had just observed. He hadn't told anyone else about it either, firstly because he wasn't able to put into words what he had seen, secondly because he didn't think anyone would believe him even if he had been able to tell them about it, thirdly because he wasn't able to compartmentalize in his own mind just what exactly had happened and what that said about Kyle and what he was capable of and finally because somewhere deep down inside he knew that Kyle didn't want anyone to know and it was only out of necessity that he had allowed Declan to help him in the first place and that this was going to be another secret that Declan would become the keeper of. And so over time the memory had faded and become as hazy as the air surrounding Kyle for that split second.

But what he would remember, what would stick in his mind more than anything else was this moment; the two of them sitting silently together, arms touching with Kyle's head resting on his shoulder and the sense of peace and serene tranquillity that had descended over him at the recognition of the utmost trust Kyle had placed in him even if accidentally, by allowing him to witness what had just happened.

* * *

Declan remained still for several minutes afterwards, reluctant to move for fear of disturbing Kyle's need to rest and also unwilling to give up the wonderful feeling of contentment that being needed by Kyle, however unintentional that was, had engendered in him. Having Kyle's hot and heavy body pressed against his was an incredibly intimate experience. He could feel Kyle's chest rising and falling, his respiration relaxed and rhythmical, his breath warm and sweet and oddly soothing on his neck…

And then suddenly it wasn't just cosy and intimate any more, the whole situation had changed and felt… erotic somehow and Kyle's breath wasn't warm and soothing, it was hot and stimulating and charged with sexual energy. Declan's eyes widened in horror as he felt himself beginning to get aroused. He tried to relax, to think logically; it was just a physical response brought on by their close proximity and the necessity of him providing support for Kyle. It didn't mean that he was…that way inclined, it didn't mean that, it didn't! It was just a reaction to being touched that was all, his frantic mind emphasized. He willed himself to calm down and tried to concentrate on his breathing but that just refocused his mind back onto Kyle, his head still resting on his shoulder, his lips so close to his neck that all he had to do was open his mouth and stick out his tongue and he would be able to taste Declan's skin…

He felt his body responding; felt his nipples hardening and his groin tingling, felt his balls tightening and his cock stiffening even further. Oh God! Could it be possible that he really was gay? And what would that mean? That he wouldn't be able to get it up with chicks any more or that he would have to kiss guys and touch guys and… and…

'Declan?'

He jumped as Kyle's deep voice interrupted his hysterical thoughts and realized that Kyle wasn't leaning against him any more but was now staring at him, his head tipped slightly to one side adding to the quizzical interest inherent in his expression. For a second he couldn't move and just stared back into that impossibly beautiful face, mesmerized by his deep set eyes with their amazing color and the long dark lashes surrounding them. Declan could feel the heat radiating from Kyle's body even though they were no longer in contact with each other and then his gaze was drawn to those pink, puffy lips, whose corners were upturned into a questioning, curious smile and he suddenly wondered how it would feel to have that luscious and sensual mouth touching his.

He blushed furiously in embarrassment, hurriedly pushing himself up and stumbling backwards in his haste to move away from Kyle and the disturbing thoughts that were appearing in his head, his hands coming up to cover his cheeks to try and quell the heat and humiliation that he felt must be exuding from him in waves.

'Declan?'

Kyle's voice had taken on an anxious tone.

Oh God, he knew, he knew! And there was no point in denying it because even if he wasn't Kyle with all his special abilities who seemed to be able to read peoples' minds and didn't even have to be in the same room as someone to know whether they were lying or not, he would know because how could he not when Declan had made it so fucking obvious how he felt? He turned away from Kyle and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, trying to disguise the bulge of his arousal and cursing his traitorous body.

'Declan, what's wrong?'

Kyle's voice was frankly worried now and Declan, flustered by his brain's insistence of repeatedly projecting images of Kyle in various states of undress and his body's unwanted, unwelcome, unsolicited and extremely disturbing physical response to those pictures in his mind, reacted instinctively and in the only way he knew how, by lashing out at the person who had made him feel so uncomfortable and made him doubt his sexuality, doubt the very essence of who he was.

'What's wrong with me?' He shouted in disbelief spinning around to face Kyle.

'What's wrong with you, don't you mean? That little display you just put on… Kyle…What the fuck?'

And his outburst had the desired effect because Kyle was no longer worried about him, he was worried about himself. As Declan watched, breathing heavily and trying to get himself back under control, physically at least, he could see Kyle practically shrink backwards and retreat into himself, his face anxious, his forehead wrinkled, his eyes troubled and fearful again. And the anger that had consumed him abruptly fizzled out leaving him feeling guilty and sorry that he was the one to have caused Kyle to look so upset.

'It's just…well, it was like you were surrounded by… some kind of powerful energy thing and then it just seemed to be expelled from your body somehow and…'

He faltered, then stopped and smiled wryly to himself realizing that he didn't need to explain what he had seen to Kyle because Kyle already knew everything. He walked back over and sat down on the step again bringing his hands out of his pockets and resting them carefully in his lap. He sighed. What was it about Kyle that got to him like it did, that made him care so much even though at this particular moment he wanted nothing more to do with the lying pretty boy and his bloody secrets?

'Thank you.' Kyle said quietly a few minutes later.

He turned his head to see Kyle's profile looking out over the football field.

'For what?' He asked surprised.

'For getting me outside, here where it's open and safe and there's no windows.' Kyle said softly, still staring out into the distance.

Declan frowned. Windows? He didn't understand.

'I couldn't control it any longer and I didn't want anyone to get hurt…'

Declan was starting to get that muddled headed and slightly bewildered feeling that so often happened whenever Kyle tried to explain something to him. He understood the individual words being said to him but when they were all strung together into a sentence, they may as well have been said in a foreign language for all the good they did his comprehension.

'Control what?' He asked perplexed.

'The… 'energy' you saw…'

Declan remembered the force field like wave that shot out from Kyle's body and then suddenly got a mental picture of that happening in the confines of a class room; the energy released so strong it even caused the air in front of it to move making everything shimmer and shake as it surged outwards with Kyle at its epicentre, pushing against anything that stood in its way.

'The windows… The glass would have shattered!' Declan exclaimed in shock, finally understanding.

Kyle nodded almost imperceptibly, his teeth worrying at his bottom lip as he glanced at Declan apprehensively.

Declan's eyes widened in amazement at the revelation that Kyle had finally shared something of his secret life with him. He didn't want to push his luck and demand that Kyle told him everything but he so desperately wanted to know what was going on.

'Has it... happened before?' He asked hesitantly.

'No. Well, yes, but not like this.'

'But the windows…'

'Yes.' Kyle whispered miserably.

'Wow! That must have been… '

Amazing? Astonishing? Incredible? Phenomenal? Mind-numbingly unbelievable?

But Kyle didn't look like he was excited or proud or happy about what had just happened. In his head this was just another thing that would make him stand out from the crowd and appear abnormal when all Kyle wanted, when all Kyle had ever wanted Declan realized was to blend in with everyone else and just be ordinary.

'Scary.' Declan finished.

He watched the gratitude appear in Kyle's face at his understanding of this unique situation he had been placed in and then saw his mouth quiver slightly as he tried to smile, his eyes suspiciously bright.

'So what was different about today?' Declan asked gently.

'I managed to control it until I got outside. I've never been able to do that before.' Kyle sniffed anxiously.

'Maybe that means you're getting stronger…'

'Or perhaps it just means that I was lucky enough to have a friend who was willing to help me…'

Declan suddenly felt absurdly happy at the acknowledgment that Kyle had just given him. He felt a warmth begin to spread throughout his body as he basked in the moment of once again knowing that Kyle did in fact need him and it made the last few months of self-doubt, worry and resentment for everyone and everything in his life now seem trivial. How could he not be there for the best friend he ever had when that friend had asked, no, pleaded in desperation for his help?

'I didn't do anything really Kyle…' He said casting his eyes downwards self-deprecatingly.

'But you did, Declan, you did!' Kyle told him emphatically. 'And if you hadn't then lots of people would have been hurt today.'

Declan jumped as he felt Kyle touch him on his knee.

'You saved everyone's life in that classroom.' Kyle said earnestly. 'Declan…'

He looked back up at the beautiful face calling his name.

'You're a hero.' Kyle told him wide-eyed.

And then he was finding it difficult to breathe because even through the thick denim of his jeans he could feel the heat of Kyle's hand resting on his leg as though he was being burnt. Did Kyle have any idea what that simple, innocuous touch was doing to him? He felt the familiar warmth spreading over his skin and his blood pooling once more in his groin. What was the matter with him? Why was he reacting in this way to Kyle's innocent, reassuring, tender touch? If he didn't like it, if he was embarrassed, ashamed at his body's response then why didn't he just pull away?

Because, his mind told him, this was what he'd wanted all along. He had wanted and pleaded and demanded that Kyle tell him his secret and now he was doing just that; he was finally opening up. And in true Kyle style, what he had revealed wasn't like anything that Declan could have possibly comprehended or even imagined. But what he did know was that Kyle needed him, needed his support, his understanding, needed to know that he could trust him and that he wouldn't look at him differently now that he knew that Kyle wasn't quite normal, not of course that he had been exactly normal to start with.

And now that he knew about the power that was at Kyle's command it paradoxically made him appear even more vulnerable somehow, maybe because now he could see just how easy it would be for someone to manipulate him and exploit him. Declan had nearly gone mad trying to keep Kyle's secrets for just those few months he had been away so how had Kyle been able to do it his whole life? How did Kyle even function let alone be the kind, caring, selfless, brilliant and inspirational person that he was?

'It just must be so…' Declan frowned and then shook his head in disbelief.

'I mean…You keep all that bottled up… All the time?'

And then the hand on his leg was gone and Declan felt strangely bereft. He looked back over at Kyle to see his profile once more staring grimly out over the football field.

'Inside me…Yes.' He whispered desolately as though he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

God! He looked so alone. Declan tried to imagine what it would feel like to have that sort of power, to be able to do all the things that Kyle could do, to understand and know all the things that Kyle knew but quite honestly, he didn't know where to start. But then again, how could anyone understand what it would feel like to be Kyle when there was no one else who had experienced anything close to what Kyle was going through because there simply wasn't anyone else like him in the world?

He wanted to tell Kyle that everything was going to be fine but how could he say that given the trauma and grief inherent in Kyle's extraordinary past? Kyle needed and deserved more than superficial clichés and insincere platitudes and even if he had been able to think of something suitable to say, talking about feelings and emotions had never been one of his strong points because it always brought up uncomfortable memories of his own troubled past. He realized then that there was absolutely nothing he could say to make Kyle feel any better but maybe there was something he could do…

Declan knew that Kyle by his nature was a very tactile person and he remembered talking to Lori; back in the old days that was, when they used to talk, about what Kyle was like when he had first come to live with her family. Lori had said it was like having a baby in the house and as such her mom had spent a great deal of time holding and hugging him, caressing and cuddling him and he had melted into her embrace, burying his face in her blonde hair and wrapping his arms tightly around her body. And just like a child he had been reassured by her touch and had responded to the nurturing love she had shown him which had ultimately allowed him to flourish and mature while living with the Tragers. And although that was over a year ago and Kyle had obviously 'grown up' since then he still seemed to crave that physical contact with another person that fulfilled whatever emotional needs his mind required whether that was being hugged by Amanda in school, rubbing shoulders with Lori as they walked side by side or having his hand gently stroked by Nicole at the breakfast table.

Could Declan use Kyle's need for physical affection as a way to reassure him and make him feel less isolated, less alone? Could he reach out now and touch him gently on the leg just as Kyle had done to him a few minutes ago? Or would his actions be misconstrued as something more than he was prepared to offer? He wasn't the touchy-feely type like Kyle obviously was and anyway it wasn't the done thing for straight guys to go around touching each other unless of course it was a manly hug or a slap on the back, but certainly nothing like Kyle's tender, lingering contact on his knee.

But what if by trying to make Kyle feel better by touching him, he actually made things worse because maybe Kyle wouldn't be content with a mere friendly pat on the knee or shoulder, maybe he would want and expect more and then because Declan had initiated the touching thing, Kyle would think that it was alright if he reciprocated and would turn around and wrap his arms tightly around him and then Kyle's body would be pressing up against his and then that other stuff, the physical stuff that had just happened to him might start to happen again and then Kyle would get the wrong idea even if he didn't even know what the right idea was because who knew what Kyle thought about homosexuality and although there was nothing wrong with being gay, it's just that he wasn't and he didn't want anything he did to make anyone think that he was and at this point in time Declan didn't know what the hell he was doing or feeling only that he didn't want to jeopardize his newly re-kindled and fragile friendship with Kyle and that could easily happen if Kyle found out that he had got aroused by touching him. And getting a hard-on for your best friend was certainly not the way that heroes behaved and after all, that's what Kyle had called him; a hero and no one had ever said anything like that to him before.

Declan took a deep breath in and decided to change the subject while keeping his hands firmly in his lap.

'So back in the classroom… Why did you tell me to keep Lori away?'

He heard Kyle catch his breath and looked up to see him frowning.

'I needed to control my mind and Lori was making it difficult.'

'How…? Why…?' Declan asked puzzled.

'I could sense her looking at me.'

'The whole class was looking at you Kyle, you were stumbling around all over the place. She was probably just worried about you, that's all. I certainly was. I mean, it looked as though you were about to collapse at any second. You couldn't even stand up on your own.'

'I don't think so.' Kyle said quietly.

'What?' Declan asked him. 'Why wouldn't she be worried about you? She's your sister after all.'

'Because… Because…' Kyle stuttered breathlessly.

'Kyle?' Declan prompted.

'Because she hates me, that's why!' Kyle wailed loudly in distress.

Declan stared at his friend in shock. That Kyle believed what he had just blurted out was evident from the anguish in his eyes and the way that his chest was moving up and down at a rather rapid rate as he began to hyperventilate, working himself up over his idea which had obviously upset him greatly. But how could he possibly think that Lori hated him? She might be a bit opinionated and at times even somewhat bitchy and she certainly wasn't backward about coming forward especially in her views regarding other people and their looks and habits but she was extremely fond of Kyle; that much had been evident very early on in their relationship and she had certainly been worried about him in class today so much so that Declan had thought that she was going to get detention for failing to return to her seat due to her need to see that he was ok.

'How can you say that? You and Lori are always hanging together and recently it seems that you have almost been joined at the hip! She loves you Kyle.'

'No she doesn't.' He whimpered in distress.

'Of course she does!' Declan tried to persuade him.

'She can't because I lied to her and pushed her away after she looked after me and protected me and I hurt her feelings and she was so upset that she cried.' Kyle admitted to him in despair at the memory and wincing as he pressed his hand up to his head.

Declan narrowed his eyes at the unconscious signal Kyle had just given indicating he was in pain again.

'Kyle, are you ok?' He asked concerned now after having witnessed the outcome of Kyle's last 'headache'.

'I tried to apologize but she wouldn't speak to me this morning and then she saw me with Amanda…'

His voice was getting higher, louder and more frantic as he tried to explain and his breathing was now fast, shallow and labored. His body stiffened as he gasped and dug his fingers into the side of his head.

'Kyle, calm down!' Declan said anxiously, recognizing the signs of impending disaster.

'She told me to stay away from her.' Kyle cried out in torment.

'Maybe she did but she doesn't mean that now.' Declan said quickly, trying to placate Kyle, trying to make him get his emotions back under control and the only way he could think to do that was to give Kyle hope that his relationship with Lori was not over, whatever that relationship might be.

And suddenly Declan just knew that he needed to take charge of the situation before it escalated to a point where once again it became uncontrollable because Kyle was fast becoming paralyzed with fear, guilt, angst and self-doubt and Declan somehow knew that at this moment in time Kyle was unable to make any decisions, unable to formulate any plans or indeed even think straight and what he needed now was to be told what to do.

'Kyle, you need to get a grip and then we are going to go back inside and find Lori and talk to her. And you can apologize for whatever wrongdoing it is you think you've done.'

'But what happens if she won't speak to me?' He said rubbing his forehead unconsciously, the pain in his head and the fear of having hurt Lori making him unable to concentrate on anything other than his current dilemma.

'She will, because I won't let her leave until she does, ok?' Declan told him firmly.

There was a slight pause as Kyle's distracted brain processed the information.

'Ok.' He whispered, nodding in agreement.

'Right then, we've got a plan! But first we need to get you seen by the nurse. I know you don't want to go…' Declan pre-empted after seeing Kyle frown and then open his mouth to argue. 'But we've been out here for ages and it's gonna look like we were cutting class, besides, maybe she can actually help you and like, you know, give you something for your headache. So, are you cool now?'

Kyle took a deep breath in and then let it out in a long, shaky sigh before hesitantly looking up at Declan and nodding slowly. And suddenly, there was that look of vulnerability again…

'I've missed you.' He said softly, a mixture of gratitude and longing in his voice.

Declan stood up and turned to brush the dust off his jeans rather more forcefully and for a longer time than was strictly necessary just to have something to do other than look at Kyle because once he did, he knew that Kyle would know immediately just how much he cared about him and Declan wasn't sure that he was ready to acknowledge to himself precisely what that meant just yet.

'Yeah, me too. Come on, let's go!' He replied gruffly.

And that, Declan thought as he brusquely helped Kyle to his feet and led him back inside, was the understatement of the century.


	28. Chapter 28

Love from jealousy – part 28

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori watched as Declan, minus Kyle came back into the classroom giving her a quick, cursory glance before making his way over to his desk. He'd been gone a terribly long time… She hoped that everything was ok, that Kyle was ok. She couldn't bear it if anything had happened to him because of her. She needed to speak to Declan as soon as the class was over. She had to know that Kyle was alright.

And then Declan turned around and looked directly at her. She raised her eyebrows asking silently if Kyle was ok yet he just stared at her, an unreadable look on his face. She felt herself flushing under such obvious scrutiny and then he frowned to himself, an action that Lori knew from experience meant that he was confused or worried, before turning around again to face the front of the class. Lori got a sudden sense of unease about his atypical behaviour.

Declan hadn't given her more than a passing glance over the last few weeks since he had broken off their relationship and now suddenly, after he'd been with Kyle for less than half an hour, after he had presumably talked with Kyle, he was staring openly at her. Lori didn't hear a word of the remainder of the lesson due to the many questions and thoughts that were now swirling around her head: Was Kyle ok? What had happened to him? Was it her fault that he looked so ill? Had Kyle told Declan what she had done to him? Was that why he was looking at her so strangely, because he knew she had kissed Kyle and touched him against his will? And what had Declan said to Kyle in return about her? Had they been comparing notes and laughing or was he disgusted with her behaviour and was glad that he had dumped her when he had the chance? Oh God! She just wished she knew what the hell was going on…

She jumped as the bell signalling the end of the lesson suddenly interrupted her increasingly paranoid thoughts. She shook her head as if to clear her mind before hurriedly packing her bag so that she could catch Declan to ask him about Kyle, but she wasn't quick enough. Amanda Bloom was already up and out of her seat and standing in front of him and Lori could hear every word that they were saying.

'Declan! What happened to Kyle? Is he alright?' She asked him in a high-pitched, anxious voice.

'He's fine, Amanda, or at least he will be. He just had a really bad migraine…'

'A migraine? But he looked like he was going to collapse today in class and you had to help him walk…'

'He couldn't see straight that's why I had to help him and then when I finally got him to the nurse, he was sick all over himself and I had to stay to help clean him up but she gave him some Advil and made him lie down and she swears he's going to be fine.'

'But last time he had a bad headache he collapsed and had a fit…'

'I know,' Declan interrupted not wanting to think back to that awful day on the carousel, 'but it wasn't like that this time. He just had a migraine. He's ok now and he's sleeping it off.'

Amanda didn't look convinced.

'Honestly Amanda,' Declan said looking down into her eyes. 'He's going to be absolutely fine. I wouldn't have left him if I thought that something was wrong.'

Lori watched as Amanda stood wide-eyed staring up at Declan before seemingly accepting his version of the events and then she sighed and bowed her head, her body sagging slightly as though even the thought of Kyle being unwell was too much for her to handle.

'Of course he's fine!' She said nodding vigorously as if trying to persuade herself that speaking the words out loud would really make it so. 'And I know you wouldn't leave him, it's just that I was so worried... Thank you for telling me, Declan. Kyle's lucky to have such a good friend to look out for him.'

'And Kyle's also lucky to have such a good friend to worry about him…' He replied softly, taking her hand in his and squeezing it gently.

Lori gasped in surprise at the unanticipated and not to mention extremely sweet and thoughtful compliment Declan had paid Amanda before scowling in a fit of pique and resentment. She had been going out with Declan for nearly a year and she had never seen this side of him before; this caring, selfless, attentive side. In fact she didn't even know that Declan had it in him and the first time she got to see it she thought in annoyance, it was directed at someone else and not just anyone else; at Amanda bloody Bloom.

What was it about the girl that got Kyle and now Declan both treating her with such…reverence, such esteem, such respect? It wasn't like she was related to Kyle so why did Declan feel the need to talk to her in such a gentle and compassionate manner? And why did he have to say it all in such a soft and sympathetic voice and hold her eyes with his own, staring, unblinking like he was making sure that she understood that now they had something in common, that they shared something special together, or was that someone special? Someone like Kyle…

Lori watched angrily as Amanda flushed, obviously embarrassed but also extraordinarily pleased at Declan's kind and considerate comment as she looked down at the unexpected contact between them. Then she smiled gratefully at him as she realized that that small touch had been just what she needed to reassure her that Kyle really was ok before taking a deep breath and walking out of the room.

Declan's gaze followed Amanda as she left the room, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully before turning back to look at Lori.

'Was that true?' She asked him.

'Which bit?' Declan replied.

'That Kyle's ok, that he had a migraine, that you really did take him to the nurse, that pathetic little mutual appreciation society at the end? Hell, I don't know, all of it, I guess!' She said irritably.

'Yes, I really did take him to the nurse and he was lying down when I left. I don't know about the migraine but he was certainly complaining of a headache and that's what the nurse said it probably was. Amanda's a sweet girl and has been a good friend to Kyle and just needed to be reassured that he really was alright and as for him being ok…Yes! He's going to be just fine. Physically anyway…'

'Physically?' Lori asked confused.

'Yeah, he was really upset, especially when your name came up. So what did you do to him, Trager?' Declan asked flippantly and smirked at her.

'Do to him? I… I…Nothing!' She stuttered in denial. 'I didn't do anything to him! Why? What did Kyle say I did to him?'

The smirk faded from Declan's face as he watched his ex-girlfriend resolutely deny his accusations. He had only meant to bait her but now seeing her so upset, so angry, so defensive and casting his mind back to Kyle's misery and insistence that Lori hated him, he wondered just what it was that had really happened between them.

'Kyle thinks that you hate him.'

'What?' She shouted in disbelief. 'Of course I don't hate him! How could he think that?'

'He told me that he said some things that hurt your feelings and that he made you cry…'

Declan paused as he heard Lori gasp.

'We had a slight misunderstanding, that was all.'

It came out in a much more defensive manner that she had intended. She felt herself start to blush as she thought about the awful things she'd said to him in the bathroom that night.

Had Kyle told Declan what she had done to him? That she had kissed him and undressed him and groped him and…and… Was Declan aware of just how close she had come to having had sex with Kyle? Did Declan know how incestuous and perverted she was to knowingly go after her own brother, how disgusting and despicable she was to try and corrupt someone so innocent, so pure, someone so vulnerable as Kyle?

'He said that he'd tried to apologize but that you wouldn't talk to him, that you told him to stay away from you…'

'Because he wants Amanda now…' She blurted out trying to explain how she felt this morning after seeing him climb back in through the window and her reasons for making that hurtful comment.

'But he's always wanted Amanda!' Declan exclaimed, looking at her as though she was an idiot.

'Oh God!' Lori said covering her face with her hands as she realized both the truth inherent in the comment and what she had just let slip.

'Lori…' Declan said hesitantly and frowning at her as though he was trying to work something out but didn't like the direction in which his thoughts were taking him.

'Kyle didn't tell me what went on between the two of you if that's what you're worried about and quite honestly, I'm not sure that I want to know but I think part of what happened today with Kyle was because he was worried that he had upset you and that he can't make it right because you won't talk to him. You know how sensitive he is and if he thinks that someone he loves hates him and that he was the cause of it then it's going to tear him apart.'

'But I don't hate him.' She cried desperately.

'I never thought that you did, but Kyle does and he's the important one in all this isn't he?' Declan told her gently.

Lori felt her eyes welling up with tears and she brushed them away angrily. She didn't want to cry in front of Declan yet again, especially when he was right and being so nice about everything.

She nodded at him not trusting herself to speak at that moment.

'You can fix this Lori, so easily. You just have to talk to him. Do it today, explain things, hell, make it up if necessary. He needs to know that you don't hate him. He loves you and I know that you love him.'

'Ok…' She said hoarsely, not arguing with him, not looking at him, just desperate to get away so that he didn't see her about to break down any moment now.

She grabbed her bag and fled from the room thinking that Amanda had been spot on in her assessment of Declan, damn her, in that Kyle was indeed lucky to have such a good friend to look out for him.

* * *

Lori got home emotionally exhausted and after kicking off her shoes collapsed onto the sofa. She lay there drained and unmoving, staring at the ceiling thinking about the embarrassing meeting she'd had with Declan and what he had said to her about Kyle. She knew that he was right and that she had to talk to Kyle today because if this really was her fault, if she was the cause of Kyle's worry and hence his migraine which had made him almost collapse today at school, then it couldn't go on.

But how much did Declan know about the two of them? He'd said that Kyle hadn't told him what had gone on but maybe he had hinted or gestured or used different names or any number of other possibilities that Lori herself used to tell a story without actually giving away the exact details and identity of the people involved in it. And had he told him about Amanda, about having sex with Amanda? Was that why he'd been so nice to her today at school, because she was now Kyle's girl-friend? And then she groaned because just the mention of sex brought her mind back to that night when she had been rubbing and writhing against Kyle and just how amazing it had been. Oh, God! She covered her eyes with her arm in the vain hope that it would somehow block out the erotic images that immediately flooded her brain whenever she thought about Kyle.

Once again she felt the wave of humiliation spread over her at the knowledge that Kyle didn't feel about her the same way she felt about him. Yet there was no good denying it; she still loved him and wanted him physically even knowing that it was wrong and that he desired another. Jesus! She had to stop this obsession with him. It was driving her to distraction. He was filling her mind, filling her dreams; he was all she could think about day and night…

'I wouldn't get too comfortable if I were you.' Nicole said coming into the lounge, 'I've got some jobs lined up for you and Kyle this afternoon, punishment as it were for the complete lack of judgement you both showed the other night.'

Nicole's anger had faded somewhat from yesterday but the evidence of it was still there simmering under the surface and it wouldn't take much to bring it back to the boil by the looks of things, Lori noted. So much for the 'anger never solved anything' speech then that her mother was always quoting at her, she thought wryly.

She had apologized repeatedly for not telling her mom about Kyle's head injury but it hadn't done her any good, in fact it only seemed to further inflame the situation. Lori knew that Nicole was still scared about what had happened and what could have happened to Kyle which she covered up by projecting her fear as anger. And because she still felt responsible for him, still thought of him as her little lost boy, her pet psychological project, her own personal means for redemption, still felt that he needed more of her love and attention than anyone else in the family now she felt guilty because she had failed him in that she had let him get hurt.

Add to that the fact that Kyle had lied to her or rather omitted to tell her the whole truth then not surprisingly she was bound to feel upset, disappointed, offended, angry and of course when that happened she was apt to blame Lori for everything because God knows that Kyle, who'd always been her 'perfect' son and who had done everything in his power to please her, to be accepted by her, to be loved by her, would never do anything like that on his own, which meant that he must have been coerced by his unreliable, ungrateful and spiteful bitch of a sister.

'Ok, let's have it then…' She said, bitterness giving way to resignation over her fate as the imperfect one of the duo on whom sentence was about to be passed.

'There's two weeks worth of laundry for you to sort and iron and Kyle's going to go up on the roof with Stephen to clean out the gutters.'

Lori frowned.

'Not happy with your punishment?' Nicole asked her in a tone that said 'Just try me, young Lady!'

'Well, no, obviously! I mean laundry? Come on! But in the interests of getting it over with and being allowed out tomorrow, I'll do it, but I don't think making Kyle go up onto the roof today is such a good idea.'

'And why is that?'

'Well, because he had a migraine today in school.'

'Yes...? And…?' Nicole's eyes narrowed.

'He wasn't too steady on his feet in class, in fact, he had to go and see the nurse.'

'Wasn't too steady on his feet? What on Earth is that supposed to mean? Lori! What did I tell you only last night about letting me know if anything happened to Kyle? Is he ok?' Her voice was a mixture of frustration and concern.

'He's fine, Mom! I went to see the nurse after class and she said that she'd given him some painkillers and he was sleeping it off. She said that she'd send him home as soon as he woke up.'

'So where is he now? Has he gone to his room?'

'Um, I don't know.' Lori said miserably.

'Did he even come home with you?' Nicole asked anxiously.

'No. We had different classes this afternoon. We don't always come back together.' Lori tried to explain. 'But he knew he was grounded and I reminded him to come straight home after school.' She added hurriedly, trying to keep on her mother's good side.

'But today he had a headache that made him so dizzy that he could hardly stand up. He had a headache last year at the carnival and he got so dizzy then that he collapsed and had a seizure. Jesus Lori! This is what I meant by complete lack of judgement! How could you not tell me about something like this? Oh God! What if the same thing's happened to him now?'

'He's alright mom!' Lori said urgently, thinking back to Declan's conversation with Amanda that she had overheard this afternoon.

'You don't know that Lori!' Nicole said frantically, hurrying to the phone to dial the school's number just as the front door slammed shut. A second later Kyle came to an abrupt halt in front of the sofa, sweating and breathing heavily, eyes wide at the shocked look on both Lori and Nicole's faces.

'I'm sorry I'm late!' He got out between breaths. 'I lost track of time. I ran home as fast as I could. I know I'm grounded…'

Lori glanced over at Nicole to see her look both relieved at having Kyle home safe but also annoyed at the fact that he hadn't made any mention that he had had a migraine severe enough to necessitate a visit to the school nurse.

'You lost track of time?' She said incredulously.

He nodded, his chest moving up and down rapidly.

'Did anything out of the ordinary happen today? She asked him in a deliberately light tone of voice.

'I talked to Declan…?' Kyle suggested oblivious to the tension in Nicole's voice and the trap that he was about to fall into.

'Where have you been?' Nicole demanded ominously.

'At school!' Kyle answered, slightly confused as to why Nicole was asking him a question that she already knew the answer to.

Uh oh! This wasn't going well. Her mom was giving Kyle a chance to tell her the truth and if he didn't mention being ill today she was going to lose the plot again and then they would both probably be grounded for the next month!

'School's been out for over an hour so I'm going to ask you again. Where have you been?'

Kyle suddenly seemed to realize that something was wrong as he glanced anxiously from Nicole to Lori and back again.

'I…I was…' He stuttered uneasily.

'Kyle!' Nicole shouted in exasperation. 'Please just tell me the truth!'

And looking at Kyle's distress now and remembering how upset he had been both last night and in class this afternoon Lori couldn't leave him to suffer any more.

'It's ok Kyle, I told Mom that you had a migraine and that you had to go see the nurse for some Advil.' Lori said quickly.

It was like a spell had been lifted suddenly allowing Kyle to speak…

'I had a headache and I went to see the nurse and she gave me some painkillers and they made me drowsy and then I fell asleep and I only just woke up a few minutes ago and I ran home as fast as I could because I knew I was grounded…' Kyle said breathlessly.

The words were tumbling out over each other. It was as though he couldn't seem to get the story out quick enough now that he had been given permission to do so.

Nicole walked over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders.

'Are you all right?'

'Yes.' Kyle said surprised at the little shake she had given him.

And then Nicole was running her fingers through his hair, smoothing it back off his forehead before holding his face in both her hands and staring into his eyes.

'Are you sure, because Lori told me that you got dizzy and you could hardly stand up.'

He hesitated for a moment and then nodded in agreement.

'But I'm fine now Nicole, really! I did have a headache and the nurse said it was probably a migraine because I couldn't see properly. That's what made me dizzy. But I feel much better now after I had a sleep.'

'Thank God! You had me so worried.' Nicole whispered in relief. And then she was pushing him away as she tried to get herself back under control and she started scolding him just like she had done to Lori.

'Didn't our little 'chat' in the bathroom last night mean anything to you either? If something like this happens to you in school or anywhere else for that matter, I want to know about it. You need to tell me Kyle or otherwise I can't protect you. I'm legally responsible for your health and well-being. I'm supposed to be looking after you and I can't do that if you don't let me know what's happening in your life.' She shouted at him urgently.

'I'm sorry, Nicole. I didn't mean to upset you.' He said anxiously, biting his lip. 'It was just a headache…'

'And last year you had a headache and then you had a seizure and ended up in hospital.'

'I know and I'm sorry.' Kyle said again, tears sparkling in his eyes this time.

'Yet even after that, you didn't think it was important enough to tell me about it this time and I had to find out from Lori?'

'I…I didn't want to worry you.'

'Worry me?' She laughed hysterically in disbelief.

And then suddenly all her energy that had been fuelling her anger and righteous indignation simply deserted her. It was like she was a puppet who had had her strings cut and it was taking everything she'd got left to remain upright. She was just so tired of the all the worry, of all the secrecy, of all the lies. They weren't getting anywhere and Kyle just seemed to be slipping away from her more and more each day. She sighed in despair, her spirit spent.

'I don't know what more I can do to make you understand, to make you trust me…' She said quietly.

'I do trust you, Nicole.' Kyle cried frantically, 'more than anything,' he said, his voice breaking and thick with emotion.

And looking up into that beautiful face with those huge, tear filled eyes she so desperately wanted to believe him…

'So!'

Nicole jumped at Stephen's voice suddenly behind her.

'Are you ready for a little excursion up onto the roof to help me de-gunk and mend the gutters, Kyle?'

'There's been a slight change of plans, Stephen.' Nicole told him. 'Kyle hasn't been feeling very well so I don't think it's a good idea for him to be wondering around on the roof, so you've got Lori help you for today…'

'What?' Lori shouted in disbelief.

'Great! A whole afternoon of father-daughter bonding! We haven't done this in ages.'

'Mom? This is ridiculous! I can't go onto the roof, it's a guy's job! I'll get filthy not to mention that I don't know anything about fixing stuff!'

'I don't believe it! I never thought I'd hear you make such a sexist comment Lori! What happened to girls can do anything guys can do?' Stephen smirked at her.

'I meant that girls should have the same opportunity to anything that boys can do.' Lori answered back quickly.

'Well just think of this as a great learning opportunity then. I can teach you everything you need to know about gutters so go and change into something less alluring and meet me on the roof in five minutes.' Stephen told her winking artfully at Nicole and trying not to laugh.

'God! This is so unfair!' Lori pouted. 'What does Kyle get to do now I'm doing his job?'

'Two weeks worth of ironing and if you don't stop whinging on about it I'm sure I can find something to keep you busy tomorrow night as well! Now, hurry up and get changed, you don't want to keep your father waiting!

'This is so all Kyle's fault!' Lori muttered as she stomped from the room in disgust. 'My life sucks!'

Kyle watched her go with a pained expression on his face, his teeth worrying at his bottom lip and his fingers once more unconsciously rubbing over the side of his head.


	29. Chapter 29

Love from jealousy – part 29

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

_I woke up __in unfamiliar surroundings in a light and airy room with the smell of antiseptic around me. I was lying on a soft surface with no comforting and protective sides like my tub normally had. I felt open and exposed yet strangely it didn't worry me and I remained still, feeling content and enjoying the warm, hazy sensation in my mind that occurred after sleep in those few moments when I was not yet fully aware._

_As I looked at the space in front of me I __realized I was in the nurse's office lying on an examination couch curled up on my side. I rolled over onto my back and heard the scrape of a chair followed by footsteps coming towards me. A concerned face swam into view overhead._

'Mr. Trager? Kyle?'

_I pushed myself slowly up to a sitting position and looked at the nurse. She smiled __kindly at me._

'How are you feeling?'

_I thought back to this afternoon in the classroom; how my head __had been pounding and felt as though it was going to explode, how the energy had been building up in me, the fear I had felt knowing that the people I loved were going to be hurt because of me, because I wasn't able to move and because I wasn't strong enough to stop it._

_But then there was Declan. And he had helped me and got me out into the open where I could safely release the energy where it could disperse without hurting anyone. But Declan had seen it, seen what I could do and I know it had freaked him out, that I had freaked him out, but he didn't turn away from me and he seemed to understand how difficult it was, just being me._

_And then I had told him about Lori, about how she hated me, yet he seemed to think that I was mistaken, that she cared about me, that she was worried about me and then he gave me hope, by giving me a plan, by being my friend and telling me that he would help me speak to Lori so that I could apologize and make everything alright again._

'How's the migraine?'

_I touched my hand to my head and realized that for the first tim__e in days the dull ache that I constantly carried with me was no longer there._

'It's gone!' I said amazed.

_The nurse smiled at me again._

'Do you feel well enough to go home now?'

'Go home? I can't! I have to get to my next class.' I said swinging my legs over the side of the bed and looking for my backpack.

'Kyle, school finished over an hour ago, you've got to go home now. Do you want me to ring your parents to come pick you up?'

'School finished an hour ago?' I asked in disbelief.

'The painkillers you took…they made you sleep all afternoon.'

_I was going to be late home after Nicole had grounded me and I didn't want to make her any more upset because I knew she was __angry and disappointed with me after last night._

'I have to go. I'm going to be late!'

_I grabbed m__y backpack, stumbled off the bed and ran as fast as I could back home._

_But when I got in Nicole looked scared and Lori looked worried despite me apologizing for being late. Then Nicole asked where I had been and she didn't seem satisfied with my answer. But I couldn't tell her what had really happened outside with Declan and I could feel her getting angry with me again. I didn't want to lie to her. I didn'__t want her to be disappointed with me, to regret taking me in, to regret treating me as her son but I also didn't want her to be hurt, for any of them to be hurt. And suddenly, the pain in my head was back again._

_But i__t seemed that Lori had already told Nicole what had happened in the class and Nicole was so angry that once more I had kept something from her that she shook me and no matter how hard I tried to tell her that I was ok she wouldn't believe me. She told me that it was her job to look after me, that she was legally responsible for me and by not telling her that I wasn't feeling well, I was making that job harder._

_I had lied to her__; today, last night and since the moment I had come into her house and now she had finally found out she couldn't trust me. The pain in my head was so severe that I thought I was going pass out but in a way I welcomed it as it meant that I was unable to concentrate on anything else like the thought that Nicole would no longer treat me as her son because how could she when she didn't love me any more? And the pain from that thought would have been far worse than anything I could ever experience from my head._

* * *

Although cleaning out and mending the gutters on the roof with her dad was hard work not to mention dirty and disgusting as well, the boring and repetitive task allowed Lori to free her mind and think about what she was she was going to say to Kyle as soon as she had finished.

Declan had made it clear to her that he thought that Kyle's problem today was due to stress because Kyle felt that he had hurt her emotionally and her refusal to speak to him made him unable to fix the situation. And maybe there was something in that because looking back on all the other times that Kyle had become agitated and distressed, they did seem to be related to her rather unkind, extremely inappropriate and often callous behaviour towards him. Declan was right. She had to fix this. She had to make Kyle see that none of this was his fault, that she was the one with the problem and not him.

She got down from the roof and went into the kitchen to wash her hands and get a drink before walking into the utility room. Kyle didn't seem to have noticed her enter and so she allowed herself the luxury of watching him work for a minute and it mattered not in the slightest that he was doing something as menial and mundane as the ironing; he was still so gorgeous and she wanted him just as much as ever. But suddenly he hesitated and the hand that held the iron slowed and then he looked up at her, as though surprised that she had been able to sneak up on him without him being aware of it. And then she noticed that his eyes were all red and he was sniffing and rubbing his face and turning away from her.

That Kyle was obviously so distressed he had been crying threw her for a second and she tried to take a quick sip of her juice to give her time to think how best to handle the situation but as she brought the glass to her mouth she was alarmed to see that her hands were shaking. She put the drink down on top of the washing machine and wiped her sweaty palms on her coveralls trying to calm herself. What was the matter with her? Kyle was the one who was upset, not her, but now she was here, about to talk to him, about to explain, she suddenly realized she didn't know what to say. And then suddenly she did but it certainly wasn't what she had planned and it didn't come out at all the way she had intended…

'What are you doing?' She shouted at him, incredulously.

Kyle's red-rimmed eyes widened imperceptibly as he hastily took a step back from the ironing board.

'The ironing, like Nicole told me to!' He said confusion in his voice at her indignant tone. He moved to carry on with his task.

'Stop! Put that down!' She cried, running over to him and snatching the tiny piece of material out of his hand.

How embarrassing was this? Kyle had just been about to iron one of her thongs!

'What's the matter with you? Don't you know anything? Nobody irons underwear!'

'Why not?' He asked perplexed.

'Because they don't! Because it's a waste of time. Because nobody's going to see it and because, I don't know, it's personal and embarrassing to find out that someone who's not you has been handling your underwear!

She scrunched up her thong and pushed it in the pocket of her coveralls out of sight.

'Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't know…' Kyle said shrugging sheepishly and then turned indicating the vast amount of laundry he had already ironed that was stacked into neat piles based first on their owner and then sub-divided into the various types of clothes such as jeans and pants, tee-shirts and tops and…

Good God! A whole pile of her underwear!

She felt herself blushing as she hurriedly rushed over to her section of the neat collection of clothes and grabbed the mass of briefs and shorts and thongs and bras into her arms.

'Jesus!' She said rolling her eyes as she made her way back out of the room.

'I'm sorry!' Kyle's fraught voice called out.

'It's ok.' She said awkwardly not meeting his eyes.

'I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to… I didn't mean to make you upset.'

'I'm not upset, Kyle.' She snapped just wanting to get out of there.

'Lori…'

The desperation she heard made her stop. She'd come here to make him feel better and once again she'd ended up hurting him.

'Don't go…Please!'

His voice was breaking and suddenly so was her heart. She turned around and grabbed him, pulling him tightly against her chest, one arm around his back to anchor him to her, the other on his head, smoothing his hair and allowing him to hide his face in her neck. And the pile of underwear that had been the catalyst for this latest bout of harsh words from her lay abandoned and forgotten in a messy heap on the floor at her feet.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' He blubbed repeatedly into her hair.

'It's just a bunch of stupid clothes, it's not important, don't worry.' She told him, but Kyle's shoulders were still shaking and she realized that there was far more to this than just a misunderstanding with the laundry. This was about how she had treated him last night and what she had said to him this morning. This was about Kyle falling to pieces because of what she had done to him.

'It's ok, Kyle, everything's going to be fine.'

She was gently running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and rubbing small circles over his back trying to comfort him and his just being there in her arms somehow felt so right. But more importantly so was the time to tell him everything.

'I don't hate you, Kyle.' She said softly.

Kyle stiffened slightly in her arms.

'You don't?' He hiccupped into her neck, a small ray of hope in his voice.

'Of course not, how could you even think that?'

'But how could you not? I said things that hurt your feelings and I made you cry.'

'It doesn't matter, Kyle. None of that matters now. The only thing that's important at this moment is you.' She told him gently.

Kyle continued as thought he hadn't heard her.

'Even though you told me you didn't want to have sex with me I said that touching and kissing me was wrong…'

'It was wrong, Kyle.' Lori emphasized. 'And I'm the one who should be sorry, not you. You've got nothing to be sorry for, you didn't do anything wrong.'

'But I did Lori. You've been so good and kind to me and looked after me and lied for me and I'm really sorry that I got you into trouble with Nicole and that I hurt you and made you hate me.'

'Kyle! Haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying?' She said pulling back to look at him, exasperated. 'I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I… I love you!'

The moment the words were out of her mouth she heard him stifle a sob and his arms came up around her back and then he was squeezing her so tightly that for a moment she could hardly breathe.

'I love you too.' His muffled voice said into her neck before he relaxed his vice like grip on her.

'I know.' She said wistfully, stroking his hair.

And she had no doubt that he meant it with all his heart because as she had told Nicole last night, Kyle loved everyone. She had longed to hear him say those words to her and now he finally had they rang hollow in her ears because while she was sure that he loved her, what she wasn't sure about was that he understood the concept of being 'in' love with someone, like she was in love with him. But even if his words weren't said with the same sentiment behind them as hers had been to him she still owed him an explanation for her shameful behaviour over the last few days.

She pushed gently at his shoulders to get his attention and to make him stop hugging her and then levered herself up to sit on the washing machine behind. Kyle once more stood between her legs and it wasn't lost on her that this was exactly the same position that they had been in just a couple of nights ago in his room when all this trouble had started between them. And suddenly, now he was here, gazing at her intently, waiting for her to speak, admiration and awe and gratitude in his eyes she felt tongue-tied and awkward because she didn't want to spoil this new and happy mood between them which was sure to happen when she told him about how she'd really felt a couple of nights ago.

She averted her gaze from his and started picking at some loose threads in her filthy old coveralls. She didn't want to scare him away again.

'Kyle, you've been a really great friend to me over the last few weeks and I just want you to know that I really appreciate it.'

Lori hesitantly looked up and watched as Kyle gave her a small, shy smile. She couldn't help but return it. He really was quite adorable and so beautiful despite the current puffy eyes and cheeks. She felt her stomach lurch and her heart speed up as the blood began to pool in her pelvis. Jesus! She thought angrily. What was the matter with her? Why couldn't she think of anything but sex when she was with Kyle? This was exactly what had happened to her the last time she had tried to make him feel better, the last time they were in this position together and then she had ended up scaring him so badly he'd had a panic attack. It couldn't go on, she berated herself harshly. This time she was determined to keep her libido on a strong leash and keep her hands to herself. She didn't want to frighten him anymore than she had already had. She took a deep breath in to steady her nerves.

'Ever since Declan dumped me I've been feeling lonely and depressed and kind of adrift and you've been there for me Kyle. You listened to me rant on and on and didn't judge me or take Declan's side even though he was your friend too. You made me feel good about myself again and I really enjoyed spending time with you.'

She paused then sighed. Ok, she thought to herself, here it comes…

'But the trouble was the more time I spent with you the more I realized just how special you were. And then you started looking at me like you thought I was special too and I couldn't help it. I just had to kiss you.'

'But you are special Lori.' Kyle cried as if he couldn't believe that she could possibly think otherwise.

She smiled humorlessly at him.

'That's really sweet of you to say so, but it's just not true. There's nothing special about me, at least, not in the way that you are Kyle. You're… Well, you're perfect!'

'Me? Perfect?' Kyle said wide-eyed and incredulous.

'Well of course! Look at all the things you can do and all the stuff you know…'

'And look at all the things I can't do and all the stuff I don't know, like how it feels to be touched and kissed…'

Lori felt a warmth spreading over her body that wasn't entirely due to the words Kyle had just said to her. She looked down to see that he had placed his hands lightly on her knees.

'You showed me that Lori and it was wonderful.'

The deep, soft timbre of his voice, the dark intensity of his eyes staring at her; it was all happening again. He was mesmerizing. She couldn't look away. She wanted him…

'You're right, it was wonderful.' She agreed staring at him.

He was so beautiful. It wasn't fair. Didn't she deserve some happiness in life? Didn't she deserve to have someone who wanted her, who made her feel good, who loved her, even if that person wasn't 'in' love with her? But what of Kyle's feelings, needs and desires? He'd made it abundantly clear last night that sex with her wasn't what he was after and just the thought of it had freaked him out. But he had just said that he had enjoyed being kissed by her and that he loved her, which were two pretty good things in any relationship. Maybe all was not lost between them, maybe now he'd had time to think about it, he understood that being touched in a sexual way was nothing to be scared of and now he realized just how amazing it could feel, how amazing it had felt when she had caressed his body.

She thought back to how he had reacted as she thrust her tongue into his mouth, how he gasped and stiffened as she stroked and grazed his nipples, the smell and taste of him as she'd licked and sucked at the skin of his neck and how he'd whimpered as she writhed against him, feeling the heat and hardness of his groin as she'd rubbed her pelvis against his… And she wanted the chance to do it again and for Kyle also to be a willing participant but they needed to get through this first. She had to make him see that none of this was his fault and to tell him how sorry she was for treating him the way she had.

'But it was still wrong of me to do it.' She said firmly, tearing her gaze away from his.

'Why?' He asked frowning slightly.

She gently removed his hands from her legs, removed the temptation she told herself grimly and clasping them together in hers, brought their joined hands up in the gap between them.

'What, apart from the fact that you are my brother and living in the same house as me?' She asked rhetorically.

'I'm your foster-brother and I'm not related to you.'

A very valid point, she thought. What was Kyle trying to say? Was he changing his mind? Might he actually want her after all?

'I know, but in terms of Washington state law, that doesn't make any difference. Anyway, that's not really what I want to discuss. Look, Kyle, what I did to you was wrong because I did it for me, because I wanted to know what it would be like to kiss you, what it would feel like to touch you and to taste you and I did it without any thought for your feelings on the matter and I certainly didn't worry about how it would affect you afterwards.'

'But I liked it Lori, I did, it was nice.'

Nice? Great! Just what a girl always wanted to hear about the effect her kisses had on a guy!

'But I'm not nice Kyle. I got so upset when I realized what had just happened that I didn't know what to do. I was really angry with myself for giving in to a momentary weakness, for kissing you that I just panicked and pushed you away, abandoned you upstairs without stopping to think how that action might have appeared to you. And then I was such a bitch at dinner and I blamed you and shouted at you because I thought that you were going to blurt out to my parents that I had just kissed you and I wasn't ready to tell anyone about us because I hadn't yet admitted to myself what I really felt for you.'

'And then you collapsed and I felt even more dreadful and I wanted to explain what had happened and to tell you how sorry I was that evening but Mom wouldn't let me in to see you and then I tried to apologize the next morning and my dad was already in your room and he was shouting at you and accusing you of being the one who had touched me, who had hurt me and just for a moment, I thought he was going hit you.'

'He was just trying to protect you Lori, that's all.'

'Yeah, but you didn't deserve to be treated like that, you hadn't done anything wrong. I was the one who kissed you and appeared in your room in my underwear and I was so worried about what my dad would think about me and what he would do to me that I didn't stand up for you. I didn't own up and tell him that it was my fault, that I was to blame, that you were innocent… That you are an innocent.'

'But I'm not! I'm not innocent…' Kyle confessed urgently.

Lori ignored his frantic outburst. She didn't want to see the troubled and guilty look on his face and think about him sneaking back into his room this morning after having spent the night having sex with Amanda. She didn't want to think about someone else touching Kyle the way she had done; intimately, reverently, desperately. She didn't want to think that there was someone else making him writhe and whimper with need and longing like he had that night in her arms as she stroked and sucked at his skin, as she caressed and fondled his body and she certainly didn't want to think that someone else had been present to witness Kyle experiencing the ultimate pleasure and release of orgasm.

She continued as if he hadn't said a word.

'And after all that I still hadn't said that I was sorry so I waited in your room that night for you to get home and I'd promised myself that I wasn't going to touch you again, but then I saw the bruises on your face and you were upset and hurting and I was so scared because you could have been killed that night and I just wanted to make you feel better…'

She gave his hands an apologetic squeeze and then let go of them. It didn't seem right to be touching any part of him, not when she was about to admit how much she had wanted him.

'But once I'd kissed you, I just couldn't stop. You were so beautiful and so responsive and you just stood there and let me touch you and the way you sighed and moaned and leant against me, I thought that you liked it, that you wanted it too because I could feel you against me and I knew you were hard…But I didn't realize that you weren't moving because you were frightened, because you didn't know…well, you didn't know about that sort of stuff and you hadn't done anything like that before…'

And then she felt her throat start to close up and the sensation of pricking behind her eyes signalling the onset of tears. She swiped her hand angrily across her face. She didn't want to cry in front of Kyle and make him feel any guiltier than he already did. She wanted to apologize for all the awful things she had said and done and make him understand that he wasn't to blame for any of this, that she was the one with inappropriate feelings towards him, that she was the one with the problem, not him.

'I'm sorry I hurt you and shouted at you and touched you against your will and scared you…'

And damn it all to hell she was crying. But then she sensed Kyle had stepped closer to her and she could feel his arms sliding up her back, wrapping themselves around her and pulling her close. And although she told herself she should withdraw from him, that she wanted to resist his touch, she knew deep down that she really didn't because if she were honest, then this was what she had been longing for; the almost intoxicating feel of his body against hers, the broad expanse of hard muscle overlying his back, the slow steady beat of his heart and rise and fall of his chest beneath hers, the scent of his skin as she rested her head on his shoulder, inhaling deeply as she nuzzled her face into his neck and the heat and forbidden promise of his groin as it pressed into hers.

It was like she was a drug addict and touching Kyle was her fix. She needed him constantly and when she was apart from him, he was all she could think of and now she was here with him, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Being enveloped within the strong circle of his arms made her feel happy, relaxed and safe and for a moment at least she could fool herself that he wanted her, that he desired her, that he was in love with her and being cradled against him was where she belonged.

'I'm sorry I said those mean things to you in the bath last night and this morning in your room. I didn't mean any of them and I only said them because I was upset and hurt because I wanted you and you didn't feel the same way about me. And while I would really like something to happen between us…'

She pulled away to look up at the beautiful face staring back at her.

'Your friendship, your needs and feelings mean more to me… No, you mean more to me than a quick roll in the hay, no matter how soft I know that hay would feel against my skin or how sweet it would smell if I buried my face in it.'

For a second she grinned impishly at him and then her smile faded as she became serious once more.

'I love you Kyle and I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you and I just hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me so that we can still be friends.'

'And I'm sorry I said those horrible things to you in the bath that made you cry and I didn't mean them either and I do want you Lori and of course we're still friends, but we're more than that as well…'

'Friends with benefits you mean?' Lori asked dryly but half-hoping that's exactly what he meant.

'Friends with benefits…' Kyle repeated slowly, trying the obviously unfamiliar phrase out for size. He must have decided that he liked what he'd heard as his face broke out into a broad grin.

'Yes! Because you're my friend and my sister and what we have between us is special and I love you and I always will.'

She stared at him for a second, tears welling up in her eyes again before she found herself suddenly pressed hard up against his body but this time it was her arms pulling him close and squeezing him so tightly that he could hardly breathe. And once more she was surrounded by him, submerged in him, in his scent, in his heat, in his goodness and his purity and she wondered just how she could have ever doubted him or his feelings towards her as she knew that he would never let her down, never leave her and never stop loving her because he was special and perfect, because he was Kyle.


	30. Chapter 30

Love from jealousy – part 30

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

_I __swam gradually towards awareness, my mind hazy and unfocused but with a warm feeling of contentment lapping at the edge of my consciousness. It was Saturday morning which meant no training with Tom Foss, no sneaking out of the house and deceiving the Tragers and no abrupt wakening courtesy of my alarm clock. As I lay there basking in the luxury of the knowledge that I didn't have to get up any time soon and feeling safe and secure in my tub I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so relaxed and at ease in my own skin._

_Less than 24 hours ago my head had felt like it was going to explode, my stomach kept cramping and threatening to empty itself, I was so dizzy that I could hardly stand up and m__y mind had gone into overdrive, distorting the atoms in the air around me. But then Declan had stepped up and rescued everything; me, all the other people in school and our friendship. And Declan had been right about Lori too; she didn't hate me. In fact, last night she told me that she loved me and that she still wanted to be friends with me. And there was nothing that I wanted more than to have Lori as my friend because I loved her too._

_The awkwardness and anxiety and guilt that had plagued our relationship over the last few days had abruptly disappeared after our emotional talk together last night and the easy-going, fun and joking Lori was back. I still wasn't __always sure when she was being serious or not but I enjoyed her teasing and also noticed that she had started to touch me again; gentle and frequent touches on my hand or my arm, sometimes on the small of my back, but the ones I liked best were when she put her arms around me and pulled my whole body close to hers and she would look longingly at my lips and stare into my eyes and then caress my face and I would feel wanted and accepted and loved._

_It seemed that having __the love and support of my friends back in my life once more had sorted out both my mental and physical problems and had allowed my mind to relax long enough to free my body from its worrying constraints. Not only was my mind telling me it felt happy and content, my body was too. This morning there was a heaviness between my legs and my groin was warm and wet and tingly. I had woken up with an erection and although my body was still very sensitive, being hard also felt very nice._

* * *

_Later that__ morning I sat at the counter in 'The Rack' enjoying the simple pleasure of being alone with my thoughts and watching the world go by. People live much of their lives in uncertainty; what might happen in a week, a month, a year. I wondered about my own life and if I would be able to answer the questions that kept appearing. I guess I too was looking for certainty._

_I let the background noise of multiple, simultaneous conversations wash over me, never concentrating long enough to make out what any particular group of people were saying. It was enou__gh just to be there, immersed in the mundane. I wasn't special here. I was just another person sitting and drinking and feeling happy to be ordinary, observing my friends and family around me._

_Declan was at a table with some of the guys from the basketball team and by the looks of things they were involved in a heated debate. He suddenly glanced up and noticed me watching him then grinned and pointing to the boy opposite him, made an obscene hand gesture while raising his eye-brows and cocking his head to the side silently asking me to confirm his accusation. I shrugged in what I hoped was a non-committal manner. Even though Declan was speaking to me again and I didn't want to do anything to put our friendship at risk, I couldn't really give an opinion on a matter with which I had little factual information and didn't understand myself._

_I grew __uncomfortable as I recalled the disastrous conversation I'd had with Foss and his intimation that I was abnormal because I didn't do what he inferred that all other boys did on a very regular basis. Did that mean then that Declan did it? And Josh too? I remembered that Foss had said that I was different to every other 'guy' on the planet. 'Guy' was another word for 'male', so did that mean that men did it as well as boys? That Foss and Stephen and… and… did that mean that Adam had done it too?_

_How could there be something__ that half the population were doing as often as they could and that all of the population seemed to know about except me? How could I hope to be normal and fit in with everyone else when no one would explain to me when and where and how I was supposed to do it because it was private and confidential and a secret 'guy' thing? Sex and all the mysteries surrounding it just seemed to be a collection of embarrassing and humiliating interludes that were designed to trap me into revealing to anyone who cared to be watching that I was different. I suddenly felt very hot and knew that my face had become flushed. I didn't want Declan to know that I was freak, that I was the only one who didn't know what he was talking about, so I smiled apologetically, hoping he would understand how uncomfortable and unprepared I was to discuss this matter and quickly turned my attention to Lori instead._

_She was at a table alone__ trying to busy herself by reading nothing in particular and nursing a cup of coffee. She glanced over to where Declan was sitting, then grimaced. I caught her eye and smiled sympathetically at her. She sighed and shook her head as if embarrassed about being caught still worrying over her break-up with him but then made and held eye contact with me and smiled. And it was a smile meant just for me, full of gratitude and thanks and understanding for what we had shared last night. I shyly returned her smile with one of my own letting her know that I'd meant what I said yesterday; that I loved her and that we would always be friends._

_I turned back to the counter watching Josh take orders f__rom customers and get their drinks ready. This job had been good for him. Everyone else had been worried that he had taken it on for the wrong reasons, but he was learning to accept responsibility as I knew he could and he really appeared to enjoy the work and the social side of being in such a central location. Josh was finally growing up I thought to myself as I listened fondly to him prattle on, bragging to his friend Andy about his latest 'foolproof' plan to get himself a date. Andy, however, didn't seem to be very impressed with the details and told him so in no uncertain terms. I tended to agree with her, but I didn't want to make Josh feel as though I wasn't on his side._

'I want you to remember this moment…'

_Andy__'s words triggered something inside of me and suddenly I saw things that shouldn't be there; a fishbowl, a postcard and the urn that contained Adam Baylin's ashes. The picture in my mind was fuzzy around the edges. Where was this place and what was the significance of these things? I picked up the postcard and tried to focus on the writing and then there was voice calling my name and suddenly I was back in the present and Josh's worried face swam into view. I looked down at the postcard in my hand, but found I was holding a packet of sugar. I was puzzled and confused. What had happened to the postcard or had it not been there in the first place? I heard the sound of a door opening and then a blinding pain shot through my head. I winced and heard Josh once more ask me if I was ok. A sense of impending doom descended over me and I suddenly felt very uneasy._

'I feel like something bad is about to happen…' I told Josh anxiously.

_I turned around and saw a girl with dark hair __raise her eyes to meet mine. There was something about her, something that felt familiar and it was like she knew me, knew who I was and she was staring into my soul…Then the floor started shaking and cups were smashing and glass was shattering and everyone was screaming and I was so scared because maybe somehow I was making this happen and once again people were going to be hurt because I didn't have the knowledge or understanding or the strength to stop it._

* * *

_I followed Josh slowly into the kitchen where I saw Nicole on her hands__ and knees sweeping up the remains of crockery destroyed in the quake._

'Hey are you guys ok?' Nicole asked getting to her feet.

_She sounded concerned as she __looked first at Josh then me._

'Awesome! Our little alien can predict the future!' Josh told her nodding over his shoulder in my direction while walking across the kitchen to the patio doors.

'You should see 'The Rack'. It's not exactly what you'd call earthquake friendly…'

'Then what are you doing home?' Nicole asked him as though he should still be there helping to clear up.

'Checking out my ride for damage!' Josh pronounced like he thought it should have been obvious.

'Well you should check your room. It looks like it was hit pretty hard.'

'No, it was like that before!' Josh said cheekily then walked outside.

_Nicole subtly rolled her eyes and shook her head at Josh's abnormal __level of concern for his clapped out old car, yet his total lack of care and sensitivity for his other possessions, like his clothes and school books lying scattered all over the floor in his room before slowly turning towards me, a worried frown on her face._

'Did Josh think you could predict the earthquake?'

'I had a feeling something bad was going to happen and then everything started shaking.'

'You know certain animals seem to anticipate natural disasters. It's not outside the realm of scientific possibility.'

_I was still feeling anxious and a little jumpy about the fact that I might be able to glimpse into the future and about the strange images I had seen. I wanted Nicole to put her arms around me and tell me that __everything was going to be ok, that this often happened and that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was normal… But she had stopped several feet away and didn't seem to want to get any closer. It was like she was worried and even a little afraid and I wasn't sure whether she was frightened for me or of me and that made me even more apprehensive and uneasy._

'Is there something else?' She asked, noticing my reticence.

'I saw some things…' I told her biting my lip.

'What things?' She said, narrowing her eyes at me.

'Things that were there and then weren't, like I was dreaming except I was awake.'

'Sounds like you had some sort of vision.'

'A vision? Is that normal?' I asked her hopefully, desperately wanting her to reassure me, to reach out and touch me, to hold me.

_But she stayed where she was and frowned slightly before offering a non-answer to my question__… _

'I think we need to expand our definition of normal when it comes to you.' She said, sorrow in her eyes and an edge of pity in her voice.

_And__ that was worse than if she hadn't answered at all because it meant she had no idea what was happening to me either and therefore I certainly wasn't normal and both she and I knew it. _

_I wanted to talk to her some more, I wanted the love and affection we'd always had, I wanted to explain to her how I felt, how confused, how anxious, how scared I was but just at that moment Stephen came in and started talking __about his job interview and Nicole turned to him, ignoring me as though I had suddenly ceased to exist._

_I mov__ed away feeling lost and helpless and then noticed Lori sitting on the sofa in the lounge, pensive and brooding. She also looked lost and helpless. She was strumming her guitar then she would frown slightly before altering the length of the strings and then strumming again. She was trying to get the instrument in tune but didn't seem to be doing a very good job of it. I could feel the minute movement of the sound waves in the air diffracting around me and knew that the wavelength of the vibration of the string was somehow wrong. Although I was feeling helpless myself I knew I could still help Lori with her current problem and then maybe at least one of us wouldn't be quite so sad._

Lori's eyes widened in surprise as she suddenly saw Kyle squatting down in front of her, his hand reaching for her guitar before realizing what he was attempting to do. She watched his long, delicate fingers slowly twisting one of the tuning pegs as she plucked at the string listening to the sound emitted as it changed by less than a semitone. That was much better, she told herself and then felt a bit embarrassed that she hadn't noticed how 'off' the note had been before.

She looked up ready to thank him and continue playing but was met by dark hair, his head bowed and his mind still concentrating on the task before him. She recognized that he wasn't yet happy with the tone, his fingers minutely moving the peg, trying to get the note just perfect. She strummed again, replenishing the sound for him. She couldn't hear any difference in the note now, although it was obvious that Kyle could as he was still adjusting the tuning peg. A second later he looked up and smiled joyfully at her, the guitar string now the correct length to produce a mathematically perfect and pure sound that only Kyle's brain could hear and appreciate.

'Thank you.' She said smiling up at him.

The sensitivity of the tuning was lost on her but not the gesture; Kyle wanted only the best for her and nothing short of that would allow him to be happy. She felt a warmth flood over her at the realization, once again, of just how special, how amazing he was and how fortunate she had been to have such a loyal and devoted person such as him come into her life.

Since her confession to him yesterday, since she had explained her real feelings and desires for him, since he now knew what she had wanted from him, things had been so much better, so much more relaxed between them. Lori had found herself repeatedly touching him, his arm, his back, his hair, unconsciously reassuring herself that he was still around and that he still wanted her. Kyle seemed to enjoy her gentle caresses, leaning towards her, looking at her and smiling that knowing, comforting and supportive smile that was just for her; the smile that gave her a small ray of hope that maybe he'd actually been thinking about asking her for something more…

_I__t felt good to have been able to do something for someone for no other reason than because I could and I felt glad that I had been able to help Lori and make her smile even if it was just for a few moments. But my own problem still remained making me feel anxious and worried and helpless. I returned Lori's smile before heading to my room to think about what had happened to me today, yet I couldn't get my mind to focus or concentrate on anything. I needed to talk to someone about these…visions and what they could mean. There was only one person I could think of who could possibly help me: I picked up the phone and rang Foss. Perhaps he would know the answer and if not, at least he might be able to suggest someplace that we could conceivably begin to look._

* * *

Foss had been waiting impatiently, filled with excitement and anticipation since he received the call from Kyle. He had told the boy to come over immediately so they could further discuss this unexpected and if it were to be believed, astounding new development, something he hadn't wanted to do over an open phone line. He watched Kyle walk towards him with a sense of awe, wondering if what he had told him was true and also just what, if any, the boy's limits actually were.

'I don't know how else to explain it…'

He heard the confusion in Kyle's voice but there was also an undercurrent of something else; he appeared worried, upset and maybe just a little scared. Foss recognized the discomfort that Kyle's emotional vulnerability, dependence and neediness always brought out in him and pushed it away. Feeling sorry for Kyle wouldn't help either of them at the moment. The kid would just have to deal he told himself harshly. He didn't have the time or patience to placate him now, not when they might be on the verge of discovering an amazing new ability.

'Predict the future!'

He heard the wonder and astonishment in his own exclamation.

'I know it sounds weird.'

'Who knows what you can do. We should… We should check Baylin's notes. See if he documented anything about this.'

Foss made his way to the large table covered in books and journals that detailed Adam's research. He sensed Kyle hesitate for a second before agreeing and following him over.

'Alright…'

Kyle sounded resigned, disappointed almost, like he had expected Foss to have all the answers.

'That phrase you saw; 'viz allati?' Foss began.

'It's Hungarian. It means 'under water'.' Kyle pre-empted.

'You looked it up?'

Foss tried not to sound impressed with the boy's diligence.

'No. I just know it.'

Again with the resigned tone.

'Since when can you speak Hungarian?' Foss asked incredulously.

There was an apologetic little smile and a shrug as Kyle's eyes met his and then a look as if to say: 'This is me remember? Welcome to my life and all the weird things that happen in it!' before he lowered his head once more and got on with the task of trying to find an explanation for what he had experienced.

Foss just stared at him, a mixture of awe and concern on his face, awe at the realization of just how amazing and powerful this young man in front of him was and concern because of the speed of his development and the direction it was taking. Kyle was fast becoming more than he could ever have hoped for, possibly achieving even more than Adam had foreseen but somewhere along the line Foss had lost his trust and broken the promise he had made to Adam to care for Kyle, provide for him, help him and keep him safe.

Kyle seemed down today, upset, helpless even and it made Foss worried because when Kyle was unable to concentrate, things tended to go wrong which led to things getting out of hand and that's when Kyle could be hurt. Was it just this emerging new ability that had shaken him so or was there something else going on in his life? Foss was the only person who could possibly help Kyle because he was only one who knew and understood who Kyle really was and what had happened to him. He was also the only one who knew just what Kyle was capable of but that wasn't going to happen if Kyle was distracted and unable to concentrate or confide in him any more.

Foss also knew that Kyle needed more than just a physical trainer, he needed someone to look up to, to help him understand what he was, what was happening to him, what he one day was going to be able to do. He needed a mentor and since Adam was no longer around to finish the job he started, Foss was the only one left to take over the task. But even if Adam had been here, Foss still didn't think it would have been enough because Kyle needed more now; his complex psyche, his courageous and selfless personality needed a high degree of emotional support to help him fulfil his potential. And while Foss had made a promise to Adam and to himself that he would do everything within his power to see that Kyle succeeded, both with the mission and in life, he wasn't sure that he was going to be able to give him the physical and emotional affection he knew that the young man wanted and craved more than anything else. In short, Kyle needed love.

* * *

Amanda walked into 'The Rack', now repaired and re-opened after the quake, her hands full of flyers for the up and coming 'Open Mike' night that she was helping to organize only to pause suddenly inside the door after noticing Lori in the corner. Seeing her there made Amanda think once more about Kyle and the odd 'relationship' that he and Lori shared.

Amanda had been beside herself with worry over Kyle's extremely disturbing behaviour in class yesterday and while she was grateful to Declan for explaining about his migraine she couldn't help think that there was more to this episode than he was letting on. She'd known Kyle for just over a year now and understood that he was different from anyone else and that he could do certain things that she just couldn't explain. And while other people still called him names and bullied him at school, she was happy to just accept him for the special person he was because being with Kyle was amazing; he constantly surprised her with his thoughtfulness, sensitivity and devotion in a way that Charlie had never even come close to.

However, the more time she spent with him and the more she really got to know him made her think that there was something else going on; some secret that he, the Tragers and quite possibly Declan were all keeping from the rest of the world. She trusted him implicitly and therefore had to trust him to make the decision to tell her about his life when he felt ready. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable by bringing up any old childhood traumas or making him relive the nightmare that must surround the death of his parents and the months of amnesia that had followed it just to satisfy her curiosity.

But the trouble was that she liked Kyle and she was getting to like him more each day. In fact if she were honest with herself she might even say that she loved Kyle. And the more time she spent with him, talking to him and touching him, staring into his eyes or just sitting quietly next to him, the more she seemed to 'get' him. It was like she could somehow feel his emotions; she could perceive when he was happy or sad or hiding something from her. And that sixth sense was what had got her so on edge yesterday in class. She wasn't doubting that Kyle had indeed had a migraine, after all she knew he suffered from headaches, but it was more than that and what made her sure of her diagnosis was that Lori had seemed just as worried and frightened as she had been.

Amanda had never really had much interaction with Lori before Kyle appeared on the scene apart from the necessary social niceties due to the fact that they were neighbors. Lori was one of the 'in group' at school, had lots of friends, boys and Hillary included and her mom let her wear sexy clothes and go to parties where there was obviously going to be alcohol present that made Amanda just the tiniest bit jealous as she knew her own mom would never let her near anything like that in a million years. And then of course there was Declan. Lori had tried to be cool about it but it perfectly obvious how she felt about him.

But things had changed now that Kyle was living with the Tragers. Amanda could imagine how difficult it must have been back then for Lori to welcome a new person into their family especially a teenage boy from a juvenile detention center with no history and no memory to speak of. But after an initial period of adjustment where she was obviously resentful in having to chaperone Kyle and transport him to places for things like swimming lessons and basketball practice, something that a mom might do for her child, she coped well with the strange new addition to her home, although how much of that was due to Kyle's sweet and loving nature and his endearing personality rather than Lori's heartfelt and genuine acceptance Amanda wasn't sure, but the upshot of the situation being that Kyle was now as much a part of her family as Lori was.

And actually, Lori had turned out to be an alright sort of person. She had been quietly supportive throughout the whole awful 'list' affair with Charlie and had gone out of her way to impress upon her reasons why losing her virginity on the night of the bonfire would be a bad idea, even though she already knew that Charlie had been sleeping around and hadn't bothered to tell her. Amanda shuddered as she thought once more about the near escape she had had.

And Lori's behaviour had also changed towards Kyle as well, but this was where things started to get a bit messy. She knew that Lori cared a great deal for Kyle, after all, who wouldn't? But despite all Kyle's protestations to the contrary, it just seemed like there was more to their relationship than being brother and sister. Maybe she wrong, after all Kyle had told her emphatically that there was nothing going on between them and she believed that he was telling her the truth as far as he understood it.

But then maybe that was where the problem lay: in his 'understanding' of social norms and conventions. In one way Kyle appeared wise beyond his years, his sense of right and wrong and the responsibility he took upon himself for the health and happiness of everyone around him often making it seem as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Yet a few minutes later he could be so innocent that sometimes it felt like she was talking to a child in the way she needed to explain simple, everyday things to him, things that a 'normal' person would inherently and instinctively know. Maybe he was so naïve that he just didn't realize that the way he and Lori behaved together wasn't really appropriate and that it also made her feel quite uncomfortable.

She looked over at Lori who appeared to be brooding, forlornly scanning the notice board and taking it upon herself to remove out of date adverts. And while the job in itself was helpful, Lori was probably only performing the task a ploy, Amanda surmised, to keep herself busy and her mind otherwise occupied rather than having to think about other more painful things; things like Declan or maybe even Kyle.

And would it matter to her if Kyle really was in a 'relationship' with Lori? Well, yes of course it would, but it would matter if he was going out with anyone that wasn't her, not the fact that it was Lori per se. And they were bound to have a close relationship anyway since they lived under the same roof together and probably saw each other in their underwear every day as they were walking around the house in the morning getting ready for school or at night as they were preparing to go to bed…

This line of thinking wasn't particularly constructive as it only seemed to serve the purpose of reminding her just how easily she could become hot and bothered by fantasizing about Kyle's body and what he would look like naked. She shook her head guiltily for having such impure thoughts about someone she considered to be a good and loyal friend and then tried to clear her mind of the tantalizing images of the memory of Kyle in just his swimming trunks as she held him up in the water while trying to teach him how to swim.

But it wasn't just about fancying Kyle; it was about the other things too. It was about looking forward to seeing him and enjoying his company, it was about feeling so comfortable in his presence that she could talk to him about anything, it was about wanting to hold him and be held by him and never letting him go and it was about doing things for Kyle and being there for Kyle as that was the most important thing of all; what Kyle wanted and needed to make him happy. Because wasn't that what love was about?

And then she realized that the crux of the matter boiled down to this: Did she or didn't she want Kyle in her life and if she did was she prepared to accept his choice of girl-friend in order to retain his friendship if that's what he wanted, if that's what would make him happy, even if that choice was his sister?

The answer that immediately came to her was a big resounding 'yes!' Kyle was too important to her to let him drift out of her life and if he picked Lori over her and friendship was all that was on offer, then she would be glad that he was happy and would be the best friend he could wish for and that would include being friends with Lori too. And if, like Kyle had said, that this was all a big misunderstanding on her part and he was just comforting Lori because of her break-up with Declan then she should be ashamed of herself because she knew first-hand just how awful that was and how could she begrudge Lori the comfort and shoulder to cry on that Kyle had once offered her? That thought made up her mind.

'Lori… Here!' She said in a determined voice.

Lori took the proffered flyer without looking at either it or Amanda and pinned it up on the wall with all the other notices.

'That was for you.'

Lori read the notice and then looked up at Amanda incredulously.

''Open Mike Night'? I just started playing!' She exclaimed in disbelief.

'I've heard you; you're good.'

'How do you know?' Lori scoffed.

'I live next door to you, remember? I hear everything that comes out of your bedroom.'

Amanda smirked at her, leaving her in no doubt that she knew about her secret night time sojourns that she'd had with Declan all those months ago.

'Awesome!' Lori said closing her eyes and slumping her shoulders in embarrassment and humiliation.

Amanda immediately felt bad about her little joke and took pity on Lori. She'd come over here to be nice and build bridges, not to make the poor girl even more upset.

'Take it from someone who knows a thing or two about getting your heart torn out and stomped on.' She said kindly.

'You need to vent. I'm serious about 'Open Mike Night'. Singing about your heartache could be very therapeutic.'

Lori looked up as if she was mad, but Amanda noticed that she hadn't blown her suggestion straight out of the water. There was an uncomfortable silence between them before Amanda collected her papers together and moved away, leaving Lori alone once more with her thoughts.


	31. Chapter 31

Love from jealousy – part 31

By Fishiexy

_Kyle's thoughts in italics_

_I had gone back to the warehouse on Sunday morning to continue searching through Adam's notes with Foss for any explanation of what might be happening to me. I had had a couple more 'visions' last night and__ the whole bizarre and inexplicable situation was making me very anxious. The episodes seemed to be happening with increasing frequency. I had no recollection of what was going on around me in the real word while I was in this altered state and when I came out of it, for a moment I was dizzy and disorientated. What would happen if I zoned out in the middle of doing something that needed all of my concentration? Someone could be hurt because I was unable to move; because I had failed to act and help them._

_So__ far I had found nothing in the research to indicate that Adam had experienced visions like mine or even that such things were possible. Adam had told me that we were alike, that I could do things, think and know things that he could too, but I was the 'next generation'; I was quicker and stronger than he had been and now I was beginning to worry that maybe I was even different from Adam. I tried to push that troubling thought from my mind and re-doubled my efforts in reading the journals as fast as I could. I had to find something, I had to! Because the alternative meant being paralyzed with fear knowing that I was actually different from the one person that I considered I was related to. And that meant that I would be truly alone._

* * *

Foss had been patiently and methodically working his way through Adam's research since the early hours of Sunday morning. So far he had had no success in gleaning any information about Kyle's astounding declaration that he was potentially able to predict the future. But just because he couldn't find any details of that fact in Adam's notes didn't mean to say that the man hadn't known or indeed, predicted himself, that Kyle would have discovered this new ability.

Foss knew from many years experience of both being Adam's friend and working with the man's superior intellect that his brain didn't utilize conventional thought patterns and that his written work tended to reflect that. Foss had also realized long ago that he didn't need to be involved in the formation of any plans or indeed even be able to understand them, but just that he had to trust Adam, to allow the man to let him know what he had to do and when the time was right to do it. There was no point in worrying about something that he couldn't even imagine, let alone comprehend and try and do anything about.

He heard Kyle exhale loudly once again and thump yet another book down on the table. Foss pursed his lips and tapped his forefinger on the table in irritation at the repeated breaks in his concentration. It was difficult enough to study at the best of times, but with Kyle's dramatic and emotional behaviour, it was nigh on impossible. The kid's histrionics were starting to get on his nerves. He wanted to tell him to grow up and stop acting like an impatient and petulant child; that this was the real world and that finding answers was going to take time. But then he realized that Kyle was still just a child, an amazing and absolutely brilliant one, whose normally relaxed and laid back attitude tended to make people think that he was much older than he really was, but he was a child nevertheless: A child whose life, while admittedly never the most stable and conventional, must now seem to him at least, to be spiralling out of all semblance of control. He looked across at the obviously frustrated young man opposite him and regarded him thoughtfully.

Teenagers weren't known for their patience or their ability to think through any course of action before leaping straight into trouble and even Kyle with his genius IQ tended to act first and analyze later. Kyle's teenaged brain needed answers now and it was apparent that he didn't think that he was going to get them here. Foss understood Kyle's irritation and distress at their lack of progress and his need to make sense of what was happening to him, however, here at the warehouse was the only place that Foss could think of where they might conceivably find what they were looking for because Kyle was part of Adam and Foss was sure that Adam would have provided for his…heir; provided answers to whatever questions Kyle had, answers that Kyle needed to allow him to function.

The trouble was that Kyle had had only a few short months to get to know Adam in any way whatsoever and that wasn't nearly long enough for him to understand firstly how his mentor's brain worked and secondly to know that Adam had spent the majority of his adult life worrying about Kyle, his success in life and his ultimate happiness and therefore this predicament, this quandary that the troubled teen now found himself in was something that Adam must have foreseen for he would not have let Kyle worry unnecessarily and risk the mission and possibly his life by second-guessing and doubting himself.

_It was no good__. I had tried to do as Foss suggested, tried to go through Adam's notes but there was nothing there and time was slipping away from me. I had already wasted a whole morning and it was becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything other than wondering what was happening to me._

'We've been at this for hours. Baylin didn't record anything about premonitions. This is useless!'

_Foss just stared at me, ignoring my outburst as though he had been expecting it. I could feel myself breathing heavily, becoming angry and I wanted him to say something so that I could shout back at __him, tell him that I was the one who was slowly losing his mind. But he just continued to watch me with an expression on his face that made me sense somehow, that he understood how anxious and helpless I was feeling at this moment. His unexpected sympathy and lack of response made me embarrassed and I felt guilty that I had raised my voice at him; after all, he was here too on a Sunday morning, helping me look for answers. I consciously willed my shoulders to relax, turned around and restarted my search._

_When I touched the book I found myself in another vision. But this time instead of Baylin's urn, I saw the man himself. He handed me a piece of paper. As I took it, I suddenly found myself back in real time with Foss calling out to me._

'Kyle, what happened? What did you see?'

'Adam was there.'

'Baylin?'

_Foss__ sounded surprised and shocked._

'He gave me this…'

_He took the piece of paper I handed him, glancing quickly at it before turning to look at me with a __worried expression on his face._

'You wrote that. You walked over here, picked up the pen and you wrote that yourself.'

_I stared at him, unable to answer as my mind was racing over the possibilities of what this might mean. If Adam was in my vision then I couldn't be seeing the future because Adam was dead. __The bitter taste of fear was back in my mouth. If these 'visions' weren't glimpses into the future then what were they? Or perhaps I really was just losing my mind…_

* * *

'It's definitely your handwriting,' Foss said to me, studying the piece of paper as we were leaving the warehouse together later.

'You must have sent it to yourself.'

'And forgotten I'd sent it?' I asked him incredulously.

'You must have been in some kind of altered state like before when you said you saw Baylin.' He suggested.

'Well why send myself anything so cryptic? Why not just write what I knew was coming?'

'Maybe you're looking at this from the wrong angle.' Foss said looking at me speculatively.

'What if you're not seeing the future…It could be your subconscious trying to tell you something, something from your past. The things that you're seeing could be symbols for something else.'

'Nicole called them visions.'

_Foss stopped walking abruptly and grabbed my arm__ swinging me round to face him._

'You're…you're talking to her about this?' He asked me, his face a mixture of anger, incomprehension and disbelief.

'You can't. I am the only one you can trust. If you have a question or you need to talk about something then you can talk to me.'

_I wanted to point out that I had tried talking to him just a few days ago and __look where that had got us… He had ridiculed me and humiliated me and then thrown me out leaving me hurt and upset and with more questions than I started with. But I didn't think mentioning that would help the situation any given Foss' belligerent and confrontational tone. I needed to talk about my worries, not get into another fight._

'I'm just so confused. Why is this happening to me now?'

_Foss' expression softened as he got his anger back under co__ntrol and tried to reassure me._

'You've been working hard, making progress…Maybe your mind just needed to reach a certain level of control before these 'visions' could present themselves. The important thing now is trying to figure out what the message is that you're trying to send yourself.'

'I just hope we can.' I told him sighing.

'I don't know how much longer I take this. I feel like I can't trust anything I see.'

* * *

Lori quietly pushed open the door to Kyle's room to find him sitting at his desk staring blankly. When he didn't move she hesitantly called his name. He jumped slightly on hearing her voice and then turned to face her.

'Can I come in?' She asked him.

He nodded slowly at her but remained seated as though he didn't have the energy to move.

She walked into the room and stopped next to his desk.

'You were very quiet at dinner…' She prompted.

She frowned after a few moments when no acknowledgment was forthcoming and then bent down in front of him, maintaining her balance by letting her hands rest gently on his knees so that she could look up into his face.

'Are you ok?' She asked him, concern in her voice.

Kyle took a deep breath in then let it out with a shaky sigh. He started to nod then changed his mind and shook his head before once more hesitating as though he were trying to work out exactly what he was feeling. Then his shoulders sagged before confused and anguished eyes met hers.

'I don't know.' He said honestly.

'Has something happened? Is it…something I've done?' She asked timidly.

'No!' He said firmly, placing his hands over hers. 'No, nothing like that, it's just…'

_I debated telling her about the visions and how worried it was making me, before remembering Foss' anger on hearing that I had even mentioned it to Nicole. I wanted to tell Lori, I really did. I didn't like keeping secrets from her and I needed to tell someone for my own sanity, because the possibility that I was losing my mind made me really scared but the thought of putting her life at risk… I just couldn't do it._

'I'm just worried about uncertainty, about the future.'

_After a few moments silence, I began to wonder if Lori had in fact even heard what I had just said as she had not yet voiced her opinion on my comment. I slowly lifted my head only to find her staring at me with an expression of disbelief on her face. I suddenly felt that familiar 'sinking' feeling wash over me; the one I usually got just after I found out I had said something really dumb which was then inevitably followed by people laughing at me, looking at me with pity or calling me a freak…_

'Is that it? Honestly, Kyle!' Lori exclaimed, shaking her head while rolling her eyes at his stated reason for the current depressed mood he was in.

'And there I was thinking something awful had happened from the way you were carrying on!'

Kyle's forehead became wrinkled as his face took on its confused look.

'You know, like… you'd failed a test or got detention or smoked a joint or got someone pregnant…'

Lori's voice trailed off as Kyle's eyes widened in shock at the last of her list of increasingly absurd and highly improbable suggestions.

'You're worried about the future!' She whispered suddenly horrified, the jigsaw pieces only now falling into place. She remembered back to that morning when she had discovered Kyle climbing in through his bedroom window and the guilty look on his face… but that had only been a few days ago, Amanda couldn't possibly know…Jesus! Then maybe that wasn't the first time, maybe they'd been at it for weeks, if not months…'

'Oh my God! You didn't, did you? Amanda's not…?'

'Not what?' Kyle asked worried now by Lori's hysterical voice and the almost vice like grip her hands had on his knees.

'Pregnant!' She blurted out.

Kyle's eyes widened even further as he stared at her in disbelief then his face seemed to crumble as he bit his lip and looked away.

'But I thought she broke up with Charlie before they…I mean, you said, and Hillary said that Amanda hadn't… um…'

Lori pushed herself to a standing position scowling both at the pain of her popping joints and at Kyle's obliviousness to her insinuation; he wasn't worried that she was accusing him of sneaking around and possibly getting Amanda into trouble, he was worried that Amanda might have slept with Charlie before she had found out that he had betrayed her and by extension how devastated she would be.

'I didn't mean Charlie.' She told him crossly.

'What?' He asked, turning back to stare at her.

Christ! The desperate look of hope in his eyes was pitiful.

'For God's sake Kyle, Charlie didn't sleep with Amanda, I meant you!'

'Me?' He whispered, looking stunned.

And for a moment she thought that he hadn't understood what she was accusing him of. But then his eyes widened again and his cheeks took on a pink glow at the implication inherent in her angry words.

'But I, I haven't… Um, I've never d, done, I mean… I, I don't know…'

And as Lori watched Kyle's flushed and embarrassed face and listened to him as he painfully stuttered and stumbled his way through trying to admit her that he was still a virgin, she was simultaneously both ridiculously happy and relieved that he hadn't yet had sex with anyone but also strangely put out that it bothered her so much that he was in such clear and evident distress at the thought that Charlie might have slept with Amanda.

God! She thought furiously to herself. How could she have been such an idiot? How could she have fooled herself into believing that Kyle had had sex with Amanda, that Kyle could have had sex with anyone when it was completely obvious from the humiliated expression on his face and the hesitant, faltering admission that he had revealed to her just moments ago, that he was a total innocent?

She'd suspected that he hadn't done much in the way of making out based on his performance or lack thereof on the night he had come home late after being hit in the face: After all, there had been no response to her kissing and no reciprocation to the movement of her hands over his body, not to mention that hysterical over-reaction to his near climax after she had barely touched his groin. And then he had all but confirmed it the following night when she had been interrogating him in the bath: He'd never been kissed, never been touched and if she'd read between the lines correctly, had never even touched himself.

So how could she have ever let herself think that Kyle had either the confidence or ability to make a move on anyone, let alone sleep with them, given his absolute inexperience and lack of understanding over something so simple, so basic as the physical responses he should have known to expect from his body when it was being intimately stroked?

'Kyle, stop! It doesn't matter…' She told him quickly, feeling guilty for making him so upset and uncomfortable but also angry at herself for being so jealous that she could have actually confronted him about his relationship with Amanda in the first place. It's not like they were going out so it was none of her business who he slept with; or didn't as the case, luckily and thankfully, turned out to be.

'Look! I didn't mean to imply…'

She stopped, realizing as she said it that she was lying because that was exactly what she had meant to do. But why had it been so important for her to hear Kyle deny that he had had any kind of physical relationship with Amanda? Well, apart from the normal shock and devastating effect that an unplanned teenage pregnancy would have on everyone concerned, could it be that deep down she knew that she wouldn't stand a chance with Kyle if Amanda ever was pregnant?

Kyle would not be one to shirk his 'responsibility' and there was no way he could ever allow another person to be hurt or feel alone if he could do anything to prevent it. In fact whether or not Kyle was the even the father, Lori knew that he would be there for Amanda and that anything that might be blossoming here, between him and her would die before it even had the chance to get started. And that thought made her jealous and angry once again.

'Is what I meant to say was… Look of course Amanda's not… you know! It was just a joke right? In bad taste I admit, but it just seemed that you were really worried about something and that it's normal to worry about the future so I didn't think it was just that and… well…'

She was floundering again and feelings of inadequacy and rejection were starting to overwhelm her, reminding her of Declan and his dismissal of her on the beach. Her emotional self-preservation instinct kicked in displaying itself once again as an attack being the best form of defence.

'What I should have said was: Welcome to the real world and the worries of everyone else!' She flung at him sarcastically.

'The "real" world?' He asked quietly once again seemingly clueless as to her meaning.

Lori sighed loudly, frustrated at Kyle's lack of comprehension wondering not for the first time how someone so clever could be so dumb when it came to the little things that made it possible to interact with people and, well, basically just live and function on a day to day basis. Did they not have colloquialisms or metaphors in New England or was it simply that no one had ever talked to Kyle about anything other than the math and science that he was so good at? Kyle's parents had seemed pretty normal that time she had met them before they took him away, but that was obviously where the family resemblance ended because their son was just about as far from normal as it was possible to get.

'Yeah, Kyle, you know, outside of IQ central, where the rest of us live! Real people worry about that sort of stuff as well.'

There was a pause for a moment as Kyle processed her last comment before he bit his lip and his 'hurt' expression made its appearance.

'I'm real too…' He said quietly, turning his head so that he was no longer looking at her.

Oh God! She hadn't meant it that way. She hadn't meant to hurt his feelings, to make him feel different, isolated, alone. Shit! This wasn't going how she'd planned it at all. It was now the second time since she had come in here that she had made him feel like utter crap when all she'd wanted to know was that he was ok because he hadn't been himself at dinner and then he had admitted that he wasn't and instead of trying to understand why he felt so upset, she'd basically told him that what he was worrying about was commonplace and that he should just get over it.

And while that answer would have worked just fine for more or less anybody else on the planet the fact was that it wasn't going to work for Kyle because no matter how hard he wished for it to be so, Kyle was not and would never be 'normal'. Therefore, him worrying about the future was way different to her or anyone else worrying about the future and embarrassing him by accusing him of sleeping with someone, humiliating him into having to deny it and also admit his lack of sexual experience and then pointing out to him that he was somehow not a real person wasn't exactly the best way to go about easing his worries any. So yet again she had ended up making him feel upset and alone and different when ironically she was trying to imply that for once his feelings were perfectly normal.

'Oh God, I'm sorry. Of course you're real!' She told him, anger and jealousy having evaporated in an instant. 'I just meant to say that everyone else also worries about uncertainty and what will happen tomorrow. It's only natural after all to wonder and worry about the future and if it's possible to change it.'

'Really?' Kyle looked at her hesitantly.

'Yes, really. So there!' Lori told him.' See? You're not so different after all!'

Kyle's eyebrows rose as he looked at her in disbelief.

'Well ok, of course you're different, I mean you're special, I mean you're… you're Kyle! I just meant that what you were feeling wasn't any different…'

'I know what you meant!' Kyle said smiling at her.

'Thank God!' She joked trying to cover up her embarrassment but with relief written clearly on her face. 'For a moment there I thought I'd really offended you!'

And then she felt warm fingers touch the back of her hand and she saw Kyle staring at her intently.

'You could never do that, Lori.' He told her sincerely.

And suddenly all the air just seemed to have left the room and she found that even something as simple as breathing was becoming difficult. How could Kyle be so kind and so forgiving after the way she had just treated him? How could he make her feel so important, so loved just by uttering a few simple words to her? She couldn't seem to look away from his beautiful face. He was just staring at her, those brilliant blue-green eyes absolving her, freeing her of her anger and guilt. This was why she loved him, why she wanted him; his selflessness and sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others, his ability to make her feel special, like she was the most important person in his world.

She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she gazed at his full, rosy-pink lips and knew that if she didn't turn away from him right now she was going to grab his head and kiss him senseless with no thought for the consequences and despite desperately wanting it she just couldn't let that happen. With a supreme effort of will she dragged her eyes away from his and stepped over to his desk, running a shaky hand through her hair.


	32. Chapter 32

Love from jealousy – part 32

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

It took her a few moments of trying to calm her breathing and get herself back under a modicum of control before she noticed the new drawing in front of her. A dark-haired, blue-eyed man gazed serenely back at her. He seemed so familiar somehow…

She picked up the picture and turned back to face Kyle once more.

'So who's the guy?' She asked nonchalantly, as if she hadn't just been about to ravage him to within an inch of his life.

'That's Ad…Um…I mean, it's, ah, it's a picture of me!' He stammered out, blushing a little.

Lori studied the drawing again but although she could see the resemblance in the facial features, the man in the picture was around 40 years old. It couldn't be Kyle.

She looked back up at Kyle and frowned at him.

'It's a picture of me, in the future. It's a picture of what I think I'll look like in 20 years time.' Kyle clarified for her before looking away uncomfortably.

For a moment Lori didn't understand the implication of Kyle's explanation until she remembered the importance of each of his drawings. None of his pictures were created at random. If he had drawn something then the memory or feeling it evoked had affected him on some deep emotional level and the result was highly significant. She thought back over the events of the evening: His subdued behaviour at dinner, his reluctant admission of his anxiety about uncertainty and the future, her sarcastic and dismissive belittling of his worries but it was the drawing that finally made her see what was now so obvious to her, what Kyle had been trying to tell her…

'Fuck! You really are scared aren't you?' She exclaimed, finally ready to believe him and acknowledge his feelings.

He hesitantly raised his eyes to meet hers and nodded imperceptibly.

'But Kyle,' she said gently, 'there's no point in worrying. I mean why waste energy fretting about something you don't even know is going to happen?'

'But what if you could?'

'What? See the future?' She asked him.

He nodded anxiously.

'What would be the point?'

'If you could see what was going to happen, then you wouldn't need to be worried because you could do something about it.' Kyle told her earnestly.

'Yeah, right, so I would have known that Declan was going to dump me and I could feel crap about it before he did it? I don't think so thanks!' She told him sarcastically. 'Besides, would you really want to know you were going to be in a car accident a week from now, or that someone you loved was going to die?'

'But maybe you could stop it…'

'And maybe you couldn't and maybe just trying makes something else happen, like someone else gets hurt who wasn't supposed to….'

'But…'

'Look! It's… I don't know. Some law of the universe that can't be changed; a physical principle or something, like 'cause and effect'. My dad explained it to me once. It was really complicated although to be honest, I kind of switched off half way through…'

'So even if I could see into the future, I just have to wait to find out what happens because trying to interfere would change it further?'

'I guess…' Lori's voice tailed off as something in Kyle's desolate expression made the amazing and fantastical notion that had been swirling around in the back of her mind since the start of this bizarre conversation, swim sharply into focus.

'Oh my God!' She said staring at him in disbelief. 'Can you… Can you predict the future?'

It sounded really stupid as she said it out loud and too far-fetched even for him but she had learned long ago to discount nothing when it came to this miraculous young man in front of her.

Kyle was silent for a moment before lifting tormented eyes up to meet hers.

'I don't know…' He whispered.

The look of anguish and fear on his face made Lori forget all about her earlier promises regarding the possible disastrous consequences of kissing Kyle. His desperate need for comfort and reassurance took precedence over propriety and her reluctance to touch him. Lori couldn't help herself; she lifted one leg over both of his so she was sitting on his thighs astride him and then slowly leant forward and touched her lips to his. And it was just like it was the first time she'd kissed him; soft and sweet and chaste and beautiful.

She heard him catch his breath and pulled back to see him looking at her, eyes wide, worried and unsure.

'It's ok Kyle. Everything's going to be alright. Do you trust me?'

There was no hesitation as he nodded immediately, staring with eyes impossibly wide, transfixed by her, before his Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed anxiously.

Jesus! He was scared shitless. But of what? The future or her and her incessant desire to have him?

She gently ran one hand through his hair trying to calm him and watched as Kyle closed his eyes leaning into her touch obviously enjoying the sensation before she leant forward and kissed him once more. His lips were exactly as she had remembered them; pouty and plump, full and supple and the skin of his face still so soft and smooth underneath her hand where it was cupping his jaw, the remnants of his bruises now barely visible.

She deepened the kiss, gently parting his lips with her tongue and pushing between them. She heard him sigh, his breath warm and sweet around her mouth before wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close.

God! He felt wonderful. The heat and solid mass of his body beneath hers, the silkiness of his hair, the soft, smooth feel of his skin, the smell and taste of him … It would be so easy to lose herself in this, in him; to grab his head between her hands and thrust her tongue deeply into his mouth, to writhe against him, rubbing her body against his, to reach down between his legs and touch him…

But she couldn't because that wasn't what this was about. She had resisted kissing him before because it would have been for her; it would have satisfied her needs, urges and desires. But this was for him. He was vulnerable and hurting and he needed the physical contact with her to reassure him, to make him feel that she understood and to let him know that he was not alone.

She felt his body relax, felt his head drop back slightly, felt his lips part, allowing her tongue more fully into his mouth. He needed this, she told herself as she explored his mouth, licking and sucking and pushing against his tongue; he'd agreed to this, she told herself as she ran her hands through his hair, feeling him submit and remembering his nod of acquiescence; he seemed to be enjoying this, she tried to persuade herself, listening to his soft sighs and breathy little moans as his hips moved and shifted restlessly beneath her, but she'd been in this situation before. She didn't want to do anything to frighten him, to upset him, to give him reason not to trust her, but it was becoming more and more difficult to think of anything except the feel and heat of Kyle beneath her.

But then she felt his whole body tense and heard him gasp into her mouth as he pulled back to stare at her, breathing heavily.

'I can feel my blood moving!'

Lori blinked, momentarily baffled at Kyle's non-sequitur. But then she noticed the dilated pupils, flushed face and swollen lips, not to mention the fact that she was sitting in his lap and the strange, seemingly random comment suddenly made perfect sense.

She took a deep breath in trying to figure out the best way to approach this rather delicate situation in the most sensitive way she could but in doing so unconsciously shifted her weight onto his groin causing him to jump as she touched him, the sudden hardness beneath her confirming her earlier suspicion.

'Am I…Am I going to have sex?' Kyle blurted out.

Lori stared at him slack-jawed. She wasn't quite sure what he was asking and she certainly wasn't sure how to answer him. The sarcastic answer 'Well I don't know, are you?' that was on the tip of her tongue didn't really seem appropriate given the awkwardness of their situation and the high possibility for humiliation on both their parts.

She regarded him carefully for a moment taking in his embarrassed blush and wide-eyed look of fear as he waited anxiously for her answer.

'Do you want to have sex?' She asked him cautiously, deliberately not adding 'with me!' in case he shot her down at point blank range.

'Yes! No! Maybe? I don't know!'

'Ok, well I think you were pretty clear on that!' She told him dead-pan.

He sighed before looking up at her and biting his lip.

'I do want to because the sensations generated in my body when I'm being touched are amazing and I want to experience more, but I don't want to because I don't know what to do and I'm scared about what might happen and that I will lose control.'

He took a deep breath in and let it out in a long shaky sigh.

'Does that sound stupid?' He asked her in a small voice.

'No Kyle, it's doesn't sound stupid at all.' She told him firmly, rubbing his arm at the same time to reassure him.

'It's ok to be nervous and unsure. Sex is a big deal no matter what anyone tries to tell you and it's natural to be anxious when you haven't done it before, or even if you have done it before. But why did you ask me that now?'

'When you kiss me, you always make me feel so good. Kissing makes my body get…Um…'

'Like at the pool?' Lori prompted him.

Kyle nodded gratefully.

'Yeah, so?'

'So Stephen told me that happens when you are going to have sex…'

'Well, yes, but it happens at other times too! Jesus! Was sex the only thing he told you about? Didn't he mention things like making out and masturbation and other 'hands on' stuff?'

One glance at Kyle made the question rhetorical. He was doing that confused and apologetic thing with his face, like it was his fault that her dad hadn't told him what he really needed to know. Great! Now what was she supposed to say? It wasn't exactly as if she had had a great deal of experience of this although of course, compared to Kyle she was an expert!

'Kyle…It's a perfectly normal and natural reaction to get, um, like that, when you are being kissed or touched…'

She faltered for a second not knowing quite what to say or how to say it. God! She couldn't believe she was having this conversation! She stole a quick glance at Kyle to see how he was taking it only to find him staring at her seemingly mesmerized by both the subject matter and her account of it. Oh well, she'd started now, she couldn't just leave him hanging as it were! She felt her face start to flush before hurriedly launching once more into some sort of explanation that Kyle could understand and possibly use in the near future.

'It's…well, it's your body's way of getting ready to have sex. Kissing someone and having them stroke you and play with you, you know, down there, can be really exciting. But it can also be an end point in itself. Doing that doesn't always mean you have to progress to sex.'

'So making out and…and…masturbation…Are they things that 'real' people do?' Kyle asked in a small voice.

'Yeah, they are, Kyle.' She told him gently and sympathetically. 'Kissing and dating other people and touching them and being touched by them or even just touching yourself, exploring your body and learning what you need to do to make it feel good for you is all part of being a teenager, of going through puberty and growing up. And it's natural and normal, and everyone does it.'

Kyle frowned and at first Lori thought that he hadn't understood her explanation but then there was an uncomfortable silence as Lori realized that once again she had hurt his feelings by making it clear to him just how different he was because Kyle was the one person she knew of who didn't do any of those things.

'Well, nearly everyone does it.' She said lamely realizing as soon as the words were out of her mouth that Kyle knew she was lying as she felt him shift awkwardly beneath her.

'I mean, it's ok for people not to do it…' She blurted out, back-peddling furiously.

'It doesn't mean that you're... '

Lori stopped herself just in time from saying the word 'abnormal'.

'It just means that…Well, it's ok to be different…'

God, this was turning into a train wreck!

'Actually, Kyle, it's not that big a deal at all and I think now would be a really good time for me to stop talking.'

She looked tentatively towards him to see how he was taking all of this, expecting him to be flushed with embarrassment by her clumsy and insensitive explanations but he seemed to have either not understood the significance of what she was insinuating or already put it behind him and moved on to his next problem as he had that look of concentration on his face which meant that he was deep in thought.

'But what about saving yourself for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? What about waiting for… What about Amanda?' He asked, not looking at her.'

Lori scowled. Amanda bloody Bloom again. Was she never to get a moment's peace from hearing that name?

'Sex and love are two very different things. You don't have to be 'in love' with someone to have sex with them. Sex can be a way for two people to enjoy themselves physically and you don't even have to have full blown sex to, um, well, you know, get off! And what if you do save yourself for that special person and find afterwards that you are incompatible, sexually that is? I mean, you might still love them, but your life would be crap not to mention dull if you're not getting any!' She told him in a rather harsher tone than she had intended.

'Did you love Declan?' Kyle asked softly.

'What?' She exclaimed momentarily flummoxed.

They were supposed to be talking about Kyle's love life not hers. And much as she didn't want to talk about Amanda, she wanted to talk about Declan even less. She looked back at him to see him waiting patiently and expectantly for her answer.

'No! Yes! Maybe! I don't remember!'

Now she knew how he'd felt; that was about as clear as mud. God! This was so not going the way she wanted it to! And it was all that Amanda's fault. She'd been helping Kyle along just fine on her own thank you very much until that name made an appearance and Kyle got all misty eyed and breathless just thinking about her.

'Look!' She sighed. 'I'm not saying you should just go out and have sex with some random stranger for the sake of it, but I am saying that you don't need to be married to your true love to have good sex. Do it with someone who cares about you, who will treat you gently, with dignity and respect, who wants you because you're you; who will hold you, touch you, teach you, mould you and show you what to do, who won't hurt you or humiliate you and who will make your first time special, Kyle.'

And somewhere inside her a little voice was shouting: Someone like me! I'm what you need Kyle, I'll show you, I want to be with you because of who you are and I love you! But she couldn't say it, she couldn't tell him, he'd got spooked enough as it was just from getting aroused by her tonight. That was the second time he had asked her if she was going to have sex with him and both times he had been almost hysterical at the mere thought of it.

But at least this time he'd finally admitted that he liked being kissed and touched and that he had actually thought about going further; it was just fear of the unknown that was stopping him. And that was easily quelled. She now just had to let him make the decision that she would be the ideal person to teach him the delights of the flesh as it were and she'd already sown that seed tonight if the pensive look on his face was anything to go by.

And as much as she would like to help him along with that decision right now, she realized she'd pushed Kyle just about as far as he was able to cope with at present so it was time to quit while she was ahead. She eased herself off his lap and walked towards the door turning back to him just before she reached it.

'There's no need to worry about the future Kyle. Everything will happen in its own time and be as it's meant to be. And when that time comes, you'll know and it'll be right for you, whoever you decide to be with. Besides, that picture you drew of yourself? How can anything go wrong when you look that hot!'

She grinned cheekily at him before turning serious once more.

'Everything's going to be fine. Trust me, remember? Good night and sweet dreams…'

* * *

_And dream I did__ later that night. Yet although the details were sketchy and the person in them vague and blurry, the feelings they induced in me were meticulous in their depth and clarity. Ephemeral touches on my arms and chest, whispered caresses down my abdomen and gentle stroking over my hips making me breathless in anticipation yet leaving me somehow oddly unhappy and frustrated, longing for something I knew not, yearning for that I did not understand. I woke up disorientated, dissatisfied and distressed because my penis was so hard it hurt._

* * *

_The next day in school I sat in class barely able to concentrate on my lessons at all. The things that Lori had told me yesterday kept running through my mind. __Sex was normal! And preparing to have sex was a natural part of growing up which meant that I wasn't normal or natural because I didn't do any of the things that Lori had said everyone else did._

_She'd also said that love and sex were two different things. You didn't have to love someone to have sex with them. Charlie's behaviour __seemed to confirm this statement in that he said he loved Amanda but he had had sex with Hilary even though it hadn't meant anything. Yet in the very next sentence Lori had said that sex was a big deal and that it was important, therefore, how could someone not want to wait and do it with the person they loved? And why then would Charlie risk his relationship with Amanda for something that was meaningless? So how could love and sex be separate or indeed be separated? I just couldn't understand._

_I thought back to the things Lori had said to me, last night and when she had confessed her feelings for me that evening in the utility room; that sex and all the things that went into preparing for sex like kissing and __touching and being touched, felt good. Was that why people always wanted to have sex and spent all their time thinking and talking about how to get into the position that they would be able to have sex?_

_Foss had said the same thing when he shouted at me in the warehouse when I asked him why anybody__ would want to touch themselves. His answer…'Because it feels fucking amazing, that's why!' And thinking back to last night when Lori sat on my lap and held me and stroked my hair and kissed me and I got hard, it did feel amazing and my body wanted more, but there was something in me that was holding me back and I didn't know what to do._

_And then a gasp__ from Lori pulled me from my thoughts as she stopped suddenly in the middle of the corridor and I saw her staring wide-eyed as if she were in shock. I turned to see what had upset her so only to see Declan smiling at a cheer-leader._

'A blonde bimbo – how clichéd!'

_Lori__ outwardly seemed bored but her voice sounded strained and its pitch was minutely higher than normal indicating that she was emotionally stressed. I watched as she crossed her arms defensively in front of her and made a little 'tutting' sound before taking a big breath in and letting it out noisily as though she wasn't surprised at Declan's behaviour. Yet she still remained motionless and appeared fixated on the scene in front of her._

_Declan__ was leaning casually up against his locker with his head slightly on one side and then he bent forward and whispered something which must have been funny because the blonde girl laughed and smacked him lightly on the arm. Then she stepped closer and looked up at him and her lips parted slightly._

'What a complete slut!' Lori hissed. 'She's like so coming on to him.'

_I turned to look at Lori and was surprised to see her face was almost white from anger, yet there were tears beginning to form in her eyes and __underneath the irritation and resentment she appeared hurt and upset._

'Oh my God! I don't believe it!' She whispered.

_I looked back __again at Declan who had slowly reached out his hand and with two fingers was gently pushing a stray lock of hair behind his companion's ear._

'He's such an insensitive asshole. Look at him! He's so wrapped up in… in…that…in her…'

_Her voice hitched as she tried not to cry__. I placed my hand gently on her arm trying to show her that I understood. At that small touch her body seemed to sag and she seemed to lose whatever it was that was holding her together._

'It's really over isn't it?' She asked trembling softly. 'He doesn't even know I exist any more and I thought that maybe there was a chance… that maybe him and me could…that maybe there was still something there…'

_S__he was looking at me with such desperation in her eyes, pleading and willing me to correct her, to tell her that there was still hope… She looked so heartbroken and so lost that I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her, pull her close and let her cry out her anguish, frustration and pain while I stroked her hair and rubbed her back like she had done so many times for me._

'It's ok Lori.' I told her softly as I gently kissed the side of her face.

_S__he looked up at me with watery and puffy, red-rimmed eyes. I smoothed her hair back off her face and then just like Declan had done, tucked a stray lock behind her ear before wiping away her tears with my thumbs._

'Kyle...?' She whispered.

_And then__ I felt her hands around the back of my head and she was pulling my face down to meet hers and then her lips were on mine and she was kissing me. But it wasn't like before; it wasn't soft and gentle. It felt harsh, ruthless, desperate. One of her hands was gripping my jaw, the fingers of the other curling in my hair keeping me from moving away, while her tongue was trying to gain entry to my mouth._

_Then Lori__'s hands were on my chest pushing me and suddenly my back hit the wall and there was a soft 'woosh' as my breath was knocked out of me. I felt her knee nudging my thighs apart, her groin rubbing against mine. I could taste the salty tears on her lips and hear her whimpers as she tried to gain control of her situation, of her feelings and as she tried to hurt Declan as he had hurt her._

_But t__his time my body wasn't responding to hers. It was awkward and uncomfortable and just didn't feel right. Yet I couldn't move, couldn't push her away, couldn't reject her any more than she had already been rejected. So I remained as I was, motionless, pressed backward against a wall, standing tense and rigid, feeling unnerved, ill at ease and just a little bit scared._


	33. Chapter 33

Love from jealousy – part 33

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori's frantic grappling of Kyle was interrupted by a high-pitched squeal making her turn around to see Hillary grinning saucily at her.

'You go girl!' She said flippantly before staring pointedly at her, head tipped slightly in Kyle's direction, eyebrows raised questioningly.

It was then that Lori realized that not only were there a lot of interested faces looking in her direction, but that Declan was now alone and glaring at her, his eyes narrowed dangerously and his mouth turned down in a hard, thin line.

She turned back to look up at Kyle to find him watching her apprehensively, his chest rising and falling at a much faster rate than normal. She took in his kiss swollen lips, flushed face and messy hair, and then noticed his arms held rigidly by his sides and the fact that his belt was unbuckled and the waistband of his jeans was undone.

She snatched her hand away from where it was resting on his hip before stepping back from him and looking up in horror at the realization of what she had just done and by the looks of things, what she had been about to do if Hillary hadn't interrupted her when she did.

'Kyle…'

Lori bit her lip and closed her eyes in embarrassment as she tried to think of something to say to him, something to explain her lewd and totally inappropriate behaviour, something that wouldn't undo everything that had happened between them last night. What the hell was the matter with her she thought angrily? Why did she have this constant and inescapable need to touch him?

'I just…I mean it was Declan's fault…' It sounded lame even to her ears.

'Show's over folks! Move along now, there's nothing to see. Go on, shoo!'

Hillary waved her hand as if brushing away an annoying insect before turning back to Lori.

'Say goodbye to the pretty boy, Lori, it's time to go.' She said smiling brightly before grabbing her arm and hissing in her ear. 'You can play again later but right now you've got serious explaining to do.'

'Kyle, I'm…'

She wanted to apologize, but she couldn't do it justice, couldn't explain to him here in a crowded corridor with Hillary and everyone else looking on.

She watched him fumbling at his waist as he hurriedly tried to secure his jeans and fasten his belt before he looked up at her nervously.

'Lori…'

She put her hand up to stop him saying any more.

'Don't! Please, just…Don't.'

Before she could even think about listening to Kyle's perspective on the matter let alone contemplate having to answer the totally justifiable and legitimate questions he was bound to have, she first needed time to gather her wits about her and also to try and understand herself just what she was thinking and feeling before deciding once and for all what is was she actually wanted from him.

'I'll see you later, hey?' She asked in a small voice, hoping he'd understand that this wasn't over.

He nodded mutely, hands still clasped at the front of his jeans, his eyes focused on Lori's retreating form, as Hillary dragged her down the corridor, his sensitive hearing picking up every detail of their conversation…

'You crafty little minx! You've been holding out on me. How long have you and Kyle been…?'

'We're not and we haven't.'

'Oh come on Lori, who are you trying to fool? You were all over him like a rash. In fact you were going for it so much there that for a moment I thought that you were just going to put your hand into his pants and pull out his…'

'No! It… It was for Declan! I mean, he was chatting up some slut cheer-leader and I just thought: 'TPG!' You know, 'The Perfect Guy'? Like we agreed on to make him jealous? And it worked because…Did you see his face? He was so angry.'

'Oh Sweetie…How long are you going to keep deluding yourself over this? It's obvious that Kyle's so much more than just a way to get back at Declan. I mean, everyone can see that you're in love with him and that you desperately want him.'

'Lori?'

'It's just that…well, he is the most…amazing person I've ever met. He's beautiful and brilliant and kind and loving and sensitive and seems knows how I'm feeling and he's always there for me just when I need him. And when we're together, it feels perfect…'

'Oh God, Hills, you're right, I don't know what came over me, I was so out of control. I mean, one minute I was watching Declan being a complete asshole and the next, I'm putting my tongue down Kyle's throat and rubbing up against his hip and for the life of me I don't even remember undoing his pants. Jesus! What must he be thinking?'

'That it was his lucky day, I'd guess. He is a guy after all, even if he is a completely clueless one. And as much as you know I would love to see that luscious body of his, I think a school corridor is just a mite too tacky to have sex in, even for you!'

'I wasn't going to… I told you, I haven't had sex with him.'

'But you want to don't you…'

_I held my breath__ as I waited for Lori to answer, my heart beating so madly I thought it was going to burst out of my chest. Could it be true? Did she really want to have sex with me? I knew that she loved me as she had told me so several times before but she had also said that although she had enjoyed kissing me she was sorry it had happened because she had scared me and our friendship meant more to her than anything else that could have happened between us. But what if she did want to have sex with me now? That would be wrong wouldn't it? And Stephen had said that having sex when I was my age was not a good idea because bad things could happen and therefore I shouldn't be thinking of sex with anyone yet, let alone with Lori._

_I tried to slow t__he frantic beating of my heart in order to hear Lori's answer, but heard nothing more than a ringing in my ears as suddenly, for the second time in as many minutes, I felt my body being slammed into the wall behind me and this time it hurt a lot more than when Lori had pushed me. I blinked, trying to get rid of the flashing lights dancing in front of my eyes and then as my vision cleared I saw Declan looming over me, his hand pressing on my chest, pinning me to the wall._

'What the fuck was that all about?' He hissed at me.

_I swallowed nervously. I didn't understand wha__t he meant but I also didn't need to use any of my abilities to understand that he was really angry._

'Don't play dumb with me, Kyle. I know you're not as clueless as you make out. That little display you just put on; the sucking face, the writhing and rubbing and Lori's hands all over your ass... Are you fooling around with my ex girl-friend?'

'I'm not trying to fool anyone, Declan. Lori was upset and I was just comforting her. We're friends.'

'Friends with benefits, is that it?' Declan asked sarcastically.

_I remembered back to the laundry room where Lori had her arms around me and __we were both crying and she told me she loved me and that we were more than just friends…She had used those exact same words._

'Yes.' I told Declan.

_Declan's eyes widened in surprise for a second before they flashed in pain and then anger as he stepped back from me._

'Fuck! I can't believe it. I can't believe you would go behind my back with Lori, that you'd do that to me, to her, to your sister.'

_He took a deep breath in and ran his hand through his hair__, making him appear flustered._

'Do you even realize that apart from being like totally sick, it's illegal?'

_I frowned. What was__ sick and illegal? What had I done that had upset him so?_

'Declan? What do you mean? What have I done wrong?'

_I took a step towards him and placed my hand __gently on his arm. I could feel the warmth of his skin; feel the blood coursing through his body as his heartbeat sped up. He lifted his head and his eyes met mine and for a second, I thought that everything was going to be alright between us again, like it had been out at the football field. But then his cheeks flushed and he slapped my hand away and knocked me back against the wall again._

'Don't you dare touch me, you…freak.'

_He ran his hand through his hair__ again and then shuddered as if repulsed by me. I wanted to ask him if he was alright because Declan had rarely called me names before and certainly not with such disgust and loathing in his voice, but he seemed uncomfortable when I stood near him, when I touched him. A dull ache was making its presence known in my head, throbbing malignantly behind my eyes and I was starting to get a very bad feeling about where this conversation was going._

'I can't believe I trusted you, that I thought of you as my friend and that I helped you. I got you out of class, like you asked me to and I listened to you tell me that Lori hated you and I told you to talk to her. But you did more than talk didn't you? God! I've been so stupid. I mean, it was obvious from the first day I met you that you've been trying to get into her pants. You've got it down to an art form haven't you? The little lost boy look, the shy smiles and that pathetic emotional neediness, and if that doesn't quite do it, just turn on the tears and you score every time.'

_I'd never seen Declan so resentful and bitter before and the fact it was all directed at me made my f__ace flush and my stomach churn._

'Declan…'

'Just shut up, Kyle! I'm so fed up with all your lies, all your secrets. Wasn't it enough that you're the cleverest guy in the whole school, that you can do all these amazing things that normal people can only dream about, that the only thing I've ever been any good at, the only thing I worked for and practised for my whole life, you beat me hands down at your first go?'

_I couldn't help but fl__inch at the venom in his voice._

'But despite all of that I still had one thing in my life that meant something to me and that was Lori, yet you even managed to ruin that. I left her because I couldn't be the person she needed and that was your fault; leaving me that stuff, making me wonder and worry what the hell was going on and if you were ok and then the next thing I know, you're back and you treat me as if nothing happened, that I imagined the whole thing; I mean I thought I was going crazy.'

_I wanted to tell him__ that I understood what it was like to feel that you were losing your mind, because that's how I was feeling and I longed to be able to talk to him about it and to have him tell me that we would find out what was happening to me together and that he would be there for me like the friend he had always been, like the friend I knew I didn't deserve to have after the way I had treated him._

'And now I find out that you finally got Lori, just like you always wanted. I mean, look at you! The great Kyle Trager! Mr. photographic memory, Mr. straight 'A' student, Mr. basketball hero, Mr. I'm so fucking sensitive that if you look at me wrong, I'll dissolve into a sobbing puddle of goo. Girls just lap up that emotional bullshit and it looks like Lori's no different. How could I even think I could compete with you?'

_I didn't understand why Declan was so upset about the things I could do. Didn't he realize that he was__ the one who was normal, that he had grown up with a family and friends who knew him, that he had had a childhood that he could remember, that he was popular and had a girl-friend who loved him, that people didn't call him a names and make him feel isolated and alone and that I would gladly give up all my abilities in a second to be like him?_

'But why would you want to compete with me? I'm your friend; we're on the same side.'

'And what side is that Kyle? The one where you score all the points, get all the glory and the girl and leave me with nothing? Or the one where you look into my eyes and lie straight to my face without so much as blinking because you can't trust me enough to tell me what the hell's going on?'

'It wasn't like that.' I told him urgently. 'I wanted to talk to you, to tell you everything. You were my best friend…'

'Yeah? Well, not any more, 'cos this friendship is officially over.'

'No, Declan, don't…'

_I heard my voice catch as__ tears prickled behind my eyes. I felt sick knowing how much I had hurt Declan and now he was just going to walk away from me._

'Don't go… Don't leave…'

_Declan__'s face swam hazily in front of me as my eyes filled with tears. I hastily brushed them away with the back of my hands and looked up to find Declan watching me. And for a moment there was a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes but then his face hardened again._

'The sensitive little hurt boy act won't work on me this time. I'm not going to fall for the big eyes and the tears and the trembling lip and I'm certainly not going to let you touch me again. So just stay away from me, Kyle.'

_Pain stabbed deep into my brain. I hear__d myself gasp and put my hand out to steady myself against the momentary wave of dizziness. I tried to will the pain away but it was so intense I found it difficult to concentrate. My vision was blurred and the only sound I could hear was the frantic beating of my own heart… I opened my eyes to find Declan staring at me, his face radiating concern or was it frustration? I knew that he had had difficulty coping with my leaving and subsequent return, but I also knew that I needed him and I couldn't just let him leave._

'I do trust you, Declan, I trust you with my life!' I told him softly.

'Really?' Declan sneered in disbelief. 'Then prove it to me. If our friendship is so important to you then tell me what happened that day in the woods. If you don't want me to walk away this minute, then tell me what happened when you left for Connecticut and why you're suddenly back, lying to me again. Come on, Kyle, show me just how much you trust me!'

_And t__here was nothing I wanted more at this moment than to tell him just that, to tell him everything. Would it really be so bad if he knew my secret? Would the world really fall apart if I confided in just one person, if I told Declan who and what I was and let him know that I was scared and that I needed someone to help me, to be there for me? He was still waiting for me to speak, staring at me both in hope and fear, in anguish and anticipation, his breathing so shallow it had all but stopped and I knew that if I didn't tell him now, I might not have another chance and that our friendship most probably would not survive._

_But then I remembered what Foss had said, that telling anyone could put them in even more danger than they were already in__ just by being close to me and I knew that he meant it, knew that people had died because of me, knew that he had killed to protect me. Could I do that to Declan? Could I live with myself if he was hurt because of me, if he died because of me? I looked up at him, pleading with him not to demand this of me, willing him to understand and apologizing for everything I'd put him through._

'Declan…'

'Kyle, if our friendship has ever meant anything to you, please, just please tell me...'

_It was t__he look of desperation in his eyes that undid me. I just couldn't lie to him and hurt him any longer. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak…_

_But then I found myself__ in another vision, this time in Adam's house. He was standing in front of me and a dark red spot appeared on his chest and for a moment I didn't understand what I was seeing, couldn't think, couldn't move. But then I realized I was reliving the very moment Adam had been shot; the look of surprise and then pain on his face, the way he gazed up at me in that second between life and death; the sorrow, anguish and regret visible in his eyes at all the things he would now never live to see, never accomplish, as the blood and life-force drained from his body…_

_Then__ suddenly I was back in school, disorientated, my head pounding and my heart thumping._

'Kyle…' Declan pleaded.

_I looked up__ at him, my best friend; beautiful, strong, loyal, but so vulnerable and I knew at that moment I couldn't do it. I would rather lose his friendship than have him lose his life._

'I'm sorry, I can't.' I whispered.

'What about trust? I thought you said that you trusted me?'

'I do Declan, more than you'll ever know, but with my life, not yours.'

'What? What the fuck does that even mean? God, you're so full of shit… I can't believe I ever wanted to be like you, I can't believe I ever thought you were my friend, to think I actually cared about you, to think I actually… No, forget it! Just, whatever Kyle! It was all a game to you anyway wasn't it? Lying and hurting people who cared about you, who were supposed to be your friends?'

'No! I never meant to hurt anyone…'

'Well, you're not doing a very good job on that front are you? My life has been hell these last few months thanks to you Kyle. You don't know how much it hurts to find out that the first person in your whole pathetic life that you could really call a friend, the first person that you actually cared for, that you would even risk your life for, doesn't give a shit about you or what you feel or what you need.'

'And let's not forget Lori. I might not be going out with her any more but I know when she's upset and it always seems to be when she's around you. She told me that you've said things that really hurt her and just now she didn't look so thrilled after kissing you Kyle. What have you done to her?'

'It's not like that between me and Lori…' I blurted out.

_B__ut maybe it was. Maybe he was right. After all, I had upset Lori and hurt her feelings._

'Deny it all you want Kyle, but from where I'm standing it seems that anyone who gets involved in your life ends up bloody and bruised.

Let's talk about the third person you've hurt now. Did you even stop to think about what it would do to Amanda, to see you with your tongue stuck down Lori's throat in front of everyone?'

'Amanda?'

'Yeah, remember her? The girl you've had a crush on since the moment you first saw her, the girl you're supposed to love? It's no secret how she feels about you and then you go and do that to her, just after she's finally gotten over Charlie doing exactly the same thing. You're supposed to be the fucking genius. What does that great big brain tell you about Amanda's feelings right at this moment, hey Kyle?

_Declan__ spat my name back at me, but I hardly noticed his anger. I couldn't think for the pounding behind my eyes and the feeling of dread that was welling up inside of me making me feel sick to my stomach. Amanda had seen Lori kissing me? Amanda had feelings for me? Amanda was hurt because of me? I closed my eyes and tried to will the pain away, tried to stop my stomach churning, tried to stop the awful feeling of my throat closing up, the feeling that I was choking. I slowed my breathing down and then concentrated on blocking all the other sounds that were coming from around me, searching and listening for the one I would recognize anywhere: Amanda's heartbeat._

_And then I found it. I slowly turned to face it__s origin, letting the familiar and reassuring sounds wash over me, hoping they would calm me as they normally did, but today, there was something wrong. The rhythm was off. It was jerky and irregular and her heartbeat wasn't in sync with mine anymore. I opened my eyes to see Amanda staring at me from across the corridor, her beautiful face a mixture of sorrow, betrayal and despair, silver streaked tear tracks drying on her cheeks. She had seen everything. And as our eyes connected, hers filled with tears once again and then she turned and was gone._

'Amanda…' I whispered.

_Now I knew what was wrong with the sound, why the rhythm no longer matched mine: Amanda__'s heart was breaking and it was all my fault._

* * *

_For a moment, I couldn't move for the guilt I felt over the pain I had caused Amanda, but then I started down the corridor after her, following the dwindling sounds of the erratic staccato rhythm of her heartbeat, desperate to explain, to apologize and to try and put __right that which I had wronged._

_I found her in an empty classroom, eyes red-rimmed and puffy. I moved towards her, trying to reach out to her physically but she wrapped her arms around herself protectively, her body language telling me she wasn't ready to be near me yet, so I stopped a little distance away from her and hesitantly raised my eyes to hers._

'Amanda, I'm sorry that you saw Lori and me. It wasn't…'

'You told me that you were just friends, Kyle.'

_The tone__ was angry and biting, but her voice trembled ever so slightly giving away that she was in pain and there was a question inherent in her eyes meaning she wasn't one hundred percent sure that I had done what she was accusing me of. It seemed she didn't want Lori and me to be anything more than friends and her hope gave me hope that I could fix things between us._

'We are friends, Amanda…But Lori had seen Declan with another girl and she was upset and hurt and wasn't thinking straight. She just needed someone to hold her, to comfort her…'

'And you just happened to be there?'

'Yes.'

'And she was so distraught that she didn't know what or who she was doing?

'Yes.'

_She seemed to be agreeing with me yet something i__n her tone made me feel uneasy._

'So you're saying that she would have grabbed hold of anyone, kissed anyone?'

'Um…'

'Would she have kissed Josh or Deichman like that if they had tried to 'comfort her'?

_I didn't like the way Am__anda said 'comfort'. It sounded dirty and sordid. Yet, the way Lori had grabbed me and touched me and kissed me had made feel uncomfortable and… used. I shouldn't be feeling like that if what Lori had done to me was right. And Amanda did have a point. Although Lori might have clung onto to Josh if he had been standing next to her when she needed comfort, I hadn't ever seen her kiss him the way she kissed me._

'I don't know.'

'I think you do know, Kyle. I think that both of us knows that Lori wouldn't have kissed anybody like that except for you. I'm not denying that you and Lori are friends but there's much more to it than that and I don't know whether you're lying to me or whether you can't see what's in front of your own eyes.'

_Memories of the conversation I'd just had with Declan flooded my brain. He was upset because I lied to him, because he thought I didn't trust him, because I wouldn't tell him my secret and he had ended our friendship. I didn't want the same thing to happen between Amanda and me so this time, I was de__termined to tell her the truth._

'I'm not lying to you Amanda. But you have to understand that Lori is my sister and part of my family, something that I thought that I would never have. When I came back from… being away, I promised myself that I wouldn't let anything happen to them, that none of them would be hurt because of me. And right now Lori's hurting and I can stop it. I can help her.'

'Help her how, Kyle? By kissing her in front of the whole school? By letting her grab and grope you…' Amanda shouted.

'No! I didn't want her to do that, but it's my fault she's upset and I couldn't push her away, couldn't reject her any more than she's already been rejected. She needed someone to hold her, to…love her.'

'But she doesn't just want anyone, does she? She wants you!' She shouted exasperated that I didn't seem to understand what seemed so obvious to her. 'Of course she upset and hurting, she split up with her boy-friend! I know how that feels Kyle, remember? But you and your damned hero complex, always trying to help people, save people. You've just made it worse by being there for her all the time, being a shoulder to cry on, taking her mind off things when she's moping, holding her close to you, hugging her, kissing her…

_Could that be true? Could I have made Lori's life even more difficult by being her substitute Declan, by reminding her of what she didn't have any more, by showing her the companionship, the physical and e__motional intimacy she had lost?_

'And how could she hope to move on when you're everywhere, all around her, all the time, at school, at home, at her beck and call, fulfilling her every need, every desire. I suppose I can't blame her really, I mean why should she want to get on with her life and find someone new when she's got you? Because how could anyone compare to you, Kyle? Your looks, your touch, your smile, your sensitivity, the way you always just know what a person needs…'

_Her__ eyes met mine and for a moment she seemed wistful and it was like she wasn't talking about Lori's needs she was telling me about her own and how she felt about me…_

'God, you're so naïve! Can't you see that she's fallen in love with you?'

_She sounded so irritate__d but I wasn't sure whether her anger was directed at Lori for being in love with me or at me for somehow allowing it to happen._

'I'm not naïve, Amanda. I know she loves me. She told me. We're friends…'

_Everybody kept calling me naïve, telling me that I was such an innocent, but I wasn't. __I didn't want Amanda to think that Lori was being dishonest or that she was doing something to me that I didn't know about. It was really important to me that she knew that. But it didn't seem to help the situation; in fact it made it even worse._

'You're more than friends.' Amanda said glaring at me.

_The memory of Lori cradled__ in my arms, telling each other that we were sorry, that we were more than just friends jumped into my head. It was true. I did think of her more than a friend. I loved her._

'Friends with benefits.' I explained to Amanda.

_Amanda's eyes widened__ and just like Declan she appeared shocked and then became almost hysterical._

'Oh God… You did it, didn't you?' She said her voice high-pitched and breathy.

'What? What did I do?' I asked suddenly fearful at the distaste and disbelief that was evident in her eyes, in her face, in the whole manner in with which she was staring at me.

'You said you wouldn't but you couldn't resist, could you? You had sex with Lori…'

'What? No! Amanda, of course I didn't! I would never do that.'

'Why not? You were kissing. Her hands were all over you. It looked like she was about to take your clothes off in the middle of the corridor. It wouldn't exactly be a leap of faith to imagine that you had already taken that final step.'

'But I didn't. It's not like that, Amanda.'

_I could hear the desperation in my own voice__ even through the headache pounding in my ears._

'Then what is it like, Kyle? Tell me!'

'Lori's been under a great deal of stress recently and seeing Declan again just made her crack. She shouldn't have kissed me and touched me but she was upset and needed to be comforted and reassured that she wasn't alone.'

'Well wasn't it lucky that you were there with a hard and willing body for her to grab and press herself into?'

_Amanda's tone sounded just like Lori's whenever she was__ upset or needed time to think._

'I'm sorry. This is all my fault. Maybe I'm not explaining it very well.'

'Or maybe you are and I'm finally getting with the program and seeing what I should have seen last time.' Amanda said darkly.

_Pain speared behind my eyes and I gasped at the intensity of it. I knew what Amanda was inferring and I could see her getting ready to leave, getting ready to walk out o__f my life just like Declan had._

'I'm not like Charlie.' I blurted out.

'Really? So when Lori came onto you and kissed you, you pushed her away and told her to stop because you knew it was wrong?'

'No, but…'

'So this is the first time it's happened then?

'No, but…'

'Ok, so it's a normal brother-sister thing in your house and you're not sneaking around doing it behind peoples' backs and Nicole knows that you kiss Lori like that?'

'Well, No! But you don't understand!'

_Amanda wasn't allowing me time to speak, time to think and the more she pushed me, the more I felt that everything was spiralling out of control and the more my mind seemed u__nable to cope with the tension._

'Well explain it to me Kyle; make me understand, because at the moment all I understand is that you're lying and cheating and sneaking around and that looks exactly like Charlie to me.'

_I knew that I had one shot at this, one shot to make Amanda understand__ my relationship with Lori, to make her understand my feelings for her and to keep her in my life. I put my hand up to my head and slowly rubbed at my temple. It seemed to ease the stabbing pain and made my thought processing that bit simpler. I took a deep breath in and began to speak._

'I love Lori and like being with her and want her to be happy. I want to help her become whole again.'

_A quick glance at Amanda showed me she was frowning and was obviously still sceptical__. I hurriedly carried on not wanting to give her the chance to say she'd had enough and that she was going to leave._

'I want her to have someone in her life that wants to be with her because there's no one else that makes him so happy, because when he's with her, there might as well be no one else in the world because all he can see is her, because when he's not with her he can't think about anyone else and… and I want her to be able to have sex with him because he loves her with all his heart and it means something to him, something exceptional, something extraordinary, something unique. But I can't be that person for her.'

_I took a deep breath in and continued on determined to make Amanda understand my__ feelings towards Lori and her._

'I didn't have sex with Lori, Amanda. I haven't had sex with anyone. I-I don't feel ready yet because sex is a big deal and it is important and I want my first time to be special. I-I want it to be with someone that… someone that I…'

_I felt my face flush as I __stuttered and faltered to a stop. I didn't like it when people called me naïve and childlike yet in trying to be a responsible, considerate and mature adult by explaining my behaviour with Lori so that Amanda would respect me, like me and want to be with me, I had unwittingly revealed the secret that was my virginity and also confirmed my innocence and my childishness by telling her how much the thought of sex scared me. Amanda was right, I was naïve and now I felt stupid and small and embarrassed and worried that I had ruined everything._

'Kyle…'

_Her voice was quiet and filled with pity and I knew that she was going to tell me that she didn't want anything to do with someone so immature and childish, someone that didn't want to have sex like everyone else. I had to try and fix this.__ I couldn't just let her leave._

'When I said I hadn't… um…I didn't mean that I didn't want… want to, it's just that…'

'Kyle, it's ok...'

_Aman__da interrupted my stuttered, nonsensical attempt at some sort of explanation for my pathetic behaviour with such tenderness in her voice that once again I felt the prickle behind my eyes that threatened the onset of tears._

'I understand, Kyle; you want your first time to be with someone that you're in love with…'

_And it was said with suc__h gentleness, such reverence, that I couldn't speak. Amanda was staring at me, a look of admiration and respect on her face. I wanted to go to her, to touch her, to put my arms around her but I couldn't make myself move. I didn't want to do anything to push her away; to make Amanda stop looking at me like she was doing now; like she liked me, or maybe even loved me._

_But that beautiful moment couldn't last forever and finally she looked away and cleared her throat as though she was having difficulty swallowing too before asking me shyly…_

'But if you're still a virgin, why did you tell me that you and Lori were having sex?'

_I frowned and played back in my mind our recent conversation but couldn't find the mome__nt to which Amanda was alluding to; the moment that she thought I'd told her I had had sex._

'I didn't. Why would you think that?'

'Friends with benefits?'

_There was that phrase agai__n. Both Lori and Declan had mentioned it before and had gotten a strange look in their eyes when I had used it. Perhaps it was another one of those things that I didn't understand; an expression, an idiom, a saying that actually meant something else, something completely different to the manner in which I had been using it._

'What sort of benefits did you think I was talking about?' I asked her warily.

'The sort of benefits that you're only supposed to get if you're actually going out with someone, like kissing them on the lips and touching them in intimate places and maybe taking their clothes off…'

'Like making out and masturbation and other 'hands on' stuff?'

_I remembered all the things Lori had told me about last night, things that she had said that people do because it's natural and normal, things that I didn't do. I frowned again. Did Amanda think that I wa__s doing those things with Lori?_

'Well, I guess, but…'

_Amanda had turned away from me and I n__oticed that her face was pink, that she appeared hesitant and embarrassed and that she seemed to be having difficulty in looking at me._

'Amanda?'

_I didn't like the se__nsation that had come over me knowing that I had upset Amanda, that I had made her uncomfortable. I wanted her to be able to feel that she could talk to me about anything, no matter how difficult the topic of conversation was._

'Well, yes, benefits could mean making out and…other stuff, but it normally implies more than that.' She sighed sadly. 'Like Charlie did with Hillary?'

'Oh. Oh!'

_Now it was my turn to blush as I realized what __Amanda thought I had done and what Lori and Declan must still be thinking about me._

'Well what did you think it meant?' Amanda asked bemused.

'I just thought it was a way to describe friends who love each other.'

'I see…'

_I heard the mirth in her voice like she was tr__ying very hard not to laugh and I couldn't blame her because it sounded silly and childish even to my own ears. Amanda was right. I was naïve. I had come so far in such a short period of time yet there always seemed to be something that I got wrong, that I didn't understand, that made it impossible for me to fit in and to be normal. I hung my head in shame. I couldn't bear to see the pity that I was sure would be in her eyes if I looked at her, after all why would she want to be with someone as 'innocent', as stupid, as freaky and abnormal as me?_

_And then I felt her fingers touch my face and there was a gentle pressure underneath my chin encouraging my head up so that she could look at me. And as I stared back at her my breath seemed to get stuck in my throat because she was so beautiful._

'And what about me?' She asked softly. 'Am I your friend?'

'Of course you are!' I exclaimed.

_How could she doubt it? She was always in my thoughts, my mind, my heart._

'Have you ever considered, you know, 'benefits' with…with me?'

_And there no pity in her eyes only shy uncertainty and a little bit of ho__pe. Or maybe the hope was mine, but I couldn't be sure of anything at that moment because my heart was beating so fast that I was starting to feel dizzy._

'Yes…' I whispered.

'Well you haven't touched me like you touch Lori.'

_She took a step towards me and tilted her head up staring at my mouth, her lips parting slightly revealing the tip of her tongue. __I felt my body start to respond, but I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. She was so close._

'I…I d-didn't think…um…I didn't know if you…'

'You haven't kissed me…'

'I want to…'


	34. Chapter 34

Love from jealousy – part 34

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

**Author's Notes:**

**I was listening to a song by the Pet Shop Boys whose lyrics practically jumped out of the ipod at me and seemed to describe perfectly how I felt Lori would react on seeing Kyle and Amanda together. So this chapter, well that part of it anyway, could be considered a bit of a song-fic. The rest of it is of course my usual rambling descriptions of teenage angst and misunderstanding.**

**I'****d therefore like to thank The Pet shop Boys for their lyrics and inspiration. The song itself is beautiful; melancholic and poignant. Kudos to anyone who can work out which one it is…**

**Fishiexy**

* * *

Filled with humiliation Lori groaned as she slid gracelessly to the floor, her head making contact noisily with the row of lockers behind her. She closed her eyes as though that would somehow allow her to block out everything that had happened over the last half an hour or so, but it only served to reinforce the images of Kyle and the look of horror, fear and disbelief on his beautiful face.

Oh God! And after all they had been through the previous night, all the soul searching and explaining and touching and kissing and Kyle finally owning up to the fact that he'd liked what she'd done to him… Then she had to go and ruin it today by grabbing him, pushing him then restraining him and forcing him to submit to her…what? Frantic, needy and desperate attempts at feeling some sense of self worth just because she had seen Declan flirting with a cheer-leader? Although if she were really taking a leaf out of her mom's book at the moment and analysing the situation properly, she would have to go with wariness and worry that was coloring Kyle's expression as after all, attacking him like that was hardly normal behaviour for her.

Great! Now Kyle probably thinks that I'm a sex obsessed psychopath having a nervous breakdown she told herself. But even if that were the case, he hadn't shoved her away, told her to stop or to get off him. He just stood there, letting her do her worst, allowing her to grab and grope him, even though it had obviously made him uncomfortable…She sighed in embarrassment, letting her head slump forward onto her knees as the realization of just what a good friend he was finally hit home.

Kyle had let her do stuff to him because he knew she needed comfort and reassurance, needed to feel another warm body against hers, desperately needed and wanted the physical intimacy that he could provide. Kyle knew she was upset and hurting and had done what he could to help her even though her attentions were unwanted. And that self-sacrificing, noble and altruistic attitude that was ingrained in his personality, that ability to give his all, to put other peoples' well being and needs above his own, to make her feel like the most important person in the world was the reason why she had fallen in love with him and gotten into this mess in the first place.

Oh yes… And there was also that little matter of revealing her feelings to the whole school which would undoubtedly get back to her parents… Which would give both her and Kyle problems as her mom was so over-protective towards Kyle that she wouldn't hear the end of how her behaviour could have seriously damaged Kyle's psyche and future development and 'what were you thinking Lori, if indeed you were even thinking at all?' and her dad was so over-protective towards her that he had nearly killed Kyle for just looking at her that day in his room… So God knows what he'd do when he found out that they'd been kissing because 'I was a teenage boy once too so I know just what he wants to do to you'. And it wouldn't matter how many times she told him that it was her fault and that Kyle was just an innocent bystander, he wouldn't believe her because she would always be a little girl in his eyes and Kyle was just some guy and therefore automatically out to hurt her.

But that wasn't the worst of it, oh no, because she'd finally admitted her feelings about Kyle to Hillary, admitted that she was in love with him and that she wanted to have sex with him. She groaned again and this time thumped her head on her knees in mortification. Hillary was never going to let this go. It wouldn't matter if she denied it, laughed it off or pleaded insanity, Hillary would be on her case and on Kyle's from here to the end of time.

But Hillary and her big mouth aside, what was she going to do about Kyle now she had admitted to herself what she wanted from him? She couldn't just walk up to him and ask him to have sex with her; it just wouldn't work because Kyle wasn't built that way. He needed the whole package; a long term relationship, an almost spiritual connection with his partner and of course, unconditional love… And if she were honest she also wanted those things, though in the past she'd been quite happy to take the sex if that had been all that was on offer… But Kyle was different, he needed more.

Although when she thought about it, it actually wouldn't be so hard to give him what he needed because she enjoyed spending time with him and talking to him about her day and her feelings and finding out about his day and him... And he made her laugh and made her happy and sometimes she knew what he needed, knew that he wanted to be held, to feel that he belonged, just like he knew exactly what she was feeling and thinking…

So it was settled then. She was going to make a concerted effort to have a real relationship with him, to become intimate with him. Would sex be another one of those things that Kyle could do superlatively without ever having had any previous experience? She shivered at the thought of Kyle's body bathed in sweat, writhing and thrusting beneath hers, his breathy little moans and whimpers indicating his pleasure, his desire as he responded so beautifully to her touch…

But how to go about it? It couldn't be forced. Kyle had to be treated with the utmost care and love. No more games. She knew he valued honesty. Would the direct and simple approach work? Could she just walk up to him and tell him how she felt and what she wanted? She suddenly felt terribly unsure, because what if he didn't want her back? What if he pushed her away, rejected her? She didn't know that she could stand it again. Was this what it felt like to be in love, to be dependent and vulnerable? Was that how Kyle had felt over the last year when he didn't know if he belonged to anyone, when he just wanted somebody to put their arms around him and tell him that they loved him?

Now that she had a plan, she felt somewhat better. She took a deep breath in and ran a shaky hand through her hair trying to calm herself. She was going to confess her feelings to Kyle and suggest that they move their relationship to the next level. No, Kyle might not understand that, perhaps it would be better if she just showed him. He always learnt more efficiently if he had a role model to emulate.

Maybe she could start by kissing him as she'd done last night, let him settle down, get used to the sensations coming from his body but then take it bit further by running her hand down his side, over his hips and pelvis to touch his groin, like she'd wanted do now for so long…She'd need to be careful not to scare him or overwhelm him so she'd have to be exceptionally gentle; no rubbing or tugging at him, no grabbing or groping, just a light caress to get him used to her touch before moving on to unbuttoning his pants and finally reaching inside to cup him and softly stroke him…

She waved her hands in front of her face to cool her heated cheeks. It was a great fantasy, but perhaps she'd be better off going back to plan A: Being honest, enquiring about Kyle's feelings on the matter and when telling him what she'd like to happen between them, using unambiguous words that Kyle could not misinterpret? Yeah, definitely plan A! She'd do it this evening after dinner when she could get him alone in his room again after first apologising of course for her totally inappropriate behaviour towards him this afternoon. She got up and brushed the dust of her jeans before practically skipping to her next class, so excited was she at the mere thought of what might happen later on that night.

* * *

Lori opened the door to the science lab, smiling wryly to herself at the knowledge that for the first time in like, forever she was going to be early to class. Yet the smile died on her face as she stopped abruptly just inside the room, staring in disbelief at the sight in front of her.

Kyle and Amanda were sitting close together staring into each others' eyes, their bodies angled slightly so that their knees were touching and they were holding hands. Each of them looked up but neither of them said a word. They didn't jump apart as though they had been caught in the act or look away guiltily as she gaped at them; in fact they looked so right together, their manner, their body language so natural that for a moment, she felt she should apologize for what she hadn't heard.

But then Kyle smiled at her and it was the most amazing and heart-renderingly beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was as though he were intoxicated; high on the pleasure of just being in the perfect moment; this moment, this particular moment, holding hands and sitting next to Amanda Bloom.

And it was exactly that smile that Lori had dreamed of seeing on his angelic little face that would have happened after he had spent the night with her, after she had shown him just how wonderful sex could be, after he had experienced at her hand the ecstasy of his first release. Yet that beautiful smile had been caused by someone else; Amanda had made him look like that. Amanda had made him look as happy as she had ever seen him just by a simple, innocuous and very innocent touch.

She was the one that was supposed to be in Amanda's place right now sitting opposite Kyle, gently touching his arm, softly caressing his skin. It was supposed to be her that he looked at like that; like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, like her touch was the most precious gift she could bestow upon him, like he never wanted to move from her side, like he was… in love.

Lori gasped at the intensity of the anger and jealousy that suddenly overwhelmed her. Who did Amanda think she was to be touching Kyle like that? Why did she always have to be in the way and interfere in things that didn't concern her? And why had she chosen this particular time to be here with Kyle now? Lori had already decided that she was going to speak to him tonight. She had made a plan and everything. It wasn't fair. She wanted Kyle. She needed him. He was the only thing in her life that made any sense at all.

And then in true Kyle style he seemed to realize that something was wrong and that perfect cloud of happiness that he had been floating on fizzled out of existence leaving his face once more sporting the familiar wrinkles of worry and concern.

'Lori?'

He moved as though he was about to get up but Amanda's hand tightened its grip on his effectively restraining him and Lori noticed the tension inherent in her posture betraying her outwardly calm demeanor. It seemed then that Amanda was not as confident as she appeared about her relationship with Kyle and she was staking her claim by subtly reminding him just who he was with.

Was this how it was going to be then? Kyle was the prize and she and Amanda were going to be fighting for him, vying for his attention? Was she now about to become a supplicant at the crowded court of Kyle's love, humbling herself before him, kneeling, earnestly pledging her devotion to him. Because she'd do it, she really would; she loved him and she'd realized long ago that there was nothing she wouldn't do for him.

A silence filled the room, as awkward as an elephant. Lori watched as Amanda's gaze flicked quickly over at Kyle, her unease with his silence readily apparent. Kyle's eyes however were no longer looking at Amanda's, they hadn't moved from hers since he had called her name in concern.

And then as Amanda's faith and belief over Kyle's loyalty to her began to wane so gradually Lori's hope for her own relationship between them grew. Maybe all was not lost; maybe there was still a chance that she and Kyle could get it together.

'I thought you were my friend.' She said quietly, careful to let her voice show only sorrow, hurt and disappointment.

There… That did it! He was up out of his chair like a shot, Amanda having no choice but to let go of his hand or risk being dragged across the floor.

'I am your friend you know that.' He cried out immediately.

She did know that and she couldn't doubt his sincerity as he stood there, eyes wide, forehead wrinkled, face pale with the anxiety and fear that she might not believe him. But finding him there with Amanda, today of all days when she had finally made up her mind that she wanted him had really hurt. It was like Declan dumping her all over again.

Except that it wasn't, because she and Kyle weren't going out with each other, weren't dating, weren't haven't sex much as though she wished all of those things were true. So if he wanted to see someone else, well that was his business and therefore none of hers despite what her heart and gut were telling her. There was also no point in getting all jealous about him and making him even more upset than she'd already done because he wasn't hers to get jealous about.

She looked at him standing there, eyes still locked on hers, teeth nervously worrying at his bottom lip, concern for her well-being written all over face. Why was he behaving like this? Why was he so distressed? After all she was the one who had interrupted his private moment holding hands with Amanda and had immediately taken offence at the sight of them together even though it was obvious that there was none to be taken and now she was acting like she was the betrayed partner when she was neither the betrayed and most certainly not his partner.

So why then was he taking on the role of the guilty boy-friend, when it was clear he hadn't done anything wrong? Was he just picking up on her turbulent emotions like her mother had said he couldn't help but do that disastrous night she had shouted at him in the bath? Was it just his extreme sensitivity to the feelings of others that enabled him to sense her anger, grief and regret for something that hadn't even happened; the relationship she had formulated between them that existed only in her mind?

'Lori, I told you that we were more than just friends and I meant it. I'll always be there for you. You only have to tell me what you need from me…'

Her eyes widened in disbelief as she stared at him. Had she heard him correctly? Could he actually have just offered her what she had been longing for all these weeks? Was it really as simple as telling him that what she needed from him was exactly that: him?

'Kyle…'

Amanda's frantic plea interrupted Lori's incredible flight of ideas grounding her firmly back in the present. The desperation could be heard plainly in Amanda's voice as she jumped to her feet, looking up at Kyle, trying to dissuade him from his course of action; trying to get him to change his mind and go out with her.

Lori felt the glorious sensation of triumph well up inside her and suddenly all the worry and doubt she'd had was swept away in an instant as Kyle uttered that final, fateful sentence. She'd won. Kyle had chosen her and she now felt on top of the world; jubilant, elated, exultant. She had emerged victorious, conquering her rival and her prize for her devotion and persistence in the face of her adversary would be Kyle; body and soul.

'Tell me Kyle, the things we just talked about, did they mean anything to you?' Amanda asked him tearfully.

'Of course they did.' He cried, seemingly shocked that she could doubt his sincerity.

'Because I thought that you wanted to… to be with me.'

'I do…' He whispered, longing in his voice as his eyes lingered on hers.

'But?' Amanda prompted him.

And for a second Lori thought she saw a bleak look of despair pass over Kyle's face as though he had resigned himself to do something that he considered to be his duty thereby sacrificing his own needs and desires, before the emotion was gone in a flash making Lori question whether she really saw it in the first place. Then he took a deep breath in and he turned towards Amanda with a look of determination about him.

'But Lori's hurting and I can do something about it. I love her.'

Lori looked over at Amanda's tear stained face and watched in pity as she hesitantly made a move to touch Kyle on the arm before thinking better of it at the last moment and letting her hand drop impotently back to her side, bowing her head as though in defeat.

Lori's celebratory moment of triumph disappeared in an instant as she watched the desperate exchange between Kyle and Amanda take place. Did she really want to be that person who revelled in the unhappiness of others, who got her kicks through someone else's pain and misfortune? Amanda had done nothing to hurt her and in fact had gone out of her way to be nice, giving her that flyer for the 'Open Mike' thing at 'The Rack' next week. It wasn't her fault if she also saw the goodness in Kyle and was finally making a play for him, Lori thought grudgingly. After all she had split up with her boy-friend too so wasn't doing the dirty on anyone and was therefore a free agent which entitled her to go after anyone else who was free and since Kyle wasn't exactly seeing anyone either, what she was doing wasn't inherently wrong. It was just that Lori wanted him too. But did she really want him like this?

And hadn't she just made a plan not more than 10 minutes ago about being honest and asking Kyle what he wanted and taking his needs and desires into consideration and not playing games any more? Well it seemed that what Kyle wanted, despite his declaration of love for her just a few seconds ago, was Amanda. It was written all over his face. It had always been written all over his face and Lori had known, just as anyone else who had ever seen them remotely in the same proximity together would had known, that he had wanted her from the moment he had first set eyes on her.

And if Lori loved him, which she did with all of her heart, then how could she deny him his happiness? How could she not let him have what he wanted and needed even if he refused to take it when it was standing right there in front of him? Her mom had been spot-on when she said that although being in love can be the most amazing thing in the world it also comes with a responsibility, a need in fact to put the other person's wellbeing and happiness above your own because how could you ever want to hurt the person you love?

And at the time, although she understood in a cerebral way what her mom was trying to tell her, she'd never really felt what it meant before, in her heart, to love someone that much. But now standing here, looking at him, she knew with absolute certainty that what she felt was the truth. She didn't want to hurt Kyle, in fact she would do anything in her power to protect him and if that meant stepping aside and letting Amanda have him, or rather letting him go to Amanda because that's what would be best for Kyle then that's what she had to do.

She felt the tears start to well up in her own eyes as she realized she was giving up any chance she might have had to be with him, to make love with him. She would now never know what it would feel like to lie naked in Kyle's embrace, to intimately touch and taste him, to see the wonder on his face as she lowered herself onto him and then to watch as he shuddered and shook as he lost control when she finally brought him to completion…

She suddenly felt ashamed at her own arrogance for even daring to think that she could have competed with Amanda Bloom for Kyle's affection. Hillary had been right when she said that Kyle was the perfect guy, it's just that what they hadn't taken into account was that she wasn't the perfect girl for him, but Amanda was. She was good and clever and kind-hearted and generous and self-less and pure and innocent, just like Kyle. And not only was she sweet and a nice person to boot, but physically, well, just look at her! She was beautiful; blonde-haired, blue-eyed, thin, fine-boned and delicate, with long legs, a tiny waist and absolutely no butt whatsoever. Was it any wonder Kyle had fallen in love with her the first moment he'd seen her?

All at once Lori felt very clumsy and selfish for stumbling into the room and spoiling Kyle and Amanda's first tentative steps towards a deeper relationship. It was like she was responsible for the theft of their embryonic intimacy and like an embryo, if it wasn't housed and nurtured, it wouldn't survive. It was time to go, time to let Kyle have his happiness, even if it was at the expense of her own. She wiped her eyes carefully mindful of smudging her mascara and not willing to risk any further embarrassment, quickly made towards the door without a backwards glance.

* * *

_Somethi__ng was different, something had changed… When Lori had first come into the room her whole body was radiating anger and resentment at seeing me and Amanda together. But now, she seemed small and lost, hopeless and hurting and it was as though she had given up on me. And just like Declan had done, she was walking away. Lori was going to leave me and I couldn't bear it. My head was pounding and I felt my chest tighten restricting my breathing, increasing the fear, the anxiety that I'd hurt another friend, that I was going to lose another friend because of who I was and the secrets in my life._

'Lori, don't go!' I cried frantically.

_But she gave no indicat__ion that she had even heard me and continued walking away. I felt Amanda's hand on my arm but today strangely, the gesture offered little comfort. I couldn't let Lori leave, not like this; not when she was in pain because of me. I concentrated on my destination and in the blink of an eye I was standing between Lori and the door. I heard Amanda gasp at my burst of super-human speed and a part of my brain was concerned about what she must think of me, but I didn't have time to try and explain things to her now I just needed to prevent Lori from going._

_She__ jumped slightly as I appeared in front of her, as if from nowhere, but otherwise she didn't seem surprised by my speed or by the fact that I had used my abilities to achieve my objective as she couldn't help but stop now as I was blocking the exit. She gave a long-suffering sigh as I'd heard her do many times before when I'd done something particularly dumb or childish and as though it was just too much effort to argue with me._

'Get out of the way, Kyle.'

_Her__ voice was low and her tone resigned. Her head was downcast, making her hair fall forward so that it obscured her face which altogether painted a picture of isolating loneliness and sorrow. She was hurting so badly, pain that I had unwittingly caused her. I had to do something to help her._

_I__ gently touched her cheek causing her to flinch making my heart contract painfully at the thought that Lori could no longer stomach any sort of physical contact with me. I looked down at my fingers which were suddenly wet. The warm fluid was from Lori's tears but I might as well have had her blood on her my hands knowing that it was me that had caused her this pain._

'Don't cry…' I whispered horrified at the emotional turmoil she was experiencing and desperate to help her somehow.

_She lifted her head to look a__t me and as her eyes met mine, it was as though I was staring into her soul and all that she was had been laid bare before me. I could see everything. It was all there detailed on her face, swimming in her tear filled eyes; the desperation, the fear, the need that she felt for me and I wondered just how I hadn't seen it before. Everything that Amanda had said to me, had tried to tell me over the last few weeks, culminating in our argument this afternoon suddenly made sense; Lori was helplessly and hopelessly in love with me._

_All the things that had happened be__tween us since her break-up with Declan, I now saw in a different light and was able to understand why Lori had been acting and behaving the way she did. I had told her on numerous occasions that I loved her, had allowed her to touch me, to kiss me. I had talked to her about sex, discussed my feelings and my body's reaction to her and had even told her that I wanted to experience more. No wonder she was confused and hurt at seeing me with Amanda if she believed that I desired her back, that I was 'in love' with her too._

_Amanda had been right when she said that this was all my fault. I was constantly around Lori, trying to help her, trying to comfort__ her, trying to get her over her break-up with Declan while unwittingly making her become dependent on me, allowing her fall in love with me. And it wasn't going to stop there as I was going to hurt her even more because I had to tell her that although I loved her very much, I wasn't 'in love' with her and now I knew that's what she really wanted from me._

'Lori…'

'It's ok, Kyle, I understand.' She said quickly, cutting me off before I could explain.

_She __wiped the tears from her face before glancing over at Amanda and for a moment a look of bleak despair passed over her face before she sighed resolutely and turned back towards me, determination inherent in her eyes._

'So if you could just get out of the way, I'll leave you two alone.'

_She was trying __to be brave and pretend that she was fine but she wasn't as the slight waver in her voice and the trembling of her body testified to._

'No!' I told her firmly.

_I may not have been in love with her but I couldn't just let her leave like that believing that I had no feelings for her whatsoever__ and that I didn't understand what she was doing for me, what she was sacrificing for me._

'Look! I get it ok? You've made yourself perfectly clear. You don't have to embarrass me any further by telling me what a… a complete idiot I've been.'

_Her voice rose in self-loathing as she spat out the last few words and her eyes over-flowed with tear__s once more._

'Kyle, maybe you should just let her go…' Amanda said quietly.

'I can't!' I told her urgently. 'Because it's my fault that Lori's hurting, that Declan left.'

'What?'

_Lori's head __snapped up as she stared at me._

'I did it.' I told her softly. 'I made him dump you…'

'What? Kyle, how could you?'

_This time it was Amanda wh__o was staring at me, horrified._

'What do you mean you 'made' him dump me? Lori asked, her voice conveying a mixture of disbelief, suspicion and fear.

_I had to tell her. She deserved to know after months of worrying and wondering__ whether the break-up of her relationship had been down to something she had said or was somehow her fault, when in fact she had done nothing wrong._

'He couldn't be what you wanted after I came back. He couldn't give you the support you needed when he needed it too. He was worried about me, when I left and then he wouldn't believe me when I came back and told him that everything was fine…'

'Well it wasn't fine, was it Kyle? Your parents had just been killed in a car crash for God's sake! Jesus! I was right all along; it was all to do with you!' Lori said incredulously. 'Declan was never the same since we came back from that trip to U-Dub. You went off on some secret jaunt together into the woods and neither of you would tell me why or what happened, but after that Declan was a different person; distant and silent and worried… about you. It always seems to come back to you in the end, doesn't it? Everything's always about you, Kyle…'

_She looked up at me, her face taking on a strange expression as if only just seeing me for the first time._

'What happened that day in the woods and what was special about that box of souvenirs you left for Declan? You didn't leave anything for the rest of us, not even my mom. Why Declan?'

'Nothing happened in the woods, I told you and Declan that.'

_The pain was escalating in __my head. Lori was asking very valid questions and I couldn't answer them without putting her and Declan in danger. I could feel the panic building inside of me and I tried to make myself relax but the pain in my head made it difficult to concentrate on anything._

'What happened in Connecticut, Kyle, if you actually went there? God! Are your parents even dead?'

_I heard Amanda's sharp intake of breath behind me at Lori's insensitive and hurtful words before a shooting pain lanced deep into my brain momentarily blinding me. I gasped at the intensity of it and grabbed at the wall behind me for suppo__rt._

'Why was Declan worried about you if nothing happened in the woods?'

'I don't know.' I whispered as another wave of pain assailed me.

_I was conscious of taking deep breaths in and out trying to breathe through the pain as Nicole had taught me to do whenever I'd been upset in the past but now it just served to__ make me feel increasingly dizzy and bizarrely even more breathless._

'Was it just a coincidence, that like a day after we went to U-Dub and saw that picture of the man that was the spitting image of you in that brain research lab that your parents just happen to drop by at the hospital? Don't you think it's funny that nothing, not one single little thing about them was familiar to you, that for like months there were no missing persons reports filed about you, nobody was lost that even resembled your description yet they somehow knew to come to Seattle of all places and just happened to find you?'

_Lori's sarcastic tone showed just how unlikely she thought any one of the scenarios she had just suggested was. I couldn't disagree with her. I had told Foss the very same thing when Adam had be__en shot and he had allowed me come back to live with the Tragers._

'Well?' Lori demanded angrily. 'Are you going to finally explain everything or are you just going to lie to me again?'

_I moved my head squinting against the light coming from behind Lori's head trying to get her face in focus. The pain in my head was __excruciating and had begun to affect my ability to see._

'I can't tell you…' I whispered knowing that she wouldn't understand but just not being able to lie to her any more.

'What? You've got the nerve to tell me that you're the one who made my boy-friend dump me, made my life hell these last few months yet you refuse to give me a simple explanation?'

'Nothing about this is simple!' I blurted out.

_And nothing was simple about me either. I had never wanted anything more than to be normal, to be 'just Kyle' and I had never wanted it more in my life than I did at this moment. Was that so very much to ask?_

'I don't care, just tell me or whatever I was to you, if anything, is over.'

_And her voice, just like Declan's was full of desperation, hope and fear and just like when Declan had demanded the same thing of me I couldn't tell Lori the truth __either, no matter how much I wanted to because I was afraid of the consequences if I did. I looked at her tear-stained face and tried to think of a way to let her down gently but despite reading a whole set of encyclopaedias and memorising their contents no words came to me and I could think of nothing to say._

_And then a look of horror came over Lori's face and sh__e involuntarily took a step backwards as though she couldn't bear to be near me anymore. A feeling of fear flickered at the edge of my consciousness and a sense of dread began to seep into my mind making me shiver at the thought of what was about to come next._

'Oh my God! I've been so stupid… I just didn't see… All this time we spent together, all the times I came down to your room and we just… talked and hung out… It's all been one big guilt trip hasn't it? It was your fault that Declan left and it's been eating away at you all this time. It was never about me. You never really loved me…'

'What? Of course I did. How could you even think that?' I asked her in disbelief.

_She meant everything to me. I loved her with all of my heart and would do anything __for her, anything to protect her…_

'No! You were just trying to make everything better, like you always do. I made you felt guilty and you were just trying to fix it, trying to fix me. God! No wonder you nearly lost the plot every time things started getting physical, no wonder you just sat there frozen to the spot when I touched you, when I kissed you.'

_She__ shook her head as if in disbelief at her stupidity._

'You deserve a fucking medal for your acting skills…'

_I frowned in consternation. What was she talking about? I didn't understand._

'Don't be so naïve Kyle, it doesn't suit you. Well, actually it does; that blush you get when you're all hot and bothered? When you get aroused…' She said raising her eyebrows lasciviously, her gaze coming to rest appreciatively on my groin.

_I felt my__ face become warm at what she was implying. I knew it was wrong to get an erection but I just couldn't seem to help myself when Lori touched me or kissed me. I really tried to make it go away but…_

'Yeah, just like that…'

_She licked her lips._

'What do you mean?' I asked flustered, my chest rising and falling rapidly. 'What acting skills? I don't understand…'

'The acting you did when you with me? Oh come on Kyle, I'm not so stupid to think that you actually meant any of it for real…' She said her voice suddenly taking on a razor-like edge. 'The soft sighs and breathy little moans you made as though you couldn't help yourself, the way your hips moved just enough to let me feel you, to make me think you liked me touching you, that you wanted more, wanted to go further, the way you looked at me, the awe, the desire in your face just before I kissed you and the way you made me trust you, the innocence, the vulnerability, the shy little smiles, those huge tear-filled eyes, that emotional neediness that just surrounds you, that makes it seem that you're desperate for someone to hold you, for someone to love you…'

_The__re wasn't anything hard about her voice now and the look on her face was desolate, her wounds fresh and raw, pain radiating from every pore on her body._

'I know you must have hated every second of it, hell, you were probably laughing your head off at your stupid love-sick sister but you couldn't push me away because that would have been worse, because that would have made you feel even more guilty.'

'No! No! It wasn't like that…' I cried out hysterically, my breaths coming in short, sharp bursts, my head threatening to explode with the pain.

'Wasn't it? You don't really expect me to believe that you enjoyed spending time with me do you?' She shouted.

'That you liked staying in on a Saturday night and watching a stupid children's movie with me, that you looked forward to me coming into your room so that we could just sit and talk together, that you hoped more than anything else in the world that I'd feel the same way that you did, that kissing me was the most amazing thing that you had ever experienced…?'

_She paused, breath__ing heavily after her outburst._

'You don't need to say anything, I can see by your face that you think I'm totally pathetic and that you were only doing it out of a sense of duty, out of pity…'

'No! That's not true! I don't think you're pathetic and I meant all the things I said to you…' I shouted at her frantically, before gasping as another wave of pain slammed into me.

'That's such a load of crap, Kyle! You told me you loved me! You told me you liked the way I made you feel, you told me… You told me you wanted more…'

'I did, I do!' I cried out softly, my vision already affected, now becoming further blurred by my tears.

_But it was __like Lori hadn't even heard me._

'I can't believe I've been such a stupid little 'girl' and fallen for the first guy that comes along after Declan. I can't believe that I could be taken in by a pretty face, a shoulder to cry on and the thought of sex with you and your big cock. Jesus! You must have been mortified that you got hard when you were with me…'

'Kyle? I thought you said that you and Lori were just friends…' Amanda asked her tone both worried and suspicious.

'We are…' I told her quickly, trying to reassure her.

_I __didn't have time to talk about this right now, not when I needed to clear the air with Lori._

''Were' is more like it! And don't worry Amanda, it was just a physical response. It happens to all guys if you touch them long enough. It doesn't mean anything, even though Kyle's response really was quite impressive! Enjoy! Because I am so out of here.'

_I wa__tched Lori's face harden once more, watched as she threw her shoulders back and stood up proud and tall. I could almost see the protective walls going up around her as she tried to bury her pain, tried to forget that any of this ever happened and tried to erase me. I knew she was going to leave and suddenly I felt terribly afraid._

_Despite all my abilities I had managed to alienate and hurt every person I cared about and who had ever cared about me. By keeping secrets and lying to my family and friends to keep them safe I had unwitti__ngly pushed them all away. There was now nobody left to love me and I was totally alone._

'Get out of my way, Kyle.' She demanded her voice low and menacing.

_The pain in my head and the dizziness I was feeling were making it difficult for me to do anything other than trying to remain upright.__ But I couldn't let her leave. I couldn't let her go believing that she meant nothing to me. I had to tell her the truth. I had to make things right between us._

'I said get out of the way.'

_And then her hands were on my chest and she was shoving me __backwards and I was stumbling, arms flailing helplessly before slamming into the door, the wind knocked out of me, the room spinning as my knees gave way and I collapsed sideways on to the floor. I heard rather than saw the door opening and before I could say anything Lori was gone._


	35. Chapter 35

Love from jealousy – part 35

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

Lori was almost at the end of the corridor when the bell sounded signalling the start of afternoon classes. The hallway was suddenly a hive of activity filled with a mass of bodies all walking and talking simultaneously, a cacophony of chaos assaulting her senses but more importantly, slowing down her escape. She couldn't begin to sort out all the emotions and feelings that were swirling through her mind at present. She didn't care about the punishments she knew she was going to be given by both the principal and her parents when they found out that she had been cutting class, she just had to get away from here, away from Kyle.

Fuck! She couldn't believe how stupid she had been. She really thought that she and Kyle had shared something more than just the physical side of things although of course that part had been nice too and despite what Kyle had said about not wanting to be with her in that way, he couldn't deny that he'd become aroused, which had to account for something didn't it?

But she'd gone and blown it and she couldn't take it back and pretend it was a joke or insist that she'd only ever really wanted to be his friend because just now she'd admitted to wanting to have sex with him and then she had revealed that she'd noticed and appreciated his body not to mention making that crass comment about the size of his penis, which was totally uncalled for even if it was completely true and she had gone and said all of that in front of him and Amanda knowing that it would upset them both. So those emotions that had seemed so difficult to classify a moment ago now were now just lining up to be counted because she had just described anger, betrayal, righteous indignation, total embarrassment, guilt and utter humiliation…

But then there were also undercurrents of sadness, grief, wistful longing and also a bit of uncertainty too because by now she knew Kyle very well and it wasn't in his nature to hurt people by playing games with them, especially not sexual games; he just didn't have the mind-set or the experience to pull it off. No matter how clever he was, there was no way he could fake that, which meant that maybe Kyle wasn't lying when he'd insisted that everything he had said to her was true…

So what was she supposed to think now? And more importantly, what was she supposed to do? It was like totally messing with her head! She reached back inside herself and latched onto anger and betrayal. At least they were familiar, comforting even in a twisted sort of way and she'd done them before so she knew what to expect, what to feel. Yeah. Anger and betrayal; her good friends, unlike Kyle…

* * *

_Desperate to talk to Lori, I picked myself up from ground and __stumbled out into the hallway only to be met by a tidal wave of teenagers all pushing and knocking against me, trying to get to class on time. I quickly scanned the area, but there was too much interference, too many people, too many bodies out of which to sense her._

_F__iguring that the most likely course of action that she would take given her current emotional state was that of running away, I turned towards the exit squinting against the light in the hope that I could locate her but that just served to increase the pounding in my head. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to subside and soon doors were closing and footsteps were fading and then the corridor was almost deserted, the near silence a welcome relief from the unrelenting white noise of multiple simultaneous conversations coming at me from all directions which made it difficult to try and locate Lori's heartbeat._

_But then suddenly, there it was. I turned towards the familiar sound and __could just make out Lori's figure disappearing around a corner. I concentrated on being next to her, but due to the pain my body was experiencing, it was not able to generate the extra power needed for a burst of super-speed so I ran as fast as my weak and trembling legs would allow, willing her to stop so that I could speak to her._

'Lori, please wait, please let me explain.' I called out to her as I jogged unsteadily around the corner.

'You had your chance, Kyle.' Lori spat at me and continued walking. 'I don't want to hear any more of your lies.'

'Lori stop!' I said desperately, grabbing hold of her arm.

'Don't touch me!' Lori shouted trying to knock me away, but I held on tight. I had to get through to her.

'I'm not lying; I never lied about my feelings for you.'

_But she wasn't lis__tening to me and then she began to struggle. I could feel the panic beginning to build in me once more._

'I mean it, Kyle. Take your hands off of me!'

'Trager? Are you ok?'

_And suddenly Declan's voice rang out from behind me__, full of surprise and concern._

'I'm fine!' She answered in a clipped tone before raising her voice once more. 'Get off me, Kyle!

_I tried to hold her still, tried to get her to look at me so that she could see that I was telling her the truth__ but she was pushing at me, twisting her body away from mine, causing me to lose my balance, making me grip her arms tighter in an effort to keep from falling over._

'Lori, stop it! You've got to listen to me!'

'Kyle, you're hurting me…'

_Lo__ri's high-pitched desperate cry made my blood run cold._

'You heard her, man, get off!'

_And the next thing I knew I was being grabbed and large hands had my shoulders in a vice like grip, fingers digging into my flesh making me__ gasp in shock and pain and I was being forced backwards and then violently shoved away, making me lose my footing, causing me to fall, landing heavily on my side. I lay still for a few seconds momentarily winded before lifting my head, fighting against the pain, the nausea and dizziness to see Lori and Declan walking away. _

_I knew that __I'd hurt them deeply and now they both hated me. I couldn't blame them for not wanting to speak to me any more, but if I couldn't talk to them, if they wouldn't hear me out, how were things going to get back to the way they were? There was a huge lump in my throat preventing me from swallowing. I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes and suddenly felt very helpless. I didn't know what to do to make everything all right again. I didn't know what to do…_

* * *

More than half an hour had passed since Declan had found out that his ex-girlfriend was currently sleeping with his best friend (who was now his ex-best friend because he was a lying, cheating, incestuous, secret-keeping freak) and although the initial shock he'd experienced on discovering the news had worn off, the anger he'd felt, the anger that now seemed to be devouring him hadn't diminished in the slightest.

After severing his friendship with Kyle and walking purposefully away from him, he'd gone to the gym to try to cool down by shooting some hoops but far from making him feel better, this attempt at giving his anger a physical outlet, instead of using Kyle as a punching bag which was what he really wanted to do, had only served to make him even more aggressive, more combative because his aim was so off he couldn't have hit the broad side of a barn door the state he was in due to his inability to concentrate on anything other than Kyle and the devastating sense of loss and injustice he felt. So in the end he had just given up and thrown the ball across the room as hard as he could, yelling in a fit of fury and frustration.

How could Kyle have betrayed him like that? How could his friendship have meant so little when less than three days ago he had saved Kyle's sorry ass by dragging him out of the classroom and letting him get rid of that energy burst or whatever the hell it was? And Kyle had sat down next to him and thanked him and then actually confided in him, finally shared with him a few of the things that made him so different, that made Declan realize how special, how extraordinary he was and just how much of a gift he had been given simply by having had the chance to help him.

So how therefore, could Kyle have said that he trusted him with his life but then in the next breath refuse point blank to tell him anything, especially after Declan had practically got on his knees, begging and pleading for him to explain what had happened in the woods, why there had been CCTV footage of Kyle and his family in Tom Foss' apartment and how come Kyle had left him, and only him, that box of souvenirs because they were exactly the things he had talked about in his farewell speech and that couldn't have been a coincidence, right?

And then within a couple of days everything he had come to believe in, everything he had learnt about himself and about Kyle had been shot to pieces, because Kyle, it seemed, suddenly had parents and then it turned out he was just a normal kid who'd had a shocking and disturbing event occur in his past that had been associated with traumatic memory loss, a self-preservation strategy Kyle had subconsciously adopted to prevent the psychological damage he'd obviously sustained from overwhelming him and then that was it; game over: A quick 'bye, it's been fun' and then he just got in the car and drove away, with no thought for the people he'd left behind who cared for him, for the people whose lives he had ruined.

Declan could hardly see straight due to the pain and anger that was consuming him and it was at that moment that he heard Lori's high-pitched cry and he rounded the corner to see Kyle grappling with her, his hands clasped around her arms attempting to restrain her while she was twisting sideways trying to free herself from his grip, desperately trying to get away from him.

Declan wasn't normally one to get involved in other peoples' domestic disputes because it tended to generate more trouble than it was worth but seeing the pain and fear on Lori's face compounded by the overwhelming desire to punch Kyle's lights out right about now, his protective instincts got the better of him and he saw red, launching himself at Kyle, brutally grabbing hold his shoulders, viciously tightening his grip until he couldn't help but release Lori.

Declan felt both an immense rush of power and a sadistic sense of glee as Kyle yielded to the pressure and pain he was causing him. And he wanted to go on causing him pain, to hurt him like he himself had been hurt, to continue the vice-like grip on his shoulders knowing that he was probably leaving finger-shaped bruises on that flawless skin, to continue the downward pressure and force him to his knees, to humiliate him as he himself had been humiliated, because Kyle would look up at him with those huge tear-filled eyes and would know then that it was Declan that held the power over him and not the other way round…

But all of a sudden his elation and sense of achievement vanished to be replaced with a feeling of horror as he realized that he'd become aroused from the thought of Kyle kneeling in submission before him. But what if it wasn't about revenge? What if was actually about the thought of Kyle on his knees in front of him because that dark head was now almost level with his groin and it would only take a second for him to unzip his pants and reach inside to free his cock and then… Oh God… he was pushing it between Kyle's full, soft, pouty lips…

He heard Kyle gasp startling him out of his sick and perverted thoughts and his head snapped up to see Kyle's look of shock and fear causing Declan to panic because what if Kyle really could read minds like Lori said and now knew all the filthy things he'd just been thinking about? And why on God's Earth had he been fantasizing about Kyle taking him in his mouth? He'd never thought about anything like that before, he'd never thought of guys in that way before, he'd never thought of guys full stop…

And then his panic turned to anger and then disgust because Kyle was responsible for all of this. Kyle was the one making him think these awful things and just like when he had been sitting outside with him, sitting next to him, touching him, somehow Kyle had made him get aroused again, but this time it was different; this time he wanted to feel Kyle's hands on him, wanted that timid, tentative touch, wanted the cool caress of soft skin over his heated flesh and this time it was different because he wanted to have Kyle in return.

Suddenly Declan couldn't bear to be near Kyle any more and so he pushed with all of his might, violently shoving him away, watching as he stumbled backwards, arms flailing, body twisting helplessly as he tried to right himself before eventually losing his balance, falling awkwardly and landing heavily on the floor.

He waited for the warm glow of satisfaction to appear after finally appeasing his anger by getting physical with Kyle, yet somehow it failed to materialize leaving him only with a odd sense of shame as he saw Kyle slowly and painstakingly sit himself up gingerly holding his side as though he might have bruised or fractured a rib and with a look of hurt and confusion on his face as though he couldn't believe that Declan could have possibly treated him so maliciously, so sadistically, so unkindly, so unlike him.

He should have felt good about getting revenge on Kyle and seeing him lying there in a pitiful heap in pain on the floor. It was no more than he deserved after all the trouble he had caused so why then did he feel so guilty? Why then was he having to steel himself from going over to Kyle right this second and check that he was ok? Why then did he have this overwhelming urge to lift up his shirt and gently run his hands over the soft, pale skin beneath to make sure that there were no bruised or broken ribs? He didn't understand why he was feeling like this! What was happening to him? God, this was all so fucked up…

'Let's get out of here…' He said brusquely taking Lori's hand and leading her away down the corridor, away from temptation, away from Kyle.

* * *

'Well?' Declan said expectantly.

'Well what?' Lori replied curtly.

'A 'thank you!' would be nice for saving your maidenly virtue… Although in your case maybe 'maiden' isn't quite the word I should have used!' He added as an afterthought, smirking slightly.

'You should know. You were the last one to see it…' Lori snapped back. 'And anyway, neither me nor my virtue needed saving, we were doing just fine on our own!'

'Yeah, I could see that!' Declan replied sarcastically.

'Please!' Lori rolled her eyes. 'You think I can't handle Kyle?'

'Oh I know you can 'handle' him alright…'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Lori's voice took on an accusatory tone.

'You and Kyle in the corridor today? For God's sake, I'm surprised he could even breathe your tongue was so far down his throat… Not to mention that what you're doing is sick and illegal too!'

Declan had been trying to play it cool as he reckoned he would get more information out of Lori that way, but honestly, the whole situation between her and Kyle had affected him in ways he wasn't even prepared to admit to himself and he knew he'd lost it, knew he sounded petulant and jealous when he'd told her that any relationship she had with Kyle would be against the law.

'So kissing someone's illegal now is it?'

Was she being deliberately obtuse just to wind him up because she must know that he wasn't talking about kissing? Although what was the legal position about kissing Kyle Declan wondered… before giving himself the equivalent of a mental slap because what he had intended to say was the legal position about Lori kissing Kyle not kissing Kyle in general. And at this point he wanted to make it very clear to himself that there was no way in Hell that he would ever kiss or even consider kissing Kyle. Anyway this was about Lori and Kyle not anyone else and Kyle…

'Maybe,' he told her, glossing over the kissing bit, 'but having sex with your brother certainly is!'

'What?'

And if Declan hadn't known better he might have given her the benefit of the doubt because she looked and sounded so shocked, but her fake disbelief just fuelled the flames of his anger.

'Trager, just… What the fuck were you thinking? Apart from the obvious of course, I mean Kyle might not be your brother by blood, but he's your brother by law now and let's not forget he's also a complete headcase! Of all the people in the world why did you have to sleep with him? Do your parents even know about this?'

'Oh! My! God! You really think I had sex with Kyle?'

'There's no point in trying to deny it, Trager, I got it straight from the horse's mouth!'

'What horse? There can't be any horse because there's been no sex!'

'Well according to him there was.' Declan said staring darkly at Kyle who was approaching them slowly, one hand across the front of his body, supporting the side of his chest which looked like it was still causing him pain.

'Oh great, he's back again.' Lori muttered knowing that Kyle's sensitive hearing would pick up everything she said.

'Can't you take a hint?' She said loudly and slowly addressing him as if he were either deaf or stupid. 'I don't want to talk to you now. God! Stalker much, Kyle?'

'Lori…' Kyle pressed on regardless, but Lori was having none of it.

'Did you tell Declan we were having sex?' She cut him off rudely.

'No, but…'

'See? No sex!' She said to Declan triumphantly and turned her back on Kyle effectively excluding him from any further attempts at communication.

'Kyle! Did you or did you not tell me that you and Lori were friends with benefits?'

'Yes, but…'

'See? Sex!' Declan turned back to Lori, smirking, his body language also making it very clear that Kyle was the outsider in the group.

'So are you going to admit it now?'

'No, because it never happened.'

'Is that Trager-speak for the sort of sex that never happened with me as well?' He asked her sarcastically.

'No! That was Trager-speak for the sort of sex that sucked! This was…God! This wasn't anything and I can't believe I'm even talking to you about it! Kyle!' She said in a commanding voice turning back towards him after giving Declan a final death glare.

'Why did you tell Declan we were friends with benefits?'

'Because that's what you said we were and at the time I didn't understand what it meant.'

Kyle's slow, melodious voice and his earnest and worried expression just wound Declan up even further.

'Everybody knows what friends with benefits means, Freak-boy!' He said nastily.

'Great!' Lori threw her hands up in the air. 'So now the whole school thinks I'm having sex with you.'

'But we're not.' Kyle said frowning and looking confused.

'I know that and you know that, but everyone else will think that we are.'

'So why don't we just tell them that it's not true?' He asked, still with the confused face. It all seemed so simple to him.

'Because if I go round telling people it isn't true then they'll definitely believe that it is which would be worse than if I didn't say anything at all.'

Lori rolled her eyes to indicate just how stupid she thought Kyle's idea was and then gave a long-suffering sigh.

'This is bad on so many levels…' She muttered to herself.

'Why? We're not hurting anyone.'

'There is no 'we', Kyle. There never was and there never will be and I most certainly would be hurt if people thought that I was sleeping with you.'

There was a moment of silence as Kyle took in Lori's spiteful words.

'Why? What's wrong with me?' Kyle asked in a small voice.

'What isn't wrong with you, you mean?' Declan said snidely.

There was another uncomfortable pause as Kyle tried to make sense of what Lori and Declan were telling him. His teeth worried at his bottom lip as he nervously flicked his gaze from Declan to Lori and then back again.

'I, I don't understand…'

The stuttering and almost apologetic reply, combined with the bewildered look on Kyle's face was so pitiful that Declan started to feel a bit guilty and for a moment wondered whether he should just go over to Kyle, pull him into a hug and say he was sorry…

But then he remembered why they were here, as well as the fact that he was still feeling somewhat disconcerted over the worrying thoughts that seemed to keep popping unbidden into his head whenever Kyle was in the vicinity not to mention the highly embarrassing physical reaction he'd experienced not more than a few minutes ago…

Kyle had brought this on himself and he didn't deserve to have anyone feel sorry for him. Declan wasn't the abnormal one here yet Kyle was making he feel like he was. It was time to let everyone know that it was Kyle who had the problem, not him.

'You're a good-for-nothing, suck-up, nerdy, know-it-all geek, Kyle and here's a bit of free advice: no one likes a smartass who is always right, who's always in the spot-light and makes everyone else look like idiots.'

He could feel the anger building again. God! Kyle had been his best friend; they'd had so many laughs and good times together whether it was hanging out at 'The Rack' drinking gallons of coffee or in Kyle's case fruit smoothies, playing one-on-one basketball at the gym and shooting hoops in theTrager's back yard, or just talking for hours like they'd done that night they spent alone together at the U-Dub dorms…

'Nerdy geek?' Kyle queried.

Declan felt his anger surge. Why didn't Kyle understand even the simplest little things like ordinary, everyday words when he could do advanced calculus in his sleep and go on to predict the weather as an encore? Why couldn't he just be normal instead of this weird, annoying, childish, gentle, kind, compassionate, amazing, beautiful, multi-gifted genius who had been the best friend he had ever had? And why had he betrayed him and ruined everything?

'A freak, Kyle, you're a fucking freak…' Declan shouted at him breathing heavily at the emotions churning wildly inside him.

Kyle recoiled as though he had been slapped, the color draining from his face leaving his skin ashen. Lori gasped at both the choice of words and the harshness at which they had been delivered. She knew Declan had had problems with Kyle since he'd come back to them but she'd thought that things were starting to get better again now since he he'd gotten Kyle out of class last week. And afterwards he had tried to help him by telling her she could easily fix things between them just by talking to him all because Kyle told Declan he was upset after they'd had a bit of a row. It was obvious then, that Declan really cared for Kyle and considered their friendship to be important so what had happened to make him behave in that callous and deliberately hurtful way?

Lori knew that of all the many insults that Kyle had been called since he awoke that day in the forest over a year ago now, that specific one hurt him more than any of the others. Being called 'stupid' or 'ugly' was obviously not particularly nice either but those sort of things didn't really seem to bother him that much probably because he realized that they weren't true. Even though his knowledge of general, everyday things was at times somewhat hazy and his interpersonal skills were often non-existent, he knew that he wasn't stupid and likewise while he had never fully understood the fuss that girls especially made about his looks he did realize that he wasn't completely pig-ugly or in his words; 'there are a lot of people whose facial features are much less socially acceptable than mine' a statement with which Lori couldn't help but agree.

However, the word 'freak' implied someone that was off-the-charts different, highly unusual or unconventional, strange in a odd-weird way and maybe even unique which in Kyle's opinion wasn't a good thing to be. Kyle was also aware that he was all of those things and that made him feel abnormal and isolated which in turn made him unable to fit in. And Lori knew that that if there was one thing that would upset Kyle more than anything else, that would threaten him and could ultimately break him, it was Kyle feeling that he was alone.

'Kyle, look...!'

His pale face with its overly shiny eyes and expression of hurt and confusion turned in her direction.

'You're my brother. It would be like totally incestuous if we got together.' She told him, trying to make her voice come out in a slightly more gentle tone to the one she had been using before. However, although she didn't want to hurt him any more than was necessary she felt it was her duty to make him understand what she wanted and needed because it was obvious now that she wasn't going to get it from him.

'But even if you weren't, I don't want people thinking that I'm… well, 'doing a virgin' to put it bluntly and especially one at your age too! I want someone who knows what they're about, knows what they want. I need someone who's experienced or at least knows how to make me feel good and I certainly don't want someone who just sits there, frozen to the spot expecting me to do all the running.'

'But I didn't know what to do!' Kyle told her urgently. 'When you touched me…'

'Kyle…!' Lori said sharply, warning him not to continue.

Honestly! Was he really going to try and explain why they failed to have sex in front of Declan?

'But you're my friend, Lori. I love you and you told me you loved me…'

What was the matter with him? Declan didn't need to know the details of what had gone on between them, in fact not even she wanted to be reminded of all the things they had done, all the things she had said, not right now anyways. Maybe one day in the future, when it wasn't so fresh in her mind. Maybe one day when it didn't hurt so God-damned much.

'That was before you dropped your little bomb-shell today. How could I love someone who made my boy-friend dump me?'

'What?' Declan interjected with a start.

'Yeah, haven't you heard? Apparently you were so cut up about Kyle leaving and so worried about him when he was away that you couldn't be there for me. So what's the deal? Come on, spill… Are you two like, having a thing?' Lori asked sarcastically.

'What?' Declan repeated dumbly, too shocked to think of anything more original or clever. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

'Do you have 'feelings' for Kyle?' Lori said in a sing-song voice. 'Oh my God! Are you in love with him…?' She cried in mock surprise as though she'd just discovered the secret of the century.

'No! I'm not! I don't! I'm not gay!'

The hurried, indignant denial came out far too quickly. He felt himself flush in embarrassment and fear at the thought that Lori now might actually believe her own accusations.

'Hey, I didn't say a word so don't take it out on me. Horse's mouth remember?'

Lori indicated Kyle with a nod of her head and Declan rounded on him immediately.

'Did you call me a fag?' He hissed furiously

'No.' Kyle answered quickly before frowning and asking… 'What's that?'

And with that puzzled look a bizarre thought from way out in left field suddenly popped into Declan's head: could Kyle actually be gay? Because even though he knew that Kyle was in love and had always been in love with Amanda, there was nothing to stop him from being attracted to boys as well. And if he was into that sort of thing or even if he didn't know he was yet as he was still a latent homosexual then that would like totally explain the reason why Declan kept experiencing those odd urges and unsettling, unfamiliar feelings: because he was picking up on Kyle's emotions and desires and therefore just coming out in sympathy… Uh…bad choice of words! Um… 'responding' maybe? Yeah that was better… He was just responding in sympathy to Kyle so actually, it really wasn't anything to do with him at all!

And Declan had often thought that Kyle looked gay; like in the way he moved and wore his hair, because he was slim and not overly muscular and what with being so pretty and all. And then there was the way he acted; like he didn't enjoy rough team sports and went out of his way to avoid physical confrontation, like when he let his soft and feminine side show, when he talked about his feelings and cried and when he was vulnerable and submissive. But did Kyle know what being gay meant, what it entailed? Had he in fact even come across the concept of homosexuality?

'You know…Bent…Gay…Queer…A guy who likes other guys, who has sex with other guys, who likes taking it up the ass… For fuck's sake Kyle…A Goddamn homosexual!' Declan cried out in frustration.

'Because I'm not, you know…'

'Not what?' Kyle asked bewildered.

'Gay! I am not, in any way, shape or form, gay! Got that? Jesus Kyle!'

Declan knew that Kyle was naïve sexually, socially and emotionally but was he really that innocent about the effect he had on people? The effect on their mind and body…

'And if stuff had happened to me it was your fault so you'd better not try anything again…' He threatened, forgetting that Lori was standing right next to them in his haste to refute even the very notion that Kyle might have considered that he could possibly have gay tendencies.

'You're very touchy about this whole subject. And what do you mean by 'stuff'? Could it be that there's actually something going on here?' Lori's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

'Fuck you, Trager!' Declan spat vehemently.

'You wish!' Lori replied dismissively.

'No you wish if the best you can do now is making out with Kyle in the middle of a school corridor for everyone to see. I don't think you need worry about what people might think, because from what you were doing, they already know…'

'How can you be a homosexual?' Kyle asked in a puzzled tone. 'You were going out with Lori…'

On any other day Declan would have laughed at Kyle's touching display of naiveté but right now he felt only a rising sense of hysteria as things were rapidly spiralling out of control and the situation was fast becoming fraught with dangerous emotional undercurrents threatening his very being and sense of who he was.

'I'm not a fucking homosexual…' Declan shouted frantically.

'And we're not going out any more, thanks to you…' Lori said darkly.

'It's just as well we're not going out any more because you were so high-maintenance.'

'At least I made an effort, you were just a moody, arrogant asshole…'

_And now not only were they angry at me, I had made them angry at each other. They were arguing, shouting, swearing, hurling hurtful insults at one another, turning on each other and on me. I could feel myself being pulled in opposite directions with no hope of a solution. __And there I realized, was the crux of the matter. I couldn't tell them what they wanted to know yet I couldn't explain the reason why not either. I just seemed to be stuck in a world of half-truths and white lies deceiving and alienating everyone. I had no hope of sorting this out, of fixing this, of fixing Lori and Declan…_

'Stop!'

_B__ut my voice was all croaky and raspy and it didn't look as though they had heard me. My head was pounding, my chest felt tight, my breathing sounded harsh and wheezy and it was becoming more and more difficult to get air into my lungs. I tried to slow down my respiratory rate but that just served to focus my mind on the increasing sense of breathlessness I was feeling._

'Please stop!' I whispered, hands pressed to my head, eyes screwed up in pain.

_I could hear myself gasping, feel myself panicking, sense the change in the atmosphere, sense the subtle s__hifting of the molecules in the air and knew that I had to get out of there fast._

'Declan, help me!'

_But they were so wrapped up in causing each other pain that they didn't stop to spare a thought for what their desire to hurt one another was doing to me._

'God, you're so selfish!'

'You've got to get me out… The windows…'

'I'm selfish? That's a joke!'

_I could feel the windows beginning to break, sense the molecules of the glass fracturing along paths of least resistance ready to shatter at any moment just li__ke my mind seemed to be doing… _

_These weird visions or portents that I kept jumping in and out of,__ making me feel dizzy and disoriented, the pain and anxiety that seemed to be with me continually these days, shock at the death of Adam and loss of my only true blood relative, the constant bullying and manipulation by Foss, the alienation and disappointment that I had caused Nicole, the wariness and distrust I still felt from Stephen, the pain and betrayal that I could sense from Lori and Declan and the loss of trust and missed opportunities with Amanda._

_Everyone I ever had any sort of a relationship with, everyone I that I was ever friends with, everyone that I ever loved now didn't want anything more to do with me and I had no one to blame but myself. I had given them reason to hate me, I had pushed them all away with my lies and secrets and it didn't matter that I had done it for their benefit, their safety because they could never know and so never really know me. Now I had no one to talk to, to confide in, to hold, comfort and love me and I didn't know how I could manage to continue to do all that I knew I must now I was completely alone._

_It felt as though there was a hummingbird trapped in my chest, its tiny wings fluttering again__st my ribcage, my heart beating at an incredible speed, a speed that even my body would not be able to sustain for much longer. There was a lump in my throat that was preventing me from swallowing and it felt like I was choking. Spots had started to appear flashing before my eyes yet the rest of my sight was tunnelling down to a single small point in front of me. The loss of my peripheral vision made me feel dizzy and nauseous._

_My heart was hammering, my breathing was rapid and shallow and I felt like I was going to throw up at any second. I had to let Nicole know that I was unwell and reached into my pocket for my phone but my fingers wouldn't seem to cooperate; they had pins and needles in them and felt awkward and clumsy. I couldn't access the stored numbers, I couldn't press the buttons, I couldn't make the call. I felt the panic build. I had to talk to Nicole. I had to tell her that I didn't feel so good. I didn't want her to be disappointed in me again. I needed her to trust me, to love me. _

_I continued to try and call home, my fumbling attempts becoming increasingly frantic but now I couldn't feel my fingers at all; both my hands had gone completely numb. I looked down at my phone yet nothing was in focus. What was happening to me? Something was terribly wrong. I tried to move, but my legs felt so heavy and then I was shaking because the pain was back with a vengeance, shooting behind my eyes, threatening to split my head in half, blinding me with its intensity._

'_Nicole!'_

_The room was spinning, my face was tingling, I was going to be sick!_

_I couldn't se__e, I couldn't breathe, my heart was beating too fast and then I felt myself slipping…_

* * *

There was a sudden loud 'crack' causing Declan to jump and for a moment he thought that a gun had gone off until he saw what Lori was staring at: A huge fracture had appeared across one of the windows above them, its jagged outline stretching dangerously across the whole pane of glass looking like a sheet of ice that someone had stepped on, ice that was too thin to take their weight, ice that any moment was going to shatter beneath their feet. What was going on? Were they in the middle of another Earthquake or did this have something to do with Kyle? Was this what he had meant when he said that he could shatter glass? He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up as though warning him that something terrible was about to happen. He turned towards Kyle to ask him if this was his doing but the words suddenly died in his throat as he took one look at him…

Kyle's skin was gray and mottled and he was sweating profusely. His whole body seemed to be shaking just with the effort of trying to remain upright. Then Declan heard him gasp as he squeezed his eyes together tightly, his face contorting in pain and there was another loud 'crack' as a second window fractured. Kyle raised his head and fearfully looked in the direction of the sound and in doing so his eyes found Declan's. And the desperation and pain that Declan could see swirling in the dark depths made him gasp in horror because he could feel the static electricity building around him, feel the energy causing the air to move, to come alive, buzzing and vibrating and pushing at his body like an invisible force field and the last time he had experienced that, Kyle couldn't help himself and he just…imploded!

Declan knew he had to get Kyle out into the open, but before he'd even taken a single step towards him Kyle's hands were clawing at the collar of his shirt, his eyes wide in fear, body shaking and it was like he couldn't breathe because the muscles in his neck were standing out like cords and he was panting, his mouth half open trying to get as much air in and out as possible, his breath sounds harsh and rasping, his chest rising and falling, hyperventilating at some impossible speed.

'Can't…'

All Declan's anger and righteous indignation at his perceived betrayal and abandonment by Kyle were forgotten as he stared in morbid fascination, rooted to the spot in fear, eyes wide with horror, his gaze locked upon Kyle's hysterical and frantic struggle with himself.

'Help!'

But he couldn't, despite Kyle's high-pitched, desperate cry. He was terrified of what was happening to Kyle, of what might happen to Kyle, yet he unable to move, unable even to think. He wasn't clever and level-headed like Amanda or brave and feisty like Lori, he was stupid and useless and scared because Kyle needed him and he didn't know what to do…

But then Lori was moving past him and grabbing Kyle's shoulders, shouting at him and shaking him but it was too late because his whole body stiffened then swayed dangerously before his eyes fluttered, then rolled backwards in his head and he suddenly collapsed, a dead-weight ripped out of Lori's grasp by gravity and momentum, body falling, limp like a rag-doll, landing heavily on the concrete floor, limbs tangled and twisted beneath him, his head coming to rest at an odd angle on his neck due to the force with which his skull had smacked into the ground.


	36. Chapter 36

Love from jealousy – part 36

By Fishiexy

_Kyle's thoughts in italics_

There was split-second pause before Declan felt the rush of air signalling the onset of the energy pulse he knew was going to come now that Kyle was unable to contain it any longer. He felt his hair stand up on end and then there was an almighty shattering sound as all the glass in the vicinity blew out. He covered his head with his hands to protect himself from the raining shards and after a few seconds when he hadn't felt any pain he thought that it was all over but then Lori was crying and his first thought was that she had been hurt by the falling glass but the reality of the situation was much, much worse…

Kyle was having some sort of epileptic seizure. His unconscious form was no longer lying limply on the floor, but twitching and jerking spasmodically, his limbs thrashing around, muscles alternatively contracting and relaxing, his back arching, shuddering and shaking, his head slamming repeatedly into the ground with blood tinted saliva dribbling down gray, mottled skin and bubbling up from between blue tinged lips…

Oh God! If he had to look at Kyle for one more second then Declan knew he was going to pass out! He couldn't bear the sight of blood and even the thought of it was enough to make him feel dizzy and sick! But then doors to the classrooms were being thrown open and people were rushing out into the corridor to see what was had caused the noise and then they were surrounded and suddenly Kyle wasn't visible and he was able to swallow down the bitter tasting bile, to gather himself together and to respond to the small hand that had appeared on his arm.

'Amanda?'

What was she doing here and was she going to be cross and upset that he hadn't done anything to help Kyle; that he hadn't protected Kyle like he promised her he would?

'What happened?' Amanda asked him.

'Kyle…'

Declan wanted to tell her, but he couldn't even bring himself to think let alone speak about the sight of Kyle spasming and twitching on the floor like something possessed. And to his shame he felt his eyes well up with tears.

Amanda gasped in horror.

'Oh God! Is he alright?' She asked, her voice trembling in fear.

Declan shook his head, unable to speak, swallowing and blinking furiously to prevent himself from crying. And then Amanda was off, pushing through the crowd of people in her haste to get to Kyle.

* * *

Nicole was sitting at her desk in the small room of the house that served both as an office and as a place of consultation for her clients going over the notes she had made on Jessie Hollander. From a purely academic point of view, Nicole could appreciate what a complex and fascinating case she was, however, there was also something about the awkward, emotionally disturbed young woman that made her very uneasy, reminding her, and not for the first time either, of another troubled teen she had worked with; a boy with a horrific past who had taken months of therapy to regain his memory and to be able to function anywhere near normally.

Of course that was where the similarity between the Jessie and Kyle ended. Jessie was dark and dangerous; she lied, kept secrets, manipulated people, had her own agenda and couldn't be trusted for a second. Whereas Kyle was good and kind and honest almost to a fault and Nicole had so much faith in him that she would have trusted him with her life. He had overcome his difficulties and had matured both physically and emotionally into a bright and beautiful young man with extraordinary abilities whom Nicole loved as one of her own.

But were they really that different? Was Kyle actually as pure and wholesome, unadulterated and 'light' as she'd always imagined he was? Nicole frowned as a fragment of doubt pushed its way into her conscious mind. She had always felt that Kyle was incapable of lying after the time that Lori lost her job and Josh cheated on his tests and Kyle covered for both of them because even the idea of not telling the truth seemed to cause him physical pain. Besides which, his poker face was just so awful that even if he had wanted to lie to her she could have seen through him in a minute: first he stared at her like a deer caught in the headlights and then he blinked several times before lowering his eyes in a guilty fashion after which he wasn't able to look at her at all.

But the doubt was there again because recently she had noticed that Kyle had changed. Now he didn't smile and catch her eye any more. Now he no longer sought out her company just to talk about how he felt. Now when he looked at her and spoke to her it was so that he could lie straight to her face. Nicole sighed and slumped back in her chair, all attempts at working abandoned, all beliefs concerning Jessie now forgotten as Kyle once more took center stage in her thoughts.

Nicole had grown increasingly worried about Kyle over the last couple of weeks. The normally happy and smiling young man with his highly social nature and love of company and frequent, often bizarre questions feeding his insatiable curiosity had become quiet and withdrawn often choosing to spend time in his room alone or going out straight after school and not returning home until late into the evening. And he was withholding things from her, keeping secrets, lying to her, like he didn't trust her any more, like he didn't need her any more, not to mention the whole other thing with Lori…

She had always felt a kind of connection with Kyle. Right from the first moment she had set eyes on him in the juvenile detention center she had known that he was special, known that she was going to take him home with her, to help him, to look after him. But she hadn't known just how quickly she would come to care so deeply for him, because after those first few days of seeing him so lost and alone, so confused, helpless and hurting, so eager to please and keen to gain her approval, so emotionally vulnerable, so physically needy, tactile and desperate for affection she couldn't help but put her arms around him and hold him tightly against her promising all the while that she would always be there for him and that she would never let him go. And it was at that moment, with tears in her eyes, cradling the dark head of a lost and broken child against her body that she knew she loved him and that her life would never be the same again.

And so she had worked with him to recover his memory and looked after his basic needs by feeding him and providing him with a place to sleep where he felt safe, by buying him clothes to make him fit in with his peers and art supplies to allow him to better express himself and trying to make him feel included and accepted by stopping her family from teasing him and calling him names… But Kyle also needed love and physical affection to heal his psychological wounds. In fact it was more than a need; he seemed to crave it. It was as if no one had ever touched him before. As if no one had just hugged him or told him how beautiful, special and perfect he was.

So she held him when he cried and soothed and calmed him when he got angry and frustrated, reassured him when he was anxious and uncertain and sometimes just sat with him when he was upset or down, his head resting on her shoulder, her fingers gently stroking through his hair, softly massaging his scalp, caressing his face and he would sigh in pleasure while wriggling closer as if he couldn't get enough of her touch before slowly sitting back to look at her, a shy smile on his face, his eyes shining with wonder, gratitude and love.

Then came the moment that she had been dreading, the moment that Stephen had repeatedly warned her about; Kyle's parents had finally made an appearance and now she had to face up to the fact that she was going to lose him. And it had all happened so quickly; one minute she was there in the hospital with him thanking God that he was alright after having had a fit and the next, he was getting into the car and driving away, after mysteriously recovering all his memories and with them becoming almost a different person all within the space of a day.

She had managed to keep her emotions in check in front of her family and to persuade Stephen that she was fine because after all, this was the outcome that they'd been hoping for from the beginning, the scenario that was ultimately best for Kyle. But deep in her heart it just didn't feel right. And then when she had finally excused herself and gone upstairs for some much needed solitude she just totally lost it and broke down and all the grief, anguish and despair that had been building over the last 48 hours suddenly overwhelmed her and then she was sobbing her heart out, weeping uncontrollably at the devastating sense of loss she felt now that Kyle was no longer hers to love. She cried until she had nothing left to give and then, emotionally and physically drained, she drifted into an uneasy and troubled sleep.

For the first few weeks she had tried to carry on as though nothing had happened and continued with her work, but her heart wasn't in it and she had enough insight to know that she wasn't giving her clients her best and at times was hardly listening to their problems at all, so wrapped up was she in her own grief. Once she had admitted that to herself she decided to give up her job and concentrate on being there for her own family, even though it was doubtful that they really needed her at home full time as they seemed to be coping much better than she was at the loss of Kyle from their lives.

But as the months progressed her mood didn't improve and if anything it became worse with her feeling so depressed that she started seeing a therapist herself. And then the dreams started; dreams of Kyle asleep in his tub, safe and secure as she watched over him, smiling, so thankful to have him back with her, not wanting to let him out of her sight again. But then the tub would fill with water and he was sinking and then his head was slipping beneath the surface and she would run over and reach in and grab hold of him pulling him out and then she would wake up, drenched in sweat, first shouting for help then weeping uncontrollably as she realized he wasn't there, he wasn't coming back and maybe also because she never knew in her dream whether he had drowned or not.

Nicole shivered as though someone had just walked over her grave. That feeling in itself was not an unusual occurrence especially after the morbid memories she had just been reliving but this felt like something more. She was instantly alert before she shivered again, this time because she suddenly felt cold. Icy water was flowing through her veins, seeping into her bones, freezing her very core. A sense of dread was settling over her, fear and panic were bubbling up and she was scared beyond belief because she'd experienced these sensations before; an awareness, an omen that something was horribly wrong and it had happened during those last few months that Kyle was away. She was getting a terrible feeling that something awful was about to happen again, something involving Kyle…

'_Nicole!'_

And then Kyle's voice was in her head reverberating around her startled mind like a faint echo and he sounded upset, hysterical even. Was it really him or was she just hearing things? Was she so beside herself with worry about him that she was imagining him speaking to her now? Was she finally loosing her mind? Because as far as she knew Kyle didn't have the ability to project his thoughts although she wouldn't rule it out completely. After all she didn't know that he could walk through a burning building and come out unscathed until she had witnessed it with her own eyes. The feeling of doom intensified and suddenly it didn't matter whether she was hearing things or not she just knew that Kyle was in trouble and was somehow calling out to her.

The shrill ring of her mobile made her jump and she froze momentarily before digging the phone out of her bag with shaking hands. Her heart was thumping frantically as she looked at the caller id but she'd known all along whose name would be listed there…

'Kyle?'

There was silence on the end of the phone. She tried again.

'Kyle, are you ok?'

Silence again before she heard someone sniffing and then a familiar voice answered her, just not the one she had been expecting.

'Mom? Is that you?'

Both desperation and relief was evident in Lori's voice but somehow that just served to make Nicole even more fearful.

'Lori! Where's Kyle? Why isn't he answering his phone?'

She cringed as she realized just how harsh and uncaring that had sounded. It was obvious that Lori was upset yet she couldn't stop to apologize or to question her gently and carefully. There would be time enough to say she was sorry later but right now she just needed to know that Kyle was ok.

'He tried to ring you, like you told him to do but then he just collapsed…'

Nicole didn't wait to hear any more. She picked up her bag and keys and was out of the house in less than 20 seconds, the phone still pressed to her ear. But all she could hear was the sound of Lori crying.

'Lori? Lori! Are you still there?'

'Yeah…' She said, hiccupping and sniffing trying to get herself back under control.

'Honey… What's going on?'

'It's…It's Kyle… He's having another seizure and there's blood on his face and his lips are turning blue…'

Nicole felt she was choking as her throat closed up and she struggled to breathe. Memories of Kyle after he had had his last fit flashed into her mind; the dark circles under his eyes, the unusually pale, almost translucent skin stretched tight over his high cheekbones, the drips and tubes attached to his thin body, the way he just lay there on the hospital bed, silent and deathly still…

With a superhuman burst of will that Kyle would have been proud of she pushed the distressing memories out of her mind and concentrated on trying to help him now which meant helping Lori first. She could hear the hysteria building up in her voice and could only imagine how scared her daughter must be at the moment having as she was to witness someone that she loved behaving in such a distressing manner. Time then for some facts; something concrete for Lori to think about, to focus on rather than just allowing her emotions to overwhelm her which was no use to anyone, least of all, Kyle.

'Listen now,' she said climbing into the car and fastening her seatbelt.

'You've got to get Kyle onto his side because that will allow his tongue to fall forward and open up his airway and then at least he'll be able to get some oxygen into his lungs and he won't look so blue. Can you do that for me, Lori? Can you do that for Kyle?'

'Yes, yes, I think so…'

'Good girl. Now, how long's he been fitting for?'

'I don't know. It seems like ages but probably less than a minute or two.'

'Ok Lori, is there someone who can help you turn him?'

'Yes, Declan's here.'

'Good, that's good. Be careful now. Don't put anything near his mouth as he might swallow it or bite you and be careful of his arms and legs. He can't control the spasms and he could hurt you both.'

'Mom? I'm scared.' Lori said in a small voice.

'I know Honey, but you've got to brave and strong for Kyle.'

Nicole tried to keep her voice calm in order to reassure her daughter but it was difficult when she was feeling almost as frantic as Lori sounded. God! Why wasn't she there yet? The journey to school had never taken so long before. She put her foot down on the gas pedal. Fuck the speed limits she thought belligerently.

'Oh God, now his whole face is blue and he's frothing at the mouth…'

Nicole could sense the hysteria building again, could see in her mind's eye the horror on Lori's face as she stood watching Kyle, paralyzed with fear at the bizarre movements of his body, the unnatural, unhealthy color of his skin and the fact that he was so out of it that he couldn't even swallow his own saliva.

'Lori!' She said sharply. 'Where are you?'

It was an easy question designed to give Lori time to get herself together before doing what had to be done to save Kyle's life.

'At school!'

Nicole smiled wryly at Lori's misunderstanding. And from the indignant tone used it sounded a lot like someone had a rather a guilty conscience. Had she been cutting classes or perhaps not even bothering with school at all?

'I know that Honey, I meant where in the building are you and Kyle?'

'Oh, right!' Lori said sheepishly and realizing that she was probably going to have to have a chat with her mother very soon.

'In a corridor on the first floor in the main building. Can you…'

'I'm on my way, Sweetheart, just get Kyle over onto his side and try and protect his head.'

'Ok Mom, thanks and hurry, please!'

* * *

But in the end Nicole needn't have been worried that Lori was just too scared to help Kyle because when she arrived a few minutes later it was next door neighbor Amanda Bloom who was kneeling on the floor supporting Kyle who was now lying on his side, her sweater scrunched up as a makeshift pillow protecting his head. But before she could gather any further information or even get to Kyle to see that he was ok Lori was running towards her and then was suddenly in her arms, hugging her tightly, holding her closer than she could ever remember her doing so before and she felt tears of relief forming in her eyes at the thought that at least her daughter was unharmed, physically anyway.

'Mom, it was so awful. Kyle was thrashing all around hurting himself and I didn't know what to do to help him…' Lori sobbed and hiccupped into her neck.

'I know Honey.' Nicole said soothingly rubbing circles on Lori's back. 'But you did know what to do. You phoned me and then got him onto his side so that at least he could breathe…'

'No Amanda did that. She was awesome. She just took charge and she was so calm…'

'But you let me know Lori. And I'm proud of you for that and grateful…'

Reassuring and comforting Lori allowed her a few moments to get her own thoughts together before going over to see Kyle; a task she was both desperate to do in order to reassure herself that he was ok but at the same time was dreading because the last time it happened she thought he was dead and he might have well been because soon after he was gone leaving her grieving…

She kissed Lori on the top of her head and then quickly walked towards Kyle lying on the floor taking in her surroundings as she did so: Declan was standing off to the side looking green and shaky, trying very hard not to look at Kyle. Was that guilt or fear on his face? There was a lady in a white dress, probably the school nurse, who was talking quietly to the Mr. Hooper, the vice-principal but who would glance over frequently at Kyle being tended to by Amanda, making sure he was still stable. A janitor in the background sweeping the floor which was crunchy as she walked on it and all around she could see shards of glass. She looked up to see every window and sky-light in the corridor had been shattered. What the hell had happened?

'Ah Mrs. Trager.' The vice-principal said approaching her. 'We tried phoning you at home as soon as we knew what was happening but there was no answer.'

'Lori called me and I came straight away.' She replied woodenly as she bent down in front of Kyle. Her eyes filled with tears as she finally got a good look at him.

'I know he looks bad, but he's much better now.' Amanda's soft voice told her gently.

His pale skin had a sickly grayish tinge to it and was covered in sweat. He'd lost all the color he normally had in his cheeks and there were dark circles underneath his eyes that reminded her of the bruises he'd had on his jaw last week. His hair was wet, now almost black in color and plastered to his head. While he had been fitting and not in control of his actions he had bitten his tongue and there was blood around his lips and chin and at some point during the proceedings Kyle had been sick over himself; there was a pool of vomit on the floor and the rest of it covered the top of his shirt, his neck, the side of his face he was lying on, his chin and some of it was still dribbling out of the corner of his mouth.

She carefully picked a piece of glass out of his hair before smoothing the dark, wet strands off of his face and feeling his forehead. His skin was cold and clammy. She checked the pulse in his neck which was faster than normal but strong and regular before gently calling his name. He didn't respond so she tried again in a louder voice, this time giving him a command.

'Kyle, open your eyes for me!'

When that too failed to elicit a response from him she squeezed the muscle between his neck and shoulder to see if a painful stimulus would rouse him. It didn't so she lifted his eyelids to check his pupils; they were uneven in size and were 'wandering' from side to side as though trying to find something to focus on but failing.

'What's wrong with his eyes?' Amanda whispered fearfully.

'It's ok, Honey.' Nicole said, smiling at her reassuringly.

'He's post-ictal. It's a neurological state that people often go into after they've had an epileptic fit. It's like a coma and it's the brain's way of giving itself time to heal. Everything's going to be alright.'

Amanda wasn't convinced if the anxious and worried expression on her face was anything to go by.

'Amanda, Kyle's going to be fine.'

Nicole watched as the young girl in front of her nodded several times, her blonde hair falling forward and partially covering her face as she looked down, unable to meet Nicole's eyes, blinking repeatedly to try and hold off the tears that were threatening to spill over any moment.

'It's just that…it brought back such a lot of horrible memories from last time…' She whispered, stroking Kyle's arm continually back and forth, the touch obviously comforting as she subconsciously tried to reassure herself that he really was ok.

Nicole remembered how frightened and worried she had been when she saw Kyle in the hospital bed looking so pale, small and vulnerable and then realized how much worse it must have been for Amanda, who was herself only a child and was with Kyle when he collapsed before on the carousel and witnessed, probably for the first time, someone having a grand-mal seizure, someone she cared about and looking at her now, possibly even loved.

'I know...' She agreed but unable to say anything further as her throat closed up, threatening to choke her, the memories of losing Kyle still so fresh and painful in her mind.

She touched the hand that Amanda was stroking Kyle's arm with effectively stopping the movement and gaining her full attention.

'Thank you for helping him, for being here with him.' She said sincerely. 'He means a lot to us, doesn't he?'

'Yes, he does.' Amanda said, smiling shyly, both with embarrassment and pleasure that Nicole had correctly guessed and was prepared to acknowledge that she cared for Kyle a great deal.

Now that Nicole could see that Kyle was no longer in immediate danger as he had stopped fitting, his pulse was steady and strong he was breathing slowly and rhythmically she felt able to talk to the vice-principal.

'What happened?' She asked, glancing first at Kyle and then the gaping holes where the windows used to be.

'We don't know.' The vice-principal told her his voice sounding apologetic on the surface but at the same time there was a slight accusatory undertone that Nicole picked up on as though the man was suspicious as to why she was asking the question when perhaps she already knew the answer but for some reason was pretending otherwise. Nicole immediately felt her defensive hackles rise.

'The only people who could have been witnesses to what occurred here today were those who were not present for the start of afternoon classes, namely Kyle, Lori and Mr. McDonough here and the latter two were both unable or unwilling to tell us anything. Of course we couldn't question Kyle which we will need to do as soon as he is well enough as the damage to school property is extensive. And I regret to say that if no explanation is forth coming or no one is prepared to come forward and admit responsibility for this serious act of vandalism then I would of course have to involve the authorities, namely the board of governors and the police.'

Nicole gasped. Was the vice-principal really trying to indicate that he thought this wasn't an accident? That Kyle was somehow responsible and Lori and Declan were involved in a cover-up? And on top of everything how dare he think he could speak to Kyle at all? Kyle was going to need some very careful handling, psychologically speaking to get him through this latest crisis due to the obvious stress he was suffering from and questioning him without understanding his background and unique set of circumstances could cause him untold harm. Kyle was extremely sensitive both at picking up on other peoples' emotions and about his own sense of self, his feelings and the need he had for love and acceptance which meant that he could be easily hurt by the conscious or unconscious manipulation of others.

Nicole hadn't forgotten how unsympathetic, unsupportive and downright unprofessional Mr. Hooper had been when she had tried to get Kyle enrolled at the school last year. She knew he had never liked Kyle and if it hadn't been for Mr. Miller, the math teacher insisting that he be admitted because of his gift with numbers and problem solving ability, Hooper would probably have denied him a place at all and now it seemed he was trying to pin a deliberate act of wanton destruction on him! Nicole was incensed because she knew that Kyle would never intentionally hurt anyone.

And as for threat of involving the police…That would just remind Kyle of Detective Breen and of being interrogated about Professor Kern's murder which in turn would bring back all the horrors of the kidnap by Adam Baylin possibly causing him to regress to the mute, child-like persona he had inhabited after waking up in the woods last year. Nicole had sworn a vow to both Kyle and herself that she would protect him to the best of her ability so there was no way that she was going to let him suffer any more emotional trauma than he'd already been through in his short life by allowing anyone who wasn't her to go anywhere near him whatsoever.

'My son has just had a seizure that could have killed him or at the very least left him permanently brain damaged not to mention the traumatic effect that witnessing such a horrific event could have had on Lori and Declan and you're trying to implicate them in some sort of prank?' Nicole said incredulously.

'I understand that you're upset about Kyle, Mrs. Trager and let me assure you I called 911 as soon as had ascertained the severity of his condition and an ambulance is on its way.'

'Well thank you, but that won't be necessary. Kyle is out of danger now…'

'Kyle's in a coma Mrs Trager…' The nurse interrupted.

'He's post-ictal. There's a difference. And I know my son and this has happened to us before. He just needs some time to sleep it off in a familiar environment where he feels safe and secure. What he doesn't need are strangers in white coats poking and prodding him, sticking needles in him and asking him questions that will only make him more anxious and afraid. He's my son and I'm making the decision to take him home. I'll sign any disclaimer forms the school wants but he's coming with me.'

The vice-principal paused for a moment before nodding.

'I'll go get the forms.'

'You do that.' Nicole called out to his retreating form before turning to the nurse.

'And if it's not too much to ask I would also like a basin of warm, soapy water and a cloth so that I can clean up my son!'

* * *

Nicole had then been left alone with four teenagers, three of whom were suffering from various degrees of post-traumatic stress after witnessing the fourth, currently unconscious one, having a full blown grand-mal seizure. She desperately wanted to know what had happened to set Kyle off and what had caused the windows to shatter but she wasn't going to interrogate the kids now even though judging by the looks on Lori and Declan's faces that's what they were expecting.

'Mrs. Trager…'

Declan's voice was hoarse as it trailed off and he sounded uncertain, scared even to continue. Nicole turned to see him frowning and swallowing repeatedly before he seemed to reach some kind of internal decision then he took a deep breath in and gathered himself up to his full height. His eyes had a look of determination about them as they sought contact with hers and she knew he was going to come clean with her because Kyle's health was now an issue.

She was suddenly so grateful to Declan for being such a good friend to Kyle in that he was willing to tell her what had happened here today despite the look on his face and his initial body language which showed just how uneasy he was at betraying a confidence, of betraying Kyle.

But although Nicole was desperate to know what had happened to Kyle, she realized it wasn't important to his immediate well-being whether Declan told her now or an hour from now so why make him spill the beans at this present moment in time causing him to feel guilty for revealing Kyle's secrets?

And while Nicole was honestly concerned for Declan's psychological welfare in that she didn't want him to have to relive the horror he had witnessed by making him tell the whole story all over again, she also had an ulterior motive in not wanting him to talk as it was possible that the things that Declan had seen were things that Kyle would not want disclosed, like that time she had seen him come out of the burning building on the beach and his whole body was on fire yet when she had seen him bare-chested in his room less than an hour later he was unharmed and he had told her that she had to promise to keep it a secret because he didn't want to be taken away from her.

And Nicole had kept it a secret, even from her own husband and although she knew that Kyle was close with both Lori and Amanda she wasn't sure just how much they knew about his special abilities and she wasn't going to be the one to break the pact she had made with Kyle, the promise she had made to herself to protect him and keep him safe. So, hearing the story could wait. The important thing was getting Kyle home and allowing him time and space to recover.

'It's ok Declan. You can tell me later.'

Declan however, seemed desperate to talk now that he'd finally persuaded himself to do so and for a moment Nicole was worried that Kyle's whole history was going to come tumbling out of his mouth and anyone who happened to be walking by would then know the full extent of what Kyle was capable of.

'Let's get Kyle home first and make sure he's safe, yes?' She said quickly, her eyes never leaving his, willing him to understand and keep quiet.

And he did because his gaze suddenly jumped to Amanda kneeling at Kyle's side before re-focusing on her and nodding with a look of comprehension at what she was asking of him. Nicole smiled grimly at him acknowledging that they both now shared a secret and wondered whether she was going to need to counsel Declan as well as her own children as it seemed glaringly obvious that the poor boy needed to talk about what had happened yet had no one apart from Kyle with whom he felt he could do so. And that option was no longer available to him at this moment in time for obvious reasons.

But before she could ponder any further over Declan's psychological state and support network Mr. Hooper returned with his forms allowing Kyle to be released into her care which she duly signed although with extremely bad grace. He told her that he had notified the authorities that the ambulance was no longer needed and was quite happy for Lori to go home with her and Kyle. However, Declan and Amanda were to stay to afternoon classes. When all four of them immediately protested, the vice-principal stood firm maintaining that he was legally responsible for the other two children while they were on school premises and he would only allow them home if their parents were notified and they came and picked them up personally.

Nicole knew full well that that wasn't going to happen as Carol Bloom for one had never liked Kyle, being suspicious of his intentions towards her daughter and because there was obviously something wrong with him seeing as how Nicole had fetched him home from a juvenile detention center, despite the fact that it had not been his fault that he had been placed there. So there was no way that she would be sympathetic and give Amanda permission to miss school on his behalf.

But although she didn't approve of Mrs. Bloom's overbearing and oppressive kind of parenting especially the way she constantly tried to prevent Amanda from growing up and asserting her independence, at least she loved her daughter and had her best interests at heart. Whereas Declan's father didn't seem to care about his son at all so much so in fact, that the young man could be said to be suffering from neglect and possibly also emotional abuse. So there was no way Declan would tell his parents that he was feeling upset even if it was due to his friend almost dying as that would be showing a weakness thus proving all his father had always said to him leaving him in an even more vulnerable position than he was already in.

Nicole had no choice but to agree with Mr. Hooper and a tearful Amanda was led away. Declan, however, argued successfully that someone had to stay to help carry Kyle to the car and so was allowed to remain on the understanding that he would return to class afterwards. Declan agreed solemnly before flashing Lori a triumphant yet devious grin at which point Nicole knew he had no intention of keeping his promise and that she would be seeing him sooner rather than later back at the house.

The nurse, once she came back was surprisingly helpful and brought not only soap, warm water and a sponge with which to clean Kyle with but also towels to dry his face and hair, a plastic bag in which to put his soiled clothes in, a blanket to cover him afterwards and a wheelchair in order to help get him out to the car. Nicole thanked her for her thoughtfulness and generosity and then set about the task of removing Kyle's shirt and gently washing his chest, face and hair to get rid of the vomit that was stuck to him before covering him with the blanket.

It was only as she reached down to pull the blanket across his hips did she notice that the front of Kyle's jeans were soaking wet and then she realized that the seizure had obviously caused him to lose control of all of his voluntary muscles including those necessary to maintain his bladder function. There was no way she was going to strip and wash him here in front of his sister and best friend even though the urine on his clothes would now be cold and uncomfortable against his skin and would soon start to smell. She made sure the blanket was tucked around him securely so that nobody could see what had happened and then she picked up the towel and started drying his hair.

The slight rocking motion of his head must have stimulated Kyle in some way as his body twitched causing Nicole to stop what she was doing and roll him gently onto his back.

'Kyle? Can you hear me?' She asked him softly smoothing his hair off his face.

His body twitched again before he slowly opened his eyes. The muscles of his face were lax and his gaze seemed to wander around the room not stopping long enough to focus on anything causing Nicole to wonder for one awful moment whether the fit really had left him brain-damaged. But then he seemed somehow to become aware of her proximity and his eyes were actively searching for hers and she could see the recognition in them and then he smiled at her and she knew that he was still the same old Kyle; her Kyle and she couldn't stop the joyous and thankful grin from appearing on her face…

'Kyle? Oh thank God, he's awake! Kyle, are you ok?'

Lori's frantic and concerned voice appeared from the side as she knelt down next him and touched his arm.

Kyle turned his head to look at her, the relaxed and slightly sleepy smile he had given Nicole fading as he took in her worried appearance.

'Kyle, man, you really freaked us out there for a second.' Declan joined in apprehensively, coming to stand just behind Lori.

'How do you feel now? Are you alright? You gave us such a fright!' Lori babbled away anxiously not giving him time to reply to anything she said.

_I looked alternately at Lori and Declan as they hurled questions at me. They both appeared so scared and worried and were hovering over me like something awful had happened. I tried to think what it was that I could have done to make them behave in this way but my mind was curiously blank. I knew I was in school, but why then was Nicole here and why was I lying on the floor. What could have happened to me and why couldn't I remember?_

Nicole saw Kyle's smile fade and a worried frown took its place as Lori and Declan repeatedly questioned him about how he was and how he felt. He turned back to her, an anxious and pleading look on his face.

'It's ok Kyle, you're safe now. Do you remember what happened?' Nicole asked him gently.

He shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving hers.

'You had a fit. Lori and Declan were with you and all the windows are broken…'

Nicole's voice trailed off as she watched Kyle still shaking his head but more intensely now and with a horrified expression on his face as if he couldn't believe what she was saying and if he got her to stop talking none of it would be true.

'Kyle, it's ok…' Lori told him tearfully, but whether she was trying to persuade Kyle of that fact or herself, Nicole wasn't entirely sure.

And it was so obviously not ok to Kyle either as a strangled sob wrenched itself from his throat and he turned back onto his side away from everyone, his shoulders shaking with unrepressed emotion and his face hidden by his hands.

Nicole watched in sorrow and pity for a few moments as Kyle wept silently curled up in a protective ball. He suddenly seemed so small and broken and mute exactly like he was when he first came home with her. And just like she had done a year ago when he had been scared and lost and hurting she tried to give him comfort by touching him, by making him feel he wasn't alone, by talking to him quietly, reassuring him and being there for him.

Kyle jumped slightly when she first put her hand on his shoulder, but soon the soothing caresses and softly spoken words of comfort calmed him so that his shoulders no longer shook and his breathing settled out into a relaxed and even rhythm.

'Kyle…'

His body stiffened under her hand. She knew what he was thinking. And sooner or later they would have to talk about what had happened but not now. He was too traumatized. There was time enough for that later.

'Let's go home now.'

He sighed in relief at his temporary reprieve then nodded in agreement before Nicole and Declan gently helped him to his feet.


	37. Chapter 37

Love from jealousy – part 37

By Fishiexy

_Kyle's thoughts in __italics_

Lori stood silently behind the archway separating the dining room from the lounge out of sight from prying eyes, a clean pile of Kyle's clothes held in front of her like a shield anxiously watching as her mother gently and efficiently tended to her adoptive son. Kyle was lying on the sofa deathly still; eyes closed, long lashes dark against skin almost translucent in its paleness, arms hanging lifelessly by his side with the school blanket still draped around him like a shroud.

Logically she knew that he was ok, that he would be ok, physically anyway, but that didn't stop her feeling guilty as hell for having made this happen in the first place and for soon having to own up to that fact as the inevitable 'chat' with Nicole wasn't going to be able to be put on hold for ever. So here she was, hiding in a doorway, worrying about Kyle's physical and more importantly emotional health and waiting for her mom to leave so that she could apologize to him yet again, but this time assuring the both of them that she meant every word when she said that from this moment on she wouldn't lay a finger on him ever again.

Fuck! The whole afternoon had been a total nightmare and it didn't look as though it was going to stop any time soon. She shivered as she remembered standing helplessly, watching in horror as Kyle thrashed madly about on the ground, bloody sputum frothing up from between blue swollen lips before Amanda Bloom rushed in and saved the day and Kyle's life by turning him on his side so he could breathe and cushioning his head from repeatedly smashing into the concrete floor. God! She had never been more thankful and grateful to see her next door neighbour than at that moment in time even though she knew that it signalled the end of her relationship, such that it was or had ever been, with Kyle and although it broke her heart to see him with Amanda, she knew that that was where he belonged, had always belonged and she wasn't going to stand in the way any more, because it was all about Kyle's happiness now.

She remembered feeling sorry for Amanda at how distraught she had been when Vice-Principal Hooper had taken her away but also being relieved, happy and a bit guilty at the fact she was gone not to mention absurdly grateful that her parents had adopted Kyle which meant she was now related to him and so was allowed to stay and help get him home.

She had watched with worry and pity as Declan and her mom eased Kyle up off the floor and into the wheelchair at which point he'd slumped almost dangerously to one side before her mom had caught him and righted him and then she had grabbed his coat and backpack and followed them out to the car. Declan had all but poured Kyle into the backseat whereupon he'd immediately curled up on his side, knees to chest, with the blanket that Nicole had placed around him after removing his shirt still covering his body. Declan had taken shotgun which left her sitting in the back of the car with Kyle's head on her lap, one hand rubbing his shoulder and the other one gently carding through his hair.

By the time they got home, Kyle was groggy and uncoordinated and it had taken both Declan and her mom to half carry, half drag him into the house. Nicole had sent her up ahead to open the door and get some towels and a blanket, which she had run off to do without question only to be met in the lounge by the sight of Kyle, head lolling forward, feet dragging along the ground and body sagging only managing to stay upright because he was being supported between Declan and Nicole. She must have looked shocked because her mom had immediately barked at her to spread the towels out on the sofa, which she just about managed to do before Kyle had collapsed nearly on top of her.

Nicole had then ordered Declan to go and make everyone a hot cup of tea and told her to go and get a bucket of warm soapy water which she had dutifully done and then her mom had sent her away yet again, this time for a set of warm clothes for Kyle. Which was why she was standing here now, holding a pair of sweats, a tee-shirt and a hoodie, listening to the sounds of Declan rummaging around in the kitchen and waiting for the right moment to go over and check on Kyle.

But then her mom removed the blanket and replaced it with the one Lori had just brought tucking it securely around Kyle's chest and then she was undoing his belt and unbuttoning his jeans and gently easing both his pants and his underwear down over his hips and long legs. Kyle made no move either to help her or to stop her and soon he was lying there naked in front of her mom, seemingly oblivious to the whole bizarre and surreal situation, pale hairless body on view for anyone who walked by, or who happened to be hiding in a doorway, to see.

What on Earth was going on? She knew her mother loved Kyle but never like that! Was Nicole some kind of pervert just sitting there as she was, staring at Kyle's bits? Was she going to touch him? Lori was immediately both horrified and insanely jealous at the thought, knowing that that was what _she_ had always wanted to do to him.

And then Nicole sighed as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders before bending down to pick up the washcloth and dipping it in the warm soapy water that Lori had placed in a bowl at the edge of the sofa. She wrung out the cloth and then gently, carefully and methodically wiped it over Kyle's right thigh, up almost to his knee and then back again, repeating the action several times finishing by washing the inside of his leg and then quickly dipping the cloth in between his butt cheeks. She then returned the cloth to the water, rinsed it out and started the whole procedure again on his other leg.

What the Hell? Her mom was giving Kyle a sponge bath? He wasn't an invalid for fuck's sake; he'd just had a seizure…Oh God! An epileptic fit where his muscles were all over the place and then he'd passed out cold. And suddenly the blanket and the towels and the spare clothes and the warm soapy water all made sense: Kyle was so out of it that he'd peed his pants and Nicole was sparing him the embarrassment of waking up wet and letting her and Declan finding out…

Nicole was now washing Kyle's genitals, down behind his balls, around his perineum and then up and back over his penis, gently wiping the long length of it… There was a sudden whimper and then a breathy little sigh from Kyle as he unconsciously arched his back before bending his knees and spreading his legs wider, softly thrusting his hips up into the contact. Nicole stopped what she was doing and put her hand on his arm, stroking him tenderly and murmuring quiet words of reassurance and comfort. Kyle's back relaxed and his breathing evened out allowing Nicole to continue where she left off only this time, Kyle's penis wasn't facing down, soft and quiescent, nestling quietly on top of his balls, it was pointing up, resting on his belly, long and plump, stiffening, straightening and growing in front of her very eyes.

Nicole gave him one final wipe and then lowered the blanket over him covering his nudity but not doing anything to hide the evidence of his unconscious arousal. She smoothed his unruly hair off his forehead and then grasped his hand in hers kissing his fingers before pulling it towards her heart, her shoulders softly shaking. Lori quietly withdrew letting her mother have time with Kyle alone. Seeing her just holding his hand, gently caressing his face seemed somehow much more intimate than watching her touching him in obviously more personal places as she'd just done.

She went into the kitchen to find Declan pouring boiling water into four mugs. He gave her a quick glance then went back to concentrating on the task at hand. God! She was now being ignored. That was worse than when they were fighting. At least if he was shouting at her it meant he at least felt something for her, even if that was hate. This indifference meant that he just didn't care; she wasn't worth getting angry about. She thought she had done all the crying she could today but no, there was more still to come as the feelings of hopelessness and desolation overwhelmed her both at the thought of the finality of Declan's rejection of her and the realization that Kyle really was off limits this time which left her absolutely and utterly alone.

'I just wanted to say 'Thanks'.' She told him.

'Excuse me?'

Declan looked up from where he was fiddling with strings of dangling tea-bags.

'For helping today. With Kyle.' She clarified.

Declan went back to the tea.

'I didn't do it for you.' He said coolly.

'I know. But…'

'Kyle's a friend. I did it for him and I should have… I just wish I could have helped him a bit sooner but I was so mad…'

'I know. With me…' Lori said in a small voice.

'Look! Not everything's always about you Trager…'

'But this time…?'

Declan sighed.

'Ok, you're right. This time it was. I was mad at you and Kyle and I didn't hear or maybe I just didn't want to hear that he needed my help.'

He paused, still not looking at her, his back ramrod straight before the teaspoon dropped from his fingers and clattered down on the counter.

'God, Trager! He could have died. I've never seen anyone…'

Declan closed his eyes and his knuckles went white as he gripped the edge of the kitchen worktop.

'His lips were blue and there was blood on his face and sound of his head hitting the ground…I just can't get it out of my mind…'

'I know.' Lori whispered in agreement.

At least she wasn't alone in this. At least someone understood, even if it was Declan who probably wouldn't talk about this again, ever, because it was too close to his heart and he always did have problems dealing with his emotions.

'Like I said, I just wanted to say 'Thanks' because although Kyle and I, well, we're not, you know, but even so, he still means a lot to me and he's my friend too as well as my brother and…'

'And like I said, I didn't do it for you…'

'Yeah… I know.'

Lori sighed and hugged Kyle's sweats to her chest as though they could somehow dispel the loneliness that she suddenly felt knowing that she wouldn't be wrapping her arms around their owner anytime soon.

'So I guess…?' She indicated towards the lounge where Nicole was waiting with Kyle.

'Yeah…' Declan picked up the tea tray. 'It's time to face the music. And your mom.'

* * *

Lori saw Nicole let go of Kyle's hand and place it back under the blanket as she heard her and Declan come into the room.

'I... I made the tea like you said.' Declan stuttered out quickly, as if by making the first move, he was going to get on Nicole's good side.

Lori snorted silently to herself. Like _that_ was ever going to happen when her mom was in the mood to get to the bottom of something. Her mother was an expert at extracting information you didn't want to give up. Declan was going to spill his guts and the worst thing was, he wouldn't even know he was doing it and it would be done in such a way that he would actually feel better about telling Nicole exactly what she wanted to know because if he didn't, the guilt he would feel at disappointing her mom would make it impossible for him to look her in the eye and then he'd have to relent and he'd tell her in a few minutes anyway; he wouldn't be able to help himself, such was her gift with people. No wonder she and Kyle got on so well what with the whole saving the world thing they had going on together.

'Thank you Declan. Which one's mine?'

'Any one except the 'Seahawks' mug. That's Kyle's; I put extra sugar in it.'

'That was very thoughtful of you. Well, why don't you put the tray down on the table and then you and I can take our tea in the study so that our little chat doesn't disturb Kyle any more than is necessary, hmm?

'Yes, Ma'am!'

'Shall we?' Nicole said, holding the door open into the hall.

Lori watched as Declan swallowed noticeably before nodding, picking up his tea and preceding her out of the room.

God! He didn't stand a chance. And for a moment, Lori felt kind of sorry for him before realizing that she was now alone with Kyle and she wasn't sure if maybe that's what her mom had intended all along.

But now she was on her own with Kyle, she had no idea of what to do or what to say to him and looking at him asleep on the sofa, naked but for single blanket covering him, he just seemed so young, so vulnerable, so completely helpless that she couldn't believe that she had physically attacked him less than two hours ago, that she had thought that he was ready and willing to respond to her sexual advances, that he was able to be the person she wanted, that he could protect her from the pain of loss and rejection when he couldn't even protect himself from her.

This beautiful young man, with his amazing intellect, astonishing abilities and his desire to please, to help, to love unconditionally, had seemed far more mature than anyone had any right to be at his age, let alone someone with Kyle's social and emotional handicaps and lack of general understanding of the world. Yet she had wanted to believe that he could help her, that he desired her company and her body just because that's what she wanted from him. And she mistook the wide-eyed and open-mouthed stares, soft whimpers and sighs he made when she intimately touched him as those responses of a boy who was desperate to have sex but was perhaps too shy to initiate or too much of a gentleman to further the contact between them.

Instead, it had taken weeks of inappropriately touching and kissing Kyle to make her realize that he wasn't shy or being cute with her or playing any of the mind games she normally associated with young men eager for sex, he was just plain scared due to having absolutely no previous experience, real or anecdotal of the intimate activities that teenage boys indulged in.

Her mom had been right when she said that Kyle didn't react because he didn't know how. He didn't have any idea of what was going on and what he was supposed to do. There's no way he could understand or interpret with any sort of logical meaning the physical sensations coming from his body, because nobody had ever kissed him before; coaxing his lips apart and easing their tongue into his mouth, nobody had caressed his skin; teasing his nipples into little tight buds, sucking, licking and tasting him and nobody, but nobody had felt that erection; hot and hard, throbbing and straining between his legs; his body telling him it desperately needed release of some sort but not what or how to go about receiving it.

How could she have thought that Kyle could be the one to give her pleasure when he wasn't even able to pleasure himself and just the thought of her touching him down there made him get so hysterical that twice now he had a panic attack and almost blacked out? Had something happened to him in his past, something dark and horrible…? Could he have been forced, violated…? Was that the reason he had lost his memory and that he was now having these extreme reactions to any sort of intimate encounter? Had she been unwittingly making things worse for him, making him remember what had happened to him? Her mom had worked with him for months before so much as a hint of a memory returned from his prior life. It was supposed to be all down to the kidnapping and the loss of his parents but what if it was more than that? What if during that time he had been sexually abused. What if Kyle had been raped?

'I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…' She whispered dropping to her knees in front of the sofa.

'I never meant to hurt you and I promise that I'll never do it again. Just please be alright, Kyle.'

And suddenly the tears were welling up and then overflowing and she couldn't do anything to stop them because not only had she touched Kyle against his will, she had then been mean to him, had hurt his feelings, had accused him of all sorts of injustices just for seeing him holding hands with Amanda and when he had looked stricken and come after her, trying to explain, to make her feel better she had been so mad that she had actually knocked him to the ground.

But her transgressions against him hadn't stopped there. He had followed her despite all the awful things she had said to him and still tried to explain the reasons behind his actions, but she was having none of it. She had ridiculed him in front of Declan, told him how useless, how pathetic and naïve he was sexually, what a failure as both a potential lover and as person he was, when in fact none of those things were true. Yet Kyle had believed her and it had made him so upset, so stressed and unable to cope that he had had a seizure.

What was all of this going to do to him? He had finally come back to them and was trying to get his life together for the second time around and then she had emotionally annihilated him, making him remember stuff from his past and knocking all the new found confidence out of him, causing him fall back into that shell of a person he had been last year; a mute, hurting, pitiful, desperately scared and broken child.

'God! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you'd been abused, that you'd been hurt and I didn't mean any of those things I said. You don't ever have to speak to me again, but just please be ok, please!'

And that was how Nicole found her some time later, sitting on the floor weeping uncontrollably, repeating the words 'I'm sorry' over and over.

'Lori… What on Earth's the matter with you?' Nicole said to her, bending down and touching her on the shoulder.

'It's not me, it's Kyle.' Lori said, wrapping her arms around herself.

Nicole glanced across at Kyle still lying on the sofa in exactly the position she had left him almost half an hour ago and then frowned down at her daughter.

'Kyle's fine, honey, he's just sleeping…'

'He's not fine, Mom. He never was and now he might never be again.'

He voice dissolved into tears once more, crying even harder than before if that were indeed possible.

Nicole knew that Lori was worried about Kyle and was probably experiencing delayed shock at witnessing the seizure he suffered and reliving the powerlessness she had felt at not being able to do anything to help him, but this uncontrollable weeping seemed a little excessive even for Lori. Was there something else going on as well, a perceived sense of guilt perhaps?

'I spoke to Declan and he told me what happened to Kyle and some of the things you both said…' Nicole started carefully.

'It was terrible, I was terrible. The things I said to him, did to him… Oh God! No wonder he couldn't cope, it must have brought back all those memories… But I didn't know… Although looking back, how could I not have suspected? I mean just look at him, all his hang ups, all his problems, the way he can't stand being touched…'

Nicole couldn't believe what she was hearing. What did Lori mean when she said Kyle couldn't stand to be touched? Kyle was the most tactile person she had ever come across. He just loved being hugged and stroked and caressed by just about anyone.

'What did you do to him and what memories do you mean Lori?' Nicole asked frowning.

'I kissed him…'

'What, again?' Nicole asked sharply.

'Yes…Something happened with Declan and I was upset and Kyle was just there and we…'

And even in the middle of her hysterical sobbing guilt trip Lori could tell that her mother sounded shocked, worried and angry at that admission.

'I just kissed him, that was all, I swear! But then I found him with Amanda and I was so mean to him…'

She took a deep shaky breath in and wiped her eyes.

'I'm not a total idiot, Mom. Kyle got so freaked when I touched him last week… And it explains everything about him; his behaviour when he first came to us, his memory loss, his inability to respond when someone gets too close to him, the look of fear he gets whenever sex is mentioned…'

The tears were back again and Lori seemed to be having a great deal of difficulty getting out whatever she wanted to say.

'Lori? What memories…'

'I, I think… Kyle has been sexually abused.'

And then she was sobbing again.

And for a moment Nicole couldn't move because even the thought of it was just so horrible that she was sure that she was going to be sick.

'And I just made it worse for him, by forcing him to remember it when I kissed and touched him.

Nicole could barely make out the words, Lori was crying so hard. She sat down on the floor next to her and wrapped her arms around her, soothing and consoling.

'It's a good theory, Lori and I'm proud of you for thinking about such difficult subjects, but you're wrong.'

'Are you sure? Because it all fits…Kyle's reactions…'

'I know what you're getting at and I agree that some of Kyle's behaviours when he first came to us could have pointed to something along the lines you described but I'm afraid it simply isn't true. Due to the unique circumstances in which Kyle was found, by which I mean wandering naked in the woods with amnesia, he was in fact given a complete physical examination including an internal to rule out the very thing you are suggesting. Lori, Kyle showed no signs of physical or sexual abuse when he was picked up.'

'But what about earlier, when he was younger. Couldn't it have happened then?'

'It's always possible, but I worked very closely with Kyle for nearly a year getting his memory back and talking with him about his feelings and emotions and nothing he told me either in words or in the way he acted, indicated to me that he was the victim of any sort of sexual abuse. Lori… There's no evidence, now or previously, physically or mentally to suggest that Kyle has been interfered with in any way whatsoever.'

'Thank God and thank you for telling me.'

'You're welcome. So now we've got that cleared up, you can stop crying because Kyle's going to be fine. But I do think that we need to discuss what happened this afternoon to stress him to such a point that he had a seizure and to find out why, by your own admission, you are still having physical contact with him that goes well beyond the purely platonic sisterly love that one could and should reasonably expect.

Lori nodded, her head down. There was no way she could look into her mother's eyes and see the disgust and disappointment that was bound to be there after that tacit admission that she, herself was responsible for interfering with poor Kyle. But at least she now knew that nothing horrible, well at least sexually anyway, had happened to him.

'Come on; let's talk about this in the office. I don't think it would really be the best conversation for Kyle to hear right now and besides, he needs all the rest he can get.'

Lori nodded again and took one last look at Kyle sleeping peacefully on the sofa.

'He's really gonna be ok?' She asked in a small voice.

'Yes.' Nicole told her. 'I promise.'


	38. Chapter 38

Love from jealousy – part 38

By Fishiexy

_Ky__le's thoughts in italics_

_I opened __my eyes to find that I was curled up on my side on the sofa at home. I couldn't recall how I had gotten there but I felt safe and secure and more relaxed than I could remember being in a long time. My headache had gone and I didn't want to do anything other than remain where I was; enjoying that warm and languid feeling of knowing that I had been taken care of, because I had been put to bed and tenderly wrapped up in a blanket which meant that someone loved me._

_And __for a few seconds at that revelation I was so happy because that was all I'd ever wanted but then I noticed Nicole sitting across the room from me and I began to feel uneasy as snippets of memories of conversations past began to reassert themselves and I remembered that I had upset and disappointed her and alienated everyone else who was close to me, everyone I cared about and who had cared about me and that I was once again alone. _

Nicole looked up from where she had been working at the dining room table to see that Kyle was finally awake, his expressive blue-green eyes watching her from where he lay unmoving on the couch.

'Hi! How are you feeling?' She asked in a soft voice, putting her pen down and carefully regarding the young man who had had her so worried for the last few hours.

'I'm fine.' He whispered.

Nicole silently snorted to herself at the blatant lie her son had just told. Did he honestly expect her to believe that or was he just trying to persuade himself that it was true? However, she wasn't about to call him on it, not when she didn't know what was happening to him and what was going on in his head right now.

'Well that's good…' She said her voice artificially light as she got up from her chair and walked across the room.

She noticed the big eyes following her and how he flinched slightly as she sat down opposite him. She moved her chair backwards a few inches to give him a bit more space as he sat up at the same time curling his legs up underneath himself feeling presumably too vulnerable to speak to her lying down. As he did so, the blanket she had placed around him earlier slipped revealing his bare arms and chest.

'What happened to my clothes?' He asked curiously.

'They were… dirty.' Nicole answered cautiously.

But something in her tone or body language must have alerted Kyle to the fact that there was more going on here than she was letting on because he quickly lifted the blanket covering his lower body and glanced underneath it.

'Were all my clothes dirty?' He asked in a small voice, pulling the blanket back up and wrapping it around himself like a shield.

'Yes.' Nicole said gently, watching him closely for the moment when the afternoon's events would come back to him.

'I don't understand.' He said anxiously. 'I can't… Nicole…Why am I lying naked on the sofa?'

'You had another seizure, Kyle. In school. This afternoon.'

'I-I can't remember.' Kyle said fearfully, his hands twisting in the folds of the blanket.

Worry lines had appeared on his forehead and she noticed his breathing rate had started to increase again. She knew that the seizure had been brought on by stress but had thought that once he'd been to sleep and his body had been given time to recover, that whatever tensions and strains that had caused this to happen would have been reset somehow in his brain; just like a good cry was cathartic because it released cortisol and other stress hormones allowing the person to be able to function and to think clearly again.

Last time this had happened, after the incident on the carousel, he had woken up slightly bewildered by the whole experience, not to mention embarrassed and apologetic about all the attention he got at the hospital, but he wasn't still stressed; he was smiling and relaxed, able to look her in the eye and talk to her. But this time it was different. This time, whatever had caused the stress to make him fit in the first place was still present and if they weren't careful the same thing could quite possibly happen to him again and who knew what damage another seizure occurring so soon on top the previous one could do to him?

She needed to get control of the situation quickly and to find out what it was that was causing Kyle's brain to short-circuit and that wasn't going to be easy when he flinched as soon as he thought she might touch him and shrank away from her as soon as she got anywhere near him. She so badly wanted to reach out and pull him into a hug but that would only serve to make her feel better, not him and could in fact do him untold harm given the mind-set he was in at present. Perhaps there was some degree of truth to Lori's statement about Kyle getting twitchy every time he was touched. But what had happened set him off and to make him reject the physical contact she knew he normally thrived on?

'It's ok Kyle. Why don't you get dressed first and then we can talk about what happened. Here you are…'

She put the pile of clothes that Lori had fetched earlier down on the sofa near him but made sure to sit back before he made any effort to reach for them so that their hands wouldn't accidentally meet.

'I'm just going to get a glass of water ok? I'll be right back…'

She got up and purposefully made her way to the kitchen letting him know that she was giving him some privacy to change. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him snake a hand out, snag the hoodie and shrug into it in one fluid movement before rummaging through the remaining pile of clothes as if searching for something before finally reaching for the sweat pants. It was only after she was out of sight did she realize that she hadn't instructed Lori to bring him a change of underwear.

She didn't want to make him feel even more awkward and embarrassed by returning to start what was bound to be a difficult conversation at the best of times by handing him a clean pair of boxer shorts. Best then just to ignore the oversight and hope that Kyle wouldn't feel too uncomfortable about going 'commando'.

After a quick sip of water she went back in the room to find Kyle anxiously awaiting her return. He was now perched on the edge of the sofa, back rigid, pale hands gripping tightly onto his knees, his bare feet flat on the floor as though he were going to bolt at any moment. She took her place opposite him again and for a second just stared at the young man in front of her, so obviously uncomfortable and distressed, whose brain was capable of unimaginable genius but at present was doing its best to tear itself apart.

'Um… Can you tell me…I, I can't…'

Kyle's stuttering interrupted her study of him.

'Do you remember now what happened today?' She asked gently.

'No.' He replied immediately.

Nicole frowned. He hadn't given the question so much as a thought. It was as if he didn't want to know the answer or was it that he scared to find out because of what he had done, unconsciously or not to the windows.

'That's ok, Kyle. Why don't you tell me the last thing you do remember.'

'I remember going to school in the morning and then having lunch and walking to class with Lori and then seeing Declan talking to a cheerleader and then Lori…'

He stopped abruptly.

'And then Lori…?' She prompted.

'She… She…'

Kyle's voice cracked and Nicole noticed that he had started to shake. It was as though he desperately wanted to tell her what had happened but something inside him was preventing him from actually getting the words out.

Nicole realized that this line of questioning wasn't going to work because it involved Kyle getting another person into trouble, something that he was loath to do. Insisting that he tell her what had happened was like setting a feedback loop up in his head; he wanted to tell her because not telling her would harm her by making her unhappy but he couldn't tell her because doing so would cause harm to another person. If she continued to push, it would only end badly for Kyle as he became more and more stressed. For him, it was a no-win scenario.

'She kissed you.' Nicole supplied, hoping to take the pressure off now he was no longer required to make the admission.

All color suddenly drained from Kyle's face as his eyes widened in shock or was it fear?

'It, it wasn't her fault!' He blurted out. 'She didn't mean to do it. She was upset and… and hurting and… and…'

'It's ok Kyle. I'm not trying to blame anyone or get anyone into trouble.' Nicole told him, attempting to calm him down. 'It's just that you were obviously very distressed this afternoon and I'm just trying to find out what happened so I can decide the best way to help you.'

His face took on a look of anguish before his shoulders sagged and he crumpled into a little heap.

'Kyle?' She said leaning forward in concern as she watched his beautiful eyes fill with tears. 'What's wrong?'

'I don't deserve help.' Kyle whispered tearfully.

'What?' Nicole said aghast.

Kyle swiped desperately at his face, before continuing. He was hiccupping and stuttering so badly that Nicole could hardly make out what he was saying.

'I d-disappointed you and made you w-worry and… and… lied to you when you rescued me and took me in and t-treated me like your s-son…'

'Kyle, you are my son…' She tried to reassure him but he carried on as though she hadn't spoken.

'Even when all I did was make a m-mess and get into trouble and make work for you because I was always in the w-way and couldn't speak and didn't understand, because I was d-damaged and…and… b-b-broken and… and… and…'

'And what, Sweetie?' Nicole said tenderly, her heart going out to him.

Kyle whimpered and wrapped his arms around his chest.

'And… And…Because you don't love me any more!' He finally choked out, raising his tear stained face to hers as he unconsciously started to rock back and forth.

'Honey, how could you ever think that? I love you so much...'

'You shouted at me and grounded me, then when I came home after my migraine, you grabbed me and shook me and then pushed me away and since then you hardly look at me and… and… you don't t-touch me any more…'

'Oh, Kyle… '

She reached forward and gently placed her hand on his knee. He jumped at the contact and then grabbed at her hand as she started to pull away, squeezing it tightly, clasping it to his chest, hanging on to her as though it were a lifeline.

'That night in the bathroom when I grounded you…I was so scared when you told me that you'd hit your head and that you had been knocked unconscious but I was also worried because I knew you weren't telling me the whole truth and I didn't know why you felt the need to deceive me. And I shouted at you and shook you after your migraine because I was so relieved that you were ok when you could have been seriously hurt or even worse, because last time you had a severe headache you ended up in the hospital.

'I'm so sorry that you feel I've been pushing you away and that truly wasn't my intention but you've changed since you've come back from Connecticut and I mean that in a good way in that you seem much more mature, self-confident and independent which I'd always hoped you'd become. But you also seemed more distant and spent increasing amounts of time away from home, away from me and you started being secretive and maybe not lying exactly, but certainly not telling me the whole truth. I couldn't force you to talk if you didn't want to but at times you just seemed so wary of me, so uncomfortable if I asked anything about your life that I stopped trying to get you to talk and just hoped that in time you could trust me with whatever secrets I knew you to be hiding.

'I know that you don't want to be different from other people or to be considered special but you are Kyle. I've seen some of the things you can do and I'm certain there's more yet to come and I'd hoped that you'd feel you could confide in me, that sharing these skills and talents with someone would make you feel less anxious, less alone, less unsure about yourself because I can only imagine how scary all this must be for you Sweetie, waking up every day to discover a new ability, to find that you are capable of things that no other person can do, could even dream of doing, to wonder how and why you have been given all these gifts and what you will eventually chose to use them for.

'I understood when you told me that I had to keep what I had seen a secret because of how it could be used against you or to take you away from me and I've kept my word, I promise. Kyle. Ever since you've been back all I've wanted to do is to take you in my arms, hold you tight and never let you go, but you're growing up and you need your independence, need to stretch your wings, make new friends and experience life outside of this house without me constantly trying to shelter and protect you from it… And that's why I stopped touching you because you're not a child any more and I felt that maybe you were trying to tell me that you didn't need me now in quite the same way as you did when we first met each other…'

'No, that's not true! I'll always need you Nicole.'

_And suddenly I couldn't control myself anymore. The relief I felt knowing that Nicole didn't hate me was overwhelming__ and my need for comfort from her too great._

And then suddenly he was sitting in her lap, his face buried in her neck, arms around her back squeezing her tightly as he sobbed onto her shoulder.

'Please just h-hold me…'

'Oh, Kyle…I love you so much. I don't know what I would do if you ever left me again…' She whispered, her own tears falling into his hair.

'I'm sorry I lied to you and upset you and made you feel as if I didn't trust you because I do…'

'Ssh. It's ok now…' Nicole said quietly, rubbing his back and stroking his hair as he continued to cling to her.

'I wanted to talk to you so many times… I've been so confused and so afraid…but I didn't know how to tell you and I didn't want to worry you or make you think that I'm an even bigger freak that I already am…'

'Kyle, I've never thought that you were a freak; a multi-talented, amazingly gifted genius with a mind-blowing and astounding intellect, yes… But you are also a beautiful and sensitive young man who despite the misuse and exploitation potential of his abilities has been nothing but kind and generous, dignified and gracious, self-sacrificing and noble, caring and compassionate and whose soul is brave, valiant, honourable and pure and whose heart is over-flowing with love.

'And as for not worrying me! You're my son. I'm always going to worry about you. Never believe that I would judge you or think badly of you or love you any less if you told me your secrets. Nothing you could say or do would ever change the way I feel about you, Kyle or could ever make me stop loving you…Nothing.'

_I closed my eyes and relaxed into the softness of Nicole's body__ emotionally overwhelmed by the words she used to describe me, by her impassioned reassurance that she still cared deeply for me, that she had never stopped loving me. I breathed in her scent and basked her warmth and just lay there holding onto her, listening to the steady beat of her heart and savouring the renewed closeness between us. This was what I had been missing. She was my anchor and talking to her and touching her kept me grounded. I wanted to stay there wrapped in her arms where I felt safe and loved but there were yet more things that still needed to be said between us…_

'I think I might have broken a window at school.'

'You think?'

'I-I can't really remember what happened.'

'So why do you think that it was you that caused the damage?'

'I could feel the air moving and hear the glass weakening. Normally I can control it, but my head was hurting so much and then I couldn't breathe…'

Nicole nodded. She'd suspected as much after Declan's take on what had happened at the school but it was nice to have it confirmed by the source.

'I tried to phone you, to let you know that I wasn't feeling well, like you told me to do but my fingers were all tingly and I couldn't…'

'It's ok Kyle. I know you tried to phone; Lori told me. She called me on your behalf. She told me you were having another seizure and I went to get you immediately. But when I arrived at the school there was glass all over you and the floor. Has something like this happened previously?'

'Yes. Once. Just after I first got back.' Kyle said in a small voice.

'Was anyone hurt?'

'No.'

'What caused it?'

'I don't know, but my mind somehow seems to able to manipulate the ions in the atmosphere surrounding my immediate vicinity causing them to oscillate at a wavelength that approaches the fundamental frequency of glass molecules so making them resonate…'

'No, that's not what I mean.' She said hastily, interrupting his theory based on the physics of wave particles as a possible explanation for his ability to shatter all windows within a 100 foot radius of his person.

'I mean what is it that caused your brain to lose control to make this happen?'

Kyle looked at her blankly.

'Despite your unique abilities, Kyle, making windows shatter isn't a normal, everyday occurrence for you and although your mind works differently to that of others; is superior in the vast majority of ways, it still reacts in the same basic manner by producing a physical response from an emotional stimulus. For example when you see someone that is attractive to you, your brain causes your body to respond by dilating your pupils, increasing your respiration and heart rate, diverting non essential blood flow to your reproductive organs and generally making you feel 'good'. If, however, you are in a dangerous situation and the emotional stimulus is fear, then the blood is diverted to your legs enabling you to run away and the sensation you feel is 'bad'.

'The trouble comes for all of us when the emotional response produced is not so clear cut as 'good' or 'bad'; when the responsibility we are given to manage a job and when I say 'job' that could be something as simple as you telling me what's been happening in your life, exceeds our ability or perceived ability to complete that task. This emotional stimulus of worry over the possible consequences of failure manifests itself physically as stress which causes the release of several hormones in the body which can lead to the uncomfortable feeling of anxiety which if not recognized and treated early enough can go on to cause tension headaches and panic attacks.

'But your brain doesn't work the same way as everyone else's. It's much more powerful for starters and therefore is capable of producing a much bigger physical response to any given emotional stimulus. So I will rephrase my question to you slightly: What stressed you out so much that you were unable to cope to the point that your brain caused the warping of space by manipulating the fundamental laws of physics and then almost killed you by tearing itself apart with a seizure?'

Nicole felt Kyle go rigid in her arms. It looked like she was finally getting close to the problem.

'Kyle, please talk to me. Please let me try and help you.'

'I, I've said things and…and done things… and now everyone hates me!'

'What do you mean 'everyone hates you'?'

'Amanda saw me k-kiss Lori and then she was… was crying and now she doesn't… like me and D-Declan said that our friendship is over because I took Lori away from him and Lori thinks I'm dumb and childish and naïve because I haven't… because I've never…never had s-s-sex and both her and Declan hate me because I'm the one responsible for making them break up and because I won't tell them my… my…And now they all hate me!' He finished, wailing.

Well, that had been bottled up for far too long. Maybe now it was out in the open she could actually get him see that this wasn't the end of the world and finally be able to work with him to formulate some strategies to prevent this level of stress from building up again to the point where it overwhelmed him.

'I can see how thinking that you have lost the love and support of your friends could be exceedingly traumatic but are you sure that's what occurred in this case? Hate's a very strong word Kyle…'

'But how can they not? Declan came over to me and pushed me against the wall and got very upset because he thought that I was going out with Lori. He was very angry with me, he called me names, tried to make me talk about what happened when I went away and when I didn't want to he shouted at me and said that he couldn't trust me any more and that our friendship was over. Then he told me that I was selfish because I was good at everything, and that I always ended up hurting the people who were my friends like Lori and Amanda.'

'You know that's not true, Kyle.' Nicole told him softly.

'Isn't it?' Kyle cried.

'No it isn't. Declan was just upset and jealous because he realized how close you and Lori had become. But he was angry at himself for dumping Lori and for not being able to cope with the fact that his best friend was leaving him to go back to his parents. He wasn't angry at you, but it came across that way because he was unable to verbalize his pain in a more constructive fashion. He couldn't tell you just how much you meant to him and how hurt, how devastated he was when you left.'

'But I did leave him.'

'To go back to your family, Kyle! And Declan understands that. But he's also never let himself get close to anyone before so it hit him doubly hard when he was suddenly alone again and he's been struggling trying to get back to the relationship he had with you before you left because both of you have changed and grown up but also because he's scared of being hurt again.'

'I never meant to hurt him. I-I love him.' Kyle's voice wobbled.

'I know you do Sweetie and he loves you too if his actions this afternoon were anything to go by.'

'But he told me that Amanda had seen Lori kiss me and when I looked over at her she was crying and ran away. I followed her to try and explain what had happened but she wouldn't believe that Lori and I were just friends.'

'Why was it important to you that she knew that?'

'Because I… I want… well, I'd hoped that she… and I, that we… We could be friends. More than friends.'

He sighed, defeated.

'I wanted her to like me but now none of them do.'

'I don't often say this because you're, well, you, but I think that this time you are wrong, Kyle, because Lori and Declan and Amanda were all still with you when I arrived at the school, in fact it seemed that they hadn't ever left your side and that doesn't seem like the actions of people who hate you now, does it?'

'Lori and Declan and Amanda all saw what happened? With the seizure and the windows and… and afterwards?'

'Well Lori and Declan did as they were with you when you collapsed and they were both extremely upset and worried about you. Amanda only came out after the glass had shattered. She was the one who got you on your side and supported your head and helped you to breathe. She cares for you very deeply you know. In fact, I'd say she also wanted to be more than friends with you, too.'

'She does?' He asked hesitantly, pulling back to look at Nicole with wide, hopeful eyes.

She nodded earnestly, trying to reassure him and was rewarded with a blush and a shy smile.

'So now that you know that your friends don't hate you, how about we both go and sit on the sofa together and talk some more. We can still be close there but this chair's not really meant for two.'

It wasn't that she didn't want him draped across her but her legs were starting to go numb. Kyle sniffed and wiped his eyes then nodded and eased himself off of her lap. She wiggled her toes a few times trying to get rid of the pins and needles and then sat down next to him so that their thighs and shoulders were touching, so that she could still provide the contact and closeness that she knew Kyle wanted and needed. There was a comfortable silence between them as she took a minute to review the details of all Kyle had told her.

Kyle had been worried because he felt that he had upset all his family and friends, herself included, to the extent that they now hated him. And for Kyle, feeling isolated and being left alone with no one to give him the physical comfort he required to feel safe and loved was one of the worst things that could happen to him. Nicole could well imagine how upset and frightened that would make the emotionally needy and vulnerable young man sitting next to her feel, especially if he thought that he deserved to be ignored and pushed away due to something he had said or done. But were the perceived losses of his friendships enough to have stressed him to the point that he had a seizure?

Nicole had spent the better part of an hour talking to both Lori and Declan so she had a pretty good idea about what had gone on earlier today and while their stories didn't quite match each other's word for word everything seemed to revolve around Kyle's 'relationship' with Lori. Lori had admitted that she had kissed Kyle yet again and Kyle hadn't denied it once she had brought the subject up. He seemed upset but more because he didn't want to get Lori into trouble rather than he was worried that Nicole had found out that he was kissing his sister. And while Lori had sworn that nothing else had happened between them, Declan's discomfort with her whole line of questioning made her suspect that she wasn't quite telling the whole truth. Not to mention what Lori might have done to Kyle at home the night before she caught her and Kyle in the bathroom together.

'Do you feel able to tell me about what happened with Lori?'

'I don't know…' Kyle said nervously.

'You told me before that Lori kissed you because she was upset. Can you tell me why that was?'

'Lori had just seen Declan talking to another girl. They were standing very close and leaning towards each other and then Declan touched her hair. Lori became very angry at first and then she got very upset. I asked her if she was ok and she just kissed me. I don't think she meant to do it…'

Kyle looked up, wide-eyed as though once more he was scared about getting Lori into trouble.

'What did you do when Lori kissed you?'

'Nothing.'

'You must have done something Kyle. Did you hug her? Did you kiss her back? Did you push her away? Did you tell her to stop?'

'No.' Kyle said in a small voice.

'So you just stood there and let her kiss you?' Nicole said, disbelief creeping into her tone.

'How could I push her away when she was distraught and desperate to feel something?' Kyle said miserably.

How could he indeed if it meant hurting another person, Nicole thought wryly to herself. But if he didn't stop her could she have taken that as a green light to continue? And although Lori might not have been Kyle's first choice as a sexual partner, she was emotionally very close to him and had been spending an inordinate amount of time with him not to mention she was an attractive, intelligent and sexually active young woman and Kyle was, at the end of the day, a teenage boy; a terribly inexperienced and very unusual one it was true, but he was still male with all the hormones, urges and bodily responses that went along with being an adolescent who was just starting to discover his own sexuality. And while being kissed by Lori might not have been his idea, perhaps it wasn't as unpleasant as he seemed to be making out.

'And how did you feel when Lori was kissing you?'

'Um… I don't know.' Kyle said for the second time in as many minutes.

Nicole frowned. Was that a true answer in that he really hadn't understood what he'd felt when he had been kissed or perhaps did understand but wasn't able verbalize his feelings? Or could he be embarrassed that she was trying to get him to talk about such a sensitive subject or was he reticent because once again he was just trying to protect Lori?

'Come on now, Kyle.' She pushed at him. 'You've been kissed before so you know how it feels and this must have been similar. Did you like it? Was it exciting? Did you want her to do more than kiss you?'

'No!' Kyle cried out in distress.

'It wasn't like before; it wasn't soft and gentle. It felt harsh and ruthless and desperate. She was holding onto me and I couldn't move away even if I had wanted to. But this time my body wasn't responding to hers. It was awkward and uncomfortable and just didn't feel right. Yet I couldn't move, couldn't push her away, couldn't reject her any more than she had already been rejected. And then… then she… she…'

'That's it Kyle, you're doing great. Keep going…' Nicole whispered to him.

She felt awful manipulating him into telling her what had happened but she had to know whether Kyle was interested in Lori in a sexual sense as well because it sounded like he had enjoyed her attentions before and the thought of the two of them together in any situation that was wasn't purely platonic was just too terrible to contemplate.

'She undid my belt and unbuttoned my jeans and… and then Hillary arrived and started talking and Lori stopped.'

Well, thank God for Hillary! Nicole thought to herself because it seemed now that Lori hadn't been entirely truthful when she said that kissing was all that had happened between them but by the sound of things she had stopped just in time.

'Kyle, I know this is difficult, but when Lori was kissing you, did you become aroused?' She asked him gently, putting her hand on his arm in a comforting manner, hopefully reassuring him that it was alright to tell her the truth.

'No.' He replied quietly.

Nicole let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. At least that seemed to indicate that Kyle didn't have any designs on Lori which left only the problem of her wayward daughter being sexually attracted to her naïve and innocent son. Time now to make Kyle understand that any sort of sexual relationship between the two of them was not only illegal but ethically and morally wrong as well.

'How do you think Lori feels about you, Kyle?'

'I think she's… in love with me.' Kyle replied hesitantly.

Perhaps not quite so unaware of the whole situation as she first thought then…

'And are you in love with her?'

'No.' He answered slowly.

'But?'

'But I do love her.'

And understood the difference between loving someone and being in love with them; this was good. This would make her job easier…

'And so you would do anything for her?'

'Yes.' Kyle replied with certainty.

And that's what it came down to really and what made her afraid because although Kyle had more or less told her that he was in love with Amanda she knew he would sacrifice their budding relationship and quite possibly any chance of happiness he might have with her to prevent Lori from being hurt. And if Lori wanted Kyle, there was no way that he could or would refuse her no matter how much it would damage him emotionally, not while there was the slightest chance he could help her feel better. And while he might enjoy physically what Lori had to offer, he could never truly be happy because he was doing it for all the wrong reasons and because he wasn't in love with her.

She turned to look at him and in one way couldn't blame Lori for wanting him, what with his physically perfect features, his earnest desire to please, his sensitivity towards the feelings of others and the air of innocent vulnerability about him; he really was so terribly easy to love. But how to go about letting him know that any relationship with Lori was just not acceptable?

'You mentioned love…' She began hesitantly.

'And that you loved Lori and Declan…'

Kyle nodded, a quizzical expression on his face.

'Well it's just that love is a very powerful emotion and I want to make sure that you understand what loving someone means, what it entails and also what it doesn't.'

She paused again letting her words sink in and noticed that Kyle's expression had become rather guarded. Did he already know what she wanted to talk to him about?

'When you say you love someone, it normally refers to a deep, overwhelming, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for that person, of putting their happiness before your own and wanting what's right and best for them.'

Kyle nodded firmly in agreement.

'That's how I feel about Lori and Declan and you and… and Amanda.'

He told her earnestly, eyes wide and unblinking.

'And that's how I feel about you and Lori and also Stephen too. But the love I feel for you and Lori is different to the love I feel for Stephen. The love I feel for you and Lori is 'familial' love; the love of a parent for a child. Whereas the love I have for Stephen is 'romantic' love; the love you have for a mate. The emotional closeness and desire to care for that person is still there but instead of being platonic, romantic love encompasses a wealth of different feelings such as a passionate desire to become intimate with that person in a sexual way.'

'Feelings of romantic love often start to appear as you grow up and your body changes as you pass through puberty. And while platonic love for a friend may develop into romantic love, that can never happen with familial love between either a parent and child or between for example, a brother and a sister as that would be incestuous.'

Nicole noticed two spots of red had appeared high up on Kyle's cheek bones. It seemed he understood only too well what she was trying to explain.

'I know that incest is illegal but I don't understand why because if you only have sex with someone you love how can incest be so wrong?'

'Well all cultures and societies seem to have a taboo against it and I guess in the old days it made sense for people not to sleep with close relatives as there was more likelihood of inbreeding which often led to a higher proportion of congenital birth defects.'

'Inbreeding causes an increase in frequency of homozygotes so I would have disabled children!' Kyle said suddenly as if a light bulb had just gone on in his head.

'Well yes, any children could be disabled but incest is wrong because it's a form of sexual abuse. It's a betrayal of trust and power imbalance in an unequal, one-sided relationship. It's also a damaging form of sexual abuse because it is perpetrated by individuals upon whom the victim trusts and depends. In addition, support can also be lacking and pressure to keep silent powerful as fear of the family breaking up can be overwhelming to other family members. A child molested by a stranger can run home for help and comfort. A victim of incest cannot. Sexual abuse is an abuse of power over a child and a violation of a child's right to normal, healthy, trusting relationships.'

'I can see how that would be harmful but how could a relationship between a… brother and a sister be wrong if they both loved each other?'

'The relationship is often still unequal thus taking advantage of the vulnerable partner. Abusive siblings use incest as a way to assert their power over a weaker sibling thereby expressing their feelings of hurt and anger and the same problems with regards to support from the family and living together afterwards also occur as neither sibling can escape the home and hence the constant emotional reminder leading to profound psychological problems in later life. Let's take a hypothetical example of say… you and Lori.

Now Lori is older and more sexually experienced than you yet she has recently undergone a traumatic break-up with her first serious boy-friend which was extremely painful for her and also not her idea. She is therefore in a very vulnerable state projecting feelings of sadness, confusion and loneliness which you, Kyle, given your extreme sensitivity to the emotions of others, couldn't fail to pick up on.

Lori isn't thinking straight. She only knows that she doesn't want to feel like this any more and you, being the loving brother that you are and also physically unable to leave someone to suffer if there's even the remotest chance that you could help, offer her something that Declan could not; someone to spend time with and talk about her feelings with and someone who provides a shoulder for her to cry on.

You are everything to her that Declan wasn't or couldn't be at that time: sensitive, attentive, protective, caring and devoted. It's easy to see how she could have subconsciously projected her feelings of frustration and unhappiness over Declan onto you which makes you seem perfect by comparison. She feels better when she is with you and misinterprets the physical closeness you provide for her in holding and comforting her as a signal that you are ready and willing to give her the only thing that, ironically, Declan was able to do for her that you can not.

'Kyle, having sex with Lori might be physically gratifying for the both of you in the short term, but emotionally, it's not what either of you need, now or indeed later. Lori needs to move on and find someone who is right for her when she is healthy and whole again and who loves her for who she is and not because she's upset and on the rebound and you, you…!' She said in a sharp voice as if she were about to tear him a new one although the effect was lost somewhat as she ruffled his hair affectionately, 'You need to think of your own happiness for once and not just help Lori out because she's hurting and you are a compulsive fixer! Do you understand?'

Nicole felt him nod his head by her side.

'Kyle!' She said grasping his chin and pulling his face around to look at her. 'I mean it. Do you understand?'

'Yes.' He said earnestly, his eyes fixed on hers. 'Yes, I do.'

'Good!'

Nicole let go of his jaw but didn't break the contact between them. She wanted to impress upon him the importance of what she was saying not chastise him or force him into agreeing with her and withdrawing the physical connection she had forged with him would certainly make Kyle feel as though he were being punished. They sat quietly for a minute as he processed all she had said before she turned to him once more and continued the conversation.

'Besides, you would never be able to give her what she wants which is for you to love her the way she loves you.' She told him, now gently stroking the skin of his jaw with her thumb over the area she had previously grabbed.

'Why…?' He asked, his voice a little breathless.

'Because, Kyle, you're in love with somebody else.'


End file.
